"Hey beautiful," Kurt calls when Blaine trudges through the door. "You okay?"

"Ugh." He dumps his bag on a kitchen chair and makes his way over to the stove, wrapping his arms around Kurt from behind and kissing his neck. "Long ass day. My head is swimming. You?"

"I finished early," Kurt confides. "Totally broke the shredder, so I wanted to leave before anyone noticed."

"What?" Blaine laughs, hopping up onto the counter to watch him while he cooks. "How did you break it?"

"I might have kicked it...hard. Several times," Kurt admits. "And I knew if anyone asked and I tried to lie, they'd know immediately that it was me, so I said I needed to work from home."

"And what did you really do?"

"Napped for two hours," he grins. "But anyway, I'll catch up. Did you learn fun stuff today?"

"It was fun, actually," Blaine says with a smile. "But so complex. We were looking at aviation mechanics. Did you know...?"

He keeps up a running monologue while Kurt finishes cooking and serves dinner. He doesn't have the slightest clue what Blaine talking about of course, but he smiles and nods in all the right places, because hearing him so enthralled is something he could listen to all day long. When he's done Kurt kisses him, just because he can, and they carry on eating.

"Oh," he says, suddenly remembering. "I have something to ask you."

Blaine becomes flirtatious, resting his chin in the palm of his hand as he leans on the table. "Do you now?"

"Not that," Kurt laughs, "That's a given."

"Ah, the humdrum life of domesticity," Blaine sighs. "So full of romance."

"Shut up." He gives Blaine a kick under the table, then gets back on track. "So, Jason from work is turning thirty."

"Ugh."

"And he's invited us out this Saturday to a few bars and stuff, maybe a club? Wanna come?"

"Ugh."

"What is your problem with Jason?"

"He's too tall."

"Oh stop," Kurt laughs. "He's perfectly nice to you, and you know it."

"He is," Blaine concedes. "But he's too good looking and tan and...tall. He makes me feel so...I don't know, insignificant, I guess."

Kurt frowns, getting out of his seat and climbing into Blaine's lap. "I'm sure he wouldn't ever mean to make you feel that way."

"I know. And you're right, he is a really nice guy, I just...like, that time at your work Christmas thingy, the three of us were standing there talking, and I just felt like...like if people saw us they'd assume you two were the couple, because you both look like damn models, and then there's me."

"I love you, you know that?" Kurt asks. "You're not worried I'd go off with him, are you?"

"No, I'm not actually," Blaine tells him sincerely. "I'm really not. I don't know. It's just my silly problem I guess, I'll get over it. Of course we can go."

"Really?" Kurt asks excitedly. "You want to?"

"I didn't say that," Blaine says with a grimace. "I said we can go."

"Blaine."

"What?"

"We never go out to bars."

"We do," Blaine points out. "Sometimes."

"We occasionally go to that Irish pub with some of your college friends, or we go to that cocktail bar with Santana and her roommates. I want us to go out and party! It'll be fun, right?"

"You're right," Blaine says with a smile. "Yes, it'll be fun, of course we can go, and I promise to enjoy it."

Kurt kisses him soundly on the mouth, happily placated. "Thank you!"

But Blaine spends the next four days gripped by worry and fear. He doesn't mind going out to a club with Kurt, they've done it a few times in Lima and they've always had fun, but the New York scene is different, especially the gay scene. Going to an Irish pub with his college friends is one thing, or even for cocktails with Santana, because he and Kurt usually have a couple of drinks and then come home, feeling a little lightheaded and giggly but nothing more. This usually leads to ridiculously fun, slightly drunken sex, and then they sleep until noon the next day, but going out as part of a large group to the gay bars of the East Village and beyond leaves Blaine feeling worried for what's to come.

