RX Factor – Plucking a Rose

Xander stumbled and clutched his head, cursing, before straightening up and looking around the classroom in confusion. "Where am I?" he asked.

"You're in class, Mr. Satome, and when did you become fluent in English?" Miss Hinako asked curiously.

"Satome?" His eyes almost bulged out of his head as he examined his surroundings in detail. "Um, I'm not Ranma. I can't really explain the how or why of it 'cause I don't know myself."

Hinako looked at him skeptically. "If you're not Ranma Satome then why do you look exactly like him?"

Catching sight of his reflection he froze and stared until his eyes rolled back and he passed out.

Miss Hinako looked at the fallen student in surprise. "Would someone mind taking Mr. Satome to the nurse's office please?"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Xander woke up to the sound of an angry male voice proclaiming something in Japanese. Sitting up from the hospital bed he was lying on, he was not surprised to find a young Japanese man dressed in traditional samurai clothing, he guessed, pointing a wooden sword at him.

"Sorry, I don't speak Japanese."

"What manner of trickery is this? Bah, no matter, the Blue Thunder is fluent in several languages."

"Cool, I only know English and how to curse in Spanish."

"You claim not to be Ranma Satome?"

He shrugged. "I appear to be in his body, but I'm not him. Call me Xander."

"I am at a loss on what to do. I had hoped to fight the foul sorcerer Satome, but now I am all wound up with no release."

"I'd suggest a little alone time with the latest issue of Playboy," Xander joked.

"To suggest that I, Tatewaki Kuno, would-"

Xander interrupted. "We are teenage males. The American Surgeon General even agrees we should at least once a day, minimum, otherwise we have a hard time concentrating on anything else, plus I recently read that it helps reduce the risk of testicular cancer."

"Seriously?" Tatewaki asked, stunned.

"Oh yeah, I keep track of any medical news that affects my junk. For instance, ten speed bicycle seats are to be avoided because they cut off circulation due to their shape and placement, leading to performance problems, if you get my meaning."

"I…I never knew!"

Xander nodded solemnly. "Proper diet and exercise are all well and good, but man does not live for the fight alone."

"You speak wisdom," Kuno said before looking a bit embarrassed. "How often would you say…was necessary?"

"Probably about every eight hours or so with a couple extra thrown in as necessary due to testosterone spikes."

"That makes a surprising amount of sense."

"Medically, though not socially, approved, so basically tell no-one and remember to wash your hands after."

"You are definitely not Satome," Kuno said, shaking his head. "He would not have been able to be so polite about the subject."

Xander shrugged. "Testicular cancer is nothing to joke about."

"Indeed," Kuno said agreeably." It is time for lunch, would you care to join me? It's rare I can find anyone around here to have a rational conversation with."

"Sure," Xander replied. "I've a feeling it's going to be a bit hard to find people who speak my language anyway."

"English is required in high school, but that's a recent thing."

"And if it's anything like California's attempt to teach us Spanish and French, everyone forgets the moment the test is over."

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"So what do you think is wrong with Ranma?" Ukyo asked as they walked out to lunch.

Akane groaned. "Knowing that baka? God only knows."

"I didn't know he spoke English so well."

"He doesn't." Akane snorted. "He memorizes the vocabulary and sentence structure long enough to pass the test and then promptly forgets it."

"Heh," Ukyo laughed. "Sounds like me and classical literature."

"I must be imagining things," Akane gasped as they stepped outside and saw Kuno and Ranma sharing lunch.

"Yeah." Ukyo nodded. "I can't imagine those two getting along like they are right now."

Akane shook her head. "Look at the way he's eating!"

"I can see his hands moving," Ukyo said in awe. "And he's chewing!"

The two girls rushed over, shouting questions at Ranma who just stared at them.

"He doesn't speak Japanese," Kuno spoke up. "He only speaks English."

"What?! How did this happen?!" Akane demanded.

"He has no idea," Kuno explained. "He dressed as Ranma for an American holiday and the next thing he knows he was Ranma."

"Why would he dress as Ranma?" Akane asked.

Kuno asked Xander and the two conversed in English for a minute before Kuno answered Akane, "He says that a friend of his was a big fan of the Anime Ranma 1/2 and would badger him into watching it with him."

"Anime?!" the two girls chorused.

Kuno nodded. "I could scarcely credit it myself, but his knowledge of Nerima is…interesting."

"Interesting?" Ukyo asked.

"Yes. He has knowledge of events and even thoughts I've never spoken aloud."

"I'm confused," Akane said. "Are you saying someone has made Ranma's life into an Anime without any of us knowing and switched one of the viewers with Ranma?"

"Yes, and moreover he claims that the martial arts and magic we use are impossible where he comes from. He doesn't think our worlds are the same Earth."

"We need Cologne," Ukyo said after she'd digested what she'd heard.

"Yeah," Akane admitted. "The only two people who are likely to have any experience with something like this are Cologne and-"

"Sweeto!"

*Splash*

Xander blinked cold water out of his eyes as his body…shifted. He really wasn't sure how to describe the sensation, all he knew was that suddenly she had girly bits and there was a gnome in her shirt. Xander pulled out the neck of her shirt and looked down, seeing exactly what she expected; Happosai and the twins. "Meh." Xander shrugged and ignored him.

The three natives stared speechless at Xander's reaction to Happosai, or rather her lack of one.

"That does not bother you?" Kuno asked in English, in shock from seeing the transformation, despite Xander having told him about the premise for the Anime.

"Not really, he's just sitting there," Xander replied.

"We definitely need to see Cologne," Akane groaned after Kuno translated.

"After school," Ukyo suggested. "First thing."

The bell rang as they finished eating a little while later, so Xander fished the gnome out of her shirt and gave him a pat on the head, pushing him away, before returning to class. The girls watched in shock as a very peaceful looking Happosai meekly left.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Miss Hinako was rather shocked when Ranma returned to class and actually stayed awake and listened to her. True, she looked a bit confused, but she was clearly paying attention. "Is everything alright, Mr. Satome?" she asked.

Xander replied in English. "Sorry, I don't speak Japanese, could you repeat that in English please?"

"I asked if everything was OK," she repeated in English.

"Not really, but it's not something you can help me with. Thank you for asking," she said, more than a little amused by the apparently pre-teen teacher.

"Well, if there is anything, let me know."

"Will do," Xander promised.

*RING*

Released for the day, Akane and Ukyo collected Xander to take her to the Cat Café. The girls talked, although Xander wasn't sure what they were discussing as it was in Japanese and she was a bit distracted by the way her boobs bounced.

Xander's body felt…different, and not just because he was a she at the moment. She was positive she'd never felt…actually, she felt quite a bit like when she'd been possessed by the hyena, minus the aggression. She could see, smell and hear a lot better than she was used to, and she felt strong, really strong. She would have preferred to be male, but hadn't felt like going through the hassle of getting hot water when no-one around her spoke English.

As they entered the Cat Café, Xander found herself being hugged by a well-built young woman with a pretty impressive rack. Her body shifted again, although she hadn't been splashed with any water, and suddenly she was a he again. The three girls got very excited, but Xander could only shrug since he still couldn't speak Japanese.

Shortly, a very old woman who used a cane like a pogo stick made her appearance and after several whacks with her can, the girl with the purple hair released him.

Typing by: Elrod Albino

AN: One of my attempts to start a Xander in place of Ranma fic. I have a half a dozen or so that never went anywhere.