Sam was in recovery and she had just finished expressing breast milk into a bottle manually as she pressed the lid on the single filled bottle - that she had been reassured would be enough for now - and then pulled her gown back over her chest. She hadn't used a pump becuase she felt that doing it by hand would waste more time, she just needed something to do to pass the agonising wait.

There had been a nurse sitting at a small desk in the corner of the room keeping an eye on Sam because she had only just had major surgery so after seeing that she had finished expressing milk she got up and approached the new, yet seemingly depressed, mother.
"Would you like me to get it sent down to NICU?" She asked softly and Sam didn't reply, she only placed the bottle of slightly warm milk into her hand whilst she kept a blank expression on her face. "I'll be right back." She stated before she left the withdrawn woman. Only, just before the door could close, Tom burst in with a bunch of paper in his hands. Sam looked at him, trying to evaluate his facial expression as he quickly approached her bed.

"Well?" She demanded impatiently.
"They're all alive, but you need to understand that most of them are still critical." Tom warned and Sam reluctantly nodded. "Look, I've got a picture and a few notes on each of them." He stated as he handed Sam the eight Polaroid pictures, each labelled by a black marker stating Baby A-H. "Um, all of them are in enclosed incubators. Baby A just has a nasal cannula to provide him with oxygen, but he is doing alright, he's the most independant out of all of them at 2lbs 11ozs." He stated as Sam looked at the first picture of the small baby with electrodes on his chest and a tube going across his face and under his nose providing oxygen.

All of the babies were either in a small padded splint, or were being propped in a certain position by rolled up towels to support their bodies. And they were all in nothing but a nappy while they were being assessed. "Baby B weighs 2lbs 12ozs - he's the second heaviest, and he's just on oxygen too. Baby C," he began as Sam reached the picture of the baby that was propped on it's side with a large brown/red bulge on it's back - the spina bifida child. "He's intubated because of his condition and he's already on pain relief. Baby D, E, F and G are all intubated too but they are fairly stable, their lungs are just too immature to breath on their own. But baby H is critical." He stated solemnly. "She's only 1lb and 8ozs, she's intubated and on a ventilator but her stats aren't looking good... I'm not sure if I should be telling you this, but... I overheard one of the consultants saying that he doesn't think that she's going to make it through tonight." Tom admitted.

"No..." Sam whispered as she hung her head.
"Hey, it's alright." Tom said softly as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders whilst she looked at the picture of the tiny, tiny baby girl in a nappy that was far too big for her. She had a tube down her throat, wires across her chest, a cannula in her wrist and stomach and a blood pressure monitor on her foot. "Was that your milk I just saw the nurse taking to NICU?" Tom asked curiously and Sam nodded. "Well that'll help them for sure Sam."
"But baby H can't even take milk, she's probably having IV nutrients." Sam sobbed.
"I mean, it'll help Baby A and B then Sam." Tom corrected.

"I want- I need, to see them." Sam demanded.
"Not yet, you're epidural isn't taken out yet." Tom stated.
"But..." Sam tried to argue but she knew he was right. "You go down, stay with them." Sam ordered weakly.
"You sure?" Tom queried and Sam nodded.
"There's nothing you can do for me here, just go and be with them." She replied.
"Alright, I'll let you know if there are any changes, I promise." Tom kissed Sam on the forehead before he left to go and be with his children.

6pm
Sam had been staring at the pictures of her babies all day in her hospital room alone, only being interrupted by the regular checks from Mr T or a midwife and thankfully, she had managed to get her epidural taken out early and her pain relief upped so that she could go and see her babies. She had already gotten most of he he feeling back to her legs, though she wasn't fully able and she was still recovering from a c section so Tom was going to take her to NICU in a wheelchair.
"Right, if you hold a pillow over your stitches, then we can try and get you into the wheelchair with the least pain possible." Mr T stated as Tom stood, ready to assist. Tom pulled a pillow from behind Sam's back, pressed it on her swollen abdomen as he helped her into a seating position.

She groaned as she lowered herself into the wheelchair, but she let out a sigh of relief once she was sitting, and Tom placed a blue blanket over her lap because she was still in her hospital gown.

"Right, try not to get out of the wheelchair if possible, but enjoy spending time with your babies." Mr T smiled as Tom slowly wheeled Sam out of the room.

