Fionna—is a 13-year-old adventurer and Cake's adoptive sister. While usually appearing as black dots, her eyes are seen as blue when enlarged. She wears a rabbit-themed hat (similar to Finn's bear-themed hat) with exposed locks of blonde hair. Unlike Finn, her neck is shown. Her outfit includes a teal blue shirt with elbow-length sleeves, a dark blue skirt, and knee-high socks with two thin horizontal stripes at the top. Fionna is heavier set than. She has a green backpack (similar to Finn's) and Mary Jane shoes. Her name was officially changed from "Fiona" to "Fionna," presumably to make it more similar to Finn's name. The pronunciation, however, has remained unchanged. Like Finn and his crush on Princess Bubblegum, it is revealed in many portraits posted that Fionna has a crush on Prince Gumball. Fionna has buck teeth like a rabbit. Fionna, like Finn, is Cake's adoptive sister.
Cake—Fionna's best friend/adoptive sister and Mo-Chro's girlfriend. She doesn't look much like Jake aside from their body proportions. She has white eyes in which the black pupils become circular if surprised, excited, shocked, or scared. She has a cat muzzle and a small nose (compared to Jake's), cat ears, white fur with many coffee colored spots, and a large bushy tail. Cake may know Morse code in order to speak to Lord Monochromicorn, similar to how Jake knows Korean in order to speak to Lady Rainicorn. Cake plays a hammered dulcimer, as opposed to a viola. Her tail "frizzes out" if it is agitated or worried. As a Lumpy Space 'cat', she is a light color of maroon with large spots of fuchsia to match her coffee-colored spots. Her tail is now lumpy and more beaver-tail-like.
Lady Lott-Fionna's nemesis in Blood Under the Skin because Fionna has no Full Body Armor. Lady Lott rides a black horse with a red mane and tail. His appearance is always preceded by a strike of red lightning against his silhouette, with a clap of thunder, and a black background. Her uniform greatly resembles Female Commander Shepard's armor from Mass Effect, except the red glowing places are now purple. Her hair is long and turqoise-colored, and she has all-green eyes.
BLOOD UNDER THE SKIN
Title Card
Fionna blushes madly, the blood rising to her face
The gigantic mantis snarled at Fionna and Cake, thrashing its pincers madly. Its yellow eyes were lit afire, its green hands scratching and clawing for the two girls. It was obviously very mad.
Fionna held her ruby sword high above her head angrily. Cake held up her silver shield bravely. Both cried out in battle and sprinted forward for the mantis.
Remember when I said the mantis was gigantic? Well, it was. For a mantis. About four inches long. Fionna plummeted her sword through the air, but instead of hitting the mantis, she simply threw down the sword very close to its left. "Get it out! Get it out!" Cake panicked. She hated freakishly large bugs inside their Treehouse. Fionna picked up the mantis with the tip of her sword and opened the wooden door. As she set it to the earth, she rasped, "Don't EVER come back." And sent it on its little way.
"We're good." Fionna stepped back inside-
Suddenly she felt a searing pain through her foot. Like fire in gasoline. She cried out in pain, and Cake jumped in shock. Fionna fell on her back, clutching her wounded leg, and ripped off the shoe and sock. She peeked through her eyelids, expecting her foot to be bloody and misshapen.
She had stubbed her toe.
She was curious. She had never 'stubbed' anything before. Not once. Ever. She precariously tapped ever-so-lightly on her large toe. She yelped as pain shot up her leg once more. Not that the stub was really serious.
"What's the matter, Fifi?" asked Cake, very quickly she almost slurred. "Did it bite you? Are you infected? IS IT THE PINK PLAGUE?!"
"NO." scoffed Fionna, annoyed by how much her sister was so over-dramatically panicked. "I stubbed my toe."
"Let me see." Cake took Fionna's bare foot in her paw very motherly like. A moment later, she looked back up incredulously at her sister. "You barely even brushed it against the doorway."
"BUT. IT. HURTS."
"Does little Fifi want a kiss to make da pain go away?" Cake joked mockingly. She pressed her muzzle to the injured toe mockingly. Fionna angrily pushed her away.
"Knock it off, Cupcake. I need protection."
Fionna smiled as she inspected her foot, which was now wedged inside a bucket. It pinched her toes and heel, but at least she wouldn't have to worry about stubbing it anymore. She smiled. "Thanks, Love Dove."
