i'm as speechless as you are O_O

MAY 4TH 2020: ***SUICIDE WARNINGS!***

WHY I DIDN'T ADD THEM YEARS BEFORE I DON'T KNOW AND I'M SO SORRY!

Chapter 9

It was a few hour after the battle with Cobra did everyone return to mourn Leo's death at the Ninja Tribunal Sanctuary and to see if what the Ninja Tribunal stated was true. Just as everyone turn into the room that held Leo's stone figure did it finally hit them.

Leo was dead.

The stone figure that once stood high on a pedestal covered with vines in the middle of the room was a pile of crumple stone. The turtles were the first ones to gather around the remains of Leo's stone body and completely broke down. Mikey fell to his knees sobbing uncontrollably in his hands. Don joined his baby brother and pulled him to his plastron; resting his chin on top of Mikey's head they both tried to hold each other together. Raph cupped some of the crumbled stone of his brother into his hands, lightly pressing his cupped hands to his face, Raph fell to his knees sobbing crying out his brother and best friend's name.

Splinter joined his sons in mourning along with the Ancient One and Tribunal. The Hamato family decided to leave two days later back to New York, the Ancient One returned to his home to gather Leo's belongings for the Hamato family to return home with. Don called April while Raph called Casey to break the news about Leo's death.

With no body to bring home nor to bury all the family could do was carry Leo's spare mask and katanas on the long trek home.

That was five months ago.

Life changed for the worst when the Hamato family returned home. There was no life at all, Mikey would lay on Leo's bed clinging to the blankets and crying himself to sleep. Nightmares of what took place from the moment they discovered Leo turned to stone to his self-sacrifice but what's different about Leo's death in Mikey's nightmare is that Mikey is the one killing Leo while he keeps asking,

"Why?"

Donnie on the other hand grieved by throwing himself into his inventions and books. Every time he completed a project he would take it apart and reassemble it; a never ending loop that kept Donnie's mind focused on something other than the big gaping hole in his heart. Rarely eating or sleeping Donnie would work himself to exhaustion never stepping foot out of his lab when his brothers or father were around.

Donnie blamed himself for not being able to figure out a way to same Leo from Cobra after each and every attack against him. Don was the brainiac of the family but he was clueless to stopping Cobra from ripping the family apart. Now Donnie couldn't even put the pieces of the puzzle back together because of the Leo shape hole that glued the family together was gone.

Raph tried to keep the family together but every time he tried to help one of his brothers they would push him away. The only thing he could do was keep them alive through what little food and sleep he could get into them. But after three months of taking care of his brothers did Raph start to give up. Raph was Raph but he could never be Leo or take his place. Raph would spend his nights out bashing the heads of foot and purple dragons with Casey, coming home with cuts and bruises that he would treat himself.

Just like his brothers Raph blamed himself for Leo's death thinking that it was all his fault that he wasn't strong enough to save him that he couldn't keep his promise to keep the family together nor that they would all return home. Raph took all the blame and weight of the family on his own shoulders and that was what was killing him slowly from the inside out.

Splinter excluded himself in his chambers, Raph could tell that Splinter was getting weaker and sicker and with the thoughts of his lost son and family falling off they knew that he was starting to give up. Raph tried everything he could to help but Splinter would just remain silent as Raph pleaded though the doors to Splinter's chamber. All Splinter would do day in and out was staring at his eldest son mask that laid on the table in front of him. The katanas that Leo cherished and used day after day were hanging beside him on a stand near his bed.

At times, Splinter would use a high advance and dangerous mediation technique to see if he could see commune with Leo's soul in the afterlife but all Splinter would receive was his eldest son's door that was sealed with chains all across with a symbol of a snake burned into the frame. Cobra still haunted his son even in death and that was what was killing him. The fact he was unable to protect his son while all his life, Leo would protect his brothers and himself from the dangers outside the wall of the lair.

The emptiness and despair from Leo's death was starting to crush everyone to the brink of suicide. Mikey was the first.

Mikey left the lair one night and traveled along the train tracks near the underground city. The rocks to the city were extremely unsteady and could collapse at any moment. But Mikey didn't care, the voices in his head blaming him for his brother's death were growing louder and louder. Nothing Mikey did could to stop the voices that were slowly driving him madness, all he could think about was to end it.

Walking up the entrance of the underground city, Mikey looked around and remembered all the memories he had with his brothers when they first discovered the city and the people they encountered. A large rock that was holding up a crumpling support beam caught Mikey's eye. Mikey stared at the rock for a few minutes then taking out one of his nunchucks he raised it in the air and just as he was about to throw it, to cause the rock to move and the support beam to crush him did he hear his name being called out.

"MIKEY!"

Mikey turned to the source of the voice to see Raph and Donnie sprinting towards him. At first Mikey thought it was just a figment of his imagination but when Mikey found himself being pinned down by his older brothers that the shock brought him back to his senses. Mikey started thrashing as his older brothers pinned down his legs and arms yelling.