Kurt is right, Jason is a good guy. He is always warm and friendly to Blaine, and though Blaine had been jealous the first time they had met, he was long since over that, and happy that Jason had no ulterior motives when it came to Kurt. It's just that Jason, and his good looking friends, including Kurt, seemed to form a group of young professionals who looked to be in a whole other world to Blaine. Even though Kurt was by no means rich, he still managed to give off the air of having money to burn through his impeccable fashion sense, which of course, everyone at Marie Claire shared too.

It takes Blaine most of the day to figure out what he should wear, and in the end he's in such a panic that he lets Kurt pick out everything for him, even his underwear. He laughs and he jokes and he goes along with Kurt's happiness, because he doesn't want to spoil this for him. Despite their closeness, and the ease with which they can talk about almost anything, Blaine feels that if he says anything now it will either lead to an almighty fight, ending with Kurt storming out without him, or it will result in Kurt declaring they're not going, and he will curl up with Blaine on the couch instead, and Blaine doesn't want either of those options to happen. He wants Kurt to be happy, to have a good night out, and so he pushes all those fears to the side, dresses in the clothes Kurt has picked for him, and off they go.

"Are you sure I look okay?" Blaine asks fearfully, as they emerge from the subway station. "Will anyone else have a bow tie on?"

"No," Kurt tells him honestly. "They won't. But you know what? If you don't wear one, you'll spend all evening tugging at your collar, because that's what you do when you're nervous or uncomfortable, and I want you to feel secure."

"I feel secure," Blaine protests. "I feel fine."

"You don't," Kurt says, stopping him on the street. "But I hope you will as the evening wears on. And you know what else? You look beautiful. You look like my boyfriend, the man I love with all of my heart, and I am still so proud to be with you."

Blaine ducks his head, and Kurt steps forward, taking him in his arms. "Thank you," he whispers into the warmth of Kurt's neck. "For knowing me."

Kurt holds him just that little bit tighter, kissing at his temple and letting his breath tickle over his ear. "Believe me, it's my absolute pleasure."

To Blaine's utter surprise, he actually enjoys himself immensely as the evening wears on. Jason greets them both with warm hugs, and makes sure to introduce Blaine to anyone he might not know. He and Kurt settle at a table in a cocktail bar with Sarah, Kurt's boss, and her boyfriend, and they're joined by more of Kurt's colleagues as the evening wears on. Blaine knows he's drunk by the end of his fourth cocktail, which someone tells him was called a Singapore Sling. Whatever it was, he liked it, and Kurt seemed to as well, because his cheeks are all pink and he's laughing hysterically at something.

"You okay, puppy?" he asks, possibly too loudly, but Blaine doesn't really care, grinning back and raising his empty glass.

"I'm so good."

"One more before we move to the club?" Kurt asks. "We should probably switch to water then."

"Sure."

By the time the group leaves the bar they are all the worse for wear, talking loudly over one another as they walk down the street to a club, which Blaine decides he will name the club with all the neon lights, because someone told him the name of it but he can't remember. Kurt is as good as his word, and gets them both a bottle of water, and when he hands it to Blaine, for some reason, when their fingers touch, some kind of spark is ignited.

"What?" he shouts over the music to Blaine, who shrugs and gives a sloppy grin.

"Dunno. Just..." He trails off, taking a look around. He's never set foot in a New York gay club before, and if he thought Scandals back in Lima was liberal, it's nothing compared to what's on display here. Realizing he can be as free and easy as he wants with Kurt, he takes his hand in his. "Wanna dance?"

"Yes."

Dancing together is one of their favorite things to do, and although for them, their behaviour is less that chaste, it's still tame in comparison with the other couples on the dance floor. Just the

press of their bodies together is enough to thrill them both, and Kurt pulls Blaine close to talk directly in his ear.

"Tell me what you want to do tonight when we get home."

"Kurt!"

"Come on," he laughs. "Tell me."

"No, cause I'll get all horny."

"So? If you want, I can suck you off in the bathroom to keep you going until later."

"Kurt!" Even in his drunken state Blaine is shocked, but also more than a little turned on. "You can't do that! That's...that's..naughty."

