The ex-arch-agent formerly known as Jack Noir, or alternatively as the Sovereign Slayer, sat in the driver's seat of a black Crown Vic sedan, parked outside an abandoned building in a bad part of town. Well, to be honest, he was less sitting and more lounging, with his seat fully reclined and his feet on the dashboard. As a human, Noir was a lanky young man apparently of his late 20s. His short ginger hair, as well as most of his brown eyes, was obscured by the black trilby warding off the sun. He was dressed for bussiness, a black suit with white shirt, though the jacket had been shrugged off and into the back seat, the sleeves of the shirt rolled up. His black shoes tapped the air to the tune of quiet music from the car's CD player.
We are the people that can find
Whatever you may need
If you got the money, honey
We got your disease
The CD player kicked off as the passenger door opened and an apparent doppelganger stepped inside, dropping a leather briefcase into the back seat. The identical looking man carried himself with confidence, his nearly identical outfit was neat and put together, though he wore a fedora rather than a trilby. He was also once known as Jack Noir, but in the latter portion of his memories he had come to associate himself under a different name.
"That went well." Spades Slick spoke to his other self.
"They didn't test it?" Jack questioned with disbelief as he put his feet down and returned his seat to the upright position.
"Nope."
"How long till they notice it's crushed up blue jolly ranchers?" There was the bang of a gunshot, and than a hairline fracture in the bulletproof glass of the rear window.
"Not long enough. Drive." Slick said urgently as he turned to get a line of sight on their attackers as Jack fired up the engine. Several more gunshots, more window cracks, and a myriad of swears from inside and outside the car later, they were rolling. The engine starting had re-engaged the CD player.
"This calls for track six." Jack mashed the forward button on the player. Behind them two cars engaged pursuit, both with men standing out the sun roofs and unloading on them with sidearms.
"Evasive action."
"Aye." Jack turned the car into a drift as the Track 6 kicked in...
Well I'm a gangster 1934
Junkies, Winos, Pimps & Whores
And all you men, women and kids
best get out the way
"Head for the east side!" Slick ordered.
"That's Shiba territory!" Jack protested.
"Exactly. The Lobos are spineless, they won't follow us in!"
"I was more worried about us!" Jack swerved in that direction as Slick rolled down his window and started taking pot shots at their pursuers.
I just left your town, took all your loot,
bought a pink carnation and a pinstripe suit,
a hopped-up V8 Ford and some two-tone shoes
Earth angel, earth angel... please be mine...
Over the haze of roaring engines, gunshots and rock music, Jack heard a voice, slow and crooning, sing the previous line. He turned the stereo down and quickly drew his phone from his pocket, all while maintaining a high velocity. He glanced at the caller ID.
Pamela.
"Oh baby, this is not a good time..." He muttered before putting his phone to his ear while continuing to weave through traffic at a solid 80. "Hello?" He answered, this time loud enough to draw Slick's attention. He whipped around to see Jack on his phone in the midst of a car chase.
"You have got to be kidding me!"
"Shh... it's Pamela." Jack hissed at Slick as he took another sharp turn.
"Even worse!" Slick muttered in disgust, looking back at the single car still in pursuit after he successfully shot a tire out of the second one.
"Uh huh..." Slick heard Jack respond. "Yeah... really? Oh, I'm just driving..." An errant bullet proved the final straw to blow out their back window, broken glass cascading over the back seat.
"Jack!" Slick yelled at him.
"One sec..." Jack dropped the phone into his lap. As they cut through a sparsely crowded parking lot, Jack slammed the breaks. Their pursuers were driving a Grand AM, but the two of them were in a Crown Vic. Based on the durability of the two vehicles and their ground clearances, the collision went exactly as Jack expected. The Grand Ams low clearance put it well under their bumper, crumpling the front end like an accordion, wedging it immobile beneath them. The impact has set off the Grand-AMs air bags (the ones in the Vic were disabled), and combined with the lack of seatbelts disabled the driver and passenger. The gunman, who had been hanging out the sunroof, was flung several feet across the pavement. With a squeal of tires, the Vic drove off it's crumpled front end and went on it's way, away from the sirens that had been slowly growing closer throughout the chase.
"Get us to Jimmy's. Too much heat on us now." Slick ordered, but Jack was already headed there, and back on his phone.
"So uhh... you wanna maybe have some dinner and talk about it?" Jack smiled hopefully. Slick faked a retching sound as he turned the stereo back up a bit.
I'm public enemy #1
I'm sorry for the things that I've done
If indeed we do cross path, it's nothing personal
And I'm already gone, I've left a trail of devastation,
I've got the Machine Gun Blues
I'm already gone, my life will soon be through,
I've got the Machine Gun Blues
Sollux: reject 2tupiid plan
Music Lyrics Credits:
Welcome to the Jungle by Guns and Roses
Machine Gun Blues by Social Distortion
Earth Angel by The Penguins