"I am Love Dove!" the little dove tweeted, her layered dress swishing with her every movement. "Choose something you may belove, a shoe, a hat, or even a glove!"
The two girls waved goodbye. Fionna turned to her feline sister as they walked away. "I can't feel the circulation to my toes anymore, but I sure do feel protected."
There was a sound of laughter. Curious, Fionna and Cake turned. Metal Marons were clattering the market lane, laughing and chattering. They were made from every hard substance imaginable. The lower class, the girls who were maids and ladies-in-waiting, were made of simple rock or ore as they carried their ladies' groceries and such. The upper class, the officials and royals, were made of diamond, gold, or silver. The girls in middle class, who were not lower or higher, were made of copper and marble. The female metals and rocks were showing off their fancy materials (not the lower class, for fear they may break themselves) by scraping them with sharp objects or having very large and heavy objects like anvils thrown at them.
"What a bunch of metal morons..." scoffed Cake as she observed.
"Hit me!" a diamond Maron cried to a gold one. The gold one raised a silver sword high and brought it down. The blade split IN HALF on contact with the diamond Maron. The Metal Marons all cheered and clapped and gasped in wonder. They were complete show-offs. The gold Maron turned to the diamond one and gave her a thumbs-up.
"Hey, gals! Over here!"
The Marons silenced completely. Like someone had hit the mute button. Frowning, they turned to see who had interrupted them. Fionna was beaming. She had to show them what she could do. She couldn't help it.
"Cupcake!" Fionna held out her foot to her feline sister. "Hit me!"
Cake slapped her upside the face with her paw.
"CUPCAKE!" Fionna yelled out as she felt her cheek still stinging. "On my ARMOR."
"Oh." Cake shrunk her paw to the size of a ladybug. Then she slapped the bucket with it, which sounded like a butterfly brushing up against a flower.
Beaming, Fionna turned to the Marons with a thumbs-up.
The Marons burst out laughing. It sounded like metal rang against earth. Some fell to their knees, others to their stomachs, clutching their guts. Most just barely stood. Fionna frowned in confusion. Why were they laughing? Maybe they were laughing in amazement!
"You call that ARMOR?" The Diamond Maron exclaimed. Definitely not amazement. "That is a BUCKET. REAL armor covers you're whole body. Why are you wearing that? Did da widdle baby stub her toe?"
There was another round of laughter. Fionna felt a very soft pink blush rise to her features.
There was a clap of thunder. For half a moment, the sky went completely black like a nightmare. Red lightning cut through it savagely. Cake shrieked and jumped behind her human sister. But it was over in a second and a half.
"Lady Lott!" The Marons collapsed to their knees humbly. Confused, Fionna turned around. A woman one a black horse stood five feet away, her turquoise hair blowing savagely in the wind. Her eyes were an icy green. But Fionna was awed by her. Or rather, her armor. It was black metal, with pockets filled with knives and bullets and guns. There were glowing purple lights all over it, giving off a wonderous glow. It was the most magnificent armor she had ever seen.
At first, Lady Lott said nothing. She simply looked over all the Marons as they bowed to her. Finally, she spoke, "Who is the miss who bears the bucket?"
Fionna couldn't believe that Cake jabbed a furry finger in her direction. "This miss."
Lady Lott looked over Fionna from her bunny ears to her bucket-foot. She smiled, and Fionna thought she liked her. But then Lady Lott burst into thunderous laughter. Fionna frowned deeply. The laughter sounded like actual thunder, no lie.
"Stupid girl." scoffed Lady Lott. "Without full body armor, you are exposed to danger. You do not deserve a-" she gave a mocking thumbs-up. Then, cackling, she kicked her horse's flank and rode off into the existence like a graceful swan.
Fionna was seething. She was the HEROIN OF AAA. Everybody knew that. "That witch!" snarled Fionna, causing Cake to jump. "I SO deserve a-" She held up a thumb.
Fionna ran all the way back to the red-flowered stand and yelled, "LOVE DOVE I NEED MORE ARMOR."
"Choose some protection from my wide selection." tweeted Love Dove.
Fionna smiled. "OK. I want-"
"Here's a glove made of sinter." Love Dove held up a grimy, rusty glove. "You may get a splinter."
