"We could build a catapult," suggested Twilight. "That throws other catapults. And those catapults could throw many small rocks at the moon."
Holly gave her a skeptical look. "Are you sure that's possible?"
"It's got to be!" the unicorn cried, "We've got all the materials, right here!"
"Not White Materia!" objected Cloud.
"Yeah, I don't think that'd work."
"Well, it's something!"
"It's not, though. Nothing's going to be able to stop it," said Katniss quietly. "Except maybe-"
"Hey, guys," said Ryuko, materializing alongside a bloody, muscled man in ripped orange pants.
"Ryuko! You're still alive somehow!" cheered Ruby, throwing herself at her friend in a bear hug. "And your outfit is making this really awkward!"
"Heheh, yeah, get off."
Ruby obeyed, backing away, but retaining all of her enthusiasm.
Holly stepped forward, indicating that she would speak for the group. "I would ask you who that guy is-"
"Son Goku."
"Thanks anyway," she sighed. "But we've got a problem on our hands."
"The moon has left its orbit, and is crashing towards the arena," explained Twilight. "It's going to hit very soon, and when it does, everypony is going to die."
As if to prove her point, a solitary pebble lifted off the ground next to her, and began to fall upwards. Others around the town began to join it, floating away towards the approaching celestial orb.
"Even if we can't win, saving everyone is the right thing to do," continued Holly. "It's one way to fight the paradox."
Ryuko wrinkled her nose. "You're not going to make that a catchphrase, are you?"
"I'm working on getting it a little more quotable," Holly replied.
"Well, you're out of luck. I don't think I can push it away."
"You can't?!" gasped Simon.
"Man, when she says she can't do something, you know it can't be done," Kamina said under his breath.
"I could try cutting it into little bits, though," Ryuko offered. "I could probably do that."
"No, then we'd just have multiple pieces of the moon falling and killing everypony," said Twilight. "We need to either move it away, or completely destroy it."
Ryuko turned to the battered-looking man with the crazy hair.
"Hey, didn't you say your Spirit Bomb could blow up the arena?"
"Well, it's actually more like a mass extinction sort of thing. It'd throw up a bunch of dust and blot out the sun and the shockwave might get some people, but it wouldn't deal enough damage to destroy the moon."
"Those are some terrifying facts to know," whispered Mikasa.
"But… a strong Kamehameha could dissolve parts of a planet."
"That's it!" shouted Ryuko, startling everyone. "Holly, get this guy some healing magic. We need him to be as strong as he can!"
"Right," said the elf, catching on. She placed her hand over his flayed skin and the blue-green energy began to flow.
"Ryuko, you had better run this past me first," warned Twilight.
"Okay, okay," groaned the girl. "I'll fly up there and slice the moon into little bits. Then, Goku's going to shoot it until there's nothing left!"
"That… might actually work," Twilight admitted.
"We don't have any other options," Holly called back, sealing the deepest cuts first. "Get to it."
"All right. C'mon, Senketsu. Let's rip the moon a new one!"
With that, the girl blasted off toward her new target.
"She better have White Materia," mumbled Cloud.
John-117 continued his seemingly endless sprint across the desert. The bounty hunter ahead of him had worn through his head start, and as his horse began to tire, the SPARTAN was closing in.
"I'm going to catch you!" he shouted.
"No, you ain't," Marston called back.
"Yes, I am," countered Master Chief.
"No, you ain't!"
"Yes, I am!"
At this point, the SPARTAN was proven right, as the other John's horse had taken enough punishment, and died. The bounty hunter was thrown from his saddle, and snatched by the massive, power-armored man.
"Damn, you was goin' to," muttered Marston.
John-117 set him down, and gave a stern look through his helmet until he realized the man couldn't actually see through.
"Just hand over the coin, and we'll be done here," he grunted.
"Coin? I don't have it. I didn't get a chance to pick it up!"
"Wait, are you serious?!"
"As surely as the sun shines… or, rather, the, ah, moon."
"Damn," sighed the super-soldier, looking up at the subject of discussion. It seemed to be visibly moving closer.
"Is that going to hit us?" asked the bounty hunter.
"Looks like it," said the Spartan, pointing out the rocks around them that began to be dragged skyward by the intruding satellite's gravity.
"I do not get paid enough for this," grunted John Marston.
