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Six Characters in Search of Suzumiya Haruhi – Act One

2

Every night after that, my dreams were haunted by visions of those floodlit streets. I stood, lost, amid a crowd of giggling girls in school uniforms, all huddled together in threes and fours and fives; and if one of them chanced to look round and catch sight of me, they would burst into hysterical laughter that echoed in my ears for long afterwards. I wandered round aimlessly, looking from side to side all the time, hoping desperately to spot Ryouko amongst the crowd. The image of her sleek hair and smooth skin was so deeply engraved on my mind that I knew I only had to catch the slightest glimpse of her, and I would know her at once.

I could not call out; if I tried, my voice was lost in all the commotion. And then, slicing through the layers of chatter like a knife, I heard again the strange girl's voice: "I, also, am interested." But she was not there.

I started to run. That voice pricked the edge of my mind like walking past a bed of nettles, and I had to get away. I ran, heedless of the heads that started to turn all around me, the stares and the laughter and the pointing fingers. I could get away from them, if I ran fast enough. But no matter how much I tried to dodge, I kept bumping into people and bouncing off them like a pachinko ball. I was bruised, bewildered and terrified.

And then I saw her. Ryouko was up ahead, in the middle of a swarm of admirers, including boys and girls. I slid to a halt and drooped, panting heavily. She was just ahead of me, and I couldn't even summon up the strength to call out to her.

Then I felt a touch on my shoulder, and I looked up, a surge of relief and gratitude flooding through me. She had spotted me after all! And she had pushed her way out through the crowd to come over to me.

"Mikuru-chan!" Her tone was full of kindness and concern. "What are you doing here?"

"I... I had to..."

"You really shouldn't be here at this hour. It's not safe for someone like you."

Her words floated past me. I didn't know what she meant.

"Ryouko-chan, I had to see you..."

She lifted me upright and looked me over with a worried expression. Then she glanced around and made hesitant movements as if trying to make up her mind.

"We can't talk here," she said. "Come this way."

She took my hand and led me rapidly away. Her huddle of admirers turned to watch, but she gave them a quick wave and then moved on. And somehow, we were drifting down the street together as easily as if it were empty. The rows of lights stretched out endlessly ahead of us. And then, far in the distance I saw the gleaming tower, its lights spiralling up as it stretched out like a curious finger reaching into the night sky.

"Ryouko-chan?"

"What is it? There's no time for talking!"

"The Tower... is that where we're going?"

She didn't answer. She came to a halt so abruptly that I ran straight into her. I shuddered and caught my breath. There was a soft yellow light scratching at my eyes that was not the bright lights of the street. I was awake, staring up at the ceiling of my room in Suzuki-san's apartment, and dawn had caught me by surprise.

Morimura noticed that I wasn't my usual self as soon as I arrived at work. As usual, I went into the back of the store with him and waited for him to tell me what was on sale that day. Instead he looked hard at me and frowned.

"Is something the matter, Mikuru-chan?"

"Oh no, not at all," I said quickly.

"Are you sure?"

There was an awkward silence.

"Mikuru-chan... I won't ask, but I hope you know you can always tell me if something's bothering you."

"Um..."

I stared at the floor. I wanted to ask his advice, but I just didn't know where to start. I hardly knew what was bothering me. There was the strange girl; but there was no reason to think I would ever meet her again. The reactions of the girls hardly bothered me; and besides, it had only been a dream. But perhaps the dream meant that I wasn't satisfied with my life, that I wanted people to react to me as they reacted to Ryouko... but how could I explain such a vague feeling?

I decided to approach the subject from an angle.

"Morimura-san," I faltered, "is... is there a tall tower anywhere near here, that you know of?"

He certainly did. His eyes bulged, and his jaw hung open at a crooked angle. "Now, Mikuru-chan," he said quietly, "wherever did you hear about that?"

"Oh... I think a friend might have mentioned it..."

"A friend?" He stared at me. "I didn't know you had any friends. But I'm glad."

"Really? Um... thanks!"

He took a deep breath. "You don't want to go near the Tower, Mikuru-chan. That's a bad place."

"Bad?"

"Yeah." He turned away.

"Why... why is it bad?"

He shook his head. "Trust me. You're better off staying away."

I think it was the first time Morimura had ever refused to tell me something. He moved to fetch my sign down from the shelf. I just stood there, feeling cold.

"Ryouko-chan doesn't think it's bad," I blurted out.

Morimura stopped and looked round. "Ryouko?"

"Yes... she's a friend."

"A new friend?"

"Yes!" I felt my eyes swelling with tears. An unreasonable rage was bubbling up inside me, even though I knew Morimura only ever wanted me to be happy.

Morimura brought down the sign, and stood holding it for a long while, as I waited for him to give it to me. At last he said, "You can't trust everyone you meet, Mikuru-chan."

