2's A Crowd: Part 3 – Touched by an Angel

Part 1: More Fragments Chapter 25

Part 2: Yet More Fragments Chapter 52

"I need two geeks!" Cordelia announced, stepping into the band room.

"Band geeks?" a chubby tuba player asked.

Cordelia frowned. "I need ones with high IQs and knowledge of how to kill unkillable monsters."

"Ohhhh!" nearly the entire room chorused.

"That would be anime and roleplaying games," the tuba player said. "Try the AV room, they hang out there at lunch."

"Thanks," Cordelia said, before turning and walking out.

"What was that about?" Harmony asked, having just caught the tail end from the hall.

"I need to kill something, but it's complicated," Cordelia said, barely paying attention.

"Does this have to do with Xander cheating on you with Buffy?!" Harmony exclaimed, looking for gossip.

"That's not Xander," Cordelia replied.

Harmony paused. "Does he have, like, multiple personalities or something? Because there was also that other time he wore leather, but not like he is now, and he totally hit on me!"

"That was more a Jackal and Hyde thing," Cordelia misquoted. "This is someone else taking his place while he's gone."

"Well, his replacement is taller and has more muscles," Harmony said, spotting Buffy and Angel at her locker. "He also dresses better and is a bit handsomer."

Cordelia roller her eyes and opened the AV room door, flipping on the lights and disrupting their scheduled anime viewing. "I need two geeks who know how to kill an unkillable monster," Cordelia announced.

"For what?" a boy wearing glasses and a Pokémon t-shirt asked.

"What kind of monster?" asked another.

"Looks like a giant blue human with armor. It's called the Judge and can burn the humanity out of people," Cordelia said as she thought about what she knew.

"We need a bit more than that." A fat kid snorted.

"It's demonic, was once dismantled by an army several hundreds of years ago," Cordelia added.

"No hints or clues?" Andrew asked.

"No weapon forged by man can kill it," Cordelia said as she remembered their talking about it.

"Ahhhh!" the geeks chorused.

"Get a weapon forged by a woman!" several clamored.

"Dwarven weapons!" several others argued.

"It has to be something I can physically lay my hands on in a day or two," Cordelia said firmly. "I don't have the time to forge anything, and I'm pretty sure man means mankind."

This actually captured the group's attention, and discussions went back and forth.

"Can you get ahold of explosives?" Andrew asked.

"I need something that works, that can't be traced back to me," Cordelia said. "If I used explosives the cops will be all over it."

"Thermite," Jonathan said suddenly.

"Thermite?" Cordelia asked.

"I saw that episode of MacGyver!" Andrew squeaked excitedly. "Aluminum dust and rust mixed together and set off, burns hot enough to melt steel!"

"And how do we get it on the demon without getting burned ourselves?" Cordelia asked.

"We'd need to experiment a bit to figure that part out," Jonathan admitted.

"How long?" Cordelia demanded.

"With all the tools and supplies we'd need…at least a couple of days," Andrew offered.

Cordelia nodded and took her pocketbook out of her purse, yanked out a stack of bills and handed them to Jonathan. "Make sure it works. If you need anything, let me know."

"O-Ok," Jonathan stuttered in surprise as Cordelia turned and left.

"Dude, what just happened?" one of the guys asked.

"Apparently, Cordelia LARPs, and they are really picky about realism." Andrew said.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

There was a crash and Cordelia awoke to find a nude redhead with wings standing next to her bed and smiling at her.

"This better not mean I'm attracted to Willow," Cordelia muttered.

"Hello, I'm…" the angel paused for a second, thinking. "I'm Rose," she decided as she introduced herself.

"Good morning, evening, whatever," Cordelia said. "I'm Cordelia, what can I do for you?"

"I was spending time with Xander and he mentioned you have a prior claim on him," Rose explained. "Anyway, I finally got my turn to be given the sex talk from him and I was wondering if you'd mind if I made love to him."

Cordelia decided to be firm with her subconscious lesbian desires. "Any sex with Xander will only occur with my active participation."

Rose beamed. "Wonderful! I was worried that I would make a mistake and do something wrong, but you can help me. Would you like me to get Xander now?"

"Sure." Cordelia agreed, figuring she could use a good Xander sex dream, even it was a threesome. She was a bit surprised she was this kinky, but was mainly just relieved it wasn't going to be Willow with them.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Buffy, you might want to go at least a little easier on things with Angel around school," Willow suggested.

"Errr, I thought I was," Buffy said, feeling a bit guilty for taking advantage of the situation (not that she'd admit it,) and having skipped a class or two for some private time in the janitor's closet with Angel.

"Cordelia's so upset she hasn't been sleeping well," Willow said. "I saw her nod off in two different classes."

Buffy winced. "OK, I'll dial it back a lot in public."

"I just got suspended," Angel announced as he entered the library.

"What?!" Willow asked with a shout.

"Apparently, I've missed too many classes, and failed too many assignments," Angel admitted.

"So you got suspended because of Xander." Buffy scowled.

"No, these are all recent," Angel admitted.

"But he's a slacker and you're…" Buffy trailed off.

"He takes the same courses as Willow and I'm completely unfamiliar with a lot of the material," Angel admitted.

"Xander just likes to complain a lot," Willow said. "I think it's mostly habit."

The door to the library opened and an exhausted looking Cordelia stumbled in. "Where's Giles? I have to ask him about sex demons."

AN: Typed by Elrod Albino! Written by Dogbertcarroll! And having nothing to do with Spike Milligan!