AN: This is my first Fanfic so hope you enjoy. I forgot to mention that this is not beta-ed so if there are any problems please tell me.
I apologize for not updating in a year. I will try to finish this story as soon as I can. Hope you still like it!
The one I asked to beta my story stopped so I would like to apologize for any mistakes. I know my tenses are all over the place. I am sorry and hope you can deal with me.
Gravitation and its characters are not mine but belong to Maki Murakami. KL Records, Illusionary Escape, Denzel, and Daniel are mine. The song that Ryuichi will sing is one of my original songs called 'It Hurts'.
Summary: Shuichi finally reaches his breaking point and leaves the country to start anew. He gets a new name, new band, and changes everything about himself. When he finally returns to Japan with his new friends, will he return to his old life or keep his new one?
Ch 11: It Hurts, But Heals
A week after the date with Braden, Alex was sitting in a practice room at NG Records when Ryuichi walks in. They look at each other then, Alex gets up to follow him out. Illusionary Escape watches as their leader and brother in all but blood follow the singer of Nittle Grasper. They know Alex will be fine but they worry nonetheless.
Alex is surprised when he is taken to another practice room but after a moment remembers that this was where he used to spent time drawing and talking to Ryuichi when he was Shuichi. Ryuichi takes out a sketchbook and sits on the floor. Alex sits across from his waiting and after a minute Ryuichi starts talking.
"This is the room that I spent a lot of time with Shuichi. He understood me better than anyone. I always felt that he was hiding something but he covered it up with a smile. I wish that I tried harder. The last few days and weeks before his death, I was busy and didn't spent the time I usually spend with him. He must have felt so alone. I wish I would have just been there. How can you handle the pain and move on? I miss him and I don't know how to move past it."
Alex smiles sadly and pulls out a picture of his band when they first got together at 'Street Beats' and hands it to Ryuichi.
"That helps me. My band is my family and I would do anything and everything for them. They are my support through everything. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to show enough care and patience show the true nature of one's personality. Take you for example; you have a serious persona when on stage and in public but when it is just those close to you, you are more relaxed. Treasure the moments with everyone you hold close to your heart. I feel that if Shuichi was here, he would want you to be the best that you can be. You can miss him but don't linger in the past. You will just hurt yourself and those around you more. What did you do when he died? Did you mourn properly? Did you let yourself cry? Did you express yourself and release the grief?"
Ryuichi looks at him and drops the sketchbook. He pulls his knees together and takes out Kumagoro. He hugs it and cries into its fur. Alex goes to sit beside to be a shoulder to cry on. They stay like that for almost an hour. After the crying was done, Ryuichi hands Alex the sketchbook. Alex opens it and sees all the drawings they did together as well as one Ryuichi did after his 'death'. What caught his attention was lyrics surrounded by pictures of his old self and Ryuichi. Ryuichi sees the page and starts singing.
It hurts to remember
How it used to be
It hurts to be reminded
Of your time with me
I remember all those days
When we laughed together
I remember all those time
When you saw me cry
But now it's all over
I can no longer say
What I was feeling that day
Cause you are gone
Goodbye was your last words
But not verbally
You said it by leaving me behind
I don't know what you couldn't see
It hurts, it hurts to remember
What I could have had
It hurts to be reminded
But I'm just so sad
You were my one and only
But I wasn't for you
You were so special but
It seems it wasn't true
It hurts only for me
You moved right on ahead
As if I was nothing to you
Was it really that bad?
It hurts, it just hurts
All those days we were apart
And now those days are forever
We are no longer together
Your tears, your smile,
Our laughter, our time
It's over and gone
And now it just hurts to think
Alex can feel the pain and how much he is missed by his longtime idol. He could feel a couple tears fall on his own face and wipes it off. Ryuichi sees and can see that he can touch people and still remember one of his best friends.
"Thank you! You have shown me that I can still miss him but move on at the same time. I need to forgive myself and let the memory of Shuichi be one of love and happiness. He gave me a chance to be myself and now I must not let his life and influence to be in vain."
Alex is surprised when Ryuichi turns to hug him. Alex returns the embrace and feels lighter inside knowing that he will no longer be a burden on his idols spirit. He pats his back and smiles.
"He will always live on in your heart! As long as you never forget, he lives within everyone!"
Alex hands back the sketchbook and gets up. Ryuichi stay sitting and writes and draws more in the sketchbook. He walks out and returns to the room where is band is. On the way, he bumps into Tohma Seguchi. He nods and bows and they walk together.
"I noticed that you have been talking to those that were close to Shuichi. May I ask why?"
Alex looks at him and decides it is time to get for his final talk. His tour in Japan is almost over and he needs to finish his journey of closure.
"I feel that it is time to let the pain and sorrow pass and make room for happier memories. People need to move on and let Shuichi have a lighter memorial within the hearts of those he loved. I understand him and I know that he wouldn't want what everyone has been placing on his memory. From what everyone has told me, Shuichi was a hyperactive and fun-loving person. I doubt he would want that to be tainted with regret and pain. So, may I speak to you before I return to America? I feel that you are one who needs someone to talk to as well."
Tohma stops to look Alex in the eye and nods.
"You will be here one more week but I think we should talk tomorrow in my office."
Alex nods and prepares for his last week and what he has planned for the future.
AN: Alex will be speaking to Tohma soon. What will he say? What will everyone do when Alex finally leaves? Will Alex reveal himself or let 'Shuichi' stay dead? Till next time…
P.S.: I wanted to thank the following people for taking the time to read and comment, since my last chapter. Even if it was just critique my writing or say how much you love my story. I appreciate the support from my story followers/favorites as well. I also want to say thank you for those who have been reading my story even when I was on a bit of a hiatus.
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