I had to get away. It felt as if he were trying to spoil the good feeling I got from being with Ryouko.

"Thank you, I'll take that," I said, grabbbing the sign. I didn't know how else to express my hurt. I hate arguing. I didn't want to upset him. So I just got out of the room as quickly as I could.

Morimura was busy in the office all morning, and we didn't speak to each other again until I went in to collect my wages. I found him sitting at his desk as usual, but he didn't look up to say goodbye to me. Maybe he just couldn't find the right words either.

Evening came, and I was walking back from my job at Kumai's. My heart felt like a leaden weight dragging me down. Walking down the shopping strip, it might as well not have been my home; nothing felt familiar any more. The same smells wafted out from the closed shutters; the same old men hung about on the corners, arguing about the same old things; the same bicycles rattled past as middle-aged women rode home with their shopping. And now, for the first time, I began to wonder where they lived, what sort of homes they were returning to. I began to picture how it would feel to arrive home, exhausted by the strenuous ride, to find a son or daughter waiting at the door to greet me with a soulful smile. I heard the singers in the karaoke bars, at the end of a hard day's work, glad that they always had each other; and I wondered how they had first met, what adventures they had lived through together, the love they shared and celebrated.

And, before I knew it, I found myself drifting towards the door. The outside air was cool and refreshing. The lights of the houses formed a long double line, like a dangling Christmas decoration, stretching out until they touched each other in the distance.

What was I doing there? I couldn't say. I should have gone back to my apartment at Suzuki-san's; I was tired and hungry enough. And yet – right then, I felt going back would be an admission of defeat, an acceptance that life was never going to change. Did I want change? I couldn't think about such big questions. I was frightened. But I didn't know whether I was more frightened of going on or of turning back. I wanted Ryouko at my side to guide me. Right then, I wanted that more than anything else. She would have good advice. She would listen to my troubles, even if I barely knew how to articulate them. She would even know how to make amends with Morimura.

I set off down the road. There was no difficulty about finding my way; as soon as I got off the main road, the Tower would be visible above the tops of the houses, an unmistakable landmark. A new force was guiding my steps now. I felt confident. I had made a decision by myself; I was taking control of my own life. And I had never known until that moment how good that feels.

A few minutes later, I arrived at the entrance to the floodlit street. At least, it felt like only a few minutes later, perhaps because this time I was walking with a destination in mind. At once, I felt the change in the air I had come to associate with that place: it became warmer, richer, full of threads of tantalising smell that drew me in all directions at once like a tangled puppet. I heard the sounds of chattering and laughter coming from somewhere inside the maze – perhaps even from the Tower that stood above its centre like a lighthouse.

All my worries and fears were left behind me now. I hurried on down the street.

Almost at once, the sensation changed. Heat was all around me. I needed to drink. I stopped and looked around. There were cafés everywhere, of course; but they all seemed to be filled with teenagers huddling around the tables and laughing together, crackling with so much energy that I felt I should be in danger of catching fire if I got too close.

And I was weary. I hadn't noticed until then, but the day's work, followed by walking without rest, must have taken its toll on me. I felt an overpowering urge to find somewhere to sit down. But there was only the odd empty seat here and there, right in amongst the crowds; and if I sat there I would feel out of place, an outsider who had drifted in. Even now, just standing quietly in the middle of the street, I could sense the heads turning as they noticed me; I could feel the stares like lasers pricking my skin. I wandered on.

The Tower loomed ever larger as I drew closer to it, and somehow that gave me a feeling of security. This was the centre of things; if I got that far, I would be an outsider no longer. But it was hard to find a way through the ever-shifting throng of young people, flowing like mingling rivers down from the side streets that radiated outwards from the central plaza where the Tower stood.

I writhed and twisted, trying as best I could to dodge my way through the crowd; but every time I got out of one person's way, I would bump right into someone else. I bowed and apologised, again and again, but they never took any notice; they were caught up in their own world and their own conversation.

Then, as the rivers parted for a moment and rejoined, I caught a glimpse of a blue-black sheen, and I knew at once that it was Ryouko. I ran towards, crying out, "Ryouko-chan!"

And there she was, right in front of me. "Mikuru-chan! What are you doing here?"

It was just like the dream, and I knew exactly what to say. "I just wanted to see you, Ryouko-chan."

She was with a group of friends, and as she looked around, their conversation cut short. They all turned to watch us, with expressions ranging from curiosity to barely concealed amusement. I didn't see whether Noriko and Hanako were there. I didn't want to know.

"Well, here I am!" said Ryouko. "So, you've seen me."

A couple of her friends laughed.

"Um... yes, I suppose I have..."

"And?" Ryouko grinned. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"I guess." I didn't know what to say. I hadn't planned this part of the conversation.

