AN: Rating bumped to M due to some increasingly questionable content from here on out. Lots of "mature" stuff to follow, but no actual lemon planned. Just looked ahead at my outline and things are going different from my original plan.

Karkat: Wake Up.

Karkat woke up in a bed. This was unusual to him. When the four bedrooms of their apartment suite got divvied up, he'd drawn the short straw and become proud resident of "THE FUCKING COUCH". His head hurt a bit, and he could still smell and taste lingering alcohol on his breath. He should have fucking known better... maybe he'd been thinking the real world would be different than in the simulation or something. The previous evening was a total blur. But yeah... back to waking up in a bed. Which was way too warm for him alone.

Oh fuck, this was someone's bed! He thought.

Oh fuck, where are my clothes!? He thought.

OH FUCK, WHO THE FUCK ELSE IS IN THIS BED!? He thought.

*knock knock knock

"EGBERT!" Karkat knocked on one of the bedroom doors after he'd snuck out of the bed and found his clothes. There was no response, so he started knocking again. "EGBERT YOU FUCKING TOOL GET OUT HERE!" He hissed angrily without raising his voice too high.

"hold on..." Came a muttered reply from the other room. After a moment, the door opened to John, who was wearing a pair of grey shorts and in the process of pulling on a black t-shirt. "what?"

"EGBERT, DID YOU DRINK LAST NIGHT?" Karkat demanded. "DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED?"

"what happened?" John squinted and yawned. He had no clue what he was talking about.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"

"look, I didn't drink... but I kinda went to bed before everything, er... winded down." He shrugged. Karkat took two steps to the right to get a visual of the inside of John's room. There was a clearly visible person sized lump in the sheets.

"OH OF FUCKING COURSE!" Karkat sneered. "YOU DIDN'T SEE WHAT HAPPENED, BECAUSE YOU TWO WENT OFF INTO YOUR OWN LITTLE WORLD FOR SOME PAILING!"

"Fuck you Karkat!" Came a sleepy, half-hearted shout from under the sheets. "and stop fucking calling it that... it's not even a word here... you use the human word enough..." Vriska mumbled some other insult neither of them could make out before quieting again.

"Karkat, what's wrong with you? Why are you freaking out?" John asked impatiently. Karkat closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. Yes, he'd woken John up to get advice, but figuring out how to phrase this was still awkward.

"SO... UH... WHATEVER HAPPENED LAST NIGHT..."

"yeah?"

"I JUST..." John looked impatiently, gesturing for him to spit it out. "WOKE UP IN BED WITH NEPETA." He hesitated. "AND JADE."

*wham

John's eyes bulged slightly and his brow furled a moment before his fist connected with Karkat's cheek, knocking him against the wall opposite his door.

"what the fuck man?!" John shouted. "That's my sister!" He paused. "Kind of." He paused again. "OK, not really, but still!" The human children's relationships to each other via ectobiology had been somewhat tenuous before, but the revelation of the simulation had resulted in none of them having legitimate biological ties. Still, both John and Jade as well as Dave and Rose had spent "years" living as siblings inside the simulation, and had agreed to continue treating each other as such here in the real world. Karkat's yelp of pain and John's outburst had been enough to rouse Vriska's curiosity, her head peeked out from under the sheets.

"Ooooooooh... are you boys fighting?" She squinted as she reached for her glasses.

"Um..." John hesitated. "Kind of..."

"Can you hit em again? I wasn't looking." She smiled, and John just stood there awkwardly in response. "Please?"

"Karkat." A stern and composed voice entered the conversation. Everyone saw Kanaya standing at the threshold between the living room and bedroom hallway. "A Word Or Two With You Regarding The Nature Of Tact. Now." She grabbed Karkat by the shirt collar and pulled him stumbling into the living room.

"Awwwwwwww, miss fussy fangs strikes again." Vriska sighed. John still stood in the door way, feeling awkward. "Joooooooohn... why don't you come 8ack to 8ed for a 8it..." She pulled the covers aside next to her, prompting John to step back inside and shut the door.