"Hmm, I know," Kurt breathes, tugging Blaine's earlobe between his teeth. "I like being naughty."

"Kurt," Blaine moans, unaware that they have now stopped dancing and he is pressed against the wall, held firm by Kurt, who is gently rubbing his hard on against his thigh.

"Tell me Blaine, tell me your fantasies."

"I know that I'll sound really boring here, but, you. You are my fantasy. Just...knowing I can undress you, touch you...be with you...that's like...it's like all the fantasy I need, because when I think about what I want to do, I just want to do it with you."

He looks Kurt in the eye, who bites his lip and stares back. The music still blares, but it's as if they're in a silent vacuum, just the two of them and no one else.

"Is that really pathetic?" Blaine asks fearfully, and Kurt gives a small shake of his head.

"No," he says quietly. "It's not. It's...it's everything."

He surges forward, kissing Blaine hard, his hands framing his face. Blaine eagerly kisses back, letting his hands quickly slide under Kurt's vest and shirt, seeking out the smooth skin of his back. They stay there, against the wall, making out so hard they can barely catch their breath. Kurt breaks the kiss, but only so he can suck a large, dark hickey onto Blaine's neck, something he is normally quite restrained in, but right now it's something he needs to do.

"I wanna go home," he whines loudly, pressing their erections together. "I want to..."

But he doesn't get to finish. Jason arrives, clapping them both on the shoulders as he staggers slightly. "C'mon, we're going to Scream."

"Scream?" a dazed and confused Blaine asks. "What...why, why would we want to scream?"

"No, it's another club!" Jason laughs, ruffling his already wild hair. "Oh Blaine. You're funny."

"We're gonna head home," Kurt protests, taking a firm hold of Blaine's arm. "We're too drunk to go anywhere else."

"You are not!" Sarah shrieks loudly as she arrives, and she grabs them both by the hands and positions herself between them. "The night is young, boys, and so are you!"

"He is, I'm not," Kurt grouches, as they are dragged from the club.

Blaine knows they're well meaning, and only teasing, but he can't help but feel a little disappointed that he can't escape with Kurt as planned. Still, he supposes they can dance some more and make out a lot, which can only be a good thing...only Kurt doesn't look like he's much in the mood to be making out at all, as they wait in line to get in. In fact, he looks like he is either about to cry or throw up.

"Kurt?" He whispers, ducking around the back of Sarah to stand by his side. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine," he mumbles, staring straight ahead. "It's just that I used to come here."

Blaine opens his mouth to say something, but the line moves forward. Sarah grabs them both again and before he knows it, he's flashing his fake ID and being shown inside.

He tries to stay near to Kurt, but one of Kurt's work friends whose name Blaine can't remember grabs him instead, and pulls him toward the bar, while Jason and some guy named Danny press two drinks into his hands at the same time. "Oh," he says with a laugh. "No more, thanks. I don't think..."

He trails off suddenly as a man, who Blaine has never seen before in his life, comes hurtling toward the bar and makes a beeline for Kurt.

"As I live and breathe!" he shrieks loudly, "It's Kurtie! Omg omg omg!"

Blaine rolls his eyes at the man's extravagant gestures and ridiculously camp voice, obviously put on for effect, but he sees red when he hugs Kurt tight and kisses his neck.

"What the...?" Blaine is by Kurt's side immediately, giving the man a firm shove in the chest at the same time as Kurt, who looks completely embarrassed.

"Kurtie! I can't believe it!" The man is saying, seemingly not caring that Blaine looks ready to punch him.

"Who the hell is this idiot?" Blaine storms, as Kurt takes one of the drinks in his hand and downs it.

"Mystique."

"Is that...what? A joke?"

"I'm a queen, sweetheart," Mystique says proudly. "A drag queen."

"I don't care who or what you are, leave my boyfriend the hell alone!"

