Fionna—is a 13-year-old adventurer and Cake's adoptive sister. While usually appearing as black dots, her eyes are seen as blue when enlarged. She wears a rabbit-themed hat (similar to Finn's bear-themed hat) with exposed locks of blonde hair. Unlike Finn, her neck is shown. Her outfit includes a teal blue shirt with elbow-length sleeves, a dark blue skirt, and knee-high socks with two thin horizontal stripes at the top. Fionna is heavier set than. She has a green backpack (similar to Finn's) and Mary Jane shoes. Her name was officially changed from "Fiona" to "Fionna," presumably to make it more similar to Finn's name. The pronunciation, however, has remained unchanged. Like Finn and his crush on Princess Bubblegum, it is revealed in many portraits posted that Fionna has a crush on Prince Gumball. Fionna has buck teeth like a rabbit. Fionna, like Finn, is Cake's adoptive sister.
Cake—Fionna's best friend/adoptive sister and Mo-Chro's girlfriend. She doesn't look much like Jake aside from their body proportions. She has white eyes in which the black pupils become circular if surprised, excited, shocked, or scared. She has a cat muzzle and a small nose (compared to Jake's), cat ears, white fur with many coffee colored spots, and a large bushy tail. Cake may know Morse code in order to speak to Lord Monochromicorn, similar to how Jake knows Korean in order to speak to Lady Rainicorn. Cake plays a hammered dulcimer, as opposed to a viola. Her tail "frizzes out" if it is agitated or worried. As a Lumpy Space 'cat', she is a light color of maroon with large spots of fuchsia to match her coffee-colored spots. Her tail is now lumpy and more beaver-tail-like.
Cute Queen-the leader of the Huggaboopies. The Cute Queen's voice is much like a little girl's, though she speaks in a formal language. In contrast to her male counterpart, the Cute Queen is almost Fionna's height, and she has a more humanoid appearance. She has big, pink eyes and soft lips that add to her cute appearance. She also has pale pink, almost white, skin. Her head is shaped in a pink, mushroom-like bob with a small gold crown on top. She wears a bodysuit with red, yellow, blue and white stripes that stretches from just under her chin to the top of her thighs. A small face can be seen on the seat of her suit. She also wears pink knee-high boots.
Huggaboopies-small, fungus-like creatures ruled by the Cute Queen. Despite their adorable, harmless appearances the Huggaboopies want people to fear them. They are very weak and fragile, and can bruise and break at the slightest touch, but they are also swift and agile. They are slightly larger than their Cutie counterparts.
ADORABLE ACQUISITION
Title Card
Fionna holds up the camera as Cake holds the Cute Queen-who looks viciously annoyed-closer for yet another photo.
Cake the Cat's lips popped in a rhythmic tune as she sat on the maroon couch. Sunlight streamed in ribbons through the window, making Cake's sleek fur shine. Her tail waved lazily behind her, brushing against the fabric of the cushions. Her paws moved in a synchronized dance as they held the silver needles, dipping and twisting and dipping again. The glare that came from the sunlight on the needles danced across the room as the needles moved.
As Cake continued to pop her lips, footsteps began to approach. Soft, then loud, then right at the doorway. Fionna the Human stepped into the living room, her Mary Janes clicking against the soft wood of the floor. She listened to Cake's lip-popping, memorizing the rhythm before she starting to buzz her tongue. Cake smiled and enhanced her popping, just as Fionna enhanced her buzzing. They continued this tune for a full minute before they ceased.
"Yeaaaaa~!" the girls sang as the last note to their song.
"What 'cha doin'?" asked the human girl as she picked up her green backpack and slipped it on her back. She felt comfortable with the familiar heaviness of the pack on her.
"Knittin' a Kitpupbunmousqui."
"You're knitting a what now?"
"A Kitpupbunmousqui," Cake repeated, holding up the knitted object in her lap. It looked like a fusion of five different animals, knitted together with yarn and stuffed with cotton. It had the gray and white paws of a kitten, the brown legs of a puppy, the white belly of a mouse, the gray head of a rabbit (complete with long ears) and the curly brown tail of a squirrel. "I was trying to knit something cute, and I couldn't decide between a kitten, a puppy, a bunny, a mouse, or a squirrel. And so, the Kitpupbunmousqui was born."
Cake held up her right paw, sharpening a single claw that she used to cut the yarn short. Tying the remaining string into a not, she held the new quinanimal close. "I love you, Kitpupbunmousqui..."
