Hello J Taking a few seconds of your time to tell you this. You are awesome. When I first uploaded the story I didn't expect any follower, I simply wanted to write about the undeniably amazing characters collins made. But then 2 people followed me and I remembered jumping and smiling the whole day. It was usually me myself and I and suddenly someone wants to read the story. I am quoting the queen, J.K Rowling, that no story lives unless someone wants to listen. And although it is only a fanfiction, one in so many, I still write with the thought that there are 6 people who will read this. Thank you very very much. I love you, I hope I can improve the quality of my writing and I hope you enjoy this.
3
It's time for lunch already when I wake up. The light of the sun penetrates through the curtain of my window. My muscles are sore. I stretch a little just to release the tension. I close my eyes for a second, trying to take everything in. I'm on my way to Eleven, and I need to eat.
"How are you?" Cinna asks when I step into the dining room.
"Good," I smile. Cinna is probably the nicest and least fake person in the Capitol. He wears so little make up and probably does not alterate any of his feature. That must be why Katniss is so fond of him.
I am extremely hungry now, I feel like I could finish all three muffins at once. But I don't think I should, so I begin with that delicious gravy. "Did you sleep well?" I ask Haymitch. He doesn't answer. I think he's lost in thoughts.
Five minutes later the door slams open. Katniss enters the room. Her eye bags are gruesome, so is her temperament. She throws herself into the blue cushion next to Cinna. I can see that she clearly isn't in a good mood. Her lips are curled, slightly and that's how I can tell. Contrary to Katniss, Effie is ranting about the soft pillow she used the night before and the prep team are commenting on all the nice dishes served on the table. The weather outside seems nicer than district 12. The sky is slightly yellow. It's a wonderful view, comparing to the icy cold grey sky back home.
"Do you want to try this?" Portia asks, pointing at another dish with broccoli and shrimp.
"Of course,"
She hands over a plate towards me and I nod to thank her. The atmosphere is warm and light. I am thankful for another day. Just as this thought occurs, the trains stop. An attendant comes in with a flat expression on his face.
"I am here to inform you that the train should be fixed, therefore-"
"What should be fixed?" Effie interrupts.
"Some part of the machine don't function well, so we're taking a break-"
"A break?" Cinna asks. The attendant nods.
"There will be an hour break, sir, mam, "
"Goodness, don't you know how five minutes delay will affect the whole time schedule?" Effie looks at the attendant sharply. The poor young man nods in apology then excuse himself out of the room. The only person disturbed is Effie.
And Katniss. She has that lethal look.
Effie doesn't seem to notice so she starts pulling out a lot of paper from her lap. I know those papers because I read them, the night before. I also wrote some of them, the speech. She reads them out loud, trying to make everybody thinks of what shall be removed so we can meet the big man in time. Cinna and Portia do their best to help, but we all know, Effie is capable of thinking and making her own decision. In fact, any suggestion will be brushed of the table.
Effie Trinket loves to be in charge.
"I'm sure we'll get there in time," I try to assure her. It's really isn't a big deal. But I know Effie. She likes grand things. If there is no grand things, she will make things go big.
"You don't know Peeta, there's a lot of pressure…" and I don't even bother to hear the rest of her argument. She'll stop at some point, knowing she could not change anything. Effie's talking while the others has stopped listening.
For a while, there's only her voice in the air. Until..
"No one cares Effie!" Katniss suddenly yells at her. That lethal look has just vanished from her eyes. She swallows hard then says, harshly, "Well, no one does!"
She is wrong. Effie cares. But I'm not gonna say it. Her exploding is bad enough. She stands up and tries to open the door by harshly pulling the door to the left. She shouldn't have. Now the alarm goes on. Not a pleasant sound. Everyone at the table watch her go in silence. Effie looks at me asking for some explanation.
"I think she's just tired," is all I say. No one says a word. Effie looks confused and troubled. Just then Haymitch is about to stand, but he is not sober enough so I volunteer.