The Metal Marons howled with laughter. Fionna felt her face go rose. Sweat formed on her forehead. "Love Do-"
"How about a cone?" Love Dove now held up a metal cone, rusted red. "You may hit your funny bone."
More laughter. Fionna went fuchsia.
"Oh, come on, suck up your gut. Here's a pillow in case you fall on your butt."
Laughter. Now red.
"LOVE DOVE!"
Everyone went, very surprised, silent.
"I want the most..." Fionna held up a thumb. "...Armor you have."
"Take a peek." Love Dove held out a wing at the three displays of armor.
The first one-a armor body with a gold face, thighs, and arms, with red iron covering the elbows, knees, and chest. A glowing white circle in the middle. Not enough.
Second one-just like Lady Lott's. But it was pink and yellow. Too girly.
The third one-PURE GOLD WITH DIAMOND ELBOW AND KNEE PROTECTION WITH A SILVER HEADSET AND CRYSTAL WINGS!
Fionna nearly fainted. "I'LL TAKE THAT ONE!"
"For what shall you trade?"
"What now."
"I need something traded in for equal value. I think the tail of that cat friend of yours shall do."
Fionna looked at her sister. "You can grow another one, right?"
"I'm just stretchy, Fifi." Cake did a show of growing taller and shorter.
"Love Dove, we need cheaper stuff."
"If you can't afford armor fit for a queen, just ask, if you know what I mean."
"I ask."
"Wonderful." Love Dove reached into her stand and took out a roll of parchment, yellowed and aged. "As promised: the next best thing to armor."
"What the glob is that?"
"A poem."
The Marons burst into another round of metallic laughter. Fionna glared at everyone around her with her face pink. "LD, no one wants to hear about your feelings."
"This poem is not about my feelings. If you can decipher the poem and complete the trials, you shall recieve the armor of Noradlez. The armor is fortold to be totally awesome and-" Love Dove held up a thumb.
"SLAMACOW!"
"Slamacow indeed." Love Dove handed over the parchment. Fionna took it, beaming. It felt like it were made of sewn feathers.
"Me and Cupcake are over this." she said proudly.
"Marvelous." Love Dove's feathers ruffled happily. "The quest begins at the bog down the ravine."
Fionna and Cake set off immediately. However, on the way, the sky went black and red thunder sliced the sky once again.
When it was over, though, nothing happened.
"Over here."
Fionna and Cake turned to Lady Lott. "Oh."
"Good luck, human girl." Lady Lott smirked.
Fionna smiled, taking this as a compliment. "Thank-"
"I hope your skin doesn't burn TOO bright in the elements." Before either could answer, Lady Lott urged her horse forward, cackling acidly.
Fionna seethed with rage. What had she done to get on Lady Lott's bad side? She had barely spoken to her. And yet, every movement she made somehow enlightened Lady Lott to insult her. She had no right to be such a cruel brute. "C'mon Cupcake." She hissed and stormed towards the ravine.
"She's such a stupid brute." grumbled Fionna as they headed through the bog. The bog was filled with sickly green-grey fog that smelled like rotting pine. The trees were black and green, covered in moss that looked and felt like crusty grey slime. The earth was nothing but black mud that sent fumes of sickly fragrance into the air, and the mud coated them to their ankles. The water in the mud was icy cold and though Cake didn't mind, it gushed into Fionna's Mary Janes. Fionna hated everything. She hated Lady Lott. She hated the fog. The moss. The mud. The entire bog itself.
"You shouldn't listen to her, Fifi." Cake said to her. She began to say something else, but stopped. "Fifi, LOOK."
Fionna stared ahead. There were twenty-foot-high brown trees towering above them. Sticking out from their bark, doors blocked them in a wall. Bi-folding doors, Dutch doors, revolving doors, glass doors, metal cell-like doors. All connected in one way or another. Fionna remembered when she was little, when she was about a year old and Cake was about 16, their mother read them a book named Alice in Wonderland that she had taken from the Fungi War ruins. The wall of doors looked like they belonged in the book.
"What does the poem say?" asked Cake. Fionna unrolled part of the parchment and read it aloud:
"Moonlight eats
the shiny stars
and candy canes
fall down hard."
There was a long silence.
"I don't get it."
Cake took the parchment and rolled it up. She ran her paw over it, as if examining. She rolled it over her muzzle, humming. After a moment, she handed it back to her sister. "It means we have to travel through the Bog of Humiliation."
