Kirk knew he fucked up. What he had said to Carol was...mean. It was starting to dawn on him that reigniting the affair to distract him was mean as well. She didn't know about the stress he was under, the worry he felt - she hadn't deserved what he had said to her. It was clear they were over, permanently this time, but he couldn't shake the guilt he felt every time she said something to him on the bridge. She was doing a much better job at keeping her composure, this time. Kirk was a lot of things, but he wasn't a complete asshole. As we watched her calmly working on the bridge, he made up his mind to apologize.

"Dr. Marcus", he said. He was on the bridge so she would have to listen to him. "Please swing by my quarters at the end of you shift."

"Of course, Captain."

Three hours later Marcus sat confusedly on Kirk's couch. He had made her tea - which was bizarrely thoughtful and was finishing something up on his PADD. She was vaguely curious as to what she was doing there. There was nothing he could say to make her take him back a third time. She wondered why he even bothered.

Finally he looked up, "Carol - there's no easy way to say this. I'm really sorry. What I said to you the other night was...well... it wasn't OK. I was exhausted - I wasn't thinking straight."

Carol was floored - she hadn't expected him to actually apologize.

"Jim - wow – um I forgive you?"

"You do?"

"Well - yes...but I don't think we should date each other anymore."

It was news to Kirk that they had been dating, but he thought it best not to bring it up.

"Yeah - friends, then?"

She smiled, "Sure - why not? Although, I don't think we were ever friends to begin with. We don't really have anything in common."

"Well - this could be the beginning?"

"Of a beautiful friendship?" she finished the line.

"See, we have something in common!"

Carol laughed - he could be kind of a goofball.

"You really like that movie", she said.

"It's pretty good".

"I saw you watching it the other night."

Jim hadn't thought she was awake. "Just having a little trouble sleeping…" he said.

"I saw you do it a few times."

"It's so boring it just puts me right to sleep."

"You just said it was good…"

On impulse Carol grabbed his personal PADD. He always forgot to lock it and left it lying around. It drove Spock crazy, but Jim was never too concerned about security. Before he could stop her she opened it up. Sure enough Casablanca was up - she sputtered.

"Jim! You've watched Casablanca 46 times in the last two months!"

He didn't know what to say.

"Why are you so obsessed with this movie?"

He was somber - he looked at her and smiled sadly, "I ...identify with the end."

Oh my God! Carol had always assumed his fling with Princess Lena had just been about sex, but now it was starting to make sense. He loved her! Carol had spent the last few nights convincing herself that he wasn't capable of love, but here it was, plain as day - he was trying to cope with a broken heart. It was so weird. Suddenly she remembered something.

"She gave you that pendant, didn't she? That's why you freaked out. You didn't feeling right having it on while…"

"No…" he whispered. "I mean it's fine -she wouldn't have been upset, but I…"

"You miss her" Carol finished his sentence.

"Yeah - something like that."

"I understand." Carol said. She told him about her ex fiancé. They started dating her senior year of high school and attended college together. They planned on marrying the summer after graduation, but they couldn't agree on what they wanted to do afterwards. He wanted to go to grad school to become a history professor; she wanted to go into Starfleet. They loved each other very much, but, at 22, there was no way to make it work. They tried long distance, but that failed too.

"When it ended, I thought I was going to die", she said. "But it was for the best - he's married now, to another professor. They had twins right before we left."

"Do you ever wish you stayed with him?" Jim asked.

"No", Carol said. "We picked the best option - for both of us. There was no way either one of us would have been happy. You couldn't have stayed with her, Jim. Even if they would have allowed it, she would have lost her Queenship - then probably resented you for it down the road. You would have had nothing to do - Virosa men take a very secondary role in society... you'd get bored. And it wasn't like she could have come with us, stepped down from her position. This was for the best - even if it doesn't feel like right now."

Jim sighed into his hands, "I know", he said. Of course these things were compounded by the war, but Carol wasn't to know that. "I just...sometimes it's hard to function."

Carol moved to sit next to him and took his hand. "It IS hard, but it will pass. As your new friend can I give you a few pointers?"

"Sure- why not?"

"Let yourself wallow- you need to...and don't feel bad about it. You deserve to let yourself be upset. This is upsetting."

"Next - get some sleep - get a sleep aid if you have to, but you need to sleep. Everything is worse when you're exhausted. Take better care of yourself - and get a damn hobby that doesn't involve shagging me!"

"Last… stop wearing that pendant."

Jim looked alarmed but she continued, "It's touching, but it reminds you of her, keeps you connected to her. But Jim, she's gone… You're never going to see her again, and that sucks, but it's OK too. Put it away, keep it safe, but stop wearing it. One day, when it doesn't hurt so badly, you can look at it and remember her fondly. But you need to let her go."

Jim looked at her, knowing she was right, "Yeah", he said, "makes sense." He slipped the pendant off and held it in his hand. This was goodbye.