I find her almost immediately. She's walking with no direction towards the sunlight. It's amazing there's a sunlight in the middle of January. I watch her for a while before she drops herself on the ground.
I get out of the train. I realize it's as warm as the beginning of summer. Green leaves, yellow sky, humid air.
"I'm not in the mood for a lecture," I hear her say as I get closer. I wonder if my walk is as loud as she implied last year.
"I'll try to keep it brief,"
She looks at me and for a second, I think there's ghost of a smile on her lips. But I'm not so sure. "I thought you were Haymitch," she says.
"No, he's still working on that muffin. Bad day, huh?" I ask. She looks at my artificial leg then turn away.
"It's nothing," she murmurs. I look around and notice that there's no one but us out here. The train will not move in the next 40 minutes so I think this time will be a good time to tell her about what's been weighing me down. If she wants to argue without anyone listening, there will be plenty enough time to do that. So I take a deep breath.
"Look Katniss, I've been wanting to talk to you about the way I acted on the train," She looks at me by now. No. She's staring at me.
"I mean the last train, the one that brought us home. I knew you had something with Gale. I was jealous of him before I even officially met you. And it wasn't fair to hold you for anything that happened in the Game. I'm sorry."
There. I said that. Something flashes in her face. Anger? Confusion? Astonishment? I can't tell. Finally, she stops staring at me. She stares at the weed instead. "I'm sorry too," she says. It's a surprise she doesn't argue.
I want to joke and tell her that she should. But I think it will be better if I don't push my luck. Instead, I tell her the truth. Like a real gentleman.
"There's nothing for you to be sorry about. You were just keeping us alive. But I don't want us to go on like this. Ignoring each other in real life and jump into the snow everytime there's a camera around." I pause. Thinking about what I'm going to say next. She doesn't seem to notice though.
"So, I thought if I stopped being so," I pause again. She's still looking at me. "You know, wounded, we could take a shot at just being friends," Again I see a ghost of a smile on her lips. It only lasts for 2 seconds.
"Okay," she answers. I let go all the tension I've been enduring in the past 15 minutes.
"So what's wrong?" I ask her. Instead of answering she looks at the weeds and starts doing strange things. Again, I don't want to push it but I am not stopping at weeds. So I continue.
"Let's start with something more basic. Isn't it strange that I know you'd risk your life to save mine…" I try to think. She's still doing strange thing with the weeds. "But I don't know what your favorite color is?"
Now, she smiles for real. "Green. What's yours?"
"Orange,"
"Orange? Like Effie's hair?" She asks in disbelief. I wonder what's Gale's answer if she asks him his favorite color.
"A little bit more muted, more like.." I picture my favorite sugar frost back in the bakery, trying to match the tone with something she's familiar with. "Sunset,"
She closes her eyes. Her mouth is slightly apart, and she's smiling. It feels great to talk to her again.
"You know everyone's always raving about your painting. I feel bad I haven't seen them" she says.
"Well, I've got a whole train car full," I say as I rise. I offer her my hand and surprisingly she takes it. "Come on,"
We walk back to the train hand in hand. It feels both weird and natural to hold her hand again. At the door she says that she needs to apologize to Effie first
.
"Don't forget to lay it on thick," I tell her. We go back to the dining table. Katniss says she's incredibly sorry and Effie takes that very well. After that I lead her to another train that contains my paintings. I wonder how she will react to them. At first her expression goes blank, but then, slowly, I see recognition on her face. She observes all of my visible paintings in no less than 10 seconds. It makes me nervous.
"What do you think?" I ask.
"I hate them," Honest answer. "All I do is go around trying to forget the arena but you've brought it back to life. How do you remember these things so exactly?" she asks.
"I see them every night," I answer. I see them every single night, even on my extremely tiring days. I look into her eyes and I see sympathy. She must've had them too.
"Me too. Does it help? To paint them out?" Her voice is now softer. I shrug.
