I couldn't sit and I couldn't stand still, I huddled in the corner and shook uncontrollably, ignoring both Harry and Remus's attempts to talk to me and calm me down. The tears had dried and I sobbed in shock. I had nowhere to go. I stumbled forward and used the dining table to right my balance as I tripped over my own feet. Harry put out a reassuring arm but I shook him off angrily. "Please Lena," "No Harry! How could you!? I trusted you!" I shook and sobbed hysterically. "He would have killed Remus Lena. Nothing was going to stop him!" "I could. I would have." I stumbled towards the door and climbed the stairs quietly, tripping every now and again as I left the two men alone in the kitchen. I made my way up to Dad's room but the door was held fast.

"Dad please, we have to talk, it's not what you think." My fist banged against the door to no result and I pressed my shoulder hard against it. "Please, Please Dad, don't do this." No sounds were made and I began to lose any trace of hope I clinged too. I slumped down, crawling up beside the door, my knees tucked beneath me. The tears came some hours later, my position still the same,no movement or sound from inside. All hope had gone now. I had cried for another hour or so, my sobs uncontrollable, and upon hearing what I could only assume was Remus's footsteps on the lower stairs I pulled myself up and tumbled on towards my room where I locked myself away safely from the anger and sympathy that smothered me.

I must have fallen into a heavy sleep and didn't wake till much later. Dad sat silently beside me and what had once been Remus's chair, his eyes puffy and swollen. "I'm so… " Dad's hand flew up and silenced me. "I want you to pack, I think it's time you went back home." My heart broke in that moment, it seemed so easy for him to send me away. "But I am home." He shook his head, "You will never call this home" The pressure behind my eyes let me know I was ready to cry again but no tears came. "Please Dad, I'm so sorry. I'll finish it, I'll break it off." He couldn't look at me and I pulled my sheets around my shoulders for warmth, the cold in his eyes chilling me so. "I don't know how I can forgive you this Lena, this is too far. You'll be better off at your Grandparents."

"You think that will stop me seeing him? Really? Did Azkaban stop you seeing Mum? She forgave you everything didn't she? Don't you think you can forgive me this?" He stood angrily, his fists clenched at his sides, "NEVER! NEVER compare this to your mother and I." "Why not Dad? You really think it's so different. All the shit Mum went through for you! Everyone whispered behind her back, cruel, cruel whispers! She was a leper! All because she loved you!" "Your mother knew the risks. She chose me." "And I choose Severus." His body shook and I heard him release a pained moaned. "How Lena? How? Are you really that damaged?" My eyes fluttered close in anger and shock. "And who broke of the first piece Sirius? Hmm, do you know what it's like to have a murderer for a father, a father you've never actually met? Severus is the only good thing to ever come from my life. He loves me Dad, he'd kill for me, I've never had that before."

"I'd kill for you Lena." I snorted, "And how are you going to do that when all it would take is one foot out the door and you'd be sucked dry, soulless for eternity, hmm?" He looked down at me, "He's evil Lena!" I stood and slapped him clean across the cheek. "How dare you?! That man is evil? Really? because I've not seen it. Just because saintly little James didn't like him, neither can you" "NEVER say bad of the dead! Never! Who even are you Lena?" "I'm your daughter Sirius." "You're no daughter of mine!" I shook my head, "I hate you." It wasn't angry, or sad, it was the gentle thud of realisation. I hated him for everything he'd done, everything he'd let be done to me, to Mum. "Please don't say that Lena, you don't really mean it." I laughed, "Really, because the last time I checked Mum's dead because of you, Ambrose only took notice of me because of my surname; your surname and now you're breaking Severus and I apart. I hate you." "I hate to say it but even Remus would be better than that weasel Lena." I snorted and turned from him, "funny how things change Sirius, hmm?" "He's a death eater Lena, he's living out of Voldemort's pocket and I'm sure he'd have you there too if he could. Voldemort will kill you Lena." I twisted my hair loosely. "Death eaters are hardly a rarity in this family Sirius are they, if anything, you're the freak in this set up." He stood and I flinched away from him. "You'd follow that devil, that monster, the man who ordered your mother dead, for him?" "Yet you remain the reason she's dead do you not? You really think he would have found us if you hadn't come visiting?"

A tear escaped Sirius's eye, "I regret nothing more than your mother's death, and you know that." "So let me have this. You took the one person who I loved from me. The most important person in my life, and now you'd make me give this up to? I won't do it! Not this." I grabbed the lid of my trunk, opened the dresser at the foot of my bed and started tossing clothing, books, parchment, all of it. "Lena, please." "Please what? You asked me to leave, so I will." He grabbed my arm but I used the other to slam down the trunk lid. "I won't let you go to him Lena." "And now you care? We don't house whores, remember father?" I dragged the trunk, shaking him off. "I was there! That night! It was my fault." I didn't stop, only slowed. "Lena." "What do you want me to do Sirius? I'm a slut remember, I don't belong here." "Please, listen to me, you owe me that much." "I owe you nothing. You took my mother and now want to take my heart, well I won't let that happen."

"She fell for me." "Who? Hermione? Yeah I've seen that." "What? No Lena, of course not." He shook his head wearily. "That night, the night your mother died. They'd found me. They found me and your mother stood in the way, I couldn't stop her, I tried. And when I couldn't save her, I ran." I slapped him hard across the face. "Coward, that's all you are; all you've ever been. You didn't deserve her." "I know, I know, I never did, never would, and I certainly never deserved you, that's why this is killing me, to see you with him. It'll be like me and her all over again. He'll hurt you." "He wouldn't Dad. He can't. He'd kill himself first."

"I'm sorry, all of it. If I could take it back, I would never come near you or your mother; I would have stayed far far away." "Dad, that's not it." I took his hands. "You don't have the right to stop me. You never did. You were never there for me Dad that gives you no right to control me now. I love him. And I always will. You can't stop that." "I can't pretend to like it Lena." "And I can't forgive you for lying to me, keeping the truth about her death from me." He looked at me sadly. "Then where does this leave us?" "A lot further apart than we already were. We can't have a relationship without trust. He won't hurt me Dad, I wouldn't let him. Mum raised me strong Dad, she loved you, she knew she couldn't protect me from the same so she prepared me to protect myself." "Then I think we need to be totally honest with one another. We need to talk."

To my beautiful, loyal readers

I apologise profusely for not writing.

The last year and a half of my life has featured both the best and worst days of my life.

Since my grandmothers death I have suffered with severe anxiety and depression. This has led me to have very little confidence in myself and no interest in doing anything.

After a very long recovery, one which I am not fully through yet, I have finally found myself in a place where I feel happy and confident that I can do Lena justice.

Please stick with me, and thank you to everyone who reads, likes and comments.

I appreciate it greatly.

Thank you

Kat