When he finally looked back as Carol, he asked, "Why are you being so nice to me? I was kind of awful to you two nights ago… and for the last month… and before that…"

"Because… as mad as I was… there's always a silver lining. We weren't going to work, and I think I needed you be a total prick to realize that, but now…I'm sort of grateful."

"Grateful?"

"Yeah I'm …over you – now I can try to find someone who actually loves me back – who wants to be with me."

"I hear Chekov is single."

She laughed and got up to leave. As she reached the door and she turned to him, "Try not to watch Casablanca too many more times – it's starting to get weird."

Jim smiled, "I just like really identify with Humphrey Bogart's character – "

Carol laughed, "Jim- you're not Humphrey Bogart-Lena is. You're definitely Ingrid Bergman."

Carol was right. Little by little, day by day, the thought of living his life without Lena hurt less and less. Bones hadn't questioned him about the sleep aid- he had watched Kirk wear himself thin for two months, and was happy to give him whatever he needed. He tucked the pendant into a small box and kept it in his sock draw. After a week or so, he stopped taking it out. He redirected his energy into his duties - he actually started reading culture briefings! He also began writing a memoir of his time in space. Lena had been so captivated by his log; she joked that he wrote it like he was writing a book - he thought, why not?

Kirk also took the time to brush up on his combat training. It was more fun than lifting weights, and he loathed the treadmill. Of course, Spock routinely kicked his ass, but it felt good to hit someone sometimes.

He became happy again - he was a Starship Captain, after all.

10 months later

Kirk stepped into the turbo lift after a long day. He and Spock had gotten into it over the EXACT meaning of the Prime Directive. Kirk didn't understand why it wasn't OK to beam down and check out a cave dwelling sentient species that had developed space shuttles but not warp. Normally he wouldn't have been that interested, but they actually looked like dinosaurs. That was so cool! Why wouldn't Spock want to get a closer look?

The lift stopped and a 1st class Crewman stepped on. Kirk stared at her - she was really cute. She was quite short with dark eyes and dark hair pulled neatly back in a bun at the nape of her neck. Since ending things with Carol, he had remained celibate, which is probably why he was taking such thorough note of her shapely body.

"Can I help you, Captain?" she asked, her eyebrows raised. She had caught him ogling her.

"Name Crewman?"

"Crewman Julie Hernadez, First Class, Sir", she said with a smile. Upon seeing that he did not recognize her name she added, "Engineering."

"Ah - Crewman Hernadez - yes, good work so far." Wow, he was out of practice.

The turbo-lift stopped, "Well...this is me…" she said, "Have a good evening Captain."

Kirk stared after her. How had he not noticed her on the ship before? Probably because he had been too preoccupied with Carol - then Lena - then getting over Lena. He shook his head.

Typically Kirk took his meals in his quarters, and worked on his memoir, but two days later he had the strangest desire to head down to the mess hall. He didn't want to admit it, but he was sort of hoping Hernandez would be there. After he encountered her in the turbo-lift he had pulled up her file. He was surprised to learn she was actually a year older than he was - she looked 25 - but she had spent a few years working before entering Starfleet Academy. She was also divorced, but, from the looks of it, she had gotten married at 18, and then divorced 26 months later. Hobbies included surfing, and salsa dancing.

The Enterprise was her first assignment. She was not originally supposed to be here, but she replaced someone who dropped out at the last minute. He had encountered that several times when he was assigning the crew. Five years in space sounded great in theory, but, when push came to shove, a lot of people didn't want to leave their families for so long. Plus Starfleet had seen a lot of casualties in the last few years, and Kirk had a reputation for not staying out of trouble.

He wandered into the mess hall, and saw Marcus and Scotty sitting off by themselves in the corner. He and Marcus had become sort of friends over the past few months - they still had almost nothing in common, but her advice had been just what he needed to hear.

"Hey Jim", she said, seeing him approach.

"Jim!" Scotty said. "What are yer doing down here?"

Kirk smiled, "Just got a little tired of the quiet, I guess. Mind if I join you?"

"Sure," Marcus smiled.

Kirk sat down with them and the three went over the massive fight Kirk had had with Spock on the bridge. No one could stress out Spock like Kirk could, but then again, that was why they made such a good pair. They needed each other as counterweights. Spock STILL didn't want to beam down to the planet.

Kirk's thoughts were interrupted by a commotion at the other end of the mess hall. He thought he heard music. Getting up to check it out, he realized it was her; Hernandez. She was with a group of Crewmen from engineering. They were sitting on the table, drinking beers and laughing while Hernandez was attempting to teach some guy how to salsa dance. She wasn't having much success - he kept stepping on her toes. That didn't seem to deter her, however.

"OK - no, no, no, on ONE. Step - rock - step -Oh Jesus!"

"I give up!" he said, retreating back to his beer. Kirk frowned - salsa wasn't that hard, especially if you had a partner who knew what they were doing. Kirk had learned a few years ago on a bet - it was actually kind of fun.

"Captain", she whirled around to see that he had been watching her. He needed to stop being so creepy.

"Crewman", he said, "Sorry I heard the music."

