And so it went for a little over a month. They would try, but it was either too fast or Lili wasn't quite in the right mood or conditions weren't perfect or she couldn't truly relax and let herself go. But José was enjoying himself, and so she figured at least someone was having a good time of it.
By the time the fourteenth of February rolled around, her period was two weeks late and she was more than a little bit relieved. If it meant what she figured it did, she'd have the best possible Valentines' Day gift for José.
Once the lunch rush was over, she gave Craig and Brian inventory work to do. Lili went to Sick Bay. Andrew was feeding the Derellian bat when she walked in. "Chef! What's up?"
"Can you give me a pregnancy test?"
"Sure," he said, washing his hands, "Got any symptoms?"
"I'm about two weeks late."
"Got it. Is there anything that feels like morning sickness, or maybe intense PMS?"
"Nope," she said as he drew blood. "How are things in your life?"
"Can't complain. Mrs. Miller is well and little Scotty is kicking up a storm. I've got a little something on today's calendar called Get T'Pol pregnant, so if you've got a bun in the oven, you'll be far from alone." He put the blood sample onto a slide and spun it in a centrifuge. "Yourself?"
"Okay, I guess. Andrew, can I ask you a sex question?"
"I guess so, but are you sure you don't wanna wait for Phlox? Victoria has him in the schoolroom today; he's showing the kids the stethoscope, that sorta thing."
"That's okay. I, uh, is there anything you can do about, uh, well, it's frigidity. I guess that's the right word for it."
"Huh." He took the slide out from the centrifuge. "Looks like your hormones are coming up baby. Are congratulations in order?"
"Sure, but, uh, well, I take it you're figuring out that this wasn't necessarily the most, er, pleasant conception."
He searched her face for clues. "Are you a willing participant?"
"Excuse me?"
"If José is forcing you, Lili, you don't have to take it, marriage or no marriage."
She measured her words carefully. "I am a willing participant. I'm just not a terribly happy one. I don't, uh, I don't respond much at all these days."
"I see. You talk to your husband about this?"
"Sometimes," she sighed. "It's not that he doesn't care. And it's not that he doesn't try. But half the time he's too fast or inept, half the time I'm not really in the mood, and half the time we get interrupted."
"That's three halves." She looked at him a little crossly, so he hastily added, "Sorry. I guess it wasn't such a good time for levity. Look, you could demonstrate what you like, right?"
"I have," she explained, "I guess I just do it better, or something."
"Well, you're used to your own touches. Go with the fact that what he does is unexpected, okay? That can be kinda sexy."
"I guess."
"Things'll change yanno. When you get big, you'll need to try different positions. One of them might work better for you."
"Like what?"
"Don't tell anyone I told you this," Andrew confided to her, "but there's a position where it's like you're spooning."
"And it's good?"
"Oh, yeah," he smiled a little, "we better give José the good news, eh?"
"Yeah, we should. Thanks for the tip. And thank you for listening, too."
"It's why I'm here."
=/\=
She only told José to come to Sick Bay, but not the reason. He raced over. The doors swished open. "What happened? Are you okay? Is she okay?" He was breathless with the exertion.
"Calm down," she told him, "I'm just pregnant. I thought I would surprise you, but I guess that wasn't such a good idea."
"Holy cow, meu deus," he let out a breath. "I was so, so scared."
"I'm sorry. I should have just told you on the communicator."
"It's, it's okay," he assured her, "how, uh, how far along?"
"Very early," Andy reported, "three weeks to a month or so, I'm figuring."
"Is it a boy or a girl?" José inquired.
"You can tell with an amniocentesis puncture, but I wouldn't recommend one in this instance. Fifty-two is very late for a first pregnancy. By definition, this is a high-risk pregnancy."
"Does Lili need to stay in bed, or something?"
"No," Andy explained, "I mean, I'll confirm it with Phlox, but it's more like she should avoid stress and not do any heavy lifting, that sort of thing."
"Can I continue working?"
"Should you be working? Should she be working?"
"José, if I don't work, the meals are gonna get repetitious awfully quickly."
"But you need to take it easy."
"Time out," Andrew formed his hands into the shape of a capital T. "You can work. But, like I said, no heavy lifting and watch the stress. Maybe try to share the load when it comes to anything that might be really stressful, whether that's making difficult things, or, or menu planning or whatever. Let Brian and Craig do most of the serving."
"Okay," agreed Lili, "I can just go on Captain's Mess detail. It's a lot easier. How often should I get checked out by you or Doctor Phlox?"
"Normally, I'd say monthly. Let's make it twice a month to start, okay?"
"Sure," she agreed, "so I'll see you in two weeks?"
"Sounds good to me," confirmed Andrew, "and I'll be sure to tell Phlox. If he wants you on a different schedule, or wants to run any tests or whatever, then of course I'll defer to him."
"Thank you, Doctor," José said.
"Hey, I'm not a doctor just yet," Andy cautioned. "See ya in two weeks." They left.
=/\=
Once they were in the hallway, José asked, "Can we talk a little bit?"
"Uh, yeah," she replied, "though I do have to get back to the galley at some point."
"And I'll need to go back to Engineering."
Three of Phlox's young children ran by as their mother, the very pregnant Amanda Cole Phlox, pretended to let them win a foot race. "'Scuse us!" she called out, "Michelle! Randy! Grace! Wait up!"
José waited until they were gone before he spoke again, "Uh, are you okay with all of this?"
"Of course."
"Look," he mumbled, "I'm okay with you not, you know, being too affectionate. But I really hope you can be with, with …" his voice trailed off.
"With whoever this is," she took his hand and placed it on her still more or less flat belly.
"Yanno," José remembered, "there's an ultrasound machine. I made it when Meredith was expecting Nick. We could have Andrew or Phlox use it in like a month or so, and learn if you're gonna have a boy or a girl."
"No."
"No?"
"I don't wanna know. It just – I can't explain it, but it just feels like bad luck."
"How do we decide on a name, then?"
"I guess we'll work it like people did for however many thousands of years before ultrasounds and stuff were invented," Lili explained, "We'll come up with two names and then birth will decide it all for us."
"You should pick out the names."
"Oh, honestly, José, you don't have to defer to me on that." He looked a little hurt, so she quickly added, "I just mean that, you know, I don't have to win this one, or anything like that. This is your baby, too."
"So how do you wanna do it?"
"Maybe you could pick out a boy's name, and I could pick out a girl's," she suggested.
"That sounds good to me. But, uh, Lili?"
"Hmm?"
"To go with my last name, you know, I mean, you're Irish."
"I am also French."
"Oh, I didn't know that about you."
"So I'm French-Irish, and?"
"And I think maybe the baby should have, like a Portuguese name – or at least a Spanish one. Otherwise, it'll sound kinda off with Torres."
"My mother's name was Marie Helêne. I would, uh, I would probably pick that."
"Then is Maria Elena okay? It's also the name of this really old song."
"I'll look it up. What about you? Would you name the baby after your father?"
"Nah," he shook his head, "Dad's name was Orazio. I can't see saddling a kid with that – and definitely not José, junior. I don't have an ego that's as big as all that. So, um, I'll think about it but I'll run it by you first."
"Okay. Oh, and José?"
"Hmm?"
"Tonight, I wanna try something different."
"Tonight? But we can't."
"Who says we can't?"
"I mean, you're pregnant and all."
"So?"
"So maybe the baby would get hurt."
"José, it'll be fine. Besides, we've been doing it for, what, a few weeks into this pregnancy already."
He mulled that over for a second. "You sure it's okay?"
"Positive."
His PADD dinged. "I gotta go. Commander Tucker's got an appointment in Sick Bay today, and I'm supposed to take charge of Engineering while he's out."
"Oh yeah, Andy mentioned something. I'd better go, too."
He kissed her cheek and then looked both ways to make sure no one was in the hall that could see. They were alone, so he knelt in front of her and kissed her belly before leaving.
=/\=
In Sick Bay, Phlox walked in with the Tuckers. "Are we ready to get started?" asked the Denobulan.
Tripp looked at Andrew. "Uh, no offense, Miller, but I'd prefer the smallest number o' people in here as possible."
"If there is a medical emergency, Ensign Miller should be here," T'Pol pointed out.
"Tell ya what," Andrew offered, "I can go to the Bio lab. I got an experiment running anyway. Oh, and Phlox, Lili O'Day, uh, I mean Torres, is pregnant."
"Ah, high risk," stated Phlox, "we should have her return in two weeks for a thorough physical."
"I told her as much. While I'm out, I'll send an appointment to her PADD. I'll look in on Shelby and your wife, too."
"Regards to the missus," Tripp called out, "er, both of 'em." Andrew departed. "So, how d'ya wanna do this?"
"I'll need samples from both of you," replied the doctor.
"Oh. Uh, yeah, a sample."
The Denobulan produced a beaker. "There is the bathroom if you desire privacy."
"Uh, yeah," muttered Tripp. He looked at the beaker and frowned, and then caught T'Pol's eye. "Uh, can I talk to you a sec?"
"Naturally."
"I mean in here." He opened the door to the little bathroom and shut it behind them.
"You seem distressed," commented the Vulcan.
"I – God – when you 'n I talked about havin' a baby, well, I guess I realized, intellectually, that it would mean this. It still, it seems, it's so, so sterile."
"In my case, it is also not as I would have expected. Fertility comes at Pon Farr, but the doctor has explained to me that he believes that implantation is more likely to be successful if I am not in the throes."
"Right. Still, I mean, I know that all of the men with Ikaaran wives have been down this exact same road. Even the captain's had to do this, for gosh sakes! But it doesn't, you know, make it any less impersonal."
"It is likely," T'Pol explained, "that most species interbreeding will require this form of medical intervention. It is necessary if we – or anyone like us – desire any chance for procreation."
"It's a miracle, I guess, in a way," he conceded, "but it still feels, I dunno, like gettin' a tooth pulled, rather 'n makin' a baby!"
"This is what was done in the previous iteration."
"Right. And I just have a log entry that says it was done. No specifics. You?"
"None."
"I bet it felt the same way, then. You know, impersonal."
"It need not be impersonal," stated the Vulcan.
"Oh?"
She kissed his neck. "Perhaps I can assist you in your endeavor."
"Hmm. Maybe you could. Uh, a lil to the left. There."
They had more than enough by the time it was all over.
=/\=
Phlox and T'Pol worked together as Tripp stood off to the side. Every time he tried to amuse himself by looking at his PADD or clicking open his communicator, she would give him a bit of a look. Finally, she stopped what she was doing. "Is there a problem?"
"It's, well, I dunno what t'do with m'self."
"Would you like to read a book while our child is created?"
"What's what supposed to mean?"
"It strikes me that you are," she paused, "bored."
Phlox came over. "Commander Tucker isn't exactly engaged in this part of the process. However, I believe that we are close to a breakthrough. Do come and take a look."
They followed him to the neutron microscope. Tripp peered in first. "What am I supposed to be lookin' at?"
"As you are well aware," Phlox explained, "conception occurs when sperm meets egg. Humans normally have twenty-three pairs of chromosomes and, when a sperm or an egg are created, that number is halved – it's twenty-three singles, which recombine at conception."
"Right," confirmed Tripp.
"However," Phlox continued, "between humans and Vulcans, the number of chromosomes is not the same. But they still need to line up evenly."
"Therefore," T'Pol picked up the thread of the narrative, "our cells must have their chromosomes rearranged in a few small ways in order to allow for interspecies conception."
"So we trick 'em?" asked the engineer.
"More or less," stated Doctor Phlox, "See, we place the gametes into a dilute solution of potassium carbonite."
"What's that do?"
"It enables the chromosomes to move more than is normal," T'Pol explained. "This allows for a slight rearrangement."
"Who has the extra chromosomes?" asked Tripp.
"Commander T'Pol does," reported the Denobulan, "she has four additional chromosomes. Therefore, once hers have split, there are a total of twenty-five chromosomes. Hence, we are making one new pairing purely Vulcan, whereas the remainder are mixed."
