First Wish
Ice formed on the bars and his breath fogged the air as the dementors appeared.
Harry lay listlessly on his old straw mattress and stared at the ceiling until a pair of pale spectral legs formed on either side of his head and he found himself staring up at a young woman's crotch, covered by a pair of equally translucent panties.
Even as a ghost, Luna Lovegood had a rather unique way of helping him deal with dementor exposure. One of her hands slid down to toy with the crotch of her panties, a finger hooked just under the edge to pull the material aside, when the dementor drifted away and she removed her hands.
Harry groaned. "Damned dementors, they leave far too quickly."
"Sorry, but we're running close to what's not allowed as is," Luna apologized. "Tup from the grave and you'll become a ghost and we can't pass on until you do, so that wouldn't help matters."
"He does have a point though," Hermione said fading in. "The dementors are spending less and less time near your cell."
"Which I'd like to thank you for," Bellatrix said from the next cell over.
"Sadly, that does little to help me deal with what has to be the worst case of blue balls in British history," Harry joked.
"Figure out a way to drill a hole between our cells and I'll show you help," she replied with a snicker as the ghost of Ginny Weasly showed up and started admonishing her.
"But seriously," Hermione said as they ignored Ginny arguing with Bellatrix, a daily occurrence. "The dementors are avoiding this area and it behooves us to ask why."
"Dementors feed off misery," Luna began.
"I thought they fed off happy thoughts," Hermione said.
"Actually I believe they feed off the destruction of happy memories," Harry said. "A patronus drives them away and it's made of positive emotions while their presence makes you relive your worst memories over and over until it's all you can remember."
"That makes sense," Hermione agreed.
"Hovering happyvores hate Harry's heated hormonal…drat!" Luna cursed. "What's a good word for energy state that starts with H?"
"Hentai," Bellatrix suggested. "It means pervert in Japanese and can add another H to the list."
"Hovering happyvores hate Harry's habitual hentai…" Ginny trailed off.
"horny hankerings," Luna added.
"Hovering happyvores hate Harry's habitual heated horny hentai hankerings!" Hermione hollered.
Everyone stared at the ghost of the young bookworm. "Sorry," she muttered. "Now, what was your point?" she asked Luna.
"Oh well, I've pretty much conditioned Harry to get horny around dementors and it's not something they can feed on and repulses them much like a patronus would," Luna explained.
"So my penis drives off dementors?" Harry asked amused.
"I wonder if I could have made that my patronus?" Ginny said aloud.
Bellatrix laughed. "Mastering the spell allows you to cast a solid patronus."
"That would have come in handy," Ginny said before blushing and fading away.
"Not to mention what it would do to dementors," Luna added.
The entire group was laughing like loons when the water bucket began to glow, as if it was filled with light and not stagnant pond water. Moments later a young girl with long black hair in a ponytail, strange blue markings on her face, and the weirdest cloths they'd ever seen, colorful blue and white robes crossed with what looked like sportswear, arose from the glowing water.
"Greetings, I am Skuld goddess second class- Uncle Hades?" the girl asked confused.
"Who?" Harry asked confused and shocked at the way she appeared.
Skuld shook her head. "Sorry, but you look and feel a lot like my uncle. Let me check your file." Reaching out her hand vanished in midair like she'd stuck it under an invisibility cloak and returned with a folder that she opened and quickly read through making thoughtful noises several times before she'd finished and returned it from where she'd gotten it.
"What's going on over there?" Bellatrix called out.
"A goddess showed up," Luna replied.
"What?" Bellatrix asked.
Skuld gestured and the wall between the two cells dissolved.
"Goddess, right," Bella said suddenly nervous, but wasting no time in moving next to Harry.
"Sorry, thought you were my uncle," Skuld said. "Now, as I was saying, I am Skuld, goddess second class and you have been found worthy of a wish, but only one so make it carefully, and no wishing for me to be your girlfriend!"
Harry hadn't been thinking that at all, since Skuld looked all of 14, but being trapped in a cell with three females haunting him had taught him at least a little about girls. "Fine, I'll just go with my second wish then."
Skuld blushed and stood a little straighter.
"But before that, how did I earn a wish?" Harry asked as he leaned against the wall holding Bella who was hugging him tightly.
"Pure heart, good deeds, that sort of thing," Skuld told him.
"I was just perving on Luna and I got my friends killed," Harry replied. "I don't see that as being worthy of a reward."
"We got killed because of our own choices," Hermione said. "We are not mindless automatons."
"You even argued against us going," Ginny reminded him.
"You may have lead, but it is we who decided to follow," Luna assured him. "Plus, I worked very hard to give you those pervy thoughts so you could repel the dementors."
"Why not just order them away?" Skuld asked.
"I doubt they'd listen," Harry snorted. "You know what I wish?"
"What?" Skuld asked.
"Wait-" Hermione began.
"I wish we could do this over," Harry said with a sigh.
Skuld rose into the air, flung out her arms and threw her head back as if to scream but instead vomited forth a blinding beam of white light. She hung suspended in midair for a moment before settling back to the ground. "Wish granted."
Before anyone could respond her facial markings flared, blinding everyone.
Harry blinked and slowly regained his sight finding himself in very familiar surroundings.
*BANG BANG BANG*
"Get up, boy! Dudders wants his breakfast!"
Typing by: The Last Primarch!
AN: wrote this because someone else did a HP/OMG crossover of a similar setup that I loved, but never finished it! Yes I am aware of the irony of my saying that.