So this is moving a bit outside of the lines of the book and movie and more into the fandom world. For those of you who have not read the books, you can search for Sarn Gebir LOTR and a short description of the place and events.
This was inspired by CabtinAdaHook.
31- *Dark glare* Mary Sues…
We were paddling down the Anduin and we were close to Sarn Gebir when we were attacked. I was not really ready for this attack since it did not appear in the movies and I had never read the books. So as I was saying, we were attacked and a rain of arrows came towards us. It was terrifying. But then out of the blue, this bright, golden light appeared in the sky and from there it emerged. She had long, wavy red hair that was like the finest of silk, her eyes a stunning shade of emerald green, her lips red as that of a ripened apple, her skin white and flawless like the purest of snow. Her lithe body was both delicate and strong and was the embodiment of perfection. She floated there like an angel beneath the clouds as she shot five arrows at the same time. How the hell is that even possible?! At one time she dropped her bow and began to shoot fire balls from her hands at the orcs. She pretty much defeated the entire orc army by herself, even the freaking Nazgul that, according to a Tolkien fan friend of mine, was supposed to have been taken down by our elf, Legolas. Not that I wanted him to have another moment of spotlight that he would soon rub in, but come on! The girl shot that ugly bug face dragon and just pretty much did what only a thousand year old warrior could do!
When the battle was over, she came down and it was as if the men had seen the light for the first time in years. In their eyes she was the sun and they were but lowly peasants in her presence. Even Aragorn and Legolas were turned into nothing but loyal slaves before her. Only I remained clear and sane in that moment and recognized her for what she really was: A Mary Sue. Not just a Mary Sue, the Mary Sue. She couldn't be more perfect even if God wanted her to be!
For the next few days, we traveled together with, let me take a deep breath before I say it, Estella Luce Jacintha Mariah Ailyah Icarus Diamond Heart of the Golden Sword. What the hell did the girl do when she was learning to write her name in Kindergarden?! Throughout those days, the men seemed as if they were in a trance. She was all they could see, hear, smell or talk about. Highly annoying it was. I have a question, why is it okay for this fourteen year old girl to wear a skimpy dress with her ridiculously large boobs practically hanging out, her skirt so short it left nothing to the imagination and leggings so tight that they looked like they were about to squeeze the life out of her legs, but I can't sacrifice half my skirt to save my own life without being called indecent? Remember? The orc that dragged me away in Moria that forced me to cut a piece of my skirt to get free of him? Well, this girl just willy-nilly pranced around in a super mini skirt that cannot even be called a skirt! It was more like a piece of cloth that desperately tried to be a skirt! And I could not go with a few inches less of clothing, but she could go around with practically no clothing at all! Injustice and discrimination I tell you!
I worked really hard to get where I am now and here comes this perfect little girl that probably hasn't gone through puberty yet, and steals all the glory away just like that?! Nu-uh, not on my turf she's not! You want me to tell you the weakness of a Mary Sue? The Wrath of a jealous woman. The next day she mysteriously disappeared and while the men were sad for a while until the spell wore off, I, on the other hand, was oddly in a very good mood. Let's just say my hand might have slipped a poisonous mushroom or two, maybe a dozen, into her soup.
Don't mess with Alexandra Lucia Granger.
So watcha think? I personally love this one. We wrote this sooo long ago, but while trying to stay in a certain order, we had to wait, but now we can finally know the reaction you had from this ^_^