"How did you understand that?"
"Fifi, you don't just READ words. You FEEL them. Trust me, I have more knowledge than anyone else. Now go ahead."
"You're not coming with me?" For as long as she could remember, Cake had never left her side in an adventure. Except for that one time in the Dungeon, but she did not want to go there. Too many bad memories.
"No. This armor thing is completely up to you." Cake told her solemnly. "I'm going to wait for you on the other side. Besides, it's just a bog. It's not a labyrinth." Before Fionna could say anything, Cake stretched up above her, over the doors of the bog. A minute later, her lower half followed.
Fionna shrugged and headed towards the door-wall. "I've battled demons, witches, trolls, goblins, and dragons. I've survived a zombie apocalypse, a crazy horse stalker, a savage jewel thief, and loads more. It's not like I'll die of humiliation." She reached for a bi-folding door and slid it open...
...only to see an old man...
...using the bathroom...
...and he starting yelling at her...
"I AM SO SO SO SO SO SORRY!" Fionna shut the door, covering her eyes. Her face was a bright fuchsia. She reached out for a French door...
...only to see a woman...
...using the bathroom...
...and she started screaming...
Fionna shrieked and slammed the door. Her face was a bright scarlet.
She blindly opened a Dutch door...
...and you get the idea...
So for the next half-hour or so, she went through door after door, blushing and apologizing and screaming. It seemed to never end. By the time she had reached the end, she was almost literally a walking tomato, she was so red. Cake ran up to her. "Are you OK?"
"So...much...SHAME..."
"Your face...it's like an apple..."
"NO IT'S NOT!"
The sky went black. Thunder clapped. Red lightning savaged the sky.
Lady Lott cackled. "You look a bit flushed, Fifi. Feeling a but humiliated in the Bog of Humiliation? You're so red you look like a pepper. Who is..." She jabbed her thumb down. Then, cackling, she disappearing into the fog.
Fionna growled at her as she left. What was this girl's deal? "I'll show her. We'll see who's more-" She held up a thumb. "-When I have the armor of Noredlez! What does the poem say next?"
Cake unrolled another part of the parchment. Stroking it with her paw, she said,
"The dark night weeps
as sunlight seeps
Over the horizon."
"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!"
"It means we have to silence...the Weeping of the Woods." Cake pointed over to a wooded area. Weeping shrieks, faint and echoing, erupted from it. Fionna and Cake ran into the forest. It was better than the bog. The trees were rich brown and smelled minty, and the grass was soft and dewy. They came to a shrub, where the weeping was much louder. They looked through the leaves.
A furry white monster stood in front of them. It was over twenty-five feet tall. Its face was a deep crimson, bright and big. Big ears like a rabbit's sprouted from its head. Its fur was scruffy and white. And bawling. Tears the size of beach balls were streaming down its cherry face and soaking its fur.
"How are we gonna silence THAT?" asked Fionna. The blush had not left her face one bit. She still looked like a tomato.
"I got this one." smiled Cake. "I know how to make men go...silent."
She walked over to the White Monster's foot, which was the size of a eighteen-wheeler. She stretched up on her legs so that the monster's face was equal with her own (though very much bigger.)
"Hey, handsome."
The Monster stopped sobbing and looked at her, tears still streaming and its eyes bloodshot.
"Feeling lonely? You should get a haircut. Maybe then girls would like you more."
OK, so Cake had lied, in a way. The Monster growled and bared its razor-sharp, shed-sized teeth at her. Cake jumped and teetered on her pole-like legs. But then the Monster's eyes wandered past the cat and landed right on Fionna. The Monster stopped immediately.
Fionna shrunk down into the shrub.
The Monster made a baboon-like giggle and threw its hand to Fionna. Fionna yelped as she felt the hand clasp around her like a hug, scruffy wool cocoon. She kicked and punched, trying to break free. But she couldn't. Soon the Monster's face was towering over her. It stooped down and kissed Fionna on the side of the face. It felt like heavy, scratchy rubber attacking her. Fionna went redder and screamed. "Cupcake! Help!"
Cake observed as the Monster kissed her sister over and over. She snickered and said, "Fifi. I think he thinks you're his red-faced MATE or somethin'..."
Fionna let out a disbelieving yell.
"Fifi, listen." frowned Cake. "No armor is worth this. Let's just go home and-"
The sky went black.