Ryouko sighed. "Come on, let's sit down, you'll feel more comfortable that way." And she took my hand and led me towards a café. In seemingly no time, four tables had been pushed together to form one big one, and we were all sitting round it – and I think a young couple got up to make way for us, though I was so dazed that I was barely taking anything in by that point.

Ryouko accepted a milkshake from the ninja waitress, and rang her spoon against the rim of the glass. "Everyone, I'd like you to meet my friend Asahina Mikuru-chan. She's a bit shy and she doesn't have many friends, so please be nice to her."

I cringed. That only made things worse; they were looking at me like I was some kind of tourist attraction.

"I'm not surprised, considering how she dresses," said one girl. She wore a dress made of strips of red and yellow fabric that floated across each other, as if suggesting that the right sequence of movements might expose what lay underneath. But it was hard to keep looking; her violet hair was tied up in swirling ribbons with clips that caught the light of the streets and focused it into tiny points like shining diamonds.

She gave me a broad grin, like a gourmand being presented with a lavish meal. "Hasn't Ryouko taken you out shopping yet?"

"I haven't had the chance; we only met last weekend," Ryouko said hastily.

"Ah, well, you should go with Ryouko as soon as you can, then. She'll know exactly what to get for you. The Tower kids won't be happy if they see you looking like that."

"Tower kids?" I said weakly. I looked up at the Tower: now that we were seated, suddenly it seemed to have receded until it was impossibly far away again. The sky had darkened around it, and the points of light that curled around its surface were like wisps of smoke ascending to heaven.

"You don't know them yet?" The girl laughed. "See, the Tower's where all the cool kids want to get into. A paradise of food and drink and games, with nothing to do all day except sit around and have fun!"

"And... how do you get in?" I couldn't help asking.

"Watch out, Ryouko-chan!" said another girl. "You've picked up a real live wire this time!"

"I have indeed," said Ryouko. She sighed. "Mikuru-chan, there's a long series of trials you have to work through before you can earn a Tower pass. Even I only have a visitor's pass..." She slipped something from her hand onto the table: a small diamond-shaped object that shone with a golden gleam.

I caught my breath. "Do you think... that I could earn one?"

Ryouko, who had been fiddling with the object, stopped and stared at me. "You're serious, aren't you?"

I closed my eyes. I couldn't bear to watch how the others responded. I just knew that in that moment, I wanted one of those things. It would show that I belonged. I nodded.

Ryouko whistled. "Well now, there's ambition. Don't be ashamed about it, Mikuru-chan. It's cool that you know what you want and have the courage to strive for it."

"But..." I worked up the courage to at least look up and glance around. The others had all put down their drinks and were silently watching. But there was a change – a shade of admiration mixed with their astonishment.

"I tell you what," Ryouko said after a while. "Tomorrow's Saturday. I'll call for you at the shopping strip – you tell me what time – and we'll go out and get you some decent clothes. Tomomi-chan, want to come?"

"Sure!" said the girl with the red and yellow dress. "Sounds like great fun!"

"Um... thank you, Tomomi-san," I faltered.

"Hey, now! If you're going to be one of us, then you call me Tomomi-chan, and I'll call you Mikuru-chan."

"All right..."

"So that's settled," said Ryouko. "What time shall we fetch you?"

"One o'clock would be good."

"Excellent!" She beamed. "Oh, don't look so timid, Mikuru-chan. As I said, I find you intriguing, and I'm really looking forward to seeeing how this turns out."

She gulped down the rest of her drink, and then sat back in her seat with a sigh. "I suppose I should be taking you back now."

"There's no need..."

"No, you're our guest tonight, so I consider it my duty." She rose and bowed to her friends. "I won't be long. Mikuru-chan's place isn't far."

The main road seemed strangely silent after being surrounded by so much noise, and I felt I had to say something.

"Ryouko-chan?"

"Yes?"

"Um... you remember that girl, the last time we met?"

"Who? Oh, the weird girl in the duffel coat?"

"That's right," I said. "Who is she?"

Ryouko chuckled. "No idea. I wouldn't worry about her, if I were you. I doubt we'll be seeing her again."

"She's not... from the Tower?"

"Her? Whatever gave you that idea?" Ryouko gave me a playful nudge. "Tower kids look cooler than that, believe me. No, she's just one of these people you see hanging around, trying to mingle because they'll never fit in any other way."

"You don't think..." I looked away.

"What?"

"Well... you don't think I'm like that?"

Ryouko sighed and shook her head. "Why do you say such things about yourself, Mikuru-chan? You're just a bit shy, and that's only natural. This is all a new world to you. But don't worry. Once you get used to us, you'll fit in just fine."

"You... you're sure of that?"

"Absolutely sure. Well, see you tomorrow!"

And she waved goodbye and turned away, humming as she strolled back down the road with her arms swinging at her sides.