I Hate You Bald!
"Son, there's something I've been meaning to tell you," Jessica said slowly.
"Yeah?" Xander asked curiously, his mind on other things.
"Tony's not your real father."
Xander froze. "Come again?"
"Your real father is Lionel Luthor. I was a secretary at the time and someone spiked the punch bowl at an office party. Considering he was married, and the scandal it would cause, we decided early retirement was the best idea, so I moved to Sunnydale met Tony and there you have it," she quickly rambled off.
"And you're telling me this now because…"
"You have an older brother and he found out about you and wants to meet you," Jessica explained. "He's sent a limo to take you to the airport and fly you out to his place for the summer."
"I was planning on a road trip," Xander said still in shock.
"Your uncle Rory took a look at your car for me, because I was a bit worried about you driving cross country in it. He said it was fine for driving around town, but any serious distance driving would kill it."
"So where does my brother live?" Xander said with a sigh.
"Smallville, Kansas."
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
"I can't believe you have a brother and your father never told you about him," Clark said shaking his head.
"I've learned not to be surprised by anything he does," Lex said softly.
"So what's his name?" Clark asked trying to change the subject.
"Alexander Harris," Lex said with a chuckle. "And yes I realize how strange it is that we share a first name but not a last. His mother named him after his grandfather on her side, so we can't even blame it on Lionel."
Clark grinned. "Considering you shorted yours to Lex when the rest of the world use Alex or Al at least we won't get you two confused."
"I wonder which one he uses or does he insist on his full name?" Lex said thoughtfully, as if the answer would reveal who his brother was beyond being Lionel's son.
"Well we all can't have uniquely shortened names like yours Lex," Clark teased. "So you'll just have to wait and see."
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
Xander settled into his seat and looked around the jet. It looked more like a lounge than anything else he decided, with the deep pile carpet, wet bar, large TV, and lazyboy style seats.
Hitting the massage button Xander completely blessed out, forgetting all about his fear of meeting new relatives, leaving the Hellmouth and his first time flying.
He was still humming Good Vibrations ten minutes later when someone cleared their throat.
"Hi, I'm Stephanie," a young blonde woman introduced herself. "And I'll be your stewardess for this flight, so would you like coffee or tea?"
He absently replied, "Mocha frappaccino, extra whip cream and sprinkles, please."
"Right away, sir," she replied brightly.
Xander faded back into massaging bliss.
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
"Driver, why are we slowing down?" Lex asked, speaking into the intercom since they'd raised the barrier between the limo driver and his passengers for privacy's sake.
"I don't know, sir, but the number of police cars suggest some kind of emergency at the airport," the driver replied. "I'd suggest checking the local news."
"Thank you," Lex replied, letting go out of the button and flipping on the TV embedded in the wet bar in front of him.
"Just bad luck, I'm sure he's fine," Clark quickly assured Lex, figuring correctly that he'd be worried about his brother.
Lex smiled gratefully. "The odds of him being involved personally are slim," Lex admitted. "But I'll feel better when I know what's going on anyway."
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
The stewardess almost had to pry him out of the vibrating chair to get him off the jet. Thankfully she still had plenty of mocha with whip cream and sprinkles which she managed to lure him off with.
His older brother was supposed to meet him on the tarmac, but with the number of cop cars scattered around, Xander guessed he couldn't get through. Deciding to call and have his brother meet him elsewhere, Xander headed inside, unaware he was inside the perimeter the police had set up.
'Man this place is dead,' Xander thought to himself, as he searched for a phone and found the place empty of people.
Hearing shouting, Xander naturally moved towards it going behind the counter of one of the major airlines and through their back office to the help desk near the gate.
"I want a fully fueled jet and seventy million dollars!" the red haired man shouted, holding up a switch with his thumb hovering right over the button and a yellow wire running into his trenchcoat.
Xander dropped to the floor and let the door close behind him, unseen by anyone as he crawled behind the counter. Xander ran through his list of options and wasn't surprised 'run away' was missing, since he could hear at least two baby's crying from where he was. That left staying, but Xander wasn't sure what he could do, because anything could make the nut push the button.
Push the button… Xander begin to grin. The guy had to push the button to set off the bomb, meaning he had to complete the circuit to activate it so all Xander had to do was cut the wire…
'OK, new plan! Get the guy close to the counter and cut the wire without him noticing.' Xander made sure there was room under the desk for himself before reaching up and lifting the headset just enough to hear the dial tone and dialing a number he'd used for pranks and hanging up.
