Severus's Secret
Friday passed in a blur of homework and quidditch. Wood had left Angelina a tiny movable quidditch set that she played with it constantly, so much in fact, that by dinner that evening, Professor McGonagall regretted giving it to her. Ange was still reeling from Harrys absence and I was glad I wouldn't be down on the pitch, and as Harry and I left that evening for detention I couldn't help but wish they boys an extra bit of luck; not because I was worried they might get hurt, but because I highly doubted they'd survive several hours out in the cold with Angelina.
As we sat down in Umbridge's office for the third night in a row, she took each of our hands in her own gnarled palms. "I think one more evening will suffice Miss Black, but I regret to say that I will require you to return tomorrow night Mr Potter." Harry looked at me and took up his quill, beginning to write cautiously, waiting for the wave of pain to hit. As I began to write myself, the blood began to trickle over the back of my hand and I gritted my teeth tightly determined to show her no pain. Harry seemed to be fairing no better than I, and a few times I caught him stopping to get a hold of himself.
When my hand began to feel numb from the loss of blood I began to watch the clock. The minute hand seemed to drag itself only my a millisecond each tick and by the time we'd finished three rolls of parchment each, the hands on the clock were already reading two minutes till midnight. My hand itched badly and I couldn't see my pale flesh for the thick layer of blood coating it.
"You may leave.' We gathered our things quickly and I almost jumped from my seat 'and Miss Black?' I looked at her fearfully. Please Merlin, no more. 'I do not wish to see you sat in detention any longer, please ensure that this happens." I nodded and Harry and I bustled through the door, him eager to find out if Ron had made it for the team, and me eager for my meeting with Severus by the lake.
At the top of the staircase we hugged one another and Harry flew off towards the common room, while I descended the corridors quietly, wetting my cloak and trying to shift the blood from the back of my hand, but even with the dried blood removed, the scars remained thick and bright, and when I put pressure on my hand, the blood came thicker and faster than ever. I shall not question the Ministry glowed bright red against my pale flesh and I wished now I had brought gloves. I pulled my jumper sleeve down and clamped it tightly in my fist. It stung horribly and I wanted nothing more than to cut my own hand off, but as I pushed open the great doors quietly and walked out to the grounds I realised I had more important things to worry about.
When I'd climbed down almost half of the slope, I saw a dark figure look up towards me and turn, walking away into the forest, staying at the tree's edge towards the lake. I tore off after it and almost collided with Severus who took me in his arms and kissed me tenderly. "I missed you!" My words were breathless and I could almost scream from the longing tugging at my heart. "You're late." "Detention Professor, sorry," and I shot him my most wicked grin. He took my hand in his own and walked with me a little further into the forest, tracing the tree line. I watched as two glassy figures mirrored our movement on the surface of the lake and smiled to myself. A twig broke behind us and he squeezed my hand, I realised now which hand he'd taken. I held my face firm, no trace of emotion passing over it, although it felt like an electric shock passing through my veins to my heart.
It wasn't my face that gave it away. It was the fact that the pressure of him squeezing my hand had caused it to bleed and feeling the warmth he took his hand from mine. My blood was thick on the palm of his hand and the sight of it caused me to stagger. He threw an arm around me and lowered me down onto the bank of the lake. "Lena?" I covered my hand loosely with my right and turned my face from his. His finger caught my chin and turned me to him and I looked around, anywhere but into his eyes. He tried to uncover my hand gently but I tightened my grip on it, "It's nothing. I'm fine." He shook his head and with a little more force removed my hand from my others grasp. He took it gently in his own.
The blood was trickling freely down my arm now and I pushed my jumper sleeve further up my arm. "What have you done to yourself?" he shook his head and muttered under his breath as began to wipe the blood away gently with a piece of cloth he unwrapped from around a vial. I watched the change in his face as he read the words written there. He placed his long thin finger beneath my chin again and stared deeply into my eyes. "Umbridge?" I nodded and a single tear slid down my cheek as pain spiked my system. "Why didn't you tell me? I could have done something." I shook my head and took my hand from his. "I deserve it right, for being the daughter of Sirius Black." It was his turn to shake his head and I felt my eyebrows rise. "I've heard them, talking about me. They really think he killed all those people, and now they're scared of me. Not only do they stare shamelessly but they turn and whisper to others." More tears slid down my cheeks and he took my clean hand in his squeezing it tightly. "You don't deserve this Lena. That hag shouldn't be doing this. If you'd have said something I'd have mentioned it to Albus." "Severus you cannot solve everything. Please." He dropped my hand frostily and I stood a little too quickly, the shiny pebbles that lined the bank slipping beneath my feet. Strong hands caught me and I righted myself, walking to the water's edge, away from the shadow of the trees.
