A/N What can I say, not every chapter is going to pop. Some are just transitional. Hopefully the next chapter will seem more interesting.

Thanks again M.

Prior to the start of this year, as far back as Pomona Sprout could recall, Minerva had hardly ever spent time in the Staff room. It wasn't that she wasn't sociable enough when time permitted, it was just that time seldom permitted. She was always holed up in her own office, or Albus's, working on school matters.

Pomona suspected the change had something to do with what had occurred over the school break. Wasn't there supposed to be something about a near death experience that made a person reach out to other people? If Minerva had spent more time in the Staff room, she would have gotten to know Kettleburn more – Pomona wouldn't say better because knowing more about Kettleburn was never better – but if Minerva had gotten to know Kettleburn a little more, Pomona doubted that Minerva would ever have dated the man. If Minerva had spent a little more time in his company when he wasn't making an effort to be on his best behavior while courting her, she would have known Kettleburn for the petty and vindictive shallow shell of a man that he was.

Instead, she was learning it now.

Filius put his hand up - as if that would really get Filch to stop his blathering. "Argus, take it up with Dumbledore. I don't want to hear it anymore."

"I've been to Dumbledore! He won't do anything to help! But I've come up with a plan!"

Kettleburn chanted in a sing-song voice. "I'm not listening! I'm not listening!"

When Filch looked her way, Pomona lifted her book a bit higher to avoid his eyes. Whatever this plan was, she doubted it would be anymore successful than his recent attempts to accio the kneazle.

Kettleburn and Flitwick were still ignoring Filch, enjoying their spirited game of Exploding Snap, when Minerva walked into the Staffroom. Looking tired but determined, her eyes immediately settled on Kettleburn.

Naturally as she had been the topic of conversation, the conversation died out immediately. Pomona doubted that she was the only one grateful not to have to hear Filch's plan. Filch had been going on for weeks now about the need to find the kneazle responsible, for the safety of all the castle's cats. Ever since the incident had become known, he had refused to let his cat out of his sight. He had been carrying her with him everywhere– even going so far as to escort the poor thing to the litter box.

Minerva looked around at the suddenly silent room a moment before sounding anything but sorry, she started in on Kettleburn. "So sorry to intrude on your game, but-"

Kettleburn cut her off. "-Don't intrude, then you won't have to be sorry."

Minerva's eyes flashed. "I wouldn't have to be here at all if your incident report was on my desk as you promised it would be two days ago."

A student had been bitten during one of Kettleburn's classes the week before.

"What can I say? I really screwed the pooch on that one." When Minerva didn't take the bait, Kettleburn tried again. "Yes, isn't it a shame when people make promises they have no intention of keeping?"

Minerva rolled her eyes. "Just because I said I won't sleep with a man before the third date didn't mean I was somehow obligated to sleep with you if we made it to a third date."

Kettleburn mumbled something under his breath that sounded an awful lot like, "Go fuck a duck."

Minerva had apparently heard it too. "What did you just say?"

Rather than pretend to have said something else, Kettleburn just repeated it louder. Now that, Pomona thought wryly, was class.

"Just get the bloody form."

Kettleburn accioed the form and handed it to her.

Form in hand, Minerva headed for the door, but only made it halfway before turning back. "You haven't filled it out!"

"Oh…didn't I?" Kettleburn feigned innocence poorly as he added another card to the pile.

Minerva exploded all the snaps and then some. "I haven't been able to keep any food down for two days now, I haven't slept in at least twice as long, my breasts are swollen, my robes are uncomfortably tight, and my feet have long since past the point of aching because I no longer own a single pair of shoes that fit properly. All I want to do is go back to my rooms and get into bed, but I can't do that until I have your bloody form. Now would you be so kind as to finish filling it out?"

"All right! All right! I'll finish the form." Kettleburn paused a moment before very deliberately adding, "Try not to have a kitten about it."

As a little snort sound escaped, Minerva's hand went up to cover her mouth. Her delicate frame began to shake, and without another word, she turned and left the room.

Pomona had had enough. "Now really Kettleburn, that was going too far! You made her cry!"

"She wasn't crying! She was laughing!"

Filch immediately piped in. "Of course she was crying. Who wouldn't be crying in her situation - with that kneazle still on the loose and you all unwilling to do anything about it! Now do you want to hear my plan or not?"

Kettleburn spoke for them all. "Not!"

Filius tried to be a bit more understanding. "Argus, all the students' kneazles were sent home."

"Yes," Filch admitted, "but they showed them all to McGonagall as they were sent and she said none of them were the one. The kneazle that did this to her is still on the loose!"

Kettleburn didn't see the problem. "So? It's not like the kneazle can do anything more to her. The damage is already done."

Now that he had finally succeeded in dragging the others into his conversation, Filch wouldn't let it go. "That's fine for her, but what about the other cats around? Who's going to protect them? What's going to stop that kneazle from – from- from-" The castle caretaker was working himself into a real tizzy. "What if he comes after poor Mrs. Norris? If a full grown witch couldn't fend him off, what's my Mrs. Norris to do?"

Kettleburn sought to calm him…sort of. "Argus, I never told you this before, because, well I wasn't sure how you would take it, but you really leave me no choice. Mrs. Norris isn't."

"What do you mean 'isn't'? Of course she is!" Filch's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "'Isn't' what?"

"Mrs. Norris is really…" Kettleburn paused dramatically. "…Mr. Norris."

"That's a lie! That's a filthy lie!"

"Argus, haven't you ever noticed Mrs. Norris trying to hump the other cats?"

Filch held his ground. "Mounting is a show of dominance!"

"Yes," Kettleburn insisted, "and it's also a show of being a boy cat."

That was it. Filch lost it. Spittle was flying everywhere. "I'll show you! A castle full of wizards and not one of you are willing to do a blasted thing! If you people won't do anything to stop that kneazle, then I'll do it myself!"

Having succeeded in making two people leave the room in hysterics in under five minutes, Kettleburn merely shrugged. "You know, I'm surprised. I really thought he already knew."

Pomona glanced at the clock. "Perhaps someone should go check on Minerva?"

Kettleburn dismissed the idea. "Oh, she's fine."

"She didn't look fine to me." Sprout disagreed.

"Don't worry," Kettleburn chided her, "she gets over things quickly. I mean, am I the only one who thinks she's taking all of this just a little too well? She's already got a name picked out."

With a wave of her wand, Pomona gathered her things. "Someone really should look in on her. I'm already late for my next class or I would."

Filius sighed. "Fine, I'll go, but exactly what does one say in a situation like this?"

Kettleburn shrugged. "Take her shoe shopping. Don't all women like that?"

Going out the door, Sprout rolled her eyes, but said nothing.