King Me
Harry settled into the compartment across from Luna and Ginny and pulled out a book as Hermione sat between him and Ron. Neville came in a few minutes later and took the last remaining space. Harry ignored Ron and Hermione arguing over something to do with being prefects, and Ginny and Neville discussing their summer, in favor of reading his book.
He'd decided enough was enough and slipped away while they'd gone to get school supplies, ignoring their attempts to 'keep him safe', so he could do a little shopping. He was pretty sure he'd broken enough laws to get life in Azkaban, which considering the way old Fudgepacker was running things might only require jaywalking, but hey useful magic was often illegal since it was so easy to abuse (abuse being defined as 'in a way that people in charge disapproved of' which pretty much covered anything that detracted from their power over you or they couldn't tax you on). Yes, Harry had bought anything remotely useful he could find and a large quantity of stuff that probably wasn't, but really it's not like a vault full of gold was any good to a dead man, so he might as well use it to keep himself alive.
Hermione poked Harry in the shoulder. "Harry, are you listening to me?"
"No, I was reading," he replied a bit annoyed at being interrupted.
"Sorry," Hermione apologized, not sounding in the least sorry. "But this is important. Someone cleared out a good portion of Knockturn alley, and by that I mean they bought everything! Entire shops probably filled with dark items and ingredients were emptied and their owners sworn to secrecy!"
Harry shrugged. "And?"
"Don't you think it could be a first move on Voldemort's part?"
"So?"
"What do you mean so?!"
"I mean, so what? The noseless bastard's probably up to a lot of things, but I'm not really interested. Let someone else deal with him I've reached my limit of caring."
Everyone stared at him in horror, except Luna who was trying to see what he was reading.
Harry rolled his eyes and tried to explain. "I've done everything anybody can reasonably expect me to do and then some, and what have I gotten for it? I'll tell you what I've gotten tortured, starved, and tormented and that's thanks to our side!"
The door slid open and Malfoy stood there with his shiny new prefect badge, unnoticed as Harry continued, "Voldemort has done far less to me than the staff at Hogwarts, so excuse me for not really giving two shits what he's up to. Whatever he's planning, I wish him luck, because I've washed my hands of the matter. Now unless you would care to help me figure out how I'm going to kill the defense instructor this year I'd appreciate you leaving me alone so I can read my book."
Silence fell on the compartment for a moment before Luna spoke up. "Kill the defense professor?"
Harry nodded companionably to Luna. "Yes, every year the defense professor attacks me and something horrible happens to them. The first year I burned Quirrel to death, the second year me and Ron got Lockhart to erase his entire brain, the third year it was a friend of my parents and already cursed so I let it slide, the fourth year it was Barty Crouch Jr. pretending to be Mad Eye Moody and I got his soul sucked out. So you can see I've covered mind, body and soul, so what can I do to avoid repeating myself this year? What's left?"
"Magic or sanity?" Luna suggested.
"Sanity is too much like mind, but I like the idea of destroying his magic. That would be a new one."
Draco closed the door quietly and went back to his compartment; he had a lot to report.
"What is the easiest way to make someone lose their magic?" Harry asked.
"Simplest way is for them to swear something on their magic and then break their vow," Hermione said automatically. "It was in the muggleborn information packet I received from McGonagall in first year."
The two Weasley's and Neville stared horrified at Hermione, who'd slapped both her hands over her mouth when she'd realized what she'd done.
"Thanks Hermione, I knew I could count on you," Harry replied happily, before frowning. "I didn't get a muggleborn information packet when I was told about the school, oh well I'll have to borrow one and read it later."
Luna held out a hand. "Can I see what you're reading please?"
"Sure," Harry replied, handing her the book while the other four occupants had an urgent discussion about Harry that they both ignored.
Luna blushed slightly as she read the first page. "Wow! Who has the counterpoint book?"
"Counterpoint?" Harry asked confused.
Luna took her wand from behind her ear and tapped the book, causing it to split into two books. "It's sometimes called the companion book for obvious reasons. You see, now you provide half the details and I provide the other half and both our choices effect the story."
"Cool!" Harry said smiling. "Then I think I'll name the female lead Luna."
"Then I'll name the male lead Harry," Luna said with a mischievous grin.
The two watched as their respective books began filling in details on each other, wincing as they read something about themselves that was far too accurate for comfort.
"Romance," Harry announced, figuring girls liked to read that sort of thing and curious about what those books were like.
"Adventure," Luna added figuring romance alone would bore Harry to tears and her as well for that matter.
"Unrated," Harry decided, thinking it had something to do with the level of vocabulary used and they were both intelligent enough to use a dictionary in the unlikely event they ran across a word they didn't know.
Luna raised an eyebrow at that, but let it stand as she was sure it'd make for a much more interesting story. "Agreed."
"Princess," he announced, because girls liked that sort of thing.
"Pirates," she announced for much the same reason.
