Reasons why NOT to join the Fellowship of the ring

by Elleth of Hidden Lore

Have you ever wanted to join the Fellowship of the Ring? Do you have a thirst for adventure, magic and glorious battles? Well, think again. Do you really think being in the Fellowship is that easy? Would you survive months without a bed, bathrooms, toilet paper, and internet? No, of course not. Join Alexandra as she goes though the adventure she never wanted to have. T for language

30. Reason 30

WARNING: Reminder. Parody. OOC. Humor. Not serious.

30- Pippin developed a crush on me

I have nothing against hobbits, really, and Pippin is cute and a bit dopey (plus the scottish accent is kind of a turn on) but, I feel like a cradle robber when I'm standing beside him. It's like having a 5 year old crush on me, which is cute but, kind of creepy. At first he was shy about it, especially since everybody hated my guts. But while in Lothlorien, he confessed his feelings for me. I was in complete shock. I tried to be nice about it and explain why we were not compatible, but now he won't leave my side and it got to the point where it feels like I have a stalker. I mean the little dude watches me sleep, that's creepy right? I've woken up at nights to find him staring at me. I've also been noticing that he tries to sneak a peek while I bathe, and he's even stolen hair from my brush (while he thinks I'm not looking.) Once, though, he managed to climb a tree without me noticing and simply watched me bathe. Little did he know I saw his reflection in the water and, in a moment of rage, threw a rock at him which knocked him out of the tree and into the pond. I had to carry an unconscious, bleeding hobbit back to camp, while still wet and covered only in my towel since I was scared I might have actually killed the poor fella.

Poor Pippin, I still regret throwing that rock at him. But I'm afraid I might have turned him into a masochist since he now looks for ways to piss me off and won't leave until I shove or hit him, and then he leaves happily for a little while… Forgive me Pippin fans, I might have created a monster.

CHOCOLATE!