Fionna and Cake stared as the sky stayed pitch dark.
"Sorry about that."
They both looked down to see Lady Lott trying to fix a switch. "Sometimes this thing just gets broken...there we go."
Red lightning tore the sky to pieces.
And THEN everything went normal.
"Now, what was I going to say..." Lady Lott paused. "Oh yes...I have a song for you and your new MATE to play on your honeymoon. Lady-in-waiting, sing my song."
Lady Lott's lady-in-waiting hopped out from behind the horse. Fionna was surprised how much she looked like her Imagination Girl from that time when Cake's imagination went all wacky. The lady in waiting began to play.
"They're the two stupid monsters
Their cheeks are bright and red
Be sure to make fun of them
Before you go to bed."
Lady Lott cackled cruelly.
"That is the stupidest song in Aaa." Fionna said as the Monster stared down at the cackling Lady. "I'll show you. I'm going to have the greatest armor in Aaa." Fionna let out a angry yell. She was so fed p with Lady Lott. No matter where she was, or what she did, Lady Lott humiliated her.
The Monster jumped at his 'mate's' sudden outburst. She was upset. The turquoise-haired woman had upset his mate.
The Monster's eyes went to cat-like slits. It snarled, baring its razor teeth. It raised its empty paw high and brought it down.
Lady Lott simply blocked it with her hand as if it were nothing. The impact between the gigantic paw and the heavy armor was amazing. The sound of cracking bone sliced the air. The Monster brought its hand back and rubbed it, snarling at Lady Lott. Lady Lott cackled. And then she rode off.
Fionna was about to yell after her. But then she felt the Monster hug her. Her face buried itself in the scruffy fur. She blushed brighter. It felt like she was pressed against two scruffy walls.
"That's adora-" Cake yelped as she felt the Monster's other paw clasped around her and lifted her high into the air.
"Dolly for wife." She pressed the two girls together, making them hug. Then as he hugged her he began to go still. His eyes were drooping shut. He let out a booming yawn that caused their ears to ring. Then the Monster sunk down and laid on the grassy earth. And he began to snore loudly.
"Come on, Cupcake!" Fionna began to move. They both began to twist and turn, but it was no use. They were trapped. Fionna groaned. "Great. We're gonna stay here forever. Raising my monster babies while you play doll with them."
"We can burrow our way out!" Cake began to bury herself in the monster's scruffy fur. Her head was buried in, then her middle, then her tail. Soon, she disappeared. Fionna was about to call out to her, when she felt Cake's arm grab her and pull her in with her. They began to tunnel through the Monster's fur. It was like crawling through a scruffy tunnel. After about five minutes, Fionna felt Cake disappear. But then Cake yanked her out. She fell on the grass with a thump.
And they ran.
"Fifi, stop!" Cake pulled on her sister's shirt. "Look!"
Fionna looked ahead. A mountain towered over them, gray and snowy. There was a large wooden door engraved in the stone, in the shape of an A. In sloppy scrawl, the words Home of Noradlez Armor were slapped on the wood.
Fionna looked down at her sister. "Let's do it."
She kicked the door open. With a crack, it fell off the wall. In the center of the room stood a girl. She looked to be about 30. She was tall, with thick glasses and choppy hair. She was wearing a white sundress and sandals. But she was a ghost. You could tell because 1: she was floating and 2: you could see right through her blue hue. "Hello there."
"Begon, ghost!" Fionna waved her hand at the ghostly girl. "We're here for the Armor of Noradlez!"
"Oh, wonderful!" The ghostly girl beamed. "But first you must beat my high score in Verity."
Fionna and Cake answered in unison. "Verity?"
"Verity is a very popular game designed for people everywhere. I have spent 100,000 years in this cave practicing this game in case someone ever came to play. So watch out, cos I'm pretty good. Here's how it works." She took out a green ball from her sundress' pocket. "We toss the ball back and forth to each other. Whenever we catch it, we have to say an embarrassing secret to one another. The more embarrassing the secret, the higher the score you get on a scale of one to ten." She gestured over to a dusty chalkboard. The words FIONNA and GHOST GIRL appeared on it. "I think the first one to get to...a million will win." On the chalkboard, GOAL: 1,000,000 appeared. "Let's start." She held the ball and immediately said, "I have a crush on the rock in the corner."
