Alex ran and ran, pushing himself hard on the dirt farm track slick with mud. Heavy drizzle obscuring the view of the fields and the suburbs. Eventually he arrived back at the forbidding gates of Dieter Sprintz's home. As Alex approached they opened automatically. Now, the seventeen year old had to face the music over his erratic behaviour and breaking house rules.

James took one look at Alex in the entrance hall and told him to take another shower. Alex was muddy and generally disgusting from his heavy exertion.

Dieter came into the dining room to see his son and his friend sat in silence. The german had considered adopting Alex two years ago, but as a father with a troubled relationship with his own son and ex-wife that was never going to be. Not that Dieter was sure that Alex understood the idea of parental controls. He'd had a stable family environment for all of 10 months. His uncle had been uncaring and distant. Alex needed a family, needed a home. He watched the boy eat cereal with controlled slowness. Alex had even more issues than James. The english boy was skinny, he controlled his eating in strange ways. At least he was eating the cereal, but with a sour look on his face like food was a chore to be endured. That combined with the drink, drugs and self mutilation. Dieter had talked briefly to Major Pritchard, who thought getting Alex back into St. Jude's was probably a very good idea.

"Good morning Alex, James. I have been on the phone this morning." Dieter then looked at Alex "Would you consider ten days residential therapy at St. Jude's? You got on well there before. They think you need a time out, a break to discuss relationships and other things."

Alex put down his spoon. "Does everybody on the planet think it was an extremely dumb idea on my part to fuck Sergei Rushkov?"

"Its not your relationship, its your general behaviour. You are a very bright, creative boy. This man picks you up and leaves you. You then go off and do whatever you do. Party, drink, take drugs, not eat. Is that healthy?" Sergei stated in calm soft tones.

Alex was now staring at his cereal bowl, not even trying to eat any more.

James then spoke. "I've had a few girlfriends, so I know about relationship dynamics. OK, I've had more than a few. Some serious some not. Alex you jumped at this Sergei like he was a lifeline. He was you first since your kidnapping. Don't you think Sergei is like Yassen?"

Alex then exploded pointed at James, furious at the comparison, "Sergei is nothing like Yassen. Do not compare then and now. I admit Sergei is controlling, but don't compare them." Alex stood up, turned around and went to leave before pausing. "For one Yassen never made me feel dirty, like a whore... So my first boyfriend is a bastard, just like Ian...just like everyone, really. The problem is with me. I'm too broken and fucked up for normal people. All that time at Petrus and Chichester, not once was I tempted to touch anyone. Sergei looked at me with the same intensity Yassen used too. At least Sergei said he loved me. He told me he loved my poems before I let him fuck me."

"So is it love for you? You just said you felt used. Are you sure you're even gay? You told me Sabina was hot. What about Olga?"

Alex took a deep controlling breath and turned around to look at James. "I'm pretty sure I'm gay. I talked to Debbi lots when I was at Chichester, went back to St. Jude's for a outpatient sessions. I... I have issues over emotional stuff. Big giant, huge issues. A relationship was a big step. I think I'd have got to this point of... hiding, denying, avoiding everything with anyone. Its not Sergei. Its me... big fat, completely not normal me." Alex then looked at Dieter and with a small smile, "Can I just relax ... get my head sorted before I go back to the Centre?"

"I'll arrange everything. You two, swim, watch DVD's. No leaving, OK. Thats both of you." at that Dieter Sprintz went to his office down the hall.

"Dad's talked to some lawyers, he would sue those papers if you want?" James added.

Alex sat back down and pushed the cereal around the bowl rather than eat it. "Why? I took the drugs, slept with a guy older than your Dad? How old is Dieter anyway?"

"Ancient. Prehistoric." James then looked at his friend and then stated in a firm voice. "If you make a pass at my Dad I will kill you. He's into girls.. He's dating some economist he met at a conference, I think. She lives in Sweden."

"Umm Swedish. Stepmother material?"

"God no. No where near psycho enough to marry into this family."

Alex was going back into residential therapy in the morning, flight booked. Nurses meeting him at Southampton Airport in the morning. Alex phoned Edward. "Hi Edward. You know all publicity is good publicity."

"Is that your excuse for the last few months?"

"Umm, Do you know any nasty paparazzi types?"

"Yes, where are you going with this?"

"10am tomorrow. Southampton Airport I'm back for a two week refresher course in being nuts at St. Jude's. Great publicity for your book. I've been catching up with James. I'm clean and sober, but they can spin it anyway they want to."

"If you're clean and sober, why are you going into therapy?"

"I have other major relationship issues. Its rape counseling... I need to talk through why sleeping with Sergei makes me feel dirty."

"Ok Christ Alex! Did that bastard force you?" Edward exclaimed.

"No, God no. I'm just fucked in the head, thats all. I have to learn to understand whats OK and good for me. I just have no concept of whats nice and healthy. None whats so ever. You have the number for St. Jude's, you can get me there to discuss interviews and other crap."

" You don't have to do publicity."

"I do, I promised. I'll see you in a couple of weeks, OK. I should be calmer, more together then. See you." At this Alex put down the phone.