Jason asked Charity for a loan, said that he needed the money to leave, to go where no one knew about him and his association with Murdoch and Eskith and that he swore that he would return the money as soon as he could. He also told Charity that she should get out as well as it looked as if the law was going to come down on all of them and soon. It would be a shame if she was arrested and tried as an accomplice when she was ignorant of Murdoch's criminal activity.
She and Jason went to the bank and Charity asked to empty her account; it held almost $8,000 dollars. She kept $4,000 and loaned Jason the rest. He thanked her and asked where she would be so that he could repay her. She said that she was going to the small town in which she had been raised, Alliance, Nebraska. Her mother and brother and his family still lived there and they would take her in. Jason said he would write her there and send the money.
"But when I asked Jason where he would be, he avoided telling me. It was then I became concerned. I didn't know if he was going to use the information about me to avoid having to pay back the money by telling Murdoch that I had taken it all and left town. And yes, I know I shouldn't have taken any of it and that you might be thinking that it wasn't my money, but…well, I needed it to save myself and it was, so to speak, my salary for all I did."
I remember vividly how Charity had dropped her gaze and a deep rosy hue filled her cheeks. She was embarrassed to reveal the fact that Murdoch had taken her for his, that she had given herself to him without benefit of marriage and that any future husband she may have would be robbed of being the first man in her life. But I could understand. Charity Freestone—and the "Mrs." was just an adopted title- was a beautiful young woman from a small, backwater town who found it flattering that a man as wealthy and powerful as Murdoch wanted to keep her and as she had later said, it wasn't so difficult to be a mistress. One just had to play a role and she was good at that. It was how she had amused herself as a young girl, pretending to be a princess or a lost heiress and that one day her wealthy father would find her and take her away. I had smiled at that; I had often lived in my head as a child as well. And who was I to judge her anyway?
"Nevertheless," she continued, "when Murdoch went on trial in Sacramento, he and the other men, I was subpoenaed to attend-as a witness. A detective from San Francisco had been hired to find me and take me to Sacramento where the trial was to be held—a change of venue for the safety of the witnesses. But I didn't feel safe. I remember when Murdoch saw me. I don't know why but as soon as I stepped into the courtroom, he turned and our eyes met. And he smiled at me-oddly. Anyway, I panicked. I really couldn't have testified to anything except the money—the amount but I was certain that Murdoch wanted me dead. At the trial, I felt safe. I always had a federal marshal with me but when I was alone in the hotel room—that's when I was afraid. Once when I was walking to the courthouse, a man stepped out in the street and pulled a gun but he was shot down by the second marshal who always walked a few feet behind my escort and me. I had never seen a man shot before and the knowledge that he was trying to kill me was terrifying and in a manner, liberating." She had looked directly at me and the candlelight made her eyes look even darker. "Fate can't be avoided and we never know what's behind the next corner—is it wonder and joy or is it the end—who knows but one has to meet it head-on. Anyway, it was at the trial that I saw Jason Blaine again.
"I never had to take the stand; the prosecutor decided that I had no information that would be valuable to a conviction but I had to stay throughout-just in case I needed to be called. That's when I found out that Jason had a wife, a small, timid thing who I never really saw as she sat in the front and the marshals always seated me in the back row. She sat through the trial until Jason's testimony was complete and he was remanded. I considered asking her for the money but decided against it even though Jason was sent to prison for a year and I would have to wait. So I did. When Jason was released, I visited him in Virginia City. That was a few years back; he had set up as an assayer again but he said he wasn't yet established and that he hadn't saved any money. Besides, he said, his wife had been poorly so I went to Sacramento and used what was left of the money to live. My mother had died and my brother had his own family to support; I had given him some of the money when I lived with them but I needed the rest of it repaid or I would have to…find work and it seemed I had only one talent. So I came to Virginia City again and found out that Jason was doing well—very well. Not only that, he was well-respected. I almost laughed when the desk clerk told me when I asked about him under the guise of inquiring about an old friend.
"I asked Jason for my money-walked into his office and more or less demanded it. At first he said that he wasn't going to return any money, that all I had to do to earn more was fall on my back…and some other crude comments about finding a job at some of the local brothels. He said that it wasn't really my money anyway, that I had been used by Murdoch to hide money. So I threatened to tell his wife about the money, tell her how he had borrowed it from me and swore he would return it. And that seemed to do it. He began to pay me back. A hundred one night, two hundred the next and each time he cried hardship. But he doesn't know hardship. He doesn't know what I went through—how I had humiliated myself to survive—nor did he care."
