Naruto Loop - Criss Cross

Naruto and Sasuke awoke at the same instant, just after Sasuke's chidori pierced Naruto's chest at the valley of the end.

Naruto coughed and blood came out. "I guess… you finally got me… bastard."

Sasuke pulled his fist out of Naruto's chest. "Stop being so damn melodramatic." He dropped the wounded blonde on the ground.

Naruto chuckled and sat up, the hole in his chest closing. "Never woke up here before."

"Yeah," Sasuke agreed. "Any ideas on how to handle it? We could play hero and repentant nin to speed up your rise to Hokage."

"Yeah," Naruto said and he slowly began to grin. "But why don't we reverse the roles?"

"Reverse the roles?" Sasuke asked.

"How would you like to play the world's biggest prank on the entire Leaf village?"

"I'm listening," Sasuke said and as Naruto explained his idea Sasuke slowly began to smile.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Kakashi arrived at the scene and stared in horror at Naruto's limp form and bloody hole in his torso, a hole caused by Kakashi's signature jutsu. Finding Naruto still had a pulse, he quietly bandaged his chest and carried him back to where the others were gathered.

"I need medical assistance here now!" Kakashi yelled.

The injured nin was quickly surrounded by medics who did their best to stabilize him.

"Gai!"

"Hai!" Maito Gai jumped to Kakashi's side.

"Naruto needs to reach the hospital as quickly as possible. How many gates would it take to reach Konoha in five minutes?"

"I can open two in my current condition and get him there in seven minutes," Gai swore.

"Do it!"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Naruto," Tsunade said sadly as she stared down at the pale and motionless form in the hospital bed. He was healing, but it was slow, much slower than it should be and she was worried that she'd lose him. She leaned down to kiss his forehead and froze as she felt a slight draw on her chakra where her breasts touched him and saw an increase in his sluggish healing rate.

A quick series of experiments showed it worked best on bare skin, particularly mammary tissue.

"Shizune get in here and take your top off!" the Hokage yelled, cradling Naruto's head to her naked chest.

"What?!"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Naruto awoke surrounded by breasts, sandwiched by half-naked kunoichi. He was sure the fox had something to do with it, but he was enjoying it too much to care. "If this is what I get for getting a chidori in the chest, call Kakashi over!"

"Naruto!"

It took a couple of minutes to calm everyone down and he noted Hinata, Anko, Tsunade, Sakura, Ino, Shizune, and Ayame were topless and pressed against him.

"Don't you ever worry me like that again!" Tsunade ordered.

"Sorry Granny," Naruto apologized. "I was following… Is everyone here cleared for S-class secrets?"

"I'm just a ramen waitress," Ayame reminded him.

"You are one of the few women who can stimulate his healing faster, I'll clear you myself," Tsunade said.

"Why am I surrounded by beautiful topless women anyway?" Naruto asked.

"Because your healing ability was overloaded and shut down, yet somehow by absorbing a trickle of chakra through contact with our breasts you manage to simulate its effects," Tsunade explained.

"Why is that?" Ino asked

"It has something to do with emotional connections," Shizune guessed. "However that doesn't explain Ino or Anko."

"He knows me," Ino said.

"Yes, but I wasn't aware he had any strong feelings for you," Shizune explained.

Naruto was glad he and Sasuke had already prepared a story that he could alter to cover this. "Actually… we knew each other quite well, but for security reasons your memories were erased, as were those of your father."

"What?" Ino asked in shock.

"The Third Hokage had plan in place in case… recent events occurred," Naruto explained. "Me and Sasuke were personally trained by the old man-"

"And now he has gone rogue," Anko said.

"Actually he's doing exactly what he was trained to be," Naruto said solemnly.

"What?!"

Naruto waited until they'd calmed down. "Orochimaru developed a technique that makes him a greater threat than you know. To counter that, Sasuke and I were given special training by Inoichi. The old man wasn't sure which one of us Orochimaru wanted more as his next host, so we both were trained."

"And you getting a chidori through the chest?" Tsunade asked.