She laughed and took a swig of her beer. "Sorry about that - these guys asked me to teach them how to salsa - apparently I'm not a great teacher."

"Maybe it's the students?" he said, looking pointedly at the group sitting on the table.

"You're welcome to try and keep up with her yourself, Captain!" one of them shot back.

Hernandez grinned, "Do you want to dance with me?" she asked.

Kirk never backed down from a challenge. "Put something on a little more up tempo" he said, and took her outstretched hand.

All at once she was in his arms. She was indeed very short - she barely came up to his shoulder. Looking down, he noticed a very light smattering of freckles on her nose. Her thick hair was almost black, and fell a little past her shoulders - she was really very very pretty. Her hands felt warm in his, and she moved quite gracefully. She seemed pleasantly surprised that he knew what he was doing.

"I didn't realize you knew salsa, Captain"

"I don't - you're teaching me."

Smiling she shook her head, "Sure."

"No, really watch this!" Kirk gave her a twirl and dipped her. Her body was pressed into his, and his face was close enough to feel her breath. She blushed slightly - the music had stopped. A few crew members had gathered to watch them and there was a small smatter of applause.

"I guess that's why he's the Captain!" someone hooted. Kirk looked up. Carol and Scotty had disappeared. He smiled and pulled Hernandez back to her feet.

"Thanks for the dance lesson", he said, turning to leave.

"Um - do you wanna… hang out with us?" she asked quickly.

He turned to her, but before he could say a word, she pressed a cold beer into his hands. "You deserve a drink at least - I think you're my best student to date!" She smiled - she had a great smile.

"Sure, why not?" Kirk said. The memoir could wait.

Kirk settled down at the table with Hernandez and her friends. It was a little odd - he usually hung out with bridge officers, but she was so warm and welcoming he didn't even think about. They finished the beers and did a round or two of shots. Kirk noticed she was quite good at holding her liquor. Suddenly, his com beeped - Spock was looking for him.

"Mess hall", he said, and went back to his beer.

Spock hurried down to the mess hall to find the Captain sitting with a passel of crewman, drinking a beer. He looked happier than Spock had seen him in months. He noticed an attractive female sitting across from him, Crewman Julie Hernadez. Spock knew her to be an excellent worker - a quality he admired. He wondered if she was why he was here.

"Captain, I thought we were to finish our discussion on whether or not to go down to the planet."

Kirk check the time, "Oh, sorry! I didn't realize what time it was. My apologies," said to the group.

Hernandez looked up, "We're not going down?"

Spock looked at her, he could tell she was tipsy, "Unclear - it may violate the prime directive."

"Oh", she said, "That's too bad."

"The Captain feels similarly."

"But like - I mean - how can you not go down there? They look like dinosaurs!"

Kirk glanced at her in surprise, "They DO! See Spock -"

"They are not dinosaurs, Captain."

"They ARE THOUGH!"

Spock didn't need this. "We will revert to this discussion in the morning." And he left.

Kirk turned back to Hernandez, "They totally look like dinosaurs."

"They do!" she said laughing, "It's hilarious - I hope you can get him to change his mind…."

"Oh I will."

Kirk and Hernandez stayed at the table, talking about the species into the night - her friends left, and eventually she checked the time herself. "Oh crap - I'm sorry Captain, I have to go - I need to be up in a few hours." She cleared off the empty beer bottles - they drank quite a few.

"I can walk you", he said.

Hernandez was oddly quiet in the turbo-lift. When they got out he walked her to her door.

"Well, this has been fun", she said.

"Yeah - thanks for the dance lesson."

"You said that already."

He now remembered that he had.

"Yeah…"

She looked up at him, "You said that too…"

"I guess I'm out of things to say…"

She took a step closer, with a slight smile on her face. "Umm hmm."

She was right there; he could smell the sweetness of her floral shampoo. Hernandez flexed up to her tip toes, and kissed him. Softly at first, but when he didn't pull away she continued. Finally, she broke it.

She looked into his surprised eyes and said, "Well… goodnight Captain," and went into her quarters.

Kirk was stunned - he hadn't been expecting that, but it was nice. Confusedly he walked back towards the turbo-lift only to bump headlong into Carol.

"Oh hey!"

"Hey Jim - hanging out the Uhura's old quarters again?" She was the only one who knew his secret.

"No - I just walked Crewman Hernandez down to her quarters…"

Carol raised her eyebrows, she had seen them dancing earlier "She's really great,", she said with smile and a shrug.

"Yeah… she's nice. What are you doing up anyways…"

Kirk was interrupted by Scotty walking out of her quarters.

"Scotty - what are you doing…" Kirk paused, "Wait? Are the two of you…?"

Carol rolled her eyes, "Mind out of the gutter, Jim, but yes…we have been seeing each other for a few months."

Scotty grinned guilty at Kirk. "Sorry Jim, wasn't quite sure how to tell yer."

"No" Kirk said, "That's great! I'm happy for you guys….Well I'm off - have a good night."