Reasons why NOT to join the Fellowship of the ring

by Elleth of Hidden Lore

Have you ever wanted to join the Fellowship of the Ring? Do you have a thirst for adventure, magic and glorious battles? Well, think again. Do you really think being in the Fellowship is that easy? Would you survive months without a bed, bathrooms, toilet paper, and internet? No, of course not. Join Alexandra as she goes though the adventure she never wanted to have. T for language

29. Reason 29

We don't remember who gave us the idea for this one but it sure came in handy, and it turned put pretty good. I went through the reviews but I really could not find the one who suggested it. Anyways thank you very much for your idea. You know who you are! :)

29- Stairs. Stairs EVERYWHERE!

Never in my life had I hated stairs as much as I hate the stairs in Lothlorien. When Haldir led us to see Lady "Ooh I'm so perfect, I can read your minds, I can speak with telepathy, I can see your future, I have stars in my eyes and men fall into the enchantment that is my beauty," Galadriel, (can you tell I really didn't like her?) he took us to the foot of the longest staircase I had ever seen. It was as tall as the New York Empire State building! My legs shook just with the thought of climbing that monster! So we begin our ascend and my lungs began to burn half way up, yet what really had me in tension was the height. I kept mumbling to myself "Don't look down, don't look down, don't look d-" it was then that one of Sam's spoons fell from his bag, and I could hear it tumble down a few stairs, then fall of the edge, tumble a little more and fall of another edge. Ever so slowly, I looked down and saw that we were at least a few hundred feet above the ground. HOLY SHIT! I grabbed the nearest thing to me, which so happened to be Boromir. I had a vice grip on him and there was no freaking way in heaven or hell that I was going to let him go any time soon. Not even the snarky comments from the elves about how improper it was for a lady to grab a man who was not her husband this way. But you know what? I could not care less about what a lady should or shouldn't do right now! So Boromir had to, literally, drag me up the rest of the stairs.

Funny thing is, when it was time to leave, I refused to go down the stairs, and no amount of coaxing with soft words or use of brute force was getting me to descend those devil stairs. I literally bit Aragorn's hand when he tried to pull my arm, and clawed Boromir's neck when he too tried to grab me to pull me down. Throughout the hectic pulling and clawing, I did not see an elf approach me from behind with a small vial and he shovel the thing under my nose. I took only a very tiny sniff, so the effect of the sleeping drug was a much slower than it should have. It had a drunk-ish effect on me, and so I began to act like one those warriors from cliché movies. I drew my sword, ran to stand on the edge of the platform, turned around and yelled:

"You'll never take me alive!" and tried to jump off the edge.

I remember a loud choir of "NO!" from all the elves and the Fellowship, and just as I sprang, I felt a hand tug at my shirt and pull me back with such force that my feet were in the air momentarily. I fell on my back, but I was not giving up. I sprang to my feet and was about to run towards the edge again when about ten sets of hands grabbed me and pulled me down, pinning me to the floor. I was still struggling to get free like the awesome warrior I thought I was, when the same vial was shoved under my nose, and this time it completely knocked me out.

Windy-san here. I personally HATE really high stairs. They really do scare me, and more than once I had to be forced down while crying. Not a pretty experience so I understand Alex very much.

She elf here. I too am terrified of tall stairs. When I go either up or down, I have a vice grip on the railings, and if I look down I get dizzy. Once I had to be caught by a lady because I looked down from a high bridge with no railing and almost fell.