"So you guys do drills, right? That's your thing, shoot a bunch of drills everywhere?"
Simon pulled his goggles down over his eyes. "Yeah, that's us," he answered. He still couldn't get over how… normal Haruto seemed, especially compared to the oddballs that were the rest of his team. Simon supposed that his green jacket and red tie were a little weird. Seriously, who wears a green jacket?
"Hey, cool stuff man," replied Haruto's face from their comms display. "I'm just going to let you know, I'll be going, like, fifty percent on you guys. My pelvis is just not getting any better."
"Did you fall and hit it, or something?" asked Kamina.
"Uh… yeah. Yeah, I fell and hit it, all right. Over and over again, until I was begging her to stop."
"Something about his explanation seems a little weird," wondered Kamina aloud. "But I just can't figure out what it is. Simon, what do you think?"
"Bro, I'm not trying to brag here, but I outlived you, and I know exactly what he's getting at."
"Wait, Simon, is this about girls?"
Simon pressed the controls forward, and Gurren Lagann lurched out of its hover, floating slowly towards their opponent. "Oh, look at that," said Simon nervously. "We'd better get to fighting!"
"Dude, you'd better tell me everything after this," scowled Kamina as the Gunmen burst into a charge. Their burgundy foe lowered a clawed hand to a sheath on its elaborate hip armor, drawing a thin blade and blocking the drill Gurren Lagann had extended in a single, nearly-invisible motion.
"Man, you really are all about drills," Haruto muttered. He commanded his Valvrave to attack, and the bat-like machine slung a heel into Gurren Lagann's head.
Simon yelped as he was thrown from his seat, bouncing freely about the walls of his cockpit as it quaked from the attack.
"Hey, don't slack off up there!" called Kamina from below.
"I know," grunted Simon, pulling himself back into his seat. "But this guy is just really fast. You saw the way he tore through Amuro like he was nothing, earlier."
"Yeah, but we're better than Amuro, right? Quit whining and grit those teeth, Simon!"
"Right, bro. Let's show him what Team Gurren's made of!"
As the Spiral Energy meter began to climb, Gurren Lagann retracted the single, larger drill from its arm and replaced it with two smaller ones from each arm.
Kamina drew his sunglasses from his belt, affixing them to the bridge of his nose to deflect the brightness of the midday sky. "If you want, we can give you one hell of a swordfight!"
As Gurren Lagann charged back into the fray, the Valvrave slowly moved its free sleeve-like arm in a slow circle in front of its body, the arc drawing something like a giant red ribbon through the air.
"Wait a second, Kamina, it's doing something."
"Whatever it is, it's nothing we can't smash through!"
Kamina's sentiments proved to be somewhat inaccurate, as Gurren Lagann came to a crashing halt upon hitting the mysterious red light. Immediately afterward, the glowing construct shattered like glass, but the Gunmen's charge had been completely halted- giving the Valvrave enough time to sheath its sword and draw a pair of nasty-looking hand scythes.
"Looks like you were wrong about that," sighed Haruto, digging a crooked blade into the Gunmen's arm. Simon and Kamina desperately pulled back, only to find that the Valvrave had already maneuvered behind them, creating another glowing red wall. Gurren Lagann was stopped again, allowing the bat-like mecha to drag a second blade across the growling face on Gurren Lagann's chest.
"Those fields- they're stopping us from gaining any momentum," Simon gasped.
"And that's kind of our thing," grunted Kamina as another violent strike tore into the armor plate surrounding his cockpit.
Haruto raised the Valvrave's sickle for another strike. "I'm gonna wipe that grin off your face," he announced, "and then I'm going to go apply a cold compress, because I am hurting like hell."
He swung the blade down, but his attack was instantly met with a great deal of resistance. A small, dark object was stuck to the weapon's handle, and was holding it still.
"Pretty soon, you're going to be feeling a lot worse," chuckled Ryuko as she strained against the mech's weapon.
"What are you doing here?" asked Simon.
"Oh, you know, I was in the area," she huffed, pushing the sickle to the side so it tore through the air, and not Gurren Lagann's chest. "Now, are we gonna combine, or what?"
"But if we do that, we'll trash Gurren Lagann's frame- we'll be out of commission!"