"Lena, please don't be like this." I looked back towards him. I went to him and took his hands in mine. "I'm fine Severus. Why is it all the men in my life think I need saving. First Dad, then Harry and Remus and now you." He flinched at the mention of Remus's name. "Oh God Severus grow up. I'm here with you aren't I?" He looked at me solemnly, "Yes, but it doesn't stop me questioning sometimes why you are." I walked away from him again, unable to see the guilt and self-loathing in his eyes. "Why are we being so serious Severus?" "Because I'm an idiot, that's why." He stood and took my hand. I rested my head against his shoulder and he placed his arm around my back.
"I want to be with you, that's why I'm here. Let's not talk now. I can think of much better things to be doing." I smiled up at him wickedly and a small smile played on his lips. He pulled me into him and laid a hungry kiss on my mouth. It wasn't pain that ran through my veins now but hunger and need. I broke the kiss and pulled him down to me where I lay myself back on the pebble bank.
He straddled me where I lay and ran kisses from my mouth, down my throat. My hands fell between the soft strands of his hair and I pushed him a little into my skin, and with every kiss I felt my back arch, pushing me into him. He ran his hands down my body and hooked his hand beneath my skirt. The feel of his fingers against my bare thigh, burnt every last bit of restraint I had, and I took his mouth hungrily in mine, my tongue pulsing against his. I sighed into his mouth as his fingers ran a path from my hip down behind my knee. The palm of his hand fell at the back of my knee and he lifted my leg around to settle on his own hip. I hooked my leg over his back and as he lay kisses across my throat again, I thrusted into him, every kiss biting at my flesh like lightning. His hands flew back to my thigh and I felt his nails pressing into my flesh lightly. I took his mouth in mine again and with every thrust of my tongue against his, I felt my hips buck into his. His hands came up to brush against my chest and he pushed the neck of shirt open even more so that he could lay gentle kisses across the top of my breasts. I relaxed against him and unhooked my leg from his, breaking the kiss, knowing he was a little too close to losing control.
As he lay down beside me he lifted me to lie over him. I looked down into his eyes and they glimmered beautifully in the moonlight being refracted by the lake. A smile played across my lips and I nipped at his lips gently. "God Lena, you're so beautiful." His fingers traced my lips and they fell in between the curls of my hair. I tutted, "Severus." I felt myself blush deeply, "You really are Lena, you should hear how the boys talk about you," I shook my head and he nodded smiling. "All of them, Slytherins, Gryffindors, third years, seventh years. You've certainly got them hooked." "Shame it's all for their potions master then isn't it?" I smiled down at him and he held my face in his hands. "What did I do to deserve you hmm?" I got up and sat beside him on the bank. I took my hand is and he sat up beside me. "Why are you so hell bent on putting yourself down all the time? You obviously don't see what I do." He tilted his head and sighed. "This isn't normal for me Lena. I've never been the one to have a girl on my arm, whispering sweet nothings in my ear. No one's ever loved me before now." I kissed him gently. "Severus Snape you're a better man than you think you are." I stroked his cheek and he kissed my fingers.
"What are we going to do Severus? Are we just going to meet up in the dark at ungodly times of night? Is this it?" I sighed and he squeezed my hand tightly. "Just this year Lena, then you'll be free." I wrapped my fingers through his. "Then we can be together? Hmm" I sighed happily. I could handle a year of this surely. "You hold every part of me Sev. Heart, head and soul. Yours, forever." A smile lit up his face and he kissed my forehead lightly.
"Was that the last detention?" I nodded and he smiled, thinking, "Good." He took my hand again and began to lead me back through the forest. "Severus?" 'Hmm?' he looked down at me.
"What exactly are we Severus?" He squeezed my hand tightly and raised his eyebrows. "Whatever you want us to be?" He laughed but I didn't return it. "Saying your my boyfriend sounds too juvenile. Partner?" He shook his head, "Too formal." We walked on a little further. I shivered and he wrapped his arm around me bringing me in closer to him. "Lover?" my voice was quiet, having never used the word before, and I felt myself blush innocently. "Lover sounds about right," he pecked my lips lightly and held me tightly against him.