"Woah! Darling, I'm not after Kurtie! Been there, done that...or rather he's done me. Several times over, isn't that right, Kurtie?"

Blaine looks to Kurt, and his stomach plummets when Kurt gives a small nod. "It's not..." he starts, but Mystique carries on regardless.

"Darling boy," he trills, running a finger along Blaine's jaw, which gets angrily slapped away. "You are adorable. I didn't know Kurtie had a thing for young boys like you. How cute!"

"No," Kurt intervenes quickly. "It's not like that, not at all. Blaine is my boyfriend, we live together it's...it's...serious," he adds, when Mystique shrieks and claps his hands. "It's forever."

"Oh my word, Kurtie, have you been tamed?" the guy shouts. "Hold up, hold up."

And he's gone, tripping across the club, and it's only then that Blaine notices he's wearing high heels and a miniskirt.

"Blaine," Kurt starts, stricken. "Blaine, I..."

"Just leave it," he says stiffly. "It's fine."

Only then Mystique is back, with two other guys who scream loudly and hug Kurt tight. "Oh my god, Kurt, where have you been?" one of them asks, not letting go of him. "It's been too long! And who's this hottie?"

His attentions are drawn to Blaine, who tries to stand as tall as he can, but his confidence is wavering. Once again, he feels massively like the outsider, because he can see how Kurt fits with this group, and he can see how Kurt fits with all his fashionable work colleagues, and Blaine... Blaine feels as if he doesn't fit anywhere at all.

"This is Blaine," Kurt says, with a worried glance in his direction. "My boyfriend."

"Shut the front door! You got a boyfriend? That's where you've been?"

"Yeah," Kurt says, and he gives a small laugh. "For a long time now. Um...Blaine, this is Neil."

"My name is a command," Neil says proudly, and hugs a stiff and unyielding Blaine. "This is Scottie," he says, introducing the other guy who gives a wave. "Oh! Drinks! We all need to have drinks. Come! Come!"

"I don't think..." Kurt starts, but no one listens, and Mystique takes them both by the hands and guides them over to a table.

Neil returns with a bottle of champagne and five glasses, and all the while Blaine says nothing, just sits there feeling out of place and completely ignoring Kurt's worried tugs on his sleeve.

"To you and Blaine!" Neil says happily, handing them all a glass. "I'm happy for you my sweetie," he says, and Blaine is pretty sure he's sincere, and he's also pretty sure he could warm up to the guy, if it wasn't for the fact that he knows why and how Kurt knows him.

"So Blaine, tell me, do you share?" Scottie asks, and Mystique and Neil lean forward intently.

"Do I...?"

"No," Kurt answers for him, very firmly. "We don't. This is exclusive."

"Not even as a group?"

"No," Kurt snarls, and Neil reaches across the small table, placing a hand on Kurt's chest.

"Okay, it's okay. C'mon Kurt, you can't blame Scottie. The hottest fuck we've ever had suddenly reappears and is a taken man!"

"Let us watch then," Scottie asks with a wicked grin. "Go on, Kurt, let us watch you two in action."

"I'm just gonna go," Blaine says weakly, suddenly feeling very sober, but Mystique pulls him back down.

"Stay, stay! Let us tell you some tales about lover boy here."

"No thanks," Blaine says, and he silently curses himself for having a voice which wavers so much with emotion. "I know all I need to."

"No, no, it wasn't bad stuff," Mystique says quickly. "Kurtie is a darling."

But Kurt just stares at the table, not able to bring himself to look at Blaine and see the hurt in his eyes.

"Oh my god yes, he's fabulous," Neil says, moving to sit next to Blaine, and putting an arm around his shoulders. "Kurt, how much did we used to drink?"

"You know," Scottie muses. "I'm sure I've still got a photo somewhere of Kurt doing coke off your ass, Mystique," he laughs. "From that time the four of us hooked up? I know I've definitely still got the video. That keeps me going!"

