So now...oh, wait, no, I don't own the poem Stephanie reads. It was my personal favourite Helga poem, from "Helga's Parrot". And it's my favourite because I think it had the best rhythm. Thanks for reviewing, Sideshow Cellophane 26!

Lisa had gone with the other fourth-graders to their baseball field, which, according to her, was called "Gerald Field". Helga was there, of course, so I figured it was time Bart and I made our move. As it turned out, it was easy to get in. Bob wasn't there, and the door was unlocked. Helga's mom was home (I noticed that was where Helga got her blonde hair from), but she was asleep on the bench. I noticed the blender and made a glugging motion to Bart, realizing why the mom wasn't awake at this point. We both laughed silently. Maybe that was why Helga was so mean – her dad couldn't even remember her name, and her mom drank. I felt a little sorry for her.

But that didn't mean I wasn't going to find out what was in her closet.

There was a plaque marked "Helga's Room", so I knew exactly where to go. Bart and I looked into the room that was directly opposite my bedroom window.

I closed the door quietly, and then went to the closet. At first I thought there was nothing, and I was very disappointed. Then Bart spotted something that I'd thought was the back of the closet.

"There's a curtain!" he drew it back and I gasped at the sight. There stood a little sculpture, and there were several small pink books scattered around.

"Isn't that Arnold?" Bart said, surveying the figure.

"This just gets weirder." I muttered. "Lisa says that everyone told her that Helga hates Arnold for no reason. I wonder, what are these pink books?" I picked one up and opened it to a random page. Almost immediately, the words jumped out at me.

Arnold, my love, my sultry preteen

Why must I hold you only whilst I dream?

Will I be forever enslaved by your spell?

Why must I worship you, and never ever tell?

Arnold, you make my girlhood tremble, my senses all go wacky

Someday I'll tell the world my love, or my name's not Helga G. Pataki!

I could only stare at the poem. Helga wrote poetry? Really? And not just any poetry – love poetry! The sculpture of Arnold was...I suddenly realized how the closet was set out. It was a shrine!

I started giggling.

"What? What?" Bart asked. "What's so funny?"

I gave him the book. "Read this." I chuckled. "I can't believe Helga wrote it, but her name's right there!"

Bart was soon laughing, too. "She...she loves Arnold? Oh, this is rich. She is totally obsessed!"

I grinned. "You know, she's got heaps of these books. She probably won't miss just one..." I took the book. "I am so showing this to Lisa. I don't feel right about telling anyone this information...but she can know, and do what she will with it."

Bart grinned back at me. "Yeah, but this information is way too juicy not to use. I'm keeping it stored. Might come in useful as blackmail sometime."

Lisa was shocked when we told her. "What?" she gasped. "Everyone thinks she hates Arnold, and she's always yelling at him, pranking him, calling him names...poor Arnold! He doesn't even know!"

"So..." I asked. "Are you going to tell him?"

Lisa shook her head. "I think I should tell Helga I know...but don't worry, I won't tell her how I know. But it's up to her to tell Arnold, right?"

I smiled. "Right. Doesn't mean I can't privately have a little fun, though. Listen to this:" I took out the little pink book and opened it to the poem I'd found, reading it out in a dreamy lovesick, breathless voice. Lisa's eyes went wide, obviously finding it hard to believe Helga could've written this stuff. She gasped when I got to the admittedly uncomfortable zone for nine-year-olds line "you make my girlhood tremble". Even I was a bit shocked by that.

But to be absolutely truthful, Helga's obsessiveness didn't match up to Rhonda's problems. Not even close. I spent nearly a week mulling over Helga's feelings for Arnold, but then I met Rhonda's stalker.

It was during recess when I saw Rhonda in the halls. I hadn't ever spoken to her, but I'd seen Lila and Nadine going around with the pretty brunette, usually with Lisa tagging along. But this time, Rhonda was on her own, and she looked a lot less composed than usual. She tore past me, just as I heard another voice calling something. I knew I was about to meet the stalker, because I knew from what Lisa had told me that no one else could make Rhonda lose composure.

I was bored, and I wanted some amusement. So I blocked the hallway so the boy couldn't get through, and I took this chance to look at him. He had dark hair in a bowl cut, thick glasses that hid his eyes, and he wore a green and orange shirt with brown shorts. If not for the glasses, he would have looked normal, but not seeing his eyes was a little unnerving.

"Sorry, authorized people only." I said, smirking.

"Let me through!" the boy argued. "My beautiful princess, my true love, my other half is down there, and I must pursue her!"

"Take a walk, kid." I advised him. "Judging by how fast she was running, I'd say she didn't want you around."

"She just plays hard to get!" the boy protested. "She loves me really. She said she likes me, honest!"

"I never said that!" The voice came from Rhonda, who'd stopped for a moment after she'd noticed I'd blocked the hallway. "Leave me alone, you little freak!"

"I'll leave you alone..." the boy began, with a creepy smile spreading onto his face. "If you give me a lock of your hair."

"Never!" Rhonda shrieked, and ran away and out of sight.

The boy glared at me, with a slight scowl. "Let me through! I must go to her!"

"Nope." I grinned. "I wouldn't usually bother protecting that spoilt little princess...my little sister told me, she's obsessed with style, money and herself...but it's fun to annoy you."

"Hey, Curly, can you just leave R – Stephanie, what are you doing?" Lisa had just rounded the corner.

"Curly? That's his name?" I said, starting to laugh.

"Stephanie, don't annoy him." Lisa hissed. "I told you, I've heard stuff about him. He's dangerous. The last time someone annoyed him, he tried to get the kid expelled by framing him for pulling the fire alarm."

"Come on, Lise, I wasn't doing anything wrong." I said. "He doesn't seem so scary, anyway. It's not like he could actually hurt me." I turned back to Curly. "So, kid, what's your deal with Rhonda? She obviously doesn't like you as much as you like her. Have you planned to kidnap her or something?"

"Never!" Curly exclaimed. "I could not do something so cruel as taking my beautiful darling away from the other people who care for her, as much as I would like to. No, but I pursue her, knowing that one day, she will accept me."

I laughed. "Are you that deluded? Somehow I think that's not going to happen. We should hang out sometime, I like crazy people." I was being sarcastic, and it wasn't until I saw Lisa's eyes widen that I realized the mistake I'd made.

Curly grinned in a very creepy manner. "OK, then...Stephanie, right? Today, after school. My place or yours?"

"I didn't mean literally!" I began, but then I threw caution to the wind. Lisa was looking so terrified, I couldn't resist. "My place. It's next door to Helga Pataki. Come over whenever. I'll see you then."

And with that, I walked off. Lisa followed me, looking petrified. "Stephanie, why did you do that?" she said, looking agonized. "He's not as innocent as he looks! Sid told me one time he locked himself in the principal's office with 500 kickballs because Mr Simmons accidentally skipped him as ball monitor."

This didn't have Lisa's desired effect. I burst out laughing. "Seriously? Oh, I wish I'd seen that."

"And another time, he freed all the animals in the zoo." Lisa added.

"This gets better and better!" I exclaimed.

"And he once made all these guys think they were going to die by pretending to be a ghost and locking them in the graveyard because they wouldn't let him tell the story of that particular ghost." Lisa finished.

I stopped laughing then. I wouldn't have liked that, either. But I wasn't going to back down. "I'm glad I invited him over." I said defiantly. "Something tells me he'll be a lot of fun to have around."

So Stephanie knows about Helga and is interested in Curly. Anyone in doubt about what can happen now?