Fionna took a slow step away from her feline sibling. "Right...Hey, do you know where I-"
Fionna cut off in a jump as a sudden noise, between rattling and banging, came from the door. Cake was so surprised she clutched the Kitpupbunmousqui close, as if it were her child.
The rattling-banging spread from the door to the walls. A clock fell from its nail, its plastic cover shattering. A sword fell from its sheath, slicing into the wood of the floor like a stick in mud. The packed-tight bookcase teetered, and Fionna dashed forward to stop it from falling over.
Fionna started towards the door, her arm already raised in case she needed her ruby sword at the last minute. Cake hesitated before she stretched out her belly into a pouch, pushing the Kitpupbunmousqui inside like a joey, and followed.
When Cake caught up, Fionna had her back pressed to the wall right next to the door, trying to look out of the small window. "I think someone's after Kitpupbunmousqui!" Cake gasped, wrapping her arms around the stuffed quinanimal in her pouch. "I won't let them get you, honey-pie..."
"Cupcake, get ready to attack!" Fionna whispered sharply, her ruby sword brandishing with its usual shhhk.
Cake took the Kitpupbunmousqui from her belly, her pouch disappearing as she buried the knitted animal into a pile of gold, leaving space for its nose and mouth. Cake then crouched next to Fionna in a pounce-ready stance. "I'm ready!"
Fionna pounded her right Mary Jane to the wood of the door, causing it to burst open with a loud bang of sound. No sooner did it open than did the two girls pounce out of their house. Fionna held out her ruby sword and Cake stuck out her claws-
The two girls landed smack on their faces when they came in contact with no danger. Grass stained their shirt as they skid across the ground, mud staining their elbows and knees. As the two girls regained themselves, a shadow loomed over them. The two girls looked up.
A girl was looming over them, a half-head shorter than Fionna. The look in her eyes made her seem very old and wise, but her overall appearance looked like a child's. She had big, pink eyes and soft lips that added to her cute appearance. She also had pale pink, almost white, skin. Her head was shaped in a pink, mushroom-like bob with a small gold crown on top. She wore a bodysuit with red, yellow, blue and white stripes that stretched from just under her chin to the top of her thighs. She also wore pink knee-high boots. Behind her, an army of small creatures were standing loyally. They were very small, the smallest the size of a thumb and the largest the size of Fionna's ankle. They looked like mushrooms, with smooth, rubbery skin and bright colors.
They were all adorable.
"Look at them~!" Cake sang, her black eyes glittering like jewels as they stared at the creatures in pure awe.
"They're so adorable!" Fionna agreed, her palms pressed to her cheeks, chubbing her lips. Even as a monster-killing heroine, Fionna had a very soft side for small creatures. "I just wanna like 'em!"
The tall, pink girl's eyes narrowed, and Fionna nearly clapped her hands when the glare made her ten times more adorable. "We art not 'cute' or 'adorable'!" Though her language was formal, her voice sounded like an eight-year-old's. "We art evil, and we have arrived to destroy thee!"
"Cupcake, get the camera!" Fionna squeed, slapping her sister on the shoulder.
"But something cute may happen if I leave!" retorted the feline, her glittering eyes getting bigger by the second.
"BEEMA!" The two girls cried together. "BEEMA!"
The small computer console dashed out of the house, a sub-machine like gun in its small grasp, pushing the two girls apart to get a better view of the danger. "THIS IS SPA-" The computer stopped when it caught sight of the small creatures and their leader. Because Beema was a computer console, it bore no feelings, so the cute appearance of the crowd before her had no effect on her. "What's going on?"
"Beema, get the camera!"
"Beema IS camera," the computer replied, its screen clicking into camera lens.
They all spent the next half-hour taking pictures. Posing pictures with the pink leader, group pictures with the creatures, and tons of indivisual pictures. With each picture, the pink girl grew more and more angrier, causing her to become more and more adorable, and THUS causing more pictures to be taken of her.
When Cake started for the door, about to bring out some props, the pink girl threw her hands up. "Enough of these ludicrous photographs! I command thee to bow down to me, the Cute Queen, and my legion of Huggaboopies!"
The Cute Queen's head snapped downwards when she heard another click of the lens.
"We gotta get these printed!" Fionna cooed as she looked at the picture that appeared on Beema's screen.
"I'll fabricate a new file," Beema said. An icon of a pixelated folder appeared on her screen, replacing the photo, with a small line blinking vertically in a small white box. "What do you want to call it?"