"You ready?" Tom asked as he stopped outside the double doors to enter the NICU unit where it was at fully capacity with just their babies, no one else's.
"Yeah." Sam nodded so Tom pushed the button to buzz himself in, before he pulled Sam's wheelchair through the doors backwards, and turned her around to show her in the rectangular room that there were four incubators on the left, and four on the right in the dark room where there was little lighting for the benefit of the babies.

"Ah, Sam. I'm Mr Solis, remember me?" A man with a soft voice asked as he shook the recovering woman's hand.
"You're their consultant." Sam nodded.
"Yes, would you like me to run through their care with you?" He asked and Sam nodded.
"Alright, shall we start with baby A?" He suggested and Tom gently pushed Sam's wheelchair to the first incubator on the left. It was mostly covered by a blanket and the infant inside was being supported by rolled up towels to prevent pressure sores. He had nothing but a nappy on, with the peg on his umbilical stump, two electrodes on his chest, a nasal cannula and a bandage on his foot where a small computer was monitoring his blood pressure. "Right, this little gentleman just needs a bit of help with breathing so he's go oxygen being provided through his nose. Now he's still very small, but he's fairly stable. He's had some of your milk as well but we're yet to see any evidence of it passing through. Though he hasn't thrown it back up which is a good sign." Mr Solis explained.

"Why is there a blanket over the incubator?" Sam asked curiously.
"Ah, well most premature babies are very sensitive to light or any sort of stimuli so some have masks over their eyes while they sleep, or sometimes we just use a blanket. You also have to understand that when you touch and speak to your babies, you need to be very quiet and very gentle because even if you are their mum and dad, they might not like it because all of their senses aren't yet developed and they're very vulnerable." Mr Solis explained. "Shall we move on to baby B? You can spend some time with them after I've explained but I've got an appointment with another patient I'm afraid." He stated.

Tom pushed Sam's wheelchair to the second incubator where the baby looked very similar to the first. Though he was in by small padded sling that was keeping the baby on it's back and almost like it was being cradled tightly. He had all of the same monitors, except he had a light above him that made his entire incubator a bright purple.
"Now this little boy is also doing okay, he's just having some phototherapy because he's a little bit jaundiced, but that's common. All of your babies will have this at one point or another, and he has had some of your milk via a nasogastric tube, and had a wet nappy earlier so he's looking good. But I'm afraid baby C is a bit different." He stated and Tom moved Sam's wheelchair to the third incubator.

"Oh my god..." Sam whispered as she placed a hand over her mouth in shock. The baby, that looked a little bit bigger than the other ones, was propped in it's side without a nappy on and a small blanket was underneath the large red and brown bulge that was protruding from it's back.
"I know it looks bad, but trust me, he's sedated and intubated so he isn't in any pain. Now, we haven't put a nappy on him yet because he's on an absorbent pad, and it can be difficult to fit one properly because the spina bifida is in the way. And he is on IV nutrients for now, not milk."

"When can he have the corrective surgery?" Tom asked curiously.
"Um... Well, we would like to give him a few of days or more to settle, but because he is the biggest, most developed baby here, I don't see any reason for it to happen within a fortnight." Mr Solis replied.

They soon evaluated four of the girls - who were all intubated but stable - when they finally reached Baby H in the corner.
"Now... I'm afraid this little girl isn't looking too good." Mr Solis admitted.
"You don't think she's going to make the night do you?" Sam asked and Mr Solis looked taken aback because he hadn't mentioned it to the parents yet, however he was semi relieved that they were aware.
"Well... Obviously it's difficult to say but, she's only 1lb and 8ozs. She can't take any feeds, she has to be given intravenous nutrients, she's on antibiotics to prevent any infection and other medications to help her lungs to develop further, but you have to understand that she is very, very poorly." Mr Solis stated.
"Yes or no?" Sam demanded quietly.
"Honestly, I can't make that call I'm afraid, but I can advise you to prepare for the worst and spend as much time as you can with her." He admitted. "Right, I'm sorry but I'd better get going to that appointment but if you have any other questions, I will be back shortly." He stated.

"Wait, what can we do for them?" Tom asked desperately because he hated not being in control.
"Talk to them, sing to them, hold their hands if they like it. And come up with names for your babies." He advised before he left the unit.

Tom turned back to see Sam as she stared at the tiny infant in her incubator, as he chest slowly rose and fell because of the machine that she was attached to.
"I'm staying with her." Sam mumbled as she wheeled her own chair until she was right next to the incubator.
"We need to get you back to bed Sam." Tom said softly as he crouched down besides his wife but she shook her head.
"I'm staying with her until the end if I have to." Sam stated sternly as a nurse entered the room.