"Me neither," agreed John-117.
Domon Kasshu sat quietly on his perch atop the gigantic Gunbuster. He heard the sounds of his students struggling to climb the machine behind them, but he remained quiet so that they could address him first.
"Master, the moon is falling," said Inaho. Domon saw out of the corner of his eye that he had kept his arm in its sling. Climbing up here one-handed was quite the task- the boy was a worthy student indeed.
"Yes, that's right," he confirmed.
"Only the later Buster Machines were rated for planetary annihilation," Noriko added. "We don't have enough firepower to destroy it."
"I know."
"Then, what should we do?" asked the boy.
"Spend whatever time we have left meditating on the fragility of life," instructed their Sifu. "Report back to me in the common hall for your next set of exercises."
"Yes, Sifu," they answered, folding their legs and hands and sinking into silence.
Ryuko came to rest in the gap between the earth below and the moon above, an ever-shrinking layer of sky. She had gotten there very quickly, which she attributed to her current form.
You know, considering that we only were in Kisaragi the last time for, what, ten minutes, we really have no idea what we're capable of.
Let's hope it includes destroying moons, Ryuko.
Right.
She closed the remaining gap in a second, holding in a hover above a particularly large crater.
Here's a trick you haven't seen before, Senketsu.
"SCISSOR BLADE, FINAL ADDRESS MODE!"
At her command, the weapon extended, first into its two-handed Decapitation Mode, and then further. The weapon unfolded new segments from hidden pockets, slid them out along accordion joints, and expanded out along rails. The size of the weapon did not double, nor triple; it multiplied exponentially. Senketsu watched in wonder as the Life Fibers within the blade did their job- growing and adapting- with a vigor he had never before witnessed. When the weapon finished transforming, he was certain it would be visible a long ways off.
Ryuko, how big is that thing?!
About the size of the Academy.
You mean, one wing?
No, the whole campus.
Why in the world did you need it?!
Giant robot.
WHAAAAT?!
Ryuko took off towards the center of the crater, swinging the gargantuan blade behind her like it was no larger than the one she usually carried. As they neared, she thrust it forward, piercing the crater and digging the blade in up to its oversized grip. She then converted her fangs into rockets, and heaved towards the Scissor Blade's cutting edge with all of her might. Hesitantly, the weapon began to move, digging a short, but very deep, trench. Then, as if the entire cosmic body realized that resistance was futile, the sword jumped forward, extending the trench ahead at Ryuko's speed. The channel ejected enough debris into the lunar sky to obscure sunrises for an entire earth week. Slowly, Ryuko accelerated, as her weapon clipped through the crust and into the mantle. Within a minute, she had circled the moon once, within two minutes, she had circled it five times, and by the third minute, there were few places on the satellite that had not been scarred by the Scissor Blade.
"And now… to STRIP YOU NAKED!"
Ryuko began to drag the blade up, out of the moon's ruined surface. The sword, already a bright crimson, now glowed with light from the heat created by its journey through the moon. With a final tug, she freed it entirely.
"SEN-I-SOSHITSU!"
Like any good attack in Ryuko's book, there was a pause before the reaction. Five seconds more, and the entire crust dissolved, allowing the semi-formless mantle to break apart like an overturned Slurpee. Ryuko spun the titanic Scissor Blade around her finger until it had contracted back into its most compact form, and set off for Northville once more.
"D'Arvit," swore Holly, looking up at the shattering moon. "That's not the sort of thing I expected to see without demons mourning in the streets."
"Okay, I'm going to need all of you to stand back. Behind me, if you can!" announced Goku. Team Mockingjay and Cloud complied, and rushed behind the Saiyan. The man ascended through his first and second super form without complaint, and briefly screamed before exploding into Super Saiyan 3. He drew his hands back, and began to collect energy. "KAAAAA…. MEEEEEE….."
The ground beneath the man began to shatter, the sheer force of the energy being produced too high of a pressure to be supported by mere earth. As dirt was kicked away, it carried on towards its new master, the looming, broken moon.
"HAAAAA… MEEEEEE…"
The energy took form in Goku's hands as a violently-pulsing orb of blue-white light. It was the first time that any of the members of Team Mockingjay had seen the attack performed so close; they decided that the charge-up was appropriate for the grandeur of the completed move.
"HAAAAAAAAA!"