"Why don't you offer study sessions Sev? All the other teachers do." He loosened his grip a little and his face lost all sign of emotion. "Severus?" "They don't like me, so there's no point in asking. Easier to not ask then face a room full of rejection.' 'You've seen it; none of them would choose to spend time with me." I held onto him tightly and stopped walking. "I would. And what did I just say about being hard on yourself? Maybe you should try being more gentle with them. You were amazing with Harry and Ginny over summer." He smiled tightly and I shook my head at him. "That was different, they wanted the help. It's fine Lena, I'm used to it okay? I'm the teacher who walks into a room and all the students walk out. Always have been, always will be." I stroked a stray hair from his face, "I'll never be one of those people Severus, promise." He smiled down at me and took my mouth in his. His lips were gentle and his tongue pressed for entrance into my mouth. I allowed him in and he pressed me against the nearest tree gently.
"Why do you have to be a student Lena? If you were only a few years older," he shook his head and his hair flew into his eyes, I brushed the strands away again, "But I'm not love, it's just something we've got to work around. Age is just a number anyway. A 17 year old can be more mature than a 25 year old, but who would it be more acceptable to sleep with?" I shook my head and his fingers traced the bridge of my nose. "If only it was that easy. I could take you when I wanted and no one could say anything of it. I could take you into the great hall and kiss you like this,' he pressed his lips to mine and his teeth fell jaggedly against my lower lip, my breath caught in my throat and I sighed into him, 'and no one could comment or argue," he finished breathlessly. I pressed my head against his chest. "I'll be 18 in two weeks. If we were muggles, no one could stop us. But everything's different here. Everyone's so much quicker to judge." "Your 18 in two weeks? Seriously? Why didn't you tell me before?" He looked agitated and I smiled up at him taking his face in my hands and forcing him to look me in the eyes. "It's ages away Severus." He shook his head and we lent away from the tree, beginning to walk up the slope again, moving between the tall dark trees.
"Severus, have you ever…? I mean, you said earlier that no one had ever loved you. Have you..?" I just couldn't say it and he stopped. "Have I what? Been in love? Yes, but only once before. And she didn't care for me the same way." I shook my head seeing sadness flash across his face. Harry and Ron had told me all about Lily already.
"We keep making this big deal about, you know, being together, but I mean, have you ever been with anyone before? You keep worrying about my…virtue, but?" I couldn't look at him and instead watched my foot trail a pattern in the soil beneath our feet. He sighed and I looked up at him. "It doesn't matter. I'm sorry," I shook my head and sighed quietly.
I tried to take his hand but he moved his inside his robes to stop me taking it. I went to walk away, but he sighed, taking my wrist, pulling me to him. His finger lifted my chin and his eyes were full of warmth and love. "Never, Lena." We looked at each other for a few moments. "I'm your first?" he nodded shyly and I kissed him hard on the lips. There was me thinking he was the experienced one. We probably had about as much as experience as each other.
"You could have said something! There's me, freaking out about it, thinking I was just going to be a mess, and you were going to hate me because I wouldn't know what to do!" He laughed a little. "You always seemed like you knew what you were doing. You always led." I looked into his eyes and he smiled down at me, "I must be a really great actor." I laughed and his grip tightened on me. "I make it up as I go along Lena. I don't know how to touch you or kiss you; I just do what feels natural. I'm probably more nervous than you are. I thought you'd think I was a bit out of touch, a middle aged man never having taken a woman,' 'And then there was this part of me that kept saying maybe you weren't as inexperienced as I thought, and that scared me even more, knowing what you'd expect of me." His face had set in a stony grimace and I smiled up at him gently. "I don't expect anything from you Severus. I thought I'd need you to be patient, but it seems like you're as nervous as I am. You have no idea how relieved I am. We'll just have to take it slow and be gentle with one another, until we're both ready." His face relaxed and he pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead.
"I think bed might be in order love, you look tired." He was right. It was at-least two and my legs felt as if they were going numb from the cold breeze playing against my bare calves. "Your bed?" I winked up at him bravely and he laughed, "No I think yours would be much better suited for sleep, it's too much a temptation having you in my own bed." He laughed and I sank into his open arms. He held me for a while before leading me back to the castle and up to Gryffindor tower. It would look better getting caught with a teacher at this time of night than by myself due to the fact we could always use the excuse of study periods for our reason being together. Just before we reached the portrait hole, I pulled him into one of the stone arched corridors that lined the hallway. "Thank you, for everything. The Peony this morning? And for being honest with me. I could ask for no more than that." "I thought you might like it, and I shouldn't have been anything but honest with you Lena, I should know by now you're smarter than that." I smiled at him and pecked his lips innocently. "Goodnight Professor," he nodded, "Miss Black." I watched as he swept down the corridor, his cloak billowing behind him.