"Ok, Rule Number One Of Tact." Kanaya waved a finger in Karkat's face as he sat at the kitchen table, holding an sealed cold soda can to his face where John had bopped him one. "The Music Video 'I Just Had Sex' Is Not Instructional. To Discuss Such Matters Without The Consent Of Your Partner Is Rude And Hurtful." She sighed. "Second Of All, And I Assumed This Much Would Go Without Saying, All Of The Above, Especially With Her Brother. Thirdly..."

"KANAYA PLEASE..." Karkat interrupted her. "I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT! HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?!"

"So You Don't Remember Anything That Happened Last Night?" Kanaya asked.

"NO. AND YOU AND JOHN WEREN'T DRINKING, SO ONE OF YOU HAS TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! BUT HE AND VRISKA WERE TOO BUSY TO PAY ATTENTION."

"They've Got A Fairly Long Standing Relationship Going, You Can't Fault Them For Absconding To Privacy..."

"SO WHAT DID YOU SEE?"

"Well... Uh..." Kanaya hesitated. "Let Me Preface This Statement By Saying That It's Nothing To Be Embarassed About Per Say... I Mean We Are All Adults Here, At Least In The Mental Sense, And Human Society Has Different Cultural Mores Regarding..."

"I HAVE SEEN PLENTY OF THE HUMAN MOVIES NOW. I KNOW, GET ON WITH IT."

"I Know That You Know, That Was Just As Much For Your Benefit As Mine..." Kanaya was blushing a bit. She cleared her throat before continuing. "So After A Few Drinks You And Jade Started To Hit It Off A Bit... You Changed Your Tune About Her False Dog Ears And Declared Them To Be Cute. Nepeta Overheard This And I Saw Her Go Back To Her And Roxy's Room. I Was Briefly Distracted, But She Came Back Wearing Her Cat Ears And Saw You And Jade Kissing." She recounted at a hurried pace. "Naturally This Upset Her... And It Seemed Like She And Jade We're Going To Fight, But Roxy Swooped In And Auspisticized. She Took Them To Another Room To Talk It Out Until They Calmed Down... And Then Towards The End Of The Night I Saw Nepeta Lead You Into Jade's Room. And That's All I Know."

"SO... IT'S ROXY'S FAULT."

"It's No One's Fault..."

"ROXY GOT US DRUNK, AND MAYBE SHE EVEN PLANTED THE FUCKING IDEA IN THEIR DRUNK HEADS, BECAUSE THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY EITHER OF THEM..." He cut himself off before blurting out the things he was thinking.

"She Didn't Make Anyone Drink." Kanaya corrected. "I Don't Know What They Talked About, But They Were Definitely Civil With Each Other After Roxy Talked Them Down."

"OH GOD ALL THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUCKING AWKWARD... WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN THEY WAKE UP?"

"Talk About It." Kanaya suggested... but more with the tone of an order. "If Any Bad Feelings Came Out Of This, Don't Let Them Fester." Kanaya stood up. "And Further, Perhaps All Three Of You Should Avoid The Alcohol From Here On Out."

"YEAH..." Karkat muttered. "I'M GONNA... TAKE A WALK..." He sighed with dread. He headed out the apartment entrance. He returned a few moments later, muttering about forgetting his shoes, forcing Kanaya to crack a smile as he grumpily pulled them on. She'd decided she'd better wake up Rose and fill her in, in case she needed some help. This was a little too big for her to auspistice alone.

Karkat stepped down onto the street and started a long walk on a couple block loop, the busy streets of Manhattan at 10 AM distracting from his inner turmoil. He didn't want to sort these emotions out right now. He went years not sorting this shit out during the session, why start now? Even though you'd think it would be easier with 75% of the matrix of romance stripped away as a human. Well... there was one point in the past he thought he'd had it sorted out. Even if his life had been under AI control at the time, he'd been genuinely... happy... with those emotions. His first experience with red relationships...

Terezi: Be Hardboiled.