A/N Thanks again Maria.
Hopefully it won't cause too much confusion, but this chapter takes place during the same period of time as the last chapter. Also I just know ffn is going to distort the alignment of the first segment, but hopefully it won't seem too bad.
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A man had limits.
Limits to how much he could be expected to take – the mockery, the scorn, the indifference.
Argus Filch was used to it – he even expected it – from the children, but he shouldn't have to put up with it from the staff. Still, when it was directed at just him, he could handle it, but when it extended to Mrs. Norris, that was his limit.
And as if Kettleburn's verbal attacks against Mrs. Norris weren't enough, there was still that kneazle on the loose. Something had to be done about that kneazle. Unfortunately, there was also a limit to what Argus was capable of doing.
But now thanks to the Kwikspell company, Argus was limited no more – at least not as far as what he could do about keeping that kneazle away.
A room – no, a castle – full of wizards and witches and not one would lift a wand to help him. No matter, he had found a way to do it without them. Some people might find Kwikspell's latest product to be reactionary, or even fear mongering, but not Argus. Opening the box from Kwikspell, he carefully removed the device. Setting it on the ground, he pulled out the directions.
Kneazle-Be-Gone
Tired of kneazles biting the head off of your familiar?
Not fond of finding your garden littered with bits of lawn gnome?
Frustrated by kneazles unearthing your tubers?
Are kneazles leaving their leavings on your Quidditch pitch?
Does a kneazle catch the snitch before you do?
Have kneazles impregnated your Transfiguration Professor one time too many?
Kneazle-Be-Gone will make all of your kneazle troubles go away.
Designed for the witch or wizard who can't find the time to cast all the necessary repelling charms, simply place our pre-enchanted device in the area you wish to be kneazle free and click your heels three times. Powerful enchantments will be released to instantly ward away those unwanted pests. Safe and non-toxic, with the same patented spellnology as the rest of our line of Be-Gone products, Kneazle-Be-Gone works by reminding invaders of a prior engagement that they simply can't miss! Kneazle-Be-Gone is effective to a range of almost 1000 meters.
Get Kneazle-Be-Gone and be kneazle free in no time!
Look for our other fine repelling products at an outlet near you:
Muggle-Be-Gone
Lawn Gnome-Be-Gone
Lethifold-Be-Gone
Solicitor-Be-Gone
Troll-Be-Gone
You-Know-Who-Be-Gone
So eager was he to begin protecting Mrs. Norris and the other cats in the castle, that once Argus reached the advertisement for Kwikspell's other fine products, he stopped reading and began clicking his heels. He never did get to the fine print at the bottom.
Caution : For outdoor use only. Not for use in contained areas. Prolonged exposure can be fatal.
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Albus raced down corridor after corridor attempting to get out of the castle. He had to get to this meeting. It was such a very important meeting. He wanted to stop a moment to think about what was so important about this meeting, but he hadn't the time to do that – the meeting was that important! At the edge of his mind, there was something else equally important – perhaps even more important – but he couldn't stop to think about that right now. He had to get to this meeting. It was such a very important meeting. If only he could get there, then everything would be all right.
He was almost to the Forbidden Forest and the point past which he could apparate, when he remembered what that other important thing was – Minerva was in the Hospital Wing! Something was wrong with their baby! He had to get back to her! He couldn't fathom why he had left, why he wasn't still with her.
He turned, but he didn't get far before he remembered - he had a very important meeting that he had to get to. Forgetting where exactly it was that he had just been headed, he again turned and made for the forest.
As the trees grew denser around him, he knew the forest was the place to be – except…
Minerva! What was he doing here? He had to get back to her. How could something as all important as that have slipped his mind?
Spinning on his heel, he again turned, but this time he only made it a few steps before it hit him – or since it was a tree, more accurately, he hit it.
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As Kettleburn passed Filch on the castle grounds, the first thing that struck him as odd was that the other man's cat was nowhere to be seen. And even from afar, Filch seemed to have an air of complacency about him instead of his recent air of worry.
Kettleburn was debating whether he cared enough to investigate – he was leaning heavily towards no – when Filch called him over. Kettleburn considered just pretending he hadn't heard him, but the truth was, he was mildly interested.
Filch rocked back on his heels smugly as he gestured at something on the ground. "We won't be seeing that kneazle around here again anytime soon."
"What is-" Seeing the box that formerly housed the item, Kettleburn stopped short.
Kettleburn wasn't buying Minerva's story.
Oh, he believed her baby's father was a kneazle, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that he wasn't an idiot. He could count and the months just didn't add up the right way. His kneazle conversation with Minerva had occurred early in September. While Minerva claimed she couldn't remember the exact date of conception - she had 'tried to put the whole horrible experience out of her mind' – it clearly wasn't before their little conversation.
So looking back, given what he now knew, her question about cats and kneazles took on a whole new meaning.
Kettleburn was convinced that what happened was no accident. It really should be perfectly clear to anyone with even the slightest knowledge of animal husbandry that what had happened was no accident. Humans were one of the few species that copulated for recreation, not just procreation. Kneazles were not one of the other few. Unlike Filch's cat, a kneazle wouldn't hump anything and everything that stayed in one spot for more than two minutes. Minerva had to have known exactly what she was doing and when she was doing it to entice that poor kneazle.
So no, Kettleburn wasn't buying into the whole woe is me pity party that everyone else was.
But sure, while Kettleburn might not be the most stand up guy, and true he would prefer not to have to look at Minerva in her condition - knowing how she had gotten herself that way - even he had to draw the line at killing a baby.
"Bloody hell! Turn that thing off! Have you forgotten that Minerva's baby is half kneazle?"
By the look on the squib's face, Filch hadn't made that connection before now.
Filch looked down at the thing on the ground, up at the paper in his hand, and then back to Kettleburn before admitting, "I don't know how."
Kettleburn sighed disgusted. Filch was useless. Checking for some kind of an off switch himself and not finding it, Kettleburn tried a 'Finite Incantatem.' There was no visible change. Kettleburn wasn't sure if that was because his spell had had no effect or because the effects of Kneazle-Be-Gone weren't visible. Thinking it best to just get rid of it, he headed towards the Forbidden Forest. He would toss it in there for the centaurs to enjoy a kneazle free existence.
Filch followed. He was back to his old worried self, but this time not about his own cat. "It was only on for a few minutes. You don't really think it could have had an effect on a half kneazle that quickly?"
Kettleburn wasn't sure, but he thought someone – not him – should go and check on Minerva just to be sure. He half turned to tell Argus just that, when he stumbled over something on the ground.
Seeing Dumbledore lying there in the grass, his face obscured by blood, for a moment Kettleburn thought the worst. He wasn't the only one.
Filch asked him, "Is he…"
Reaching over, Kettleburn discovered that Dumbledore was only unconscious. His pulse was steady and his breathing only hampered slightly by his broken nose. His injuries weren't quite as bad as they looked. His nose wasn't the only bone broken, but it was the cause of the majority of the blood.
"Just unconscious."
Filch was in a panic and not thinking right. "We have to get him to the Hospital Wing!"
"No, we can't." Kettleburn pointed out the obvious. "Do you have any idea of the panic there would be if word got out that Albus Dumbledore was incapacitated? Take him to his rooms – use secret passageways – and I'll get Poppy to meet you there."