He grabbed a pair of scissors off the shelf below the counter and squeezed himself under the counter, just as the phone started ringing. Xander waited patiently. He could handle vamps and demons, so if not for the children in danger he'd be completely relaxed.
The red haired man stopped shouting and came behind the counter as Xander hoped he would to answer the phone.
"What? No I didn't call. I don't care that you star sixty-nined the call, it wasn't me!" he argued.
Xander reached out and cut the wire and then he cut off the excess length of the wire so it wouldn't drag on the floor and alert the guy.
"No I bloody well didn't call you, I don't even know who the fuck you are!" he yelled into the phone.
After another five minutes of sitting and listening to the mad bomber and Willy the snitch argue, Xander got bored.
"I don't know who you are or where you live but if I ever find out I'll come over there and…" the call went on in that vein for quite a while as threats and insults were exchanged.
Xander found a yellow pad of sticky's and a working pen that had made their way under the desk and started writing. As the man turned away from the desk still yelling into the phone Xander began to stick notes on the back of his trenchcoat. After another couple of minutes of hearing him rant Xander started sticking them on the front of his pants from the waist down, and then the sides of his legs as he turned. Running out of yellow sticky notes and patience, Xander finally unplugged and plugged back into the phone.
"That little bitch hung up on me!" the bomber growled, before slamming the phone down and storming back out his lower half covered in yellow post it notes and his trigger no longer connected to anything.
There was the sound of bodies hitting the ground several seconds later as the police realized he couldn't set off the bomb and dogpiled him.
Xander quickly slipped back out the way he came in returning to the jet where he found a detective trying to convince the pilot they needed to commandeer it.
"I'm sorry, I'm simply not authorized to move the jet or allow someone else to move it," the pilot explained for the umpteenth time.
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
"Some lunatic with a bomb," Lex said frowning as they watched the live broadcast.
Clark watched impatiently wishing there was something he could do.
"Relax, Clark. Sometimes you have to let the police do their job," Lex replied reading Clark's mind easily.
"And sometimes someone else lends a hand," Clark said pointing to a pair of hands in the corner of the screen that were only partially in the shot.
Lex squinted and could barely make out what Clark had instantly spotted. "Good eyes, Clark."
The two watched events unfold as the limo slowly made its way through the heavy traffic.
*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*
"Who are you?" Detective Jameson demanded upset that someone had made it through the police corridor and frustrated at not being able to commandeer the Lexcorp jet.
"Xander Harris," Xander introduced himself. "I was just in the bathroom. I'm waiting for my brother to pick me up."
"Well Mr. Harris, I'd like to borrow your jet."
"It's not my jet," Xander said shaking his head.
A limo pulled up and Clark and Lex stepped out just as the detective rounded on Xander. "I could have you arrested for obstruction!"
"Because I don't own a jet?" Xander asked wondering what was going on.
"Well somebody damn well owns it!" Jameson growled out, pissed at being given the run around by some rich punk and his personal pilot.
"That would be me," Lex said stepping forward.
"I need to use your jet," the detective ordered. "We have a situation at the airport and lives are at stake!"
"The bomber is already disarmed and in custody or they wouldn't have let us through," Lex said calmly. "Or is there another situation I'm not aware of?"
Detective Jameson grit his teeth and forced down his anger. "Then I have no further business with you, thank you for your time."
"OK, now I understand his getting pissed since lives were in danger," Xander said as Jameson left.
"All I know is I'm not authorized to make those kinds of decisions," the pilot said.
"I'll check and see what kind of policy is standard for private jets in emergency situations and how it applies to us," Lex promised. "I suspect it'll be something along the line of letting them use the jet, but they have to get their own pilot."
"Thank you, sir. That would be much appreciated," the pilot said before returning to the jet.
Lex waved off the man's thanks and offered a hand to his brother. "Lex Luthor."
Xander clasped his hand with a smile. "Xander Harris."
Clark burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" Xander asked.
"My friend Clark said I was probably the only person who shortened his first name in such a unique manner," Lex replied amused. "And then it turns out we both have shortened our first names in unique ways."
"Ahh," Xander nodded. "Mine was actually shortened by a girl I met in kindergarten. See, Willow couldn't pronounce Alexander so I became Xander."
Lex waved Xander into the limo while his driver put Xander's bags in the back.
"So tell me about yourself," Lex said as they settled in.
"Not much to say really. Just graduated from high school and thought I'd take a road trip to see the states, since I've never even been out of Sunnydale."