6 tally marks appeared under GHOST. The rock in the corner blushed.
"Good." the ghost girl tossed the ball to Fionna. "You're turn."
Fionna did not catch it but instead let it bounce onto the floor of the cave. "This game looks horrible."
"I completely disagree! I..." the Ghost Girl went on a very speedy lecture about how Verity was the most awesome game on the planet and how it was used to humiliate prisoners during the Fungi War blah blah blah.
"Cupcake, I'm just going to kill her, OK?" Fionna looked down at her feline sister.
"How? She's already dead."
"So let's go. It's still your turn." the Ghost Girl picked the ball off the ground and tossed it back over to her again.
"I can't believe I'm doing this." said Fionna as she grumpily took the ball. She blushed a bit, trying to consider what to say. "I...have a crush on Prince Gumball."
A 0 appeared under her name on the board.
"No, no, no!" the Ghost Girl erased the 0 on the board. "You have to say something NO ONE knows. The point of Verity is..." she flipped the chalkboard over and began to scribble down formulas and theories, saying why it was important to know the rules and how many people could play...
Fionna and Cake began to creep to the door at the other end of the cave. Fionna pushed it open. It gave off an almost silent creak.
The hall opened before them. The cave's floor turned to gold. The roof held a magnificent chandelier of diamond and gold, sparkling and dazzling, bathing them in magnificent light. Marble pillars towered up to the ceiling on either side of them. At the far wall stood a silver pillar. A shimmering cloak covered the top, with a sparkling gold N in the center. A ball of light was glowing in the middle, its contents too bright too see.
"Fifi." Cake sniffed back tears. "It's so beautiful."
"Yeah. The embarrassment was worth it after all."
Suddenly, the ball of light began to flame. A hundred swans spouted from it, squawking at them. They flew over to the two girls and stopped as if there were a wall. "We know what you seek. And for your integrity, you shall receive it."
A beam, glowing green, shot at Fionna. She gasped as she felt herself being lifted into the air. She looked down and saw that Cake was jumping up and down with excitement. The swans cawed.
Fionna felt something happen. It was like wisps of life were passing in and out of her, gracefully and both harshly. It felt like she was sitting completely still as stone in shimmering water. Her mind felt open. Like someone had opened it like a jar and all of her thoughts were pouring out into the world in sparkling gems.
And when it was done, Fionna looked down.
She screamed.
The Armor of Noredlez was a simple chest plate, helmet, and wings. It was made out of bouncy balls sewn together magically. The helmet was a rainbow afro with swirls sticking out of it at random. The wings were made out of rubber chicken wings molded together to make two full wings. It looked more like armor for a clown than a heroin.
"THIS ARMOR IS RIDICULOUS!"
The swans gave her hundreds of thumbs-ups.
"NO! NOT-" Fionna jabbed up a thumb angrily.
"Don't worry, Fifi." Cake comforted her. "I know tons of guys who wear ridiculous armor. Wendel the Weird, Shenzii the Strange, Oren the Odd. And they're all-" She gave a thumbs-up.
"I DON'T NEED THIS!" Fionna ripped off the hat, the wings, and the chest plate and threw it to the floor of the hall with a booming clang.
At the exact same time, the door to the hall flung open loudly. Fionna and Cake jumped.
"YOU DID NOT LISTEN TO MY LECTURE!" Ghost Girl shrieked. "I GAVE YOU IMPORTANT FACTS THAT NO ONE ELSE KNOWS! AND THIS IS HOW YOU THANK ME? BY TURNING YOUR BACK ON ME WHEN MY BACK IS TURNED ON YOU? I COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH THAT."
Her skin began to tear into pieces. Her dress began to turn black and torn. Her hair began to spike out at random like it was electrified. Her mouth turned into a void of razor teeth. Soon, all that was left of the usual kind Ghost girl was a monster that was over twenty feet tall, with sickly green skin, horribly black hair, and a torn black dress with red eyes and a snarling mouth. The swans disappeared in fear.
"What do we do?" Fionna asked her sister. She had no plans. She couldn't kill the Ghost Girl-she was already dead.
"Put on the Armor!" exclaimed Cake. She picked up the chest plate, hat, and wings and pressed them to Fionna's body. "It's the only way to defeat her!"
