Title: Plan B
Chapter 8 – Growing Up?

For a few more seconds, Severide's mind races as he tries to come up with a viable answer. I can't take Casey…what if they think…ah to hell with…can I take Erin? Would she think it weird?…maybe Pauline?...she's Aurora's grandmother but I don't live with…

"Mr. Severide?"

"Yeah um…I'll be there," he answers simply as he writes down the information and then hangs up. He leans back in his chