Chapter 25 – The Curse of Memory

"It's almost Christmas, my love," Lili told Maria Elena, who was sitting on a stack of flattened cargo containers so that she could reach a counter in the galley. "I bet you'll remember this one."

"Mommy!"

"Yes, that's me! We're gonna make sugar cookies!" She rolled out dough as the dogs watched, hoping for a dropped morsel or two. Once it was ready, she cut out several cookies with a metal ring – the interior of an old pineapple can. She cleared the leftover scraps and balled them up. "Here," she gave the ball of dough to her daughter, "you can play with this." The dogs, seeing their chance, positioned themselves under the child. Their patience and proximity did not go unrewarded.

The doors swished open. "I see we have a helper today," Craig said. "Jeris would have come, too, but he's busy helping his mother wrap gifts."

"They've really taken to our holidays, eh?"

"I think Dakiza knows the Nativity story better than I do. Funny, it's become one of their biggest and most beloved rituals on the ship."

"It just kinda feels like home, I guess." Lili looked over at Maria Elena, who was just feeding the raw dough to the dogs. "That's quite enough. I don't want sick doggies, okay? I swear, sometimes Cokie is such a chowhound!"

=/\=

On the Bridge, Izquilla adjusted the earpiece as Maryam looked on. "How odd. I am hearing – it seems to be a transmission in my native tongue. But the accent is off. I cannot place it."

"We should analyze it," Maryam suggested.

"Most definitely."

"Is it a distress call of some sort?" asked Captain Archer.

"I do not believe so," the Ikaaran Communications Officer turned up the sound so that they all could hear.

Lemnestra and Nyota were handling the Science station. "Male voices," Lemnestra said, "but they cannot get the popping sound quite right. It comes from the back of the tongue." She demonstrated.

Then there was, for a few seconds, English. It sounded a little like singing, but it was just two words – 'Santa Claus'.

"That is your folklore figure," Izquilla stated.

"I think I remember this," Jonathan Archer said, "Let's have a look at the old database. Find out whatever went on, well, today. Actually, Maryam, get me the shipwide intercom, please."

"Go ahead, sir."

"All hands, this is the captain. We've received a pretty strange transmission, and we'd like your help in deciphering it. Check your logs for this week – you know; your logs from the other version of the NX-01, from the first kick back in time. If you are responsible for the logs from any deceased crew members, then please check them as well."

He paused for a moment. "What I want everyone to check for is – what would cause the other NX-01 to broadcast a strange message? I don't think it's anything sinister. Let's just refer to it as professional curiosity. Thank you, Archer out."

=/\=

In various corners of the ship, they checked. Sandra Sloane Curtis had been helping Victoria with the children, but she stopped to check Brooks Haynem's old logs. She read them – the entries were about the fact that he had fallen for her – and wept.

Susie Money didn't have a log for Dan Chang, and realized he was in exile at the time, having escaped from custody on the planet called Amity. Colleen Romanov Novakovich read Chris Harris's old logs – he wrote about missing amusement parks. She found herself becoming overcome. Patti Socorro Kelby read Will Slocum's log entries, expressing his frustration with her – they had been married on the other version of the ship. She shrugged.

Eddie Hamboyan was the first to pick up on something, and he called in his findings. "I think it had something to do with the Ikaaran brides," he suggested.

"Oh?" asked the captain.

"Guys like I was, who married Ikaarans – we serenaded them this Christmas. It was Santa Claus is Coming to Town. We tried to sing it in Ikaaran. I guess that's why it sounded weird and in the middle of it, we had to actually say the words Santa Claus."

"Makes sense to me," replied the captain. He closed that connection and turned to Izquilla and Maryam. "I'll take the intercom again."

"Go ahead," said the Ikaaran.

"This is the captain again. We think we've figured it out. It was the men who wed Ikaarans, serenading them. I bet if we parsed the voices, we'd be able to pick out some of them, probably even me, or Private Hamboyan or Ensign Torres. I also recall that this particular recording was the basis of how we figured out that the Ikaaran distress call we got from Kerna and Esilia was, well, a message in Ikaaran and not an Imvari trick. It's kind of funny to hear it live or almost live. So we know what it is. And we know it was recorded – I assume for later play back. But I am still curious about why it was broadcast at all. Let's continue our little investigation. We'll have a small Christmas mystery, I guess. Archer out."

=/\=

As Maria Elena played with her stuffed dinosaur and Craig tinkered with the replicator, Lili checked and read the logs.

Malcolm's was all about being a father. His log for that day said, 'It is Pamela's second Christmas. She walks a lot and even speaks a little bit. She laughs quite a bit, too. She is such a dear, beautiful, merry child. My happiness is complete.'

Lili swallowed hard. "You're so perfectly content," she whispered. Craig noticed what she was doing and shut off the ovens. He then amused Maria Elena by pretending to grab her nose. She giggled as he did his level best to give Lili a few more minutes of privacy and relative peace in order to finish up.

Next was Jay's old log. He had written, 'I remember everything this time of year – every birthday, every graduation, every death and every meal. But I especially remember every Christmas. It's all burned up, way and deep in my head. For my most recent birthday – I am now an old man of sixty– that all came flooding back again. I guess I am destined to recall it all. I am cursed with memory. But through it all I see her face, and the faces of our children, and I even see Pam's face and, God help me, I even see Reed's. My family life has sprung to life almost fully formed, a little like Artemis being born by just springing from the head of Zeus, all grown up and in full armor. For it feels like it was fully developed all along. I vow that, as long as I live, this will be my first priority, my first thought, my first dream, my first need and my first wonder. I vow that none of these people will ever be second-best. None of them will ever want. That is what I can give them this Christmas and forever afterwards.'

By the time Lili had finished reading Jay's old log, she was weeping. Maria Elena crawled into her lap. "Mommy sad?"

All Lili could do was nod. Finally, she found her voice. "I, I don't know why I read those. I know the captain asked us to, but the minute I learned what that broadcast really was; I knew I wouldn't find any useful information in these logs. So why did I read them in the first place?"

"All I know," Craig shook his head, "is that we've been ignoring them. But that damned message it, it brought it all back that they are right there," Craig was also beside himself and vaguely pointed out the room's sole window. "I got old logs, too, yanno. And I read them sometimes. I wonder – I can't help it – was I better off with Trenia? I could just reach out – if only I could. If they would only let us!"

"I, I know," Lili agreed, "They are right there! Jay and Malcolm are alive. And they, they love me! So there are two of me. And there are two of them. And so we could share, or, or something, right? I know we kept a schedule. I could – this, this version of, of me – I could just take the off days, right?"

"I keep wondering," Craig mused, "I mean, Dakiza is, she's, she's fine, I guess. But I know what I wrote before. I, I do! We, you and me, we, we didn't get our, our instant replays. Our, our second times around – they, they didn't work."

"We're both not overcome," Lili agreed, "Why is that? We're just, we both settled, you and me."

"I know what I wrote," he whispered, "and it was, it was before you and Major Hayes and Lieutenant Reed all ended up together. I really did care, yanno."

"I know," she whispered back.

Maria Elena, oblivious, looked down. "Doggie!"

Lili release her daughter from her arms. Craig took Lili's right index finger between his own right thumb and forefinger. For just a second, he squeezed her finger. He looked in her eyes. "I don't think we should be alone together, not any more, unless we've got something to do, right?"

"You're right," she nodded, and got up to replicate colored sprinkles for the sugar cookies while he went to the cafeteria to wipe down tables and Maria Elena happily toddled after Cokie and Sparky.

=/\=

The Sick Bay doors swished open. It was Commander T'Pol. She had not been out of her quarters much since the incident with Brian and Diana. That had occurred over a year previously.

"Something I can do for you?" asked Andy.

"My cervix is dilated ten point four six centimeters."

"And you walked here?" He was incredulous. "Uh, where's Commander Tucker?"

"I have not yet informed him of this turn of events." A brief, slight cringe was the sole indicator that she was in labor.

"Commander," he exclaimed, "you're probably gonna give birth in less than half an hour!"

She got onto a bio bed herself and clicked open her communicator. "Tripp," she stated calmly, "kindly come to Sick Bay."

"Uh, I'm in the middle o' realignin' the dilithium matrix. It's a delicate procedure."

Andy yelled into the communicator, "Commander Tucker, she's gonna have your kid in less than half an hour!"

"Holy crap! Why didn't ya tell me?"

"I did not wish to witness an emotional outburst."

"T'Pol!" Tripp yelled. Then he could be heard saying, "Torres, Crossman MacKenzie, Rostov! Keep your eyes on this. I, uh, I gotta go."

"Sure, Boss," José could be heard replying. Tripp didn't even have the presence of mind to close his communicator as he ran to Sick Bay.

=/\=

T'Pol was the quietest, calmest obstetrics patient Andrew had ever had. He had been handling Sick Bay on his own more and more, yet he clicked open his communicator in order to call Phlox as the whole thing was unnerving to him.

"On my way," sighed the Denobulan, who had been enjoying a much-needed break with his wife and five children.

"Better hurry," Andrew cautioned before closing the connection.

The doors swished open. It was Tripp. "What's goin' on?"

"We're really close," Andy explained, "I've called Doctor Phlox already."

"Can't you do this yourself? Is there something wrong?" Tucker was a bit panicky.

"Just as I suspected," T'Pol stated calmly, "an emotional outburst."

"Well, what the hell didja expect?" barked the engineer. "For a species that hides your emotions, you sure as hell got a flair for the dramatic!"

Andrew checked an instrument and then looked at T'Pol. "You're not waiting for Phlox, I see."

"What the hell–?"

"I am giving birth to our son," T'Pol stated flatly. Again, only a slight crease in her brow gave away at all the fact that she was in labor.

"Wait a second, don't push yet," Andy told her. He checked again. Things seemed to be fine.

"Is ever'thin' all right?"

"Yes," answered Miller, "but I can't exactly be sure. It's not like we know what the right readings should be for a human-Vulcan hybrid."

"Miller!" Tucker yelled.

"Lay off!" he yelled back. "I am doing the best that I can! Now, T'Pol," he used a much calmer voice when addressing her, "you can start pushing."

"Very well."

The baby was halfway out by the time Doctor Phlox arrived. "You were not exaggerating when you told me to hurry." He came over to assist. "Ah, Commander! Just a moment." He cut the cord and whisked away the infant, who was silent.

"Is he all right? Oh God, is he all right?" Tripp shouted out in fear.

Phlox massaged the baby's chest a few times. "Andrew," he said quietly, "kindly get me the cardiostimulators."

Andy did as he was told and brought the devices over. "One-eighth the normal charge should do it," said the Denobulan. He placed them on the baby's tiny chest; they were huge on the child. "Go," he commanded.

Andy hit the power for a second. "Well?"

"Once more."

Andrew hit the power again. The baby coughed once, and then let out an ear-piercing squall.

"Oh, thank God," Tripp cried out. He had been standing right behind Andrew and holding his breath the entire time.

"Yeah," Andy muttered, "I think we got some upstairs help on that one."

The infant was cleaned up and brought over to T'Pol. He was still howling. She stared at him, a tiny bit uncertain as to what to do. "I should not have delayed so much," she finally said, "I, I have been so emotional for the past year. I did not wish to have yet another public outburst."

"Well, your pride about that almost got Lorian here killed," Tripp scolded, more exhausted than exasperated.

Tears rolled down the Vulcan's face and her lower lip trembled. "You are absolutely correct. That was wrong of me. I will never put my need for emotional control ahead of Lorian's – or your – needs ever again. You have my word as your wife."

=/\=

Charlotte Lilienne O'Day Torres's Personal Log, December twentieth, 2045

Charlotte, you are at least not so much of a dope that you started an affair. Although it was tempting for about five seconds. But I just don't feel that way about the people I work with. And the truth is that I am a loyal person. Even with José.

But I was kinda tempted there for a little while.

=/\=

Craig Willets's Personal Log, December twentieth, 2045

I don't know why I did what I did, acting like that. It was dumb. And now we can't even hang out. And it's all my own damned fault. I only hope Maria Elena didn't see anything, or at least won't remember it. That's the last thing Lili needs.

=/\=

Charles Tucker III's Personal Log, December twentieth, 2045

Our son, Lorian Cyrus Tucker, was born today. And he almost died before he even took his first breath. Miller and Phlox did yeoman's work in saving his life. I cannot thank them enough and I am grateful to them. They acted quickly and they really didn't have any instructions.

I admit I am a bit peeved at T'Pol. Maybe I shouldn't be, and I should just be savoring these moments. But it's hard not to be, as her actions nearly did Lorian in. But she is clearly feeling guilty and terrible about the whole thing. I can't just pile on. That wouldn't do any good, anyway.

In the meantime, I see my father's eyes in that tiny face, but his ears, well, those are something else. I should go back to Sick Bay. They are staying there tonight. I know I should be there.

=/\=

Hoshi Sato Khan's Personal Log, December twentieth, 2045

Today, we heard a caroling broadcast from the other NX-01. Strange. I don't think I would have transmitted something like that, but it's possible that someone else was at the controls, like Chip or even another person. Who knows? But in the meantime it's a little odd to hear others' voices. Maryam and I parsed it out and we heard Chris Harris pretty clearly. And he's been dead how many years now?

=/\=

And on the other version of the NX-01, single men and men who had wed Ikaaran women or were hoping to, or just wanted to have some fun, had a bit of the alcohol on board and then all sang Santa Claus is Coming to Town, doing their best to imitate that language's clicking and popping sounds, but stopping to dip into English for the name.

Derek Kelby was in charge of the recording and he accidentally hit an extra switch, and the song was sent out as a message to the stars and any ships in the area. He did not notice until the song was finished. He shrugged and saved the recording and never thought of it again.