The Cute Queen huffed, straightening her shoulders. "Very well. If ye will not take us in a serious manner, we will eradicate thee and thy sister!" Then, glaring, she added, "Until that time has come..." She smiled, and though it made her look more adorable, it had a sort of twisted edge to it. "Congratulations on the Kitpupbunmousqui, Cake..."
And then, still smiling, the Cute Queen walked backwards, the legion of Huggaboopies mimicking her expression before disappearing over the horizon.
"AH!"
Fionna flinched when a sudden, shrill shriek of grief struck her ears. With Beema at her heels, Fionna dashed back into the Treehouse, stumbling.
Cake was on her knees, her belly pressed against the mound of gold she had hidden the Kitpupbunmousqui in. Speaking of the Kitpupbunmousqui, the newly-invented quadanimal was clutched softly in Cake's paws, looking...perfectly normal.
"K-Kitpupbunmousqui!" Cake sobbed, tears spilling from her eyes as the name came out in a pitiful blubber.
Fionna gave her sister an incredulous look. "It's perfectly fine."
"No, Fifi!" Cake crushed the knitted creature against her furry chest, tears dripping off her muzzle and soaking into the quadanimal's yarn. "T-They did something! Poisoned him, o-or-"
"Cupcake." Fionna set her hand on her sister's soft shoulder, giving her a comforting smile. "They didn't do anything."
Cake looked up at Fionna, her eyes filled with suspicious terror. "They knew my name, they knew about Kitpupbunmousqui, they even knew we were sisters! WE'RE FROM TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT SPECIES, FIFI!"
"They're just saying stuff to mess with your head," said Fionna, rubbing Cake between her ears. "Those Huggaboopies are just Rabbits of Cabbernog!"
That night, Fionna's gaze was sad as it looked out of the window to her sister-who was holding a rusty shovel and was currently looking down at the lump of dirt beneath her (the gravestone had to be added to repeatedly due to the long title)-down below.
The knitted animal had 'passed' a few hours before, according to Cake. Fionna had absolutely no-frikkin-idea how she could tell, but the 'autopsy' done on the Kitpupbunmousqui 'revealed' that the cause for the Kitpupbunmousqui's 'death' was murder by cotton poisoning.
A yawn rippled through Fionna's chest, and she let it out as she stretched her arms wide above her head. She slunk over to her bed, Fionna pulled back the animal-skin blankets that coated the mattress. She crawled into the bed, pulling the animal skins up to her chin. The warmth enveloped her, cocooning her softly and-
Fionna hissed in shock and discomfort when something large and furry rubbed against her spine.
Fionna tossed over, ripping the covers away. Two big, black-and-white eyes blinked up at her. "Cupcake? What're you doing here?"
Cake picked at a tuft of bear fur under her chin. "Just chillin'..."
Fionna put her elbow on her pillow, resting her cheek against her palm. "You're still scared about those Hugga-bubbies, ain't cha?"
"...Kinda..." mumbled Cake, pulling the bear skin over her muzzle.
Fionna chuckled. "Listen. Come morning, we'll track those guys down and see what the problem is, alright?"
Cake smiled as she adjusted herself on the mattress, making herself more comfortable under the covers. "Thanks, Fifi." The twenty-eight-year-old feline closed her eyes, trying to embrace sleep, only for them to flutter back open. "You remind me of Poppa sometimes, y'know."
Fionna's body vibrated with a small laugh. "Yeah, good ol' Pop."
Cake stared up at the rooted ceiling, remembering the way her father had always held her when she cried or the way he protected her when she was in danger. "He always knew just what to do sometimes."
"Yeah," Fionna laughed again, then felt her body relax under the warmth of the animal skins. "'Night, sistah."
"Sleep tight," Cake yawned, then curled under the animal skins herself.
It didn't take long for the two girls, one a teenager and one an adult, to fall asleep.
"FIFI! FIFI, HELP!"
Fionna groaned in her throat as her eyelids peeled open, turning over on the mattress. She expected to see her sister, probably having a nightmare or something, only to see her bed was completely empty.
Maybe I just dreamed it, Fionna considered, looking across the darkness of the bedroom, thinking that Cake had crawled back into her drawer-bed. But it was completely empty, the blankets perfectly folded and the pillow crisp.
"Cupcake?" Fionna called, sitting up in her bed with a creak.
"FIFI, HELP ME!"
When Fionna realized her sister's screams were coming from downstairs, she shot from her bed faster than the speed of light, the blankets being pulled five feet away from the mattress from their owner's force. Fionna didn't even climb down the ladder. She jumped straight down the chute and rolled forward when she hit the floor. When she made impact with the wood, she heard the slight shuffle of tiny feet scurrying away.
In the dim light, she could see Cake in the middle of the living room. But she wasn't just standing there, why would she scream? The feline was dangling from a ceiling-root, wool rope tied around her body tightly. The wool was needle-sharp, its bristles so large that if Cake were to try and stretch her way out, or even move in the slightest, they would bury into her sensitive skin. Cake's eyes were filled with fear, her pants so loud they were like air rushing out of a balloon.
Fionna dashed to the left wall, ripping off the rusty machete from its hilt. She then stumbled back to her sister, carefully using the razor-sharp blade to slice through the thick rope. The feline didn't make the slightest move to brace herself, and she simply fell to the floor in a terrified heap. Fionna then noticed that one of her hand-made swords was on the floor. Fionna had a sick feeling Cake hadn't been the one using it.
"Cupcake, what happened?" asked Fionna, kneeling down to help her sister stand. But the only thing they accomplished was kneeling.
Cake panted some more before answering. "I-I couldn't go to sleep. S-so I was going to the kitchen, to get some milk." She attempted to stand, but her knees buckled and she leaned on Fionna. "B-but out of nowhere, t-they tied me up, and they tried to kill me..."
"Cupcake," Fionna made her sister look up at her, "Who tied you up?"
"The Huggaboopies."
No sooner had the terrified cat said the word than Fionna heard a shuffle behind her. She span around, holding out the machete as Cake cowered behind her.
After taking in the surroundings, and going back over them, Fionna lowered the machete. "There's no one here."
Cake's eyes darted back and forth, her tail's hair on end, when they stopped on something. Cake's entire body went rigid. "Oh, no..." Cake darted away, crying out, "OH NO!"
The startled human girl span around, green-blue eyes wide. "What is it?"
Cake walked into the shadows, kneeling down. Fionna could make out a lumpy shape in front of her. "Oh, no-o-o! It's a dead dog, girl! It's guts are all over the place! It's all butchered up and bloody...Aw, no, wait. It's just a pillow." Cake picked up the lumpy red pillow, stepping back into the pale moonlight. "I must've left it here this morning."
"Fionaaaaaaaa...Caaaaaake..."
Gripping the machete, Fionna span around at the sound of the wavery voice. But she continued to see no one, just shadows.
"This is the voice of your faaaaaaather..."
Fionna looked over her shoulder at the red ceramic vase Cake had sculpted not too long ago. Raising an eyebrow, she approached it.
"I've come back to tell you girls how much I hate yoooooooou..."
Fionna looked inside the vase.
Sure enough, a small Huggaboopy was inside, looking up at Fionna with terrified eyes. Then, its eyes narrowed, and it pounced at Fionna's face.
Fionna stumbled back, expecting the Huggaboopy to claw or bite her. But it only used Fionna's face as a sort of jumping pad, and it bounded off her forehead onto the floor behind her.
"GET HER, CUPCAKE!"
Cake moved forward, paws outstretched before the approaching Huggaboopy. The small mushroom-like creature reared back and snarled. Cake's back arched and her tail exploded into a gigantic puff of fur as she sailed backwards, landing on the wall with her claws embedded in the wood. The Huggaboopy made a run for an open gap in the floor, but just as it jumped in, Fionna grabbed it.
As the Huggaboopy hissed and scratched a bit, Fionna called, "Cupcake, what do I do? It's going crazy!"
"Shake her!"
"Huh?!"
"SHAKE HER LIKE A MARACA UNTIL SHE STOPS!"
"ALRIGHT!" Fionna shook her hand as much as she could in the small gap, so quickly the Huggaboopy turned into a blur of bright color. Finally, as her wrist began to tire and the Huggaboopy's snarls calmed, she stopped. The Huggaboopy was panting and groaning, its head bobbing in dizziness. "OK, they've stopped."
"A'ight," Cake pumped one paw into the other for emphasis on her next words, "Now tell them that if they talk about our Dad again-"
"Hold on," Fionna looked away from her sister, her gaze narrowing on the Huggaboopy in the floor gap. "How do you even KNOW about Dad?"
"We hath been watching thee," the Huggaboopy tried to snarl, but it came out as a groan. "Learning thy secrets."
"Why?!"
"For tommorow, at dawn. When our people shall eradicate thee and thy sister with our awaiting army. Thy assume we are adorable...BUT WE ARTH JUST THE OPPOSITE!"
The Huggaboopy sunk its surprisingly sharp claws into Fionna's skin. Fionna jumped as her grip softened on the Huggaboopy, and the creature tried to jump away. Fionna gripped it once more, but she barely caught its arm. The Huggaboopy twisted and snarled, and Fionna tried to increase her grip. Then, something popped, and the Huggaboopy giggled as Fionna sailed backwards.
Fionna landed on her back with a thump, right next to her sister. She felt something small and rubbery in her grasp, and she looked down at her hand. The Huggaboopy's arm was in her fingers. "Ew." she tossed it away, her nose scrunched.
"NOW do you believe me?!" Cake cried, her tail going mad behind her as she flailed her arms for emphasis.
"...I don't know what to believe anymore."
"...CLOSE ENOUGH. Fifi, we need an army! We don't know what these guys got, or where they are! We need soldiers!"
Fionna reached over for the nearby transceiver, typing in numbers madly. "Already on it."
The next day, the Treehouse was surrounded in a barricade. Every single piece of furniture in the house, from the smallest painting to the largest bed, was stacked up outside with the others, creating a seven-foot-tall barrier around the Treehouse. Fionna and Cake created concealed passageways and hidden tunnels just in case they needed to leave the barricade. They kept all of the weapons, swords, knives, and machetes alike, in a pile near the entrance. The metals shined bright in the sun. Fionna felt like they were in Le Agonisé.
They called as many friends as they could, toi recruit new soldiers. However, almost all of them were busy that day. Prince Gumball had to take care of Peppermint Maid, who had chipped herself after tripping down a staircase. Lord Monochromicorn's mother's birthday was that day, and he couldn't come. In the end, the only friends who showed up were Lumpy Space Prince, Beema, Cinnamon Bun, and a goose. However, the goose flew away when Fionna told her no food would be served.
"My legion of acquaintances!" Fionna announced, hands behind her back and her legs apart. Both of her cheeks were smeared in lines of black paint, just under her eyes. She had a green army helmet on her head, with large holes drilled in to make room for her bunny ears. The untied straps waved as she moved. She carried a switch in her right hand. "Today, we go to war with the Huggaboopy clan! AND WE WILL WIN!"
The legion of acquaintances let out determined army cries, fist-pumping the air.
"Do not let their adorable facade fool you! They are evil, and they will KILL YOU if they get the chance! I REFUSE TO GIVE THEM THAT CHANCE."
"WE WILL MAKE THEM CRY BLOOD!" LSP roared, spittle forming at the corners of his mouth.
The others stared at him, then they all took a step back.
"Uh...yeah," Fionna agreed hesitantly.
A sudden blow of a trumpet took their attention away from the bloodthirsty royal. Cake climbed the barricade and formed her paw into a telescope. Over the grassy horizon, in the shining sun, an army of Huggaboopies was charging towards them. They were snarling and roaring (adorably), their hands wielding weapons made out of flower sems and blades of grass. "THEY'RE HERE!"
"FOR MICHAEL!" Fionna cried, tossing away her switch and taking out her ruby sword, holding it high.
"FOR MICHAEL!" The others chorused, each grabbing a weapon from the pile and holding it high. Cinnamon Bun toppled over from the weight.
Fionna climbed up the barricade in an ape-like manner, heart beating in anticipation. She let out a war cry, but it quickly faded into a hum of confusion, and her face fell when she saw the army. "Uh...Guys...?"
The others climbed the barricade, looking at what was causing their leader confusion.
The Huggaboopies were falling.
...To themselves...?
One Huggaboopy was charging forward, teeth bared. But it tripped, tumbling forward. As it tumbled, its body parts snapped off like plastic.
Another Huggaboopy accidentally dropped its grass-sword, and it tripped over it. The Huggaboopy behind it collided with its body, and they both tumbled.
Another Huggaboopy's weapon slipped from its grasp, colliding with one of its fellow comrades, which fell on impact, a huge bruise forming on its front front the weapon's tiny collision.
One Huggaboopy simply exploded.
In thirty seconds flat, the entire army of Huggaboopies lay scattered across the grass, body parts askew and bruised and weapons broken.
in
"Well," Cake said after a long time of awkward silence, "Guess we won."
"These guys aren't a threat to us," Fionna said, her face falling in worry. "They're a threat to themselves."
They looked back to the fallen warriors and noticed one Huggaboopy, its flower-club still in its hand, stirring in the grass. It whined like a wounded puppy, and turned over onto its back. Its club hit the arm of a fellow Huggaboopy, severing its arm instantly. The Huggaboopy cried out in pain.
The legion of acquaintances and their leaders flinched, hissing inwardly.
"Hey, look," Cake pointed past the fallen soldiers. "Someone's coming."
Their gazes returned to the horizon. A shape began to form, running towards them. Its identity was concealed by the sun at first, but when it reached the top of the hill, it became clear who it was. The Cute Queen stood before her fallen warriors, a silver scepter in hand. Her face contorted in shock, then confused disappointment. Though she looked adorable, still, her emotions were not clouded by her appearance. "My people!" she cried, her shoulders slumping over in distress. "Quickly, recover thy selves before thy enemy sees!"
The legion of acquaintances exchanged confused, yet worried looks.
The fallen Huggaboopies began to stir at their queen's orders. The queen rushed forward, dashing from Huggaboopy to Huggaboopy, picking up as many as possible. In the end, she picked up the majority, with three or four at her heels. The Huggaboopies lay in her arms like broken toys. "It shall be fine. I arth here now."
She and the Huggaboopies disappeared over the hill.
Fionna and Cake looked at each other, then nodded. Fionna turned to her friends. "Legion of acquaintances, Lieutenant Cupcake and are going to spy on the enemy. Stay here in case of surprise attacks."
"Ma'am, yes ma'am!" The soldiers saluted to their leader. Most of them did, anyway. LSP just grunted, irritated that he didn't shed any blood.
Fionna and Cake weren't surprised that the Huggaboopies did not return to their clan, kingdom, or wherever their main hideout was. Rather, they found them in the middle of a forest clearing, seven hills and a stream away from the Treehouse. The Cute Queen had the Huggaboopies spread out before her as she stood on an old tree stump that remarkably resembled a throne. The Huggaboopies had obviously seen better days. Not a single one of them wasn't injured in some way. The majority of them were as broken as glass. Missing limbs were being fastened back to their owners, indigo bruises covered almost their entire bodies. Those who weren't severly injured were bruised and/or heavily bandaged. Fionna couldn't help but think it looked very much like a young child giving a practice speech to a legion of stuffed animals.
"Courageous fighters!" The Cute Queen cried, her face stony as she raised her scepter high. Then, her cute face fell in desperation, and her shoulders slumped. "Why must we hath our hind quarters handeth to us by all foes we encounter?"
None of the Huggaboopies replied, all too ashamed of themselves. They rubbed their sore limbs, like children being scolded by their mother.
"However are we to bath in the blood of our enemies if we cannot walketh three feet-falls without obliterating?!" The Cute Queen continued, throwing up her hands in exasperation. "GLEEBLES, I'M LOOKING AT THEE!"
Her scepter pointed directly at one Huggaboopy in the middle of the group. Instantly, the poor creator obliterated into dozens of pieces. The medical Huggaboopies groaned and began to collect the fallen chunks of bloodless flesh.
"All that I ask of thee is ONE victory!" The Cute Queen's nose scrunched in anger, her arms stiff at her sides as she stood on her tip-toes. "ONE!"
The Huggaboopies began to sniff, their eyes already glittering with tears.
The Cute Queen's eyes widened momentarily, then she forced them to narrow. But the girls saw the guilt in her eyes. "Do not start that."
The Huggaboopies continued to sniff, their eyes beginning to water.
The Cute Queen's own eyes began to shimmer with liquid sadness, trying her best to stop her chin from trembling. "Do not do it!"
The Huggaboopies exploded into sobs. Tears splattered everywhere, like sprinklers. Their sobs increased into screams, barely even able to breath. The tears caused them to fall apart once more, and they only wailed louder. The Cute Queen tried her best to stifle her own tears, but yet, she soon found herself sobbing loudly.
The girls wanted nothing more than to run out into the clearing and scoop them all up, hugging the tears away.
"Listen, Cupcake," Fionna pulled her sister down, concealing themselves in the thick shrubs. "They aren't gonna stop until they win or die. And they're not gonna win. So, we gotta let them win."
"Are you insane in the brain?!" Cake exclaimed in a whisper, slapping her paw against her sister's temple.
"Cupcake, either we let these guys win or they die. Which do you prefer?"
Cake opened and closed her mouth in a fish-like manner, syllables stuttering before stopping. A few moments of this passed before Cake simply crossed her arms, glaring at the grass beneath her. "Fine."
"You're doing the right thing," Fionna assured her sister, rubbing her between the ears. "Let's get back to the barricade."
"...And so, my legion of acquaintances, we will lose this war. But with absolute dignity! When the enemy approaches, I want you to scream at the slightest touch, writhe at their puny punches, and wither in your blood until victory is theirs."
Beema rose its small arm, confusion written on its screen. "But how are we to bleed if none of this is real, General Fionna, ma'am?"
"With pride, my boy." Fionna replied. Then, reaching into her green backpack, she tossed the little computer a jar of red liquid. "And tomato juice."
The legion of acquaintances and the lieutenant cheered. Minus LSP, who seemed more than a little displeased that he would be no real gore.
"And, my legion, try to be as realistic as possible. Like you're really dying."
"LET'S ACT THE MESS OUT OF THESE GUYS!" Cake whooped, then hastily added, "WITH TOMATO JUICE!"
The legion of acquaintances clapped in agreement.
A trumpet blared, and their gazes turned to the horizon automatically. New Huggaboopies were approaching, unbroken and ready for pitiful battle. New weapons of wheat and thorns were now in their grasp, held high as they gripped shields of pebbles in their free hands. Fionna turned to her legion. "All right, legion of acquaintances. Remember, realistic acting and tomato juice will lose this battle!"
The legion of acquaintances war-cried in unison, pumping the air with their fists. Five seconds later, Cinnamon Bun fell flat on her face in a splatter of icing. LSP groaned in annoyance, "Not yet, Cinnamon Bun."
Their gazes returned to the approaching Huggaboopies. As they did so, they noticed something large and lumpy forming, and when they looked closer, they saw a large group of Huggaboopies were forming into a large pile. They at first thought they were falling again, into a gigantic pile. But as they watched, the Huggaboopies arranged themselves together, linking limbs and standing on one another's heads. Eventually, they formed a large creature of themselves, its shape similar to that of a tiger's, or a panther's. Its height came to Fionna's elbows. Everything was made out of Huggaboopies. The eyes, the teeth. Even the tail itself was made out of small Huggaboopies.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, the Cute Queen jumped into the air, her scepter shining in the sunlight. She landed on the Huggaboopy-made creature, letting out an almost Indian battle cry.
The legion of acquaintances gasped in awe.
As the Huggaboopies approached, not only the creature they formed but also the Huggaboopies that were charging singularly, Fionna launched herself over the barricade wall. The others followed. Fionna ran straight for the Huggaboopy creature, skidding in the grass when it was right in front of her.
When the Huggaboopy creature raised its paw, the smaller Huggaboopies forming the claws, Fionna actually considered dodging out of the way.
But when its paw came down on her chest, 'claws' outstretched, it did no more damage than a small pat.
Still, Fionna acted quickly. She reached into her green back, pulling out her own small glass of tomato juice and smashing it against herself. The extremely thin glass shattered immediately, the red liquid splattering everywhere, soaking her shirt, the grass, and the face of the creature. "ARGH! IT HURTS!"
Meanwhile, the others were trying to follow their leader's footsteps. Cinnamon Bun took out her own glass jar of tomato juice before any Huggaboopies even came near her. She splattered it against her dress, the impact actually knocking her unconcious. When the Huggaboopies approached the frosted pastry, splattered in red, their faces were more than confused. LSP, still disgruntled about the lack of blood and gore, glared at the Huggaboopies as they approached. But still, as they threw their flowers and grass blades at him in a spear-like manner, he reached into his lumps and splattered himself in tomato juice, falling to the grass. Beema did a similar thing, splattering its screen in the red fruit-blood and falling to the grass. It turned off its screen for good measure.
Cake, her fur already soaked with red, collapsed to the ground as the Huggaboopies patted her in attempted strikes. "I regret nothing..."
Soon, all five acquaintances were scattered in the grass, wallowing in their own faux-blood.
The Cute Queen dismounted the Huggaboopy creature, which quickly dismantled into its singular hosts. The Cute Queen approached Cake's fake corpse, still wet with juice. She prodded the feline's stomach with her scepter, as if she were roadkill. When Cake didn't move, the Cute Queen's eyes widened to the size of baseballs. "...WE ARTH VICTORIOUS!"
The Huggaboopies exploded into cheerful victory cries. Tears of joy spilled down their faces as they hugged each other so tight a few almost exploded once more.
"At last!" the Cute Queen cried, her face lighting up in a blazing smile that made her look as much like a child in ever. "I can commence in the victory dance!"
The Cute Queen put one pale pink hand on her hip, the other pointed at the sky. "V!" She twirled around in a circle. "I!" She trotted her legs in an almost Irish dance, never missing a beat. "C! T! O! R! Y!"
Cake's belly began to bubble, and odd, scratchy sounds rose from her throat. Fionna almost jumped. Oh, no-!