"Oh Jesus!" Mystique laughs, clapping his hands. "Oh, and what about that time we all stayed after hours, and Kurt fucked Tony on top of the bar? That was hilarious."

"Do you remember when he sucked those two guys off on the dance floor?" Scottie shrieks. "At the same time, too!"

"Going," Blaine chokes out desperately, and he pushes past Neil and rushes across the club.

"Blaine! Blaine, please!"

He turns to find Kurt standing there, crying freely in the middle of the club. "Please," he says again sadly. "I'm so sorry."

"Just..." Blaine shakes his head sadly. "Stay," he finishes. "Stay with your friends and enjoy the night, I just need some time to clear my head."

Blaine walks. He doesn't know how long he walks for, or even where he goes, but he walks and he walks and he walks. He knows Kurt and his dad would blow up at him if they knew he was wandering around New York alone in the early hours of the morning, but he doesn't want to go home. Not yet, anyhow. Right now, he's not sure if he ever will.

He eventually navigates his way to the Brownstone Santana shares with her college friends, but then he realizes it's three in the morning. He could call her. He knows she would let him stay there and he knows she would hold him while he cries and listen to all he has to say, but he also knows that he should talk to Kurt before he talks to anyone else, so after standing outside for twenty minutes, he makes his way slowly home.

The second he is inside the building, he finds himself biting back the tears and as he unlocks the apartment door it's all he can do not to let out a loud sob, closing the door quickly behind him and leaning against it hard.

"Kurt," he whispers, then lets his sadness take him over as he sinks to the floor.

"I'm here."

He looks up suddenly to find Kurt standing over him, biting his lip and looking terribly afraid.

"I told you to stay."

"I didn't want to stay." Kurt crouches down beside him, laying a tentative hand on his arm. "Blaine...I love you. I think we need to talk, don't you?"

"I don't know what to say," Blaine admits, taking a deep, shaking breath and wiping at his eyes. "I've been walking and walking and I just...I don't know what to say to you. I don't know."

"C'mere," Kurt offers, holding out his arms, but Blaine scrambles to his feet, hugging himself and backing away.

"No. I don't want...I don't want you to touch me."

"You don't?"

"That's the thing, Kurt, don't you see? You've touched them! All of them! Probably the whole damn club!"

"Blaine..."

"I don't know you!" Blaine cries, throwing his jacket over the back of the couch and kicking off his shoes. "I don't know who you are, and I don't even think I wanna know!"

"Blaine, I'm not like that now, you know..."

"No I don't!" he yells loudly. "No I don't! I thought I had some idea, Kurt, some idea of how you were, but foursomes? Public sex acts? Coke? Fucking coke?!"

"One time!" Kurt yells back.

"Really?"

"Well, twice maybe, but no more."

"Jesus Christ! And that guy has a video of you! Doing what, Kurt, huh? Doing what?"

"It's um..It's..." He doesn't want to answer, but in all the time he's known Blaine, he's never seen him more angry or upset. "The thing," he whispers, completely ashamed. "It's the night we...the four of us. It was...one time."

"It wasn't though, was it?" Blaine shouts, tearing at his hair as he paces the living room. "It wasn't one time, it was lots of times, with lots of guys and...I don't know, a coke fueled foursome was probably tame for you!"

"Blaine, please!"

"You know what? I stood there, in that other club, and I told you that you were my fantasy. Fuck me, you were probably laughing at my naivety! Those guys certainly would! How boring our sex must be for you Kurt!" He laughs wildly, then turns and punches the wall hard, over and over. "How fucking boring and shitty and pathetic our sex life must seem when...when..."

Kurt cuts him off, pushing him away from the wall hard, then fisting the front of his shirt, forcing him to listen. "I am not that person!" he screams, shaking Blaine hard. He lets go, to step backward before his temper can get the better of him, running a hand through his hair as he tries to calm his breathing.