Wearing matching grins they settled down to read while Hermione and Ron went off to their prefect meeting and Ginny and Neville discussed something in low voices.
The two teens occasionally looked at each other, shocked about what they'd just read, before blushing and finding they were unable to stop themselves from reading more.
"What a cruel mistress," Harry muttered trying not to grin.
"Stable boys should learn their place," Luna teased, making Harry laugh.
The train's whistle blew and they both pocketed their books before the boys went to stand in the hall while the girls changed.
"So… you don't plan on standing against V-vol-He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named?" Neville asked nervously.
"I've stood against him and had very little support from the people who are supposed to be helping me. I've had nearly everyone turn on me. First I'm the heir of Slytherin and then I'm a cheater in the Tri-Wizard and regardless of anything else I'm sent to be starved and abused over the summers," Harry sighed. "Screw it. I've done more than enough. If people don't like him that much, they can deal with him themselves rather than pushing it all on me and then treating me like crap."
The two boys entered the compartment and Harry didn't bother to wait for the girls to leave before beginning to change, causing Ginny and Luna to keep the door closed so people outside couldn't see him changing.
"Seriously," Harry said stripping down to his boxers revealing scars and ribs you can count as he opened his trunk and brought out his Hogwarts robes. "I'm sick of fighting for people who abuse and badmouth me, so I'm quitting."
Luna stepped forward and helped him tie his tie while he buttoned his shirt.
"What about your parents?" Ginny asked.
"I've killed him once for each of them. Once at Godric's Hollow, and then again in the chamber of secrets. I'd say we're pretty much even now." Harry absently unbuttoned Luna's top making everyone's eyes almost pop out, before he lined up and rebuttoned it correctly and straightened her collar, making her blush.
Luna pulled out hair tonic and a comb from her trunk before pushing Harry into his seat so she could work on his hair.
"What about your horrible childhood?" Ginny tried, absently grabbing a mortified Neville and changing him much like her mother would often do to any of her children regardless of age and sex. Neville was so used to his grandmother doing it he automatically complied.
"Actually, that's pure Dumbledore. Way too many things lead to his hand for him not to have been the perpetrator there," Harry said as Luna magically lengthened Harry's hair to the middle of his back, before passing the tonic and comb to Ginny.
"I'm sure he did his best," Ginny offered lamely, as she worked on lengthening Neville's hair.
"Ha," Harry snorted as Luna contently and softly brushed his hair to remove all his tangles. "The Dursley's hate and fear magic, all it would have taken was a minor spell or two and I would have been raised as an actual human rather than a house elf."
Luna snapped her fingers a few times and Harry handed her several ebony sticks, which she used to twist his hair into a top knot with.
Ginny sighed and dug through her trunk for a red and gold hair tie, which she used to put Neville's hair into a ponytail. "Using magic against muggles that way is wrong."
Harry snorted as he switched places with Luna and started working on her hair much to her enjoyment. "Condoning and covering up child abuse is worse."
Neville unsure of what he was supposed to do pulled a pedicure kit from Ginny's trunk and started to work on her feet.
"So are you going to let him just kill who he likes?"
Harry worked Luna's hair into a long French braid as he spoke, "No, I'll fight anyone who hurts my friends, but I won't go hunting for him."
"Oh," Ginny said with a sigh as Neville worked a pumice stone over the callous on her right heel.
"My parents sacrificed their lives so I could live, not so I could fight other people's wars and I plan on living. I'm going to try and actually live life for once and not worry about it. I think I've earned that."
"Yeah, you have," Ginny admitted.
Harry pulled out his wand and tapped Luna's radish earrings causing them to shrink and hollow out into an empty silver wire frame, before taking out a galleon and rubbing his wand head across it making it cling to the head like it was made of liquid. Tapping each earring lightly they sucked off a decent amount of gold filling into the space between the silver, regaining their radish shape. He finished it off by shrinking her butterbeer bottlecap necklace and turning them silver with the remaining gold linking the tiny caps together. Holding up a mirror, Luna was amazed at what he'd done and her earrings chimed, as she turned her head to examine one of the radish earrings closely.
"What about killing the defense professor?" Neville asked curiously, as he finished painting Ginny's toenails a nice red to match her hair.
Luna took out a nail care kit and started working on Harry's nails just as Neville started doing Ginny's nails.
"That seems to happen regardless of any planning I do, so I decided to plan it out just for once, just to be different."
"Makes sense," Neville agreed as Luna switched nail polish with him as they painted each nail half gold and half red.
Hermione and Ron returned just as the two pairs switched off to do the others nails.
"What are you guys doing?" Ron asked, confused at the way the four were going overboard on dressing themselves up.
Seeing Hermione reach for a handkerchief and eyeing a piece of dirt on his nose, Harry decided to tease them. "A monkey grooming curse was cast on the compartment, so we're forced to groom each other."
"That's ridicul…" Ron began only to see Hermione wetting a handkerchief and approaching his face. Thinking quickly he picked her up and jumped out of the compartment.