"LET ME GO! THIS IS THE ONLY WAY! THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE THE VOICES STOP!"

Raph and Donnie looked at each other then back at their baby brother who had tears leaking off the sides of his face; staining his mask. Mikey choking and sniffling was the only noise heard in the underground city. Raph and Donnie thought Mikey had finished and fallen asleep but just as the pressure from Mikey's arms and legs lessen did Mikey roll over; knocking his brothers over to the edge of the entrance. Mikey looked at his brother and choked out a parting message to them,

"I-I'm s-sorry"

Mikey threw his nunchucks with all his might, collapsing on the ground just as the nunchucks made contact with the large rock. The rock started crumple and break from the force of the nunchucks. Raph and Donnie sprinted over to Mikey's shaking body, pulling Mikey onto their shoulders they ran towards the entrance as the rocks from the ceiling started to fall onto their heads.

The turtles were able to get Mikey out but now they had to keep a constant eye on him. They called their human friends who they had little contact with, beside Raph and Casey, to help. April and Casey decided to move into one of the spare rooms the guys had. No one dared to offer Leo's old room. It was the only thing that kept everyone sane, believing that one day the doors would open and they would hear the noise of the air being cut by a katana in the dojo. While April trended to Mikey, Casey tried to get both Donnie and Raph back to their old selves with little success.

After a week since Mikey's suicide attempt did the shadow move over to Don.

Donnie was working late one night once again reassembling engine of the battle shell. Wiping the sweat off his brow, Donnie took a step back at the engine. He started fidgeting in place seeing that he had nothing else to work on to keep his mind busy he started replaying the past events that forced him to become reclusive from his friends and family. Mikey's suicide attempt made Donnie start thinking about the end, his baby brother's tear stained mask and sad smile was edged into his mind and nothing he could do made the image disappear. Sometimes when Donnie's body shut down from complete exhaustion the image of his baby brother's face from the underground city and his eldest brother's stone figure overlapped causing a loop of never ending nightmares.

Donnie looked at his chemistry set that was sitting collecting dust in the corner of the room. Donnie placed the engine block on the ground and placed the chemistry set on the table, carefully Donnie started combining chemicals to create a toxic gas that could make him sleep forever. Donnie carefully wrote out a note on why he did it and placed it under a picture of his family that sat on top of his desk. Closing off the doors to the lap Donnie combined the last two chemicals together and placed them on his work bench. The fumes from the chemicals started to fill the lab, Donnie started coughing and gasping from them but still refused to open the sealed lab doors, his eye lids grew heavier and heavier. Just as Donnie was about to lose conscious did the doors to the lab fly open. A shadowy figure ran over to him pulling Donnie's limp body over his shoulder the shadowy figure carried Donnie out of the lab. That was all Donnie could remember before he passed out.

It was the two days later when Donnie woke up in his room after his failed suicide attempt. April explained to Donnie that Raph went to check up on him and when his attempts to reach him failed he tried to open the lab door. When Raph had found that the door was bolt shut he gather Casey to help him kick the door down. That's when Raph found Donnie barely conscious in the lab. At first they believe that it was an accident due to exhaustion and mislabeled test tubes and chemicals but then April found the note under the picture of their family they huddled together by the wall of televisions.

The note read as thus:

To my brothers, father and friends.

By the time you read I will longed from this world. I cannot leave with recurring nightmares or images of what happened to Leo. I try and cope with the sadness of losing our eldest brother by throwing myself into my work, by piecing together things from around the lair. I try and try to fix anything I could get my hands on so that I could forget the one thing I couldn't. Our family has fallen apart and nothing we do seems to fix it. I understand that Raph is trying everything he can to try and push our family back together but it's not working. I love you all to bottom of my heart but I can't deal with this any longer. Please stay strong without me.

Hamato Donatello

April placed the back down on her lap and peered at Donnie's face. Though Donnie turned his back to April she could still see the tears that were rolling down his face. April pulled the blanket over Donnie's shaking frame. Donnie clutched the blanket with shaking hands pulling them over to his wet eyes. April placed a comforting hand on Donnie's shoulder looking over at the picture of the guys that Donnie kept on his desk, she sat in silence as Donnie continued to weep.

It wasn't even day when Raph almost successful commit suicide.

Raph just finished his rounds on checking up on his younger brothers before pausing at his doors. Raph leaned heavily against the doors going back in forth in his mind about the events that have transpired.

'First Mikey and now Don.'

Raph began thinking about all the years that Leo was with them and how he was able to keep the peace and happiness in the family. With him gone there was pretty much nothing left to live for, his two younger brothers that he promised to protect tried to kill themselves due to the sorrow and endless voices that echoed in their heads.

'Well, join the club.'

