Thank you for the favs, follows and reviews :) Everything apart from the final chapter was written before the premiere aired so there are no spoilers.

Today has been rough but here is the next installment.

Chapter 4: Promise

At eleven Kate woke up to the smell of another meal this time there was definitely bacon. She goes to the kitchen to see Rick serving the bacon, sausage, baked beans, mushrooms and scrambled egg. She would love to get use to this, however, still wary that he could just turn back to the Richard Castle that she had been dealing with since he was rescued. For now though she put it out of her mind deciding to go eat.

"Good morning."

"Good morning to you too, I see you've been cooking again." Kate greets walking up to the counter.

"Yes I have, I thought that you might like a full cooked breakfast. There's some fruit prepared for after along with the fruit juice on the table."

"Wow, you've got this sorted."

"I'm glad that you like it. Now my lady, take your seat at the table." Kate does as requested walking to the table, Rick following with plates in hand. "Here you go, enjoy." He said as he placed the plate in front of her.

"This looks incredible, I can't remember the last time that I had a breakfast this big. It is certainly a nice change."

"So you're still hungry?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well then eat up."

All parts of this meal are great for Kate, food tastes better when someone else has cooked it. She's savouring the taste of each bite swearing that a full cooked breakfast like this has never tasted as good.

"Castle, thank you. This is the nicest breakfast I've had in a long time. Everything was just perfect."

"It is fine, Kate. It shouldn't have been this long since I did this for you." She bows her head avoiding his look because he should have. He places his cutlery on his plate having eaten everything on his plate. "So what are your plans for today?"

"Well, erm, eating that fruit that you've cut up was pretty high on my agenda."

"Ah, yes of course." He says going to get it. "Would you like some yoghurt too?"

"Yes please."

"What flavour? There's vanilla, coconut, natural and strawberry."

"Oo, I'd like strawberry." He picks up the strawberry yoghurt with both bowls containing their fruit. "No, wait, coconut." Castle returns to swap the strawberry for the coconut. "Wait. Could I have both?"

"Only if you promise to not change your mind between me leaving here and me getting to the table."

"I'd like strawberry and coconut please. That's final."

"Right." Castle walks quickly to the table which makes Kate laugh. "What?" He asks not understanding why she's laughing.

"It is just you were running as if you were scared I'd change my mind again."

"Those bowls were going to slip out of my hand soon and I don't feel like cleaning that up."

"It would be a terrible waste of food." She says as she places the yoghurt on her fruit.

"There's more you know."

"I'll want that later." She defends before taking her first spoonful.

"Yes, of course." Rick observes Kate as she eats, quickly as it happens; deciding that he had better catch up before she realises that he's been staring at her.

Once he's finished eating he repeats his earlier question. "What are your plans for today?"

"Well they're limited, I think bed rest just means I can't go running about all over the city."

"It would get very boring if you had to be chained to your bed."

"Indeed it would. I didn't have any plans apart from reading and watching DVDs or TV."

"Anything that you had in mind?"

"Yeah, whatever is on top of the pile." Mindful that she wouldn't be bending down to get anything.

"How about you choose whatever you want to watch, I'll search for it, download it or if it is a book read to you." To which she laughed, they hadn't read a Nikki Heat book or any book rather together in a long time. "I'm serious, pick whatever you want to watch."

"I haven't got much stuff here so I'll need my laptop to see what is on there and then set it up."

"I'll do it, let's first get you seated on the sofa." He says standing up so he can pull her up as well.

"Okay." She gladly accepts his assistance in standing. They walk arm in arm over to the sofa where Kate sits down gently and Castle lays a blanket over her legs.

Castle gets her laptop, connects it quickly to the TV then passes her the wireless mouse so that she can control it.

"I'm just going to go wash the dishes." He starts to walk to the kitchen when Kate speaks.

"Castle, thank you. Could you also bring some drinks, please?"

"Yeah, hot or cold?"

"Could I have some tea and some cold water please?"

"As you wish." He replies turning to go do his kitchen duties.

When he returns he places the tray carrying their drinks on the coffee table before going to get a side table which is higher so that she can easily reach her drinks. He places the table beside her and moves the tray to it as well.

When he looks up he is met with her gaze and a smile. "What?"

"You cleaned the dishes, brought me drinks and then found a higher table to that I don't have to struggle to get them from the coffee table."

"It makes your life easier and I don't mind. It's a bit stupid that coffee tables are so low down anyway."

"Definitely, I should have never bought such a low down one."

"No." He replied as he sat down bringing another blanket with him. He realises when he looks to the TV that she paused it waiting for him. "You were waiting for me?"

"I presumed that you'd be watching it as well. I wouldn't want you to have to miss the first few minutes."

"Thank you."

"Besides, you've got to watch all of the episode anyway. It doesn't make sense if you miss the first bit."

"What are we watching?"

"Nebula 9." Kate said with a big smile knowing how much Rick still thought that it was poor television.

"Kaaaatttttteeeee, why?" Rick moaned.

"You said we could watch anything I wanted."

"Fine, just get started already."

"Good, there's twelve episodes to watch."

"We're watching all of them?"

"Not in one go." Phew he thought. "We'll need food in the middle and I'll need the toilet in about half an hour." Nope, he was going to have to endure the wrath of Nebula 9.

"Oh dear…press play then." He instructed.

"Okay."

Part way through the episode Kate pauses the episode to ask him a question that the Richard Castle who is with her now should answer honestly.

"Castle, why did you act like you did? You shut everyone out and became a different person."

"I was struggling, I kept thinking back to being held. There are some memories but the worst ones that I tried to block out. Each time they came back it got worse, I didn't want anyone to know what they did."

"Castle, you know what I've been through. Even before you knew about the...I've been drowned, shot and beaten that's just since I've known you. Surely you must realise that I knew what it felt like."

"I'm meant to be a strong man, someone who felt like they were invincible and could talk their way out of anything. I wanted to do it on my own. I didn't want anyone to see me a weak."

"Castle, nobody saw you as weak. People know that you went through a traumatic even and nobody expected you to come out of the other side unscathed. You know how Espo and I have had PTSD, he was shot and so was I. Being a cop doesn't make you immune to these things. We're people. If you would have just accepted help from anyone it would have been better."

"I know that I got it wrong, I shouldn't have skipped on appointments." Rick admitted.

"No, you shouldn't have. They help, Castle. They help. Why did you cancel the appointment yesterday? Was what I said not enough?"

"No, I just was writing and I felt fine."

"Castle, just because you feel fine in a moment doesn't mean that you're healed. It just means that the PTSD demons are having a day off."

"I didn't want to go. I hated feeling weak."

"Why didn't you tell me that you'd cancelled it anyway?" Kate asked as she wanted to really know why he didn't tell her.

"I didn't think that you would turn up."

"Why, because we had another argument in the morning?" Kate was angry at his answer, after all that they had been through and how she had stood by him all the time for him not to still believe that she wouldn't turn up was an insult.

"Look, I don't know what part of me decided not to tell you but I thought…I thought a few things but none of them make sense now or excuse what I did. Nothing excuses the way I have been treating you and everyone else the way I have. You were able to cope on the outside after you were shot and I only noticed it when we dealing with the sniper case but I'm guessing it happened a hell of a lot more."

"You have no idea of what I went through in the cabin, every time a door slammed shut or something went bang I was back there in the cemetery. Shots would ring out in my head, it was my own personal hell that I couldn't escape from. The therapy helped, I went because I wanted to live a life not controlled by fear, one that I could spend with you so I was making myself better for you."

"I can't turn back the clock to undo all the wrong that I've done but I promise you that I'm here. I will go to every therapy session, I will talk to you when I need help so as to not shut myself off. I'd handcuff myself to you if you wanted but I think that would be a bit awkward."

"Yeah, don't you remember the tiger?" Kate joked.

"I will never forget the tiger."

"Me either." She smiled to at the memory, it was a memorably and funny one. In hindsight at least, when they were trapped with a tiger it wasn't so funny.

"I'm serious, Kate."

"Castle, I don't want you to promise me something today for you to only break it in a few days. I can't deal with it, it is just too much." Kate warned him.

"Wait here."

"I'm not exactly going anywhere fast."

"Point taken." Castle returns with a notepad and pen.

"What are you doing?"

"I am making a written statement or promise rather that I will give to you." He writes quickly yet neatly on the paper then passes it to Kate when he's finished.

I, Richard Edgar Castle promise Katherine Houghton Beckett and our son that I will do everything in my power to make you happy, love you and take care of you. If I ever get scared or feel like I'm falling down the proverbial rabbit hole again then I shall seek your counsel or that of a psychiatrist. Further I shall attend all of my appointments and if I genuinely can't attend then I shall reschedule and inform you of this. I will also attend all of your appointments and birthing classes. I promise to focus on you both and try to repair the relationships that I have with our close family and friends.

I promise that when the day arrives, I will place the wedding band on your ring finger and finally make it our always. I'll clean your dress or have a professional do it (might be a better idea), so that it is restored to its original condition. If you don't want to wear it then I shall buy you the most extravagant dress that you desire.

I promise to be the man that you fell in love with, the one you were marrying, the father to Alexis and our children that you want, the son that my mother deserves to have and the friend that everybody knew me as. I have changed as a result of what happened but it won't let it define me. You made me a better person so I'm going to be that man again.

I will fight for us and our family as long as I can.

This is me regaining control over my life.

I love you, Katherine Houghton Beckett and I love the child that we've created. You, our son, Alexis and my mother are the most important people in my life and I will never forget that.

Always,

Richard Edgar Alexander Rogers Castle.

By the time Kate had finished reading Rick's letter/statement she had tears in her eyes and her voice had softened.

"Rick"

"It is the truth, I love you and I'm not leaving you. You're not getting rid of me."

Kate, still holding the piece of paper in her hand, puts both arms around his neck bringing him to her so she can hug him. It may be an awkward position but she needs this, needs to feel close to him. The tears that were gathering in her eyes were now falling as she started crying. She could feel his shirt getting wet but couldn't stop. It was many months of pain released in one.

Rick moved so that the position was less awkward for her, he wrapped his arms around her so holding her as she cried. Tears gathered in his own eyes, he kissed the top of her head.

They sat like that until both stopped crying. "You were gone for two months, I kept going hoping that you'd come back and then when you were it wasn't the Richard Castle that I knew. All these months have been so hard, I know the hormones and the pregnancy haven't helped, at times I didn't if I'd make it through. You were never there, physically maybe but not really. When you cancelled yesterday I believed that all hope was gone, you didn't want help and we were over. I don't know what's going to happen but the baby, I can't let anything happen to him. He's my focus now."

"I wouldn't expect otherwise it's about you and the baby from now on. We'll do everything to keep the both of you healthy."

"It's all we can do. I'm scared, nothing I read reassures me only making me more nervous."

"You know that if I could do anything about it then I would do."

"Hmm, it is just waiting." Kate told him, she hated waiting and feeling useless.

"Do you want anything?" Rick asked hoping that he could make her feel just a little bit better.

"No, just this." Kate said as she burrowed into his side seeking his comfort and warmth. It felt more like old times when they would snuggle together in bed or on the sofa. It was hard for them but both felt as if they were getting somewhere.

Thanks for reading.

They're getting somewhere now but the angst isn't over. There's a happy ending though.