"I knew he was allergic to good grooming," Ginny snorted, flicking the door closed with her foot.
"Are we really cursed?" Neville asked, as Ginny painted his nails red and gold.
"Nope, just felt like getting rid of them," Harry replied, as he painted Luna's nails blue and bronze to match her house colors.
Pulling a massive book on clothing charms from his sleeve, while Luna's nails were drying caused some raised eyebrows. He opened it up and flipped through the listings finding spells for all sorts of occasions.
"They've actually got a charm that weaves shadows into your robes to deepen the black and prevent it from fading with time," Ginny said in awe, taking hold of the book so Harry could cast.
Harry grinned and practiced the wand movements for a moment before casting it on Luna and Neville.
"Wow," the four marveled at the effect it had turning simple black robes into something that looked like it was woven out of the night itself and felt like expensive silk.
Harry quickly duplicated the charm on his and Ginny's robes. "What else we got?"
"Blue color enhancement can be from several sources, and since it says any flame works for red, I'm thinking we use bluebell flames for both," Ginny suggested.
"I'll get the flame, you cast the spell," Harry said cupping a palm and slowly filling it with blue fire from his wand.
Ginny carefully cast the spell on Luna and they all watched as the blue flames were drawn into her uniform causing the blue to take on the shifting hue of the bluebell flame itself.
"OL, that looks great, but I'm not sure it'll work with red," Harry said.
"Let's try anyway," she suggested.
Harry nodded and filled his hand with bluebell flames once more. Ginny cast the spell on herself and the effect was striking as the red flickered with a touch of purple.
"I like it," Harry said agreeably as he summoned more flames for his and Neville's uniforms.
"Anything else," Luna asked as they all crowded around the tome.
"Perfect temperature," Neville said before casting it on himself and the others.
"Prevents damage and repairs itself," Luna read casting it on each in turn.
"Lives and grows with you," Ginny said absently. "Not sure what lives means, but grows sounds good." Four quick casts later and the four shifted around as their clothes clung to them.
"No wedgies!" Harry ordered. "And not so tight down there!"
Seeing Harry settle down the others quickly ordered their own clothes about.
"Lift and support up there a bit more," Ginny ordered. "I may not have as much as Luna, but I'd like to show off what I have."
"One last spell," Harry said. "Cause this is like roulette and we got really lucky on that last spin."
"Yeah, sorry about that," Ginny apologized.
"Nah, turned out great," Harry replied with the others agreeing. "This looks and feels like it was freshly tailored."
"You don't suppose we actually do have a spell making us all do all this… do you?" Neville asked.
Harry shrugged. "If so I don't mind it, it's been kinda fun doing this."
"Yeah," Lune chimed in. "I liked playing with Harry."
"And I liked playing with Luna," Harry replied.
Ginny raised an eyebrow at Neville.
"OK, it was all fun, except for Ginny stripping me down to my shorts, that was a bit embarrassing."
Ginny blushed as Harry and Luna laughed.
"OK, last spell," Harry announced. "It's a finishing spell so no other spells are possible once it's cast."
Everyone waited as Harry cast it four times and collapsed into his seat, panting as he pulling a potion out of his sleeve which he downed sending steam shooting out his ears. The three examined themselves, but found nothing changed.
"OK, I'll ask," Luna finally said while Harry was catching his breath. "What did it do?"
"It protects against spells up to the level of power I can defend against and it takes a lot of magic to cast," Harry said.
"That book is fantastic," Neville said, "what's it called?"
"Magnificent Looks for the Magicborn, by L. Sypher," Harry read causing the three purebloods to stare at him.
"What?!" Harry asked.
"Lewis Sypher was a dark lord that came along a couple hundred years ago," Neville explained.
"Well his clothing charms are pretty impressive," Harry replied. "And I seriously doubt anyone would call them dark magic."
"The usual procedure after dealing with a dark lord is to destroy all his works once he's defeated," Luna offered, "so it's possible a lot of magic has been lost that way because of automatic assumptions that it's dark."
"Or it could be that's how it starts," Harry said darkly. "You look and feel good and the next thing you know you're one clothing charm away from rounding up the unfashionable people and putting them in camps like the French do!" Harry tried but he couldn't keep a straight face, busting up laughing which the others joined in.
"Are we sure they don't do that in France?" Luna asked. "I mean I spent time around the Beauxbatons students and it seems like something they'd do."
"We'll have to see if we can do an exchange program or something," Neville suggested. "You know spend a week at another school like that to see what they're actually like."
"I was joking about the camps," Harry said rolling his eyes.
"I know, but it could be fun," Neville said. "A chance to see how other people do things."
"A chance to see another country," Harry said considering it.
"A chance to relax and have some fun," Ginny said thoughtfully.
"A chance to live in a Snape-free environment," Luna grinned.
"I'm in!" the group chorused.
Typing by: Bankrupt Samurai!