"I dunno, Simon," said Kamina. "Who else is there to fight?"
"Oh… yeah, I guess you've got a point, bro. Okay, let's do it! We'll show this stupid-looking vampire how real brawlers fight!"
Ryuko turned and flew back towards Gurren Lagann's chest, which opened its scarred mouth to reveal the cockpit underneath. The drill that locked Lagann in place above the larger Gurren opened up, allowing Kamina to scramble through into the head compartment while Ryuko took over the lower body. As soon as she was in the pilot's seat, she desynchronized from her Kamui, the fabric falling loose enough to remove in a hurry. She picked up her sentient uniform and gave him a hug.
"Be careful out there, Senketsu," she whispered.
Don't worry, Ryuko. I will.
The sailor fuku hopped out of the cockpit on his skirt, unraveling his body to drape across the Gunmen.
"What's going on over there?" asked Haruto, crackling back onto the comms display. "Wait, are you a pilot, too? And why are you in your underwear? Not that I'm complaining or anything."
"No, I'm not a pilot. I'm really more of a power-up," smirked Ryuko, drawing the bolt across her red glove. Immediately the Gunmen burst into light as the Life Fibers surrounding its frame activated, tightening over the armor and buckling the joints as Spiral Energy began to explode from its surface.
"I see," murmured Haruto, wisely increasing the distance between his Valvrave and the metamorphosing Gurren Lagann. The Gunmen's transformation ended in a shower of pink sparkles, followed by a menacing pose. The trio of pilots made it official with their unified chant.
"DRESSED TO KILL! GURREN LAGANN, KIRU RA KIRU! JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE?"
"They… combined?" stammered Haruto.
"Hey, guys, this is great, and all, and I'm sure we're totally going to kick that loser's ass," began Kamina, "but are we absolutely certain about that name? Because it's kind of a mouthful and really doesn't have a ring to it. What about Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann? Doesn't that work a little better?"
"Bro, we really need to talk after this," laughed Simon.
The Life-Fiber enhanced Gunmen blasted towards its foe, which barely had time to raise its sickles in defense. The Scissor-Drill shattered the blades of the Valvrave's weapons, leaving it clinging to useless sticks.
"Damn, you're quick all of a sudden," Haruto cursed. "But that won't help you if you're standing still!"
Quickly, the Valvrave swiped its arms downward, surrounding the Gunmen in its red barriers. It then turned and sprinted away through the air, creating more shimmering red trails from the projectors in its heels.
I can match speed with them if I override the limiters. But to perform the Harakiri Blade, I'll need some room. The Hard Afterglow should keep them occupied.
Haruto checked his radar and immediately broke out in a cold sweat.
"T-they're moving? How could they break the Afterglow without any momentum?!"
"Because we're stronger now, you numbskull!" called the voice of Kamina from Gurren Lagann, which was hacking its way through the hardened light with its bizarre weapon.
"Dammit," hissed the Magius, increasing the Valvrave's throttle output. Surely he could outrun them, even in an atmosphere. He checked his airspeed- still rising. His opponent was gaining on him, but slower and slower. The Valvrave could escape, if he just kept his speed up. A familiar alarm told him otherwise.
"Overheating, of course," he sighed, watching his airspeed begin to plummet. His cockpit jolted forward as the smaller mecha landed on the Valvrave's back. It placed the tip of its hand-held drill against the bat-like machine's back, and with some effort, forced the length of the drill-blade through. The Valvrave's seemingly infinite supply of Hard Afterglow stopped, and it began to lose altitude. Gurren Lagann stood up, spread its wings, and floated away from the falling machine.
With their mission accomplished, there was only one thing left to do. "So what was the deal with Haruto's broken pelvis, Simon?"
Ryuko stifled a laugh. "Y-you don't get that?"
"Why is this such a big secret?! Why does everybody get this but me?!" Kamina cried.
"Simon, I'm going to leave this one to you," laughed the girl aloud as her Kamui desynchronized, unwrapping from around Gurren Lagann as the wounded machine slowly touched down and crumbled to bits. Ryuko slipped her outfit back on, re-synchronized, and flew away to let boys figure out their own problems.