"I don't know. I think I'm a little less afraid of going to sleep at night. Or I tell myself I am. But they haven't gone anywhere."
"Maybe they won't." she says. "Haymitch's haven't"
I shake my head. "No. But for me it's better to wake up with a paint brush than with a knife in my hand."
"So you really hate them?" I add. Without hesitation she says, "Yes. But they are extraordinary. Really." Then she turns away.
"Want to take a look at my talent? Cinna did a great job on it." I laugh.
"Later."
And then I realize that we're almost arrive to district 11. I'm excited. I have never been outside 12, so I guess being a victor has a positive side. I get to see more than coal.
"Come on. We're almost to district Eleven. Let's go take a look at it." I tell Katniss. She agrees quietly, so we go to the last car on the train. It's wonderful. Eleven is different. The fence is higher, way higher than the ones at 12. There are watchtowers. There are guards. But there are also beautiful things like fields, like wild flower. Like the sun that shines on a supposedly cold month.
"Well, that's something different," I say. In a distance I see trees, with people working, harvesting. Up close I see houses, although I'm not even sure if it's called houses. Eleven is so big because the train is still going but there seem to be no end.
"How many people do you think live here?" I ask. She shakes her head. We don't know. I bet there are a lot of them. Everyone is working and I cannot help but compare the life here to the life in 12. We have our own hardships, of course, but the kids can still have fun. Here, every capable hands shall be working. I think about how unfair this is so I stop.
We get ready for what Effie refers to as a busy busy day. I've prepared my speech months before and I know I will be fine in front of everyone. It's Katniss I'm worried about. I see her in the last minute before we head to the verandah. She looks gorgeous in that ginger autumn dress. Cinna really does his job very well. I take her hand once we're standing side by side. She looks tense.
"Big smiles!" Effie says while pushes us out. I try to walk with such confident, but when I see Rue's family my mind goes to the image of her and the white flowers. I don't think I should be adding more sadness to the family so I begin my speech. People listens. They do. But their eyes are not on me, they're on Katniss who tries to be as calm as possible. I end my speech with a statement that makes people gasp. It's something I've been contemplating since the interview with Caesar. It's something I've been thinking of since I got home, the what ifs. I look at Katniss. I hope she knows what I'm thinking at the moment.
She smiles widely then kisses me. The mayor takes over, presenting a big plague and a bouquet of flowers for each of us. I get lost in the beautiful colors of the flowers when I hear Katniss yells. What now?
"Wait! Wait please," I watch her from where I stand. Her hands are slightly shaking.
"I want to give my thanks for the tributes of District 11. I only spoke to Thresh once. Just long enough for him to spare my life." The crowd goes silent. I can hardly hear the sound of the wind.
"I didn't know him, but I always respected him. For his power. For his refusal to play the Games on anyone's term but his own. The Careers wanted him to team up with them from the beginning, but he wouldn't do it. I respected him for that." I can feel the shifts in the atmosphere. I look at Katniss. Her eyes falls to Rue's family.
"But I feel as if I did know Rue, and she'll always be with me. Everything beautiful brings her to mind. I see her in the yellow flowers that grow in the Meadow by my house. I see her in the Mockingjays that sing in the trees. But most of all, I see her in my sister Prim. Thank you for your children. And thank you all for the bread."
I wonder if she will ever know the effect of herself. I wonder if she noticed the crowd that went silent. I wonder if she understands her own power. I stand still for a few moment, unaware of the crowd.
"Are you alright?" I ask her after the applause has ended and we're walking in. She might never know her own effect. But I do. And I will do anything to protect her.
"Just dizzy. The sun was so bright." She answers. "I forgot my bouquet."
"I'll get them" I try to assure her. "I can," she says. I follow her outside as she's trying to fit both the bouquet and the plague in her two litte hands.
I hear gunshot. I think I'm mistaken.
But then I see the old man dies and I know I'm not.