Raph understood exactly what his brothers were going through but he had to remain strong for them. Out in public he was the strong now elder brother but in the privacy of his own room he was just a terrified turtle that not only lost his best friend but witnessed on a daily basics his family slowly tearing themselves apart. There was no one there for him to lean on anymore, April was dealing with Donnie and Casey was on Mikey watch; Splinter just remained in his chambers in almost catatonic state. Raph looked at the sais that were in his belt then to his room.

Raph walked towards his room and quietly opened and shut the doors. The room had no light no real furniture. Raph walked over to his hammock and reach under his pillow. Pulling out the object he was looking for Raph leaned his shell against the back of the wall. Cradling one of his sais Raph stared at the one thing he really cared about in the world; Leo. It was a picture of the two of them when they were younger and they first received their mask. Raph and Leo both had one of their arms around each other shoulders. Leo was smiling at the camera giving a peace sign while Raph was grinning ear to raising his fist in the air. Raph smiled at the picture before noticing his cheeks were dammed. Raph didn't even try to wipe the tears the rolled off his face and onto the floor.

Grabbing one of his sais with his free hand he whispered,

"Wait for me Leo, I'll be joining you soon."

In a quick flick of the wrist Raph cut both of his wrist with his sais, careful not to get the picture dirty he stared at the picture as his vision blurred. The pool of blood under his body started to grow larger, Raph slowly laid the picture on his plastron right on top of his heart. As his eyes grew heavier and heavier Raph didn't know if it was from the blood loss but he could swear he saw Leo staring back at him with a sad look on his face.

Leo mouthed the words,

"Don't forget your promise, never give up."

April and Casey were the ones to discover Raph in his room two hours later. They were worried about him when they were unable to locate him. Casey carried Raph to out of the room while April got their spare room setup, Mikey and Don walked out of their room just as Casey rushed out with Raph's limp body. When Mikey and Don saw the small trail of blood behind Casey they immediately jumped into action. April and Donnie examined both of Raph's wrist thanking God that cuts were shallow. Donnie and April worked on Raph's wrist while Casey and Mikey got the equipment for the transfusion ready.

One problem with the transfusion was that no one was a match except Leo but they were thankful that Don had all of them donate blood from time to time encase the matching blood donor couldn't be located. While Mikey got the bags of Leo's blood while April got the needle inserted into Raph's arm. It was an ongoing watch as Raph remained unconscious for the next two days. Donnie and Mikey broke out of their trances when they saw how badly they needed each other.

It was a month later when news came in that changed everything.

Everyone was gather near the pond in the lair when before they knew it everything went white. When everyone opened their eyes they were greeted by a great beast that was over six stories high.

"I am the Zodiac King. Are you the family and friends of Hamato Leonardo?"

Everyone nodded.

"Then I ask you, what would you like most in the world?"

Raph stepped forward and answered, "Our brother Leo he was taken from us by a wicked creature that only wanted to use him for his power. Leo gave up his life so that the world and us could live another day."

"I know that young one. I ask you because your brother's Zodiac has been pleading your case."

"What do you mean?" Donnie asked.

The Zodiac King motioned to his side, Leo the Lion stepped forward towards everyone.

"I witnessed what became of your brother and my heart has been weeping ever since. I have been pleading since then for them to approve of an ancient technique that if done correctly by the deceased loved ones would give that person their life back."

Everyone was shocked at this, no one dared to move or breath. Believing that at any moment they would realize it was all just a cruel dream.

Leo the Lion shook his head.

"This is no dream. I have finally gotten the case approved and called each and every one of you the moment I received their grace. Now I must warn you that this will be a dangerous and painful trial but if you all agree then we can begin on bringing Leo back into this world."

Everyone jumped with joy and happiness, tears rolled down of few of their faces as the news of Leo's return finally sunk in. No one took another moment to think when they agreed to bringing Leo home.

Leo the Lion informed them that each and every one had to give a portion of their own life force energy but if anything was even slightly off then all would be lost. No more bringing Leo home and their life expectancy would be cut dramatically short but, if done correctly their own life force would not only bring Leo back but would remain living inside him keeping their life expectancy would remain the same.

"But wait even if the technique works Leo's life force won't have anything to bond with it, his body was destroyed by Cobra." Donnie said.

The Zodiac King and Leo the Lion looked at each other and nodded.

"Do not worry young ones, we have taken care of that ourselves. Now if there is anything else to be asked now is the time to ask." The Zodiac King stated.

Everyone shook their heads, Leo the Lion motioned towards the large 6 pointed star shaped pattern that stretched a crossed the room. Everyone had to stand on one of the points.

Raph stood at the head while Mikey and Don stood beside him. Casey and April stood at the last two ends while Splinter stood placing Raph.

"Are you all ready?" Leo the Lion asked. Everyone stared at the Lion and nodded.

"Well then, let's begin."

EDIT May 4th 2020: I should mention I started this editing projects just as the clock had hit midnight and I did 9 chapters. I looked at the time and it's 3:03AM.