I held her right hand—so elegant, so small and white. I raised it to my lips and kissed it and then held it in both of mine.
"Don't leave tomorrow," I said. "Stay here, stay in Virginia City. I…I want to know you better, Charity Freestone. You are the most enchanting woman I've ever known—and the most endearing." Perhaps I was flowery, hyperbolic in my praise but I meant it. Charity was enchanting—and so beautiful it broke my heart. No one has the right to own such glorious beauty but I wanted to bask in its reflection. I wanted Charity.
I remember the surprised look on her face and she curled her fingers around mine. It felt as if by doing that, she had my gripped my heart and held onto it. I knew I would never be released but gladly surrendered. The skeptic in me screamed that I was just falling in love with the idea of helping a lady in distress, that all those books I devoured as a boy-the tales of King Arthur,i Ivanhoe/i and all the fairy tales where a prince rescues the fair maiden had influenced me. But my baser side urged me on to desire this beauty who blazed with life and energy and intelligence. I could almost feel her pressed under me, those lovely round arms about my neck, my mouth on hers and I heated up like a stallion let loose on a mare.
"Why would you want me to stay?" she asked.
"Because I don't want you to leave. Simple enough. I want to keep you here with me…forever." I pulled her hand to my mouth again and gave it a lingering kiss. I remember she looked around quickly, slightly embarrassed, so I looked about as well and except for the two of us, the dining room was empty but for one lone waiter who stood patiently by the kitchen waiting to deliver anything else we desired. "It must be late." I reluctantly released her hand to pull out my watch-it was 11:45. Mariette would be worried about me but somehow, she didn't matter as much.
"Yes," Charity said, composing herself. "I need to get some sleep since I'm…" She looked at me with a subtle yearning. "Do you really want me to stay…a bit longer?"
"A bit longer? No. Forever? Yes."
Charity blushed like a young girl and in a manner she was. For being so worldly, there was still something innocent about her, a vulnerability that I treasured. We must have looked as if we were about to leave because the waiter rushed over and asked if there was anything else we needed—more coffee, perhaps, but Charity demurred and so I paid the tab and gave the waiter a large tip for his patience. I walked Charity up to her room. At her door, she turned to face me.
"I will stay, Mr. Cartwright, another day…as you asked."
I smiled like a damn cretin, grinned as if I'd never stop. "Good. And please call me Adam. Will you have dinner at the Ponderosa tomorrow evening, Mrs. Freestone? I want my family to meet you."
"To meet me? Why?"
"Why not? Since we're going to marry…" She looked shocked. "Not right now, of course—it is late. But soon—maybe in the morning." I grinned again-God, she made me smile just to look at her.
Charity was speechless. "You do have an odd sense of humor—Adam."
"Oh, but I'm not joking." I moved closer to her, my pulse racing. How she made me feel, I can't even describe but I'll try. It was a mixture of exultation and desire and tenderness, a jumble of emotions and all I wanted was to spend what was left of my life with her.
"But I told you about myself, about my being Murdoch's mistress. Why would you want me after that?"
"Why wouldn't I?" I roughly pulled her to me. The scent of her skin and hair made me dizzy—damn, I was in love. I kissed her then and it felt as if I knew her in my bones. Charity was going to be my wife and I swore to myself I would revere her and keep her and overwhelm her with all I had to give. It seemed as if I had waited my whole life for her—the taste of her mouth and the way her body fit against mine. And I could wait a bit longer. I decided right then that I would treat her as if she was a pure, young girl who had never known a man and I would court her and convince her of my devotion and then we would marry and consummate our relationship-only then—on our wedding night. I held her beautiful face in my hands as if it was a delicate, priceless treasure. "I'm going to marry you, Charity Freestone. And I will make you the happiest woman on all seven continents." I kissed her again and left her standing in her open doorway, her mouth slightly open in surprise. But before I rounded the staircase, I looked back and tipped my hat to her. I sailed down the stairs and grinned all the way home. And I still smile when I think of that night when my destiny—and hers- had been decided. And then I want to weep.