The Kamehameha ripped the remaining wooden buildings that composed Northville to shreds, igniting the timbers as they flew. The beam tore through the atmosphere and into the now-amorphous surface of the moon. The smaller chunks of crust disintegrated instantly, while the larger, separating mantle was pushed aside before surrendering to the ki's power. Briefly, it appeared as a huge donut, before the ring around its central hole detonated. Its purpose accomplished, the beam withered into the air.
"That's it," whispered Twilight, removing her hooves from her ears. "We did it!"
Ryuko returned to them in a chillingly meteoric fashion, skidding through the rubble that had once been a row of houses. "Okay, that was pretty damn cool. Thanks for your help, Goku."
"Don't mention it," he said, depowering into his normal state. "And thank you. If I hadn't fought with you, I really would have lost my way."
"Any time you need me to kick your ass, you just ask," waved the girl. The Saiyan waved back before disappearing.
"What a crazy guy," Ruby remarked. "I guess you could say he was In-Saiyan!"
"Goddammit, Ruby," growled Ryuko.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Luffy and Jack wisely gave Usagi a little space. She was not taking the destruction of her favorite celestial body well.
"Hey- now, Usagi, it's not all that bad," suggested Jack. "There's lots of other stars in the sky. You could be Sailor Mercury, or Venus, or Mars, or Jupiter, or even Saturn!"
"No," she sobbed. "You don't get it! The moon was my thing! It was all I had! How am I supposed to be Sailor Moon with no Moooon?!"
Luffy was about to point out that Jack had given her plenty of other options to pick from, when they became aware of a shuffling, scraping sound behind them. The source was the severed upper body of the truck that was actually a robot, Optimus Prime.
"You're alive?" gasped Jack and Luffy in unison.
"I am, but not for much longer," rasped the still-deep voice of the huge machine. "I have returned to impart upon Usagi one final gift. Her heart is pure. She will bear the Autobot Matrix of Leadership in my absence."
Jack sprang forward, raising a hand to interrupt. "Actually, if you wouldn't mind, could you maybe do something for us, first?"
"I could spare a few moments, but no more."
"Great. Just drag yourself this way, if you could."
Optimus pulled himself along, smashing through the building that Jack guided him towards. Eventually, the pirate stopped in front of a thick, metal box.
"Could you open this safe?"
Optimus converted his half-ruined arm into a dangerous-looking hook, and pried the safe open in a single swipe. Jack reached inside and removed a single coin.
"Right, thanks. That was a real Gordian Knot, that one."
"My… spark… is fading," he groaned. The panels on his chest unfolded in origami fashion to reveal a thin, spindly object, which produced a faint blue glow. "Where is Usagi?"
"I'm here," sniffled the girl, who had evidently found some motivation to get off of her knees and cry somewhere else.
"Take this," the robot said, plucking it from his chest. "It is your destiny."
"Don't die, Optimus! You were the best truck ever!"
"No. I must leave you all now. Arise, Sailor Moon Prime."
With that, his eyes closed, and he slumped to the ground. Usagi stared at the Dorito-shaped thing in her hands, and wiped her nose.
"Maybe… I can turn into a truck, now."
"Attention, meat-sacks," echoed the voice of GLaDOS. "It has come to my attention that all of the coins have been claimed. As it stands, five are in the possession of Team Crimson Corsairs, the idiots who almost dropped the moon on all of you; therefore, they have won the round. Have fun with your newfound fame. You monsters."
"I'll be," muttered Holly. "Those loons actually pulled it off."
Cloud looked puzzled. "Forgive me for asking, but who were they?"
"GLaDOS has got everything covered," replied Twilight. "Absolute idiots."
Everyone's feet began to sink into the ground, as always. They were expecting it, this time.
"If I can help it, I'm going to take a long break after this," sighed Katniss as the ground climbed to her waist.
"But we can't," countered Twilight before her head was completely submerged.
As Holly fell into the darkness that was always below the ground when the round was over, she took a moment to think about those last few words. That was really the torment of being here- not the things one had to do in the rounds, as terrible as they may have been. It was that it was never over.
And it may never be over, she thought, if we don't get saved. That's why we have to keep on fighting- so that one day, we don't have to. That's the paradox. And we can fight it.
Yeah, it's still not very catchy. Needs more zing.