"Wow, even I've been to Metropolis," Clark said.
Xander chuckled. "And now I have too."
Clark grinned. "And I've never been to Sunnydale, so that puts you one up on me."
"I didn't interrupt your plans, did I?" Lex asked.
"Not really. Turns out my car had some problems so my plans were kinda doomed."
"I'll get you a car," Lex said.
"You don't have to do that," Xander said.
"Oh no," Lex said firmly. "I bought Clark an SUV for saving my life, but he didn't accept it. You as my brother cannot turn down the first gift I've ever had the chance to give you. What use is being rich if you can't buy your brother a car for graduation?"
"You saved his life?" Xander asked Clark.
"He blew out a tire and went into the river," Clark explained. "All I did was dive in and fish him out. Anyone would have done it," Clark replied modestly.
Xander nodded agreeing with Clark and Lex laughed. "And it seems you have a lot in common with Clark too. I'm buying you a car, any car?"
"Any car?" Xander asked seeing a way out of it. "OK, so if I request a car and you can't get it, we'll drop the whole thing?" Xander bargained.
Lex grinned. "Deal!"
"I'd like a Knight Industries two thousand," Xander requested.
"Knight Industries… Why does that sound familiar?" Lex said thoughtfully.
Clark started laughing.
"What?"
"Ever seen the show Knight Rider?" Xander asked.
Lex beamed, proud of his younger brother for outsmarting him. "OK fine, I'll say no more about buying you a car, unless I can find a way to materialize a fictional vehicle."
"Thanks," Xander said glad his brother had a sense of humor.
"So what do you do for fun?" Clark asked.
"Well Sunnydale was really a one horse town, so except for the mandatory trips to the beach that all Californians are required to take, me and my two friends would hang out at the Bronze or the school library."
"I didn't take you for the studious type," Lex said.
"I'm not," Xander waved it off. "Willow made me take a lot of honor courses and such, but hanging out in the library was mainly because of Giles."
"Giles?" Lex asked.
"Rupert Giles, very British, very much with the rare knowledge," Xander said fondly. "He was the school librarian and he pretty much adopted us, even though we drove him nuts. He taught us ancient languages and how to handle medieval weapons."
"Sounds a lot more fun than Smallville high," Clark said.
"It had its good points," Xander admitted.
"So how'd you end up disarming the bomb at the airport?" Lex asked.
"How'd you?" Xander trailed off speechless.
"Your class ring was just visible on the edge of the screen," Lex explained. "We were watching the news on the way out."
"So no one else knows?" Xander asked.
"Nope," Lex said.
"Well, keep it under your hat please."
"I swear," Lex said. "Now tell me how it happened.
"I went in to use the restroom while I was waiting for you," Xander replied. "And the place was deserted. I heard screams and went to investigate. Things kinda just worked out from there."
"And the post it notes covering him from the waist down?" Clark asked. "The ones reading shoot me, kick me, make me write bad check?"
"I got bored."
"You got bored?" the two chorused.
"Well… yeah," Xander shrugged. "I'd already clipped the wire, so he was basically harmless."
"So you could have taken him down," Lex asked.
"Sure," Xander shrugged. "But the police were already there and the police get upset if you leave them with nothing to do. So tell me about yourself," Xander changed the subject.
"I'm the product of my environment," Lex shrugged. "Rich, spoiled, and at war with our father."
Clark sighed. "You forgot the good you've done and how many people you've helped."
"I've made a profit helping people," Lex defended himself.
"And how much effort went into making that profit?"
"I work hard at everything I do."
"You could have made easier profits off people," Clark said.
"True, but that's always been a shortsighted view I feel. People that are happy and productive, produce much more profits over the long run."
"Your brother hates to admit he's a good man," Clark explained.
"I'm a businessman," Lex said. "I just have a more realistic outlook than most."
"So what's Smallville like?" Xander asked, changing the subject since it seemed to make his brother uncomfortable.
"A one horse farming town," Clark replied. "We have one hangout, the Talon, a coffee shop and we generally hang out at the office of the school paper when at school."
"Don't forget the Wall of Weird," Lex reminded him.
"Wall of Weird?" Xander asked.
"Chloe, the editor of the school paper, keeps track of all the strange things that happen around here," Clark explained.
"Strange things?" Xander asked curiously.
"Weird things happen sometimes," Clark said.
"Ain't that the truth," Xander said with some amusement.
Typing by: Bankrupt Samurai