"NEVER!" Kicking out the idea of not being able to kill the Ghost Girl, Fionna brandished her ruby sword. The glowing ball of light at the other end of the room made it glow a bright crimson, and it dazzled with every move. She charged at the Ghost Girl, but she simply ran straight through her. It felt like passing through a shower of icy water. She fell on her face with a smack.
The Ghost Girl picked Fionna up from her backpack and began to inhale. Fionna saw the gold vapor that was seeping through her teeth. The exact same thing had once happened with Marshall Lee's mother. And she began to feel the exact same way. Fionna's brain felt like water. Her insides were hollow, like someone had gutted her like a fish. Her nerves felt like noodles. Her arms and legs felt like jelly. Her field of vision began to fill with bright white spots. Fionna's brain felt like water. Her insides were hollow, like someone had gutted her like a fish. Her nerves felt like noodles. Her arms and legs felt like jelly. Her field of vision began to fill with bright white spots.
"Hey!"
Ghost Girl and Fionna turned. Cake had put on the Armor of Noredlez herself, and now stood ten feet tall. She was glaring at the Ghost Girl. "Unhand the human!"
"Noredlez?" Ghost Girl dropped Fionna to the ground. Fionna blindly crawled away, feeling as if she had woken up from a thousand years of sleep. "B-but you died! I saw you! You put yourself in the armor and-"
"I know what I have done! Have you been lurking in my cave all these years? Go outside and get some sunlight!"
Ghost Girl whimpered and flew out of the hall into the cave. Then she flew out into the sunlight. Fionna and Cake shut their eyes from the blinding flash of light.
"Thank you Fionna and Cake!" Normal Girl exclaimed. Her skin was now tan instead of transparent. Her usual green hair was now brown, and her eyes were blue. Her sundress was still white, though solid now instead of transparent. She was human, and apparently knew that Cake was not Noredlez. "You have freed me of my addiction of Varity and brought me back to my normal form!"
"We couldn't have done it without the power of humiliation." smiled Cake. Fionna winked at her.
The sky outside went black.
Thunder clapped.
Red lightning cut through the sky.
Fionna groaned. "Why now?"
Lady Lott laughed at the sight before her: a dopey normal girl, the stupid human girl, and the idiot cat wearing the ridiculous armor. Her cackling laughter echoed off the walls of the cave. "You idiots! Fionna, you have no armor and your sister looks like a clown!" Cake glared. She had hated Lady Lott before, but to call both of them idiots made her seethe rage.
Fionna burst. Her rage, her annoyance, her hatred burst out of her as if a dam had broken free. "WELL AT LEAST I DON'T SPEND MY DAY STALKING A KID. I MEAN SERIOUSLY, GET. A. LIFE."
Normal Girl and Cake burst into booming laughter. Not only was Fionna's insult hilarious, it was 100% true.
Lady Lott did not blush, but the cocky smirk on her face went into an embarrassed frown. "Well...I've just...been...in the...same areas..."
Normal Girl, Fionna, and Cake laughed louder. Lady Lott had eaten her own medicine and didn't have anything to say about it. "Whatever." "Oh, RIGHT." "Sure."
"STOP LAUGHING!" Lady Lott shrieked. She looked as if she were about to retort, but she merely paused and stammered, "I...I...WELL AT LEAST I'M MORE-" She gave a sloppy thumbs-up. "-THAN ALL OF YOU!" However, Lady Lott had lost her balance on her horse. She teetered to the left and fell with a booming clang to the floor of the cave. She attempted to move, but only managed to wiggle her fingers and jerk her head. Everything from her neck down as as still as stone. "My armor...it's too heavy...No problem." She moved her foot back in a kicking position in front of a large, beach-ball sized rock. "I'll just bring this rock over here to-" but as her heavy foot collided into the boulder-heavy brick, pain shot up her leg. "AH! I STUBBED MY TOE!"
Fionna, giggling, searched through her backpack and took out the bucket she had used before and dropped it on Lady Lott's head, causing her to yelp. "Here ya go. Free of charge."
Laughing, Cake got onto all of her legs and pulled Fionna onto her. "Let's go, Fifi." Cake grabbed Normal Girl with her right paw (she didn't deserve to be locked up in a cave anymore) and after laughing once more at Lady Lott, they flew out of the cave, the rubber wings of the Armor flapping together. "Fifi, this Armor is totally-" Cake gave a thumbs-up.