Excess Baggage

Ranma surfaced coughing up water and feeling strangely off balance.

"Too bad, young sir fall into spring of drowned young girl. Very tragic story of young girl who drown in spring three hundred year ago. Now whoever fall in spring take on body of young girl," a portly Chinese man said in Japanese.

Ranma climbed out of the spring and tore open his gi revealing a pair of breasts.

The unreality of the situation hit him hard and everything went blank.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Ranma looked around the American night club in confusion.

"Wondering where you are and how you got here?" a voice asked in English.

Ranma spun around and found a dark haired boy about his age sitting at a table.

He took a sip of his coke. "Xander Harris," he introduced himself.

"Ranma Saotome," Ranma said politely, since Xander appeared wholly nonthreatening.

"We have a problem and I don't know how it happened, how long it's going to last, or how to fix it."

"You've lost me," Ranma said. "The last thing I remember was…" his voice trailed off.

Xander chuckled. "Yeah, well at least we have a nice rack."

"We?"

"And that's the heart of the problem," Xander said. "We seem to be sharing a body. I dressed as you for Halloween and *bam* two minds in one body."

"Why would you dress as me and isn't Halloween a children's holiday?"

"I was escorting a bunch of children and required to dress in costume. You, Ranma are the star of one of my favorite anime, so I dressed as you. Unfortunately I come from Sunnydale California, home of the Mouth of Hell, where insane things are the norm, so here we are."

"This…is my mind?" Ranma asked doubtfully.

"Our mind at the moment, this is one of my favorite hangouts; the Bronze. Most nights I and my friends come here to down some soda, play some pool, make fools of ourselves on the dance floor, and stake some vampires. You know, typical teenage stuff."

As Xander talked, scenes flickered to life behind him showing Ranma what Xander was talking about.

Ranma sat down at the table, a can of iced coffee appearing in front of him. He popped the top and took a swig before asking, "So what do we do?"

"No idea," Xander shrugged. "Just thought I'd say hi and let you know what was going on so we don't end up fighting each other. Or arguing out loud and getting put in a sanitarium."

The sounds of fighting came from outside and a window formed on one of the wall's showing Hyena-Xander fighting with Neko-Ranma in a forest.

"Joy, our animal selves have found each other."

Ranma watched curiously, never having seen the effects of the Neko-ken on himself before. "What's up with the eyes?"

"I got possessed by a primal spirit in the form of a hyena. It made me strong and fast, but it also made me stupid and animalistic with no morals at all. It tried to rape one of my best friends, but later managed to save the life of my other best friend and in doing so got locked away."

Seeing how Xander could manipulate the world around them Ranma decided to try his hand by creating numerous game animals in the forest surrounding the fighting pair.

Both Neko-Ranma and Hyena-Xander were soon distracted from one another by lunch as they started hunting down small animals to eat.

The window faded back into a wall.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Yeouch!" Ranma shouted, as he was brought around by the hot water the Jusenkyo guide poured on him.

"We're cured!" Genma said joyfully.

"No, is only until cold water finds you again," the Jusenkyo guide explained.

Ranma was beginning to get angry when Xander asked, 'Do you really think your father knew a place like this existed? This is one of those fate things, you were both destined to be cursed like this.'

'Still sucks though,' Ranma grumbled mentally.

'Yeah, it's embarrassing, but there are lots worse curses. I believe they have a Spring of Drowned Carp for instance.'

'OK, I got off lucky,' Ranma admitted, not paying attention as his father handed him his pack and they set off towards the Amazon village.

'Remember a kid named Ryoga?' Xander asked.

'Yeah, waited three days for him to show up for a match before I came to china,' Ranma replied after thinking about it for a while, ignoring the tingling of his curse activating.

'He's around here somewhere and is going to get himself cursed to turn into a little black piglet, don't let him guilt trip you about it, it's his fate.'

'How do you know so much?'

'I told you. I dressed as you for Halloween. Ranma ½ is a famous anime. I know a lot of things that are coming up, so I figure I might as well try and help.'

'Thanks,' Ranma thought quietly, unused to having someone try and help her.

'Now we are heading for a village of Chinese Amazons. The elders are generally over a hundred years old and hop around using canes like they're pogo sticks. They look like dried monkeys and can kick your ass. Centuries of practicing martial arts is nothing to sneeze at.'

'Seriously?' Ranma asked.

'Yep. As long as you're polite you have nothing to worry about from them. No, what you should be worried about is Genma eating the grand prize for the tournament. IF he starts eating off a table just make yourself scarce and when the purple haired girl shows up, throw some hot water on him so he has to fight for the feast.'

Following Xander's suggestion, rather than her stomach, she bought a cup of tea and watched the matches with interest while her father, in panda form, scarfed down food. She wasn't sure why she believed Xander, since the idea that her life was a manga and anime was just too strange to accept without some kind of proof, but she found that she did.

Seeing the purple haired girl get pissed and having people point to her didn't surprise her as much as she thought it would. Ignoring the screaming Amazon she walked over to Genma and poured the cup of tea over his head before shoving him towards her.

"If you fight her then eating the prize for Tournament is forgiven," the Jusenkyo guide said.

Ranma blended in with the crowd so her father couldn't drag her into it.

"I could use a quick spar," Genma admitted before leaping on top of the challenge log.

Most people would assume that Genma would underestimate a female opponent, especially one so young, but Genma had been watching the tournament and was an expert at gauging skill levels.

Shampoo lead off by swinging her bonbon at her opponent, but for a guy carrying so much extra weight Genma was surprisingly light on his feet and easily dodged back and added an elbow to encourage their movement, spinning Shampoo around. Reaching forward he grabbed the band of her panties and yanked them upwards, giving her a wedgie. Naturally she reflexively clenched everything shut she could, causing her toes to curl which easily allowed him to sweep her off the log.

Hopping down Genma was shocked when the girl said something in her language and kissed him.

Ranma began to grin as Xander explained what had just happened.

Typing by: The Last Primarch!

AN: An idea I was playing with.