"I am not that guy. That is not Kurt Hummel, Blaine's boyfriend. That is Kurt, a prick of a guy who uses and abuses anyone and anything he can get his hands on. That Kurt started to die the moment he picked you up in Scandals, and he was finally, totally dead and buried the night I declared my love for you. I know you're upset, I understand that and I don't blame you, but god, Blaine, I love you with every bit of my heart. I'm not like that now, Blaine, I don't know how many ways I can tell you that, but that part of my life is over, finished. My life now is with you."

"I know that," Blaine says quietly. He hugs his arms around himself again, and huddles against the wall by the bedroom door. "I know that, I do know that, I do. But some guy...has a video of you doing god only knows what and I...I think we're risque if we have sex in the living room."

"But none of that meant anything," Kurt says, biting back his despairing temper. "None of that was anything like us, Blaine. That's why I won't share, because you mean so much. I could never, ever give myself to anyone the way I do with you, and I'm not talking about when I bottom, I'm talking about each and every time. Even when we kiss I'm giving myself to you, completely and wholeheartedly."

"You know though," Blaine whispers, as his tears start to fall. "You know that's my biggest hang up, the thing I constantly worry about, and now...now I don't know if I'll ever be able to be with you in that way again, without thinking about all you used to do. To hear it like that, all laid out..."

"But it's not...I don't know how many times I can say it. It's not the same, has never been the same. I want to marry you, Blaine. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want to raise a family with you. None of those guys even know my last name, or where I work, where I'm from..."

"But they've touched you! They've seen you how I've seen you," Blaine sobs, as he sinks to the floor. "They...you...you've been intimate," he cries sadly. "You've been intimate with those people in a way that you and I will never be."

"There was no intimacy!" Kurt yells, finally losing his temper. "None! What do you want, Blaine? Huh? You wanna do coke together? To pick up a few more guys for an orgy?"

"Oh don't be disgusting, Kurt! You know that's not what I mean."

"I don't know what you want me to say, or do!" Kurt shouts in despair. "I can't do anything to make this better except reassure you, over and over, that you are the only man I have ever loved, and you are the only man I've ever been intimate with."

"But I'm no good," Blaine sobs desperately, and Kurt falls on the floor next to him, desperate to take him in his arms. Blaine looks a mess, a broken hearted, pitiful mess, and Kurt's own heart aches for him. "I'm no good to you," he repeats, gasping for breath as he cries. "Not only was I inexperienced, I was a virgin, Kurt. No one had ever even kissed me before you...and you...you were making porn videos and...and doing stuff to people in public. You must think you're with a child."

"I think..." Kurt pauses, and dares to reach out to where Blaine sits hugging his knees to his chest. His hand rests over his gently, and he is spurred on when Blaine doesn't move away. "I think I'm with a man who loves me more than I could ever love myself. I think I'm with a man who makes me weak at the knees when he tells me I'm his fantasy. Blaine...no amount of drugs, alcohol or other guys will ever make me feel the way even one kiss from you does. Don't you see that? When I'm with you, I don't need any of that stuff, because you are enough for me. You will always be enough, because you love me."

Blaine sits, staring past Kurt at the opposite wall. A long time passes, and Kurt just watches Blaine for the slightest hint of anything, but he remains as if he were made of stone. "It's like...five in the morning," Kurt says quietly after what seems like an age. "We should get to bed."

"Fine." Blaine's voice is hoarse and sore, but he stays staring at the wall. "I'm going to sleep in the spare room."

"What? Blaine, no. Please, no."

"I want to," he says as he stands. "I can't think anymore, I can't talk anymore...I don't even know which way is up. Let me get some rest and we can talk more tomorrow."

"Please don't punish me," Kurt whispers, and Blaine has to look away when his lip trembles and he begins to cry again. "I am so, so, sorry for all that I was, but I can't help that it happened."

"I know that." Blaine stops, reaching out to touch Kurt's cheek briefly. "But I don't know if I can ever move past this Kurt, I'm sorry."