"Ah Sam, we were just looking for you, we need some more milk for Baby A and B." She stated kindly as she stood with two bottles. "And, I need to remind you that if you don't want formula to be used, you need to keep expressing regularly to keep up with demand." She added. "It's best to express more and then we can begin to store it for night shifts so that you can rest."
"Alright, thanks." Tom smiled as he took the bottles and thankfully, the nurse got the message and left them once more. He sensed that she was in a turbulent mood and that her heart was set on staying the Baby H, so he grabbed a chair and sat next to her. "Of course you can stay here, if that's what you want. You just need to make sure that you express milk for the ones that can feed." He said softly as he began to undo some of the top ties at the side of Sam's gown. "I'm going to go and spend some time with the others, make sure you fill these." He ordered gently as he placed the two bottles in her lap and then took the chair to sit next to Baby A.

Tom rubbed some hand gel in, before he gently opened one of the arm holes and placed his hand inside the warm environment. He didn't want to startle the sleeping baby, so he just rested his hand besides the baby for a few minutes for him to get used to it, before he gently stroked the baby's arm for comfort.
"Hello." He whispered happily. "I'm your daddy." He stated.

Slowly, Tom spend ten minutes with each baby until he made his way back around to Baby H where he found Sam was sitting with the two bottles filled with her breast milk in her lap.
"Thank you." Tom pecked Sam on the forehead as he took the bottles and put them on the side, before he grabbed his chair and sat besides his wife. "Why don't you talk to her?" He suggested. "She'll know your voice better than anyone." He added.
"I don't know what to say." Sam mumbled as she twiddled her thumbs in her lap.
"Well why don't you read her a story? I can go and get a book for you." He offered but she shook her head. "Alright, why don't you just hold her hand then, or stroke her arm?" He suggested. "C'mon, I'll help." He stated as he grabbed a bottle of hand gel and squirted a bit in Sam's hands, and whilst she rubbed it in, he opened one of the small side flaps. "Just be... Nice and gentle." Tom whispered as Sam slowly lifted her right hand, and then hovered it in the warm environment. Tom opened the second flap and held his hand in it, just to give Sam some support. "This is your mummy." He said softly as Sam brushed her fingers along the infants arm.

8pm
Sam was still sitting in her wheelchair besides the little girl's cot - she hadn't moved once in the two hours that she had been there. Tom had tried to convince her to see the others, but understandably, she wanted to be with the little girl that they had little hope for. In the end, Tom had gone up to Mr T because he knew that Sam's pain was increasing, but she wasn't moving so the two men came down to NICU to see her themselves.
"Sam, I've got your next dose of pain relief." Mr T stated as he held a kidney dish with a small syringe in. Sam just offered her hand where she had a cannula for any fluids or medication to go in. Carefully, Mr T injected the meds, and then stood behind Sam whilst Tom sat besides her in is chair. "She's beautiful." Mr T whispered, but Sam did not reply. She just kept her eyes on the tiny creature before her. "Sam, you need to go back to bed. You're only delaying your own recovery and, I'm actually considering getting a psych referral for you." He admitted. "You might have postnatal depression."

"I don't have PND. I'll go back to bed once... When she's not critical anymore." Sam stated because she didn't want to say the words herself.
"They don't think this one's going to make the night." Tom whispered to the consult to inform him.
"Oh... I'm so sorry. I didn't know." He apologised. "But you will come back to bed by tomorrow morning yes?"
"Yes." Sam huffed as she ran her hand through her hair and then folded her arms across her chest.
"Right. Well, make sure you come and see me if there's any problems with your stitches." He said before he left the room with just two nurses in the side room, and the two parents remaining.

Sam had been sitting there for ages and ages, fighting a battle with her eyelids as she tried not to fall asleep. She couldn't because she wanted to be awake if her passed away, at least then she wouldn't feel that she died alone and unloved. But Sam was fighting a battle that was inevitable - she had to fall asleep at some time or another because she had been up since early that morning, and she was on drugs that made her a little drowsy, so after using every ounce of strength that she had to remain awake, she accidentally slipped into a deep slumber, unaware of the condition of her most critical child, let alone the rest of them whom she hadn't spent any time with at all...

Thanks for reading, please review :)