Too late. Cake bursted into hysterical laughter, causing the Huggaboopies to run backwards ("AH!" "IT'S ALIVE!" "IT'S RESPAWNING!") and the Cute Queen to fall backwards in shock and horror. Cake continued to laugh so hard it seemed like she would burst. Finally, clutching her pained sides, she managed to gasp out, "I-I'm so sorry-y-y-y~!" before bursting into more laughter.
"What?!"
Cake stopped laughing at the Cute Queen's shocked gasp. The adorable royal was on her knees, putting to fingers into a puddle of the red liquid that was splattered on the grass. She brought the fingers to her lips, her tiny tongue lapping up the fruity blood. She turned to the legion of acquaintances, her eyes filled with so much sadness Fionna felt her gut twist. "This is tomato juice?"
"We were gonna use strawberry juice," Cake replied, standing up on her paws. Behind her, the others pulled themself up to their feet as well (or, in LSP's case, to the air), the Huggaboopies dispersing around them. "But it was too tasty." She paused, bringing a paw to her muzzle. "Or was it?" She turned to her sister, head tilted to the side. "Hey, Fifi, what's tastier, tomato or strawberry juice?"
Fionna paid her sister no attention. Instead, standing, she groaned softly. "Oh, no..."
Cake followed her gaze. Cute Queen was retreating over the hill, her back to them. The sisters heard her sniffing to herself, her hand occasionally wiping tears from her eyes.
Fionna and Cake gave each other guilty, horrible looks that quickly turned to agreeing ones. Fionna turned to her legion. "Acquaintances, why don't you and the Huggaboopies eat some lunch? We'll be right back."
The legion of acquaintances and the Huggaboopy army cheered softly, turning for the barricaded Treehouse.
"Cute Queen, wait up!"
To the sisters' surprise, the Cute Queen actually stopped when they called to her. Cake approached her, setting her paw on the royal's shoulder. "We're really sorry for being phonies." The Cute Queen shook the feline's paw off.
Fionna approached her from the side, bending a bit so that they wer eye-to-eye. "We did it so you guys wouldn't get hurt."
"What does it matter?" the Cute Queen sighed, rubbing her forearm. "How arth anyone to take us seriously if they only care about our psychical appearances?"
"Maybe you can use your physical appearances," Fionna suggested. When she saw that she had the Cute Queen's attention, she offered a small smile. "You can use your adorableness as a strength."
The Cute Queen turned to the human girl, her pink eyes wide with hope. "Can I use it to defeat my foes?"
"Totally!" Fionna and Cake exclaimed in unison, giving her thumbs-ups.
The Cute Queen smiled. A real, happy, jubilant smile that made her look like an excited child. "Teach me, please."
That night, the sky looked like blue velvet filled with millions of tiny light-bulbs The full moon shone brightly above, its beams scattered through the gray clouds that loomed in the atmosphere. The Ice Kingdom glimmered under its glow, the ice crystals like diamonds and the snow like silver. Cold winds blew between the mountain tops, all leading to one place: the Ice Queen's tower.
Ice Queen itched at the transparent green cap on her forehead, brushing a few strands of scraggly white hair from her forehead. After moments of consideration, she set down the five cards she held in her grasp: three lords and two goddesses. "Max capacity. What cha' got?"
Gunta's flippers smacked against the icy table as she laid out her deck: five gods.
Ice Queen groaned, smacking her forehead with her palm as Gunta's flippers drew in all of her prodder coins. Then, leaning forward so much her chair fell back, she demanded, "Alright, stop cheating, or I'll-"
She stopped when the doorbell rang, the sound of frozen bells in the breeze. Ice Queen groaned, kicking at her chair as she stalked towards the icy block of her door. "Who could that possibly be at this time of night?"
When she opened the door, she thought someone was pulling on her leg. A little girl, not even in her double-digit ages, was glaring her pink up at her, her hands on her hips. "I command thee to feed me!"
Ice Queen made a sort of 'whau?!' sound as her hands smacked into her hips. She glared down at the girl, hissing, "Just what do you think you are?"
The little girl put one hand behind her back, the other hand's index finger against her bottom lip. When she opened her eyes again, they twinkled like amethysts. "Adorable~!"
Ice Queen stared at the girl in absolute shock for a moment before she melted. Which was odd, for the ruler of ice. Her eyes softened and her mouth formed into a wiggly smile. Her entire body deflated. "Let's get you something to eat, huh?"
The little girl, the Cute Queen, fist-pumped.
TRIVIA
Le Agonisé is a reference to Les Misérables.
Although Beema is genderless, Fionna refers to her as "my boy."
This is the season 3 premiere.