"And that works?" asked the engineer.
"It does!" Phlox enthused. "For the Ikaaran-human pairings, the Ikaarans have two fewer chromosomes, so there is one unpaired human chromosome. However, the Ikaarans also have, on average, more genes on each chromosome. I end up shuffling around the individual genes a bit."
"Doesn't that mess things up?"
"I mainly move around the genes responsible for back tooth shape. Human-Ikaaran children end up with slightly oddly-shaped wisdom teeth. For my beloved Amanda and me, the numeric differential is that I have four fewer than she does, hence our children each have one pair that is purely human."
"Fascinating," T'Pol stated.
"And what I'm lookin' at under the microscope?" Tripp pushed.
"We have full chromosomal parallelism," reported the doctor.
"And …?" Tripp inquired.
"And this is a viable human-Vulcan embryo," stated T'Pol..
"The other version of the NX-01 accomplished this feat in October of 2039, I believe," stated Phlox.
"So that's our baby?" Tripp asked.
"It is," T'Pol confirmed, "Doctor, can you implant the embryo today?"
"Absolutely. Just give me a few minutes."
"Wow," Tripp asked, "do you, uh, do you know, is that a boy or a girl?"
She looked into the microscope and adjusted it a few times. "Yes, there it is. There is the Y chromosome. Tripp, this is our son."
=/\=
The day went well enough, and Lili was able to work with Craig and Brian to devise a schedule to accommodate her pregnancy. They decided that she would only handle the Captain's Mess and she would supervise and do most of the cooking that she enjoyed but not the labor-intensive chopping.
One part of the new arrangement in the galley was that Lili would simply stop working by twenty hundred hours, regardless of whether all of the work was completed for the day. She would still start work at the ungodly hour of five, but at least this gave her a fighting chance of getting a good seven or eight hours of sleep.
At home, she dictated a personal log entry and got herself into bed. José walked in. "You're early," he commented.
"We're gonna do this now, in the kitchen. I'll leave at twenty hundred hours, no matter how close or far away we are from being done."
"Good idea, you'll get more sleep that way. Uh, Josh Rosen says congratulations."
"Oh, that was nice of him." She patted next to her side of the bed. "Come sit down."
"Uh, okay."
She leaned over and kissed him. "Can I tell you what Andy told me?"
"About what?"
"About how to do it while I'm expecting."
"Oh, uh, yeah." He kissed her.
"See, it's like, well, um, think of two spoons in a drawer."
"So I'd be behind you?"
"Yeah."
"But I, uh, I like looking at you, Lili."
"Really? Even though I'm over fifty?"
"Yeah, of course. I can try it but, uh, you know, I'd rather look at you."
She smiled at him a tiny bit. "Let's just try it this way, okay? Once?"
"Sure." He began to undress.
She took off her sleeping attire – just an old Mars Culinary Institute tee shirt and a pair of cut off shorts. "Ready?"
"Are you?"
"You know what kinda help I need," she reminded him.
He did what he could, but she was still, mainly, only minimally responsive. "Let's try now," she suggested after a while.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I figure I'm as ready as I'll ever be." She rolled onto her left side.
He got behind her and kissed her neck. "And I just …?"
"Yep."
He put his left leg and arm under her and then merged with her. He had some issues with pushing the usual way, so he began to instead push and pull her body with his hands. "It's very deep," he breathed.
"Uh huh." She put her right hand down, at her front, in order to stimulate herself. At times, she would touch him as well, but she found herself, in general, becoming thoroughly disengaged from what was happening. For a split second, her mind wandered, and she fantasized Malcolm behind her, and then Jay. This got her more stimulated than usual, and her breathing became a bit faster.
She could feel him tensing as he pulled her down, hard. She gasped a little as he climaxed, and then he kissed her neck. He withdrew, a bit sweaty and panting. "Well?"
She turned to face him. "That was the best so far," she said honestly.
"You mean that?"
"Yes."
"We can do it this way tomorrow?"
"Definitely."
"G'night, Lili. I love you."
"G'night, José." She rolled back over as he held her. Before she fell asleep, she wondered to herself – is it all, only, about the pretending?
=/\=
In the Tucker cabin, there was a lot less pretending going on. Tripp lay next to his wife. "Feel any different?"
"I feel no different from when you asked the identical question, four point three minutes ago."
"Oh. Well, I'm sorry. I just want ever'thin' to go smoothly."
"Your concern is appreciated."
"Last time, you had twins. Any particular reason why there's only one embryo this time around?"
"The doctor and I agreed to concentrate our efforts on one embryo. Furthermore, in the prior iteration, during my pregnancy, my logic was … impaired. Doctor Phlox and I believe that a single pregnancy might ameliorate some of those unintended side effects."
"Got it. A boy! Charles Tucker IV!" She raised an eyebrow, so he hastily added, "Or, we could pick out a name together."
"My thoughts exactly."
"Got any ideas?"
She thought for a moment. "Perhaps we can investigate the meaning of your name, and then translate it into the Vulcan language."
"Huh." He got up and picked up his PADD from a nearby desk. He clicked around a bit. "It says here that Charles means free man."
"Then it is a most auspicious meaning," T'Pol stated.
"What's free man in Vulcan?"
"Lo-ree-ahn."
"Can we kinda mash the sounds together?"
"What would you suggest?"
"Lorian."
"That is acceptable."
=/\=
In the Torres cabin, Lili slept, and began to dream a little.
But the four figures – Ian and Malcolm, and Jay and his counterpart, Doug – stayed out of reach. "We must keep our distance," Ian told the other three.
"She's gotta heal," Jay agreed.
"And José must have his chance," Malcolm added.
"His counterpart, from my side of things," Doug said, "he was a nasty, awful man."
"But she said to me once," Ian recalled, "that everyone is redeemable."
"It's love that makes it possible," Malcolm stated.
"He'll eventually figure that out. He's got a lot of atoning to do, a lot of forgiveness has to happen first," Jay stated.
"And then he'll join our small band of, of brothers," Ian confirmed.
Lili turned in her sleep. She could neither see nor hear them. "I believe," she murmured in her sleep. José heard her, and held her just a little bit closer. Softly, she murmured, "I believe in love and, and second chances."
He heard her again and kissed her cheek. "I do, too, he whispered.
=/\=
Charlotte Lilienne O'Day Torres's Personal Log, February fourteenth, 2043
I am going to have a baby. I am happy and José is over the moon. But it still feels odd, as if the players aren't quite right in this little drama. The leading man seems to be miscast.
I will make the best of it, like I have tried to make the best of our marriage. And now things are changing and it will no longer be just the two of us. Maybe that'll be an improvement. I don't know.
During the days, it's okay. I am Mrs. Torres. I see him sometimes. My heart doesn't skip a beat – it's not like when I was with Malcolm. But he is good to see, José is. He is kind and thoughtful and God knows he's trying. I do my best to be accommodating. He is, I am certain, the best choice I could have made, considering the circumstances. I beat myself up pretty constantly, trying to make it so that I love him. But I just can't force that. I cannot make it happen.
And then, the nights, I don't know what to say. I fear I am just too damaged to enjoy anything. I will admit it – I don't seem to climax anymore. It feels like a distant memory, like something that only happened when I was younger, or something. I fight to not let it matter. And maybe that's how I should look at it, as something that is unimportant.
But now that we'll be parents, I don't suppose that matters anymore. All that matters is this baby.
=/\=
T'Pol's Personal Log, February fourteenth, 2043
I am expecting my first child. Chromosomal parallelism has been achieved as it was, apparently, during the first temporal disjuncture. We will name our son Lorian. I am content.
=/\=
Charles Tucker III's Personal Log, February fourteenth, 2043
T'Pol won't admit it, but I think she's doing the Vulcan equivalent of turning cartwheels.
=/\=
José Torres's Personal Log, February fourteenth, 2043
We're going to become parents. I cannot believe how lucky I am. I am so in love. This is forever, I know, beyond death, beyond everything. This is eternity.