"My healing factor, enhanced by the fox, should have taken care of that," Naruto replied.

"Fox?" Sakura asked, with a blush that Naruto could see reached her waist, as she was on his right side pressing her naked chest against his naked waist and trying not to stare at his reaction to the girls surrounding him.

"Remember Gaara?" Naruto asked.

"He was a complete psycho until Sasuke beat him," Sakura said.

"Sasuke was taken out of the fight early on," Tsunade corrected her. "Naruto beat him."

"Naruto beat him?" Ino asked surprised.

"He released his demon and I had a major summoning contract," Naruto replied. "Gaara holds the one tailed tanuki and was driven crazy by the way he was treated."

"The nine tailed fox is sealed in you!" Sakura blurted out as she put the pieces together.

"But Naruto isn't crazy," Ayame said loyally.

"He's a ninja, of course he's crazy," Tsunade said fondly.

"Anyway!" Naruto said loudly, "Sasuke is fulfilling the mission and the fox should have healed me. I'll need to put a seal on everyone so they can't talk about it until the snake is dead."

"And where do I fit into this?" Anko asked from his left shoulder.

"Part of our mental training required an emotional reason, so the old man shared his memories of you with us," Naruto replied. "You see, the death of the snake may be for the good of Konoha, but the driving force behind it… is the love of a father for his daughter. The old man loved you like a daughter and he shared that love of you with us and because we love you, we are going to kill Orochimaru for hurting you."

"I have to declare Sasuke a missing nin," Tsunade said with a heavy sigh while Anko tried to bury her emotions as she always did, not daring to hope.

"Let the civilians sway you that Sasuke is under the influence of the seal," Naruto suggested, "It will give you more influence over them and they owe you a favor."

"Fine but I'm also claiming you begged me," she said with a smile.

Naruto laughed.

"How close was I to Sasuke?" Ino asked.

"Like siblings," Naruto replied. "It really freaked us both when you started trying to date him after your memories of us were wiped."

"How close was I to you?" Ino demanded, hearing something in his voice.

"You swore you were going to make a blanket out of my boxers," Naruto replied. "You'd managed to get about ten pairs and actually had started making a blanket."

"Do you have anything in writing from Sarutobi?" Shizune asked, while Ino blushed to the roots of her hair

"Deep cover missions have no paperwork," Tsunade said.

"Normally true," Naruto agreed. "However I have a better and more secure place to store paperwork, plus it has one hell of a watchdog."

"It's in the seal?" Tsunade guessed.

"Guarded by the fox," Naruto agreed. "The old man knew I might have trouble convincing the next Hokage, if something happened to him, so we took precautions."

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Later with the fox

"What the hell was up with screwing with my healing factor?" Naruto demanded.

The Kyuubi chuckled, "You're welcome."

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

2 Years later…

Sasuke walked into Konoha with a bag in his hand that dripped blood. ANBU followed him and numerous civilians moved out of his path as he looked for a certain bar. A blond nin in bright orange joined him as he entered it. Everyone in the bar froze as the two searched the area, conversations falling silent as they wondered what a deserter and the teammate he'd almost killed could be doing together.

Anko looked up from her drink as the two approached her with a bloody bag and dumped the bloody head of her sensei on the table.

"He was actually in a different body when I killed him, so I tracked down where he was keeping his corpse and cut off his head," Sasuke said.

"He-he's really gone?" Anko asked in shock.

"Yes, and now that I've killed Orochimaru for you, you can kill Itachi for me. Criss Cross!"

Anko stared at him in shock and there was a flash of light as Naruto took the picture and both boys fell down laughing.

"That was totally worth the two years we spend on this," Naruto said.

Sasuke wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. "Next prank is on my brother, but I get to take the photos."

"What do you have in mind?" Naruto asked.

"Give Anko the Sharingan and have her pretend to be me, having hijacked my body using Orohimaru's body jumping jutsu, bonus points if she hits on him and freaks him out," Sasuke said.

Anko looked down at the head in front of her and then at the two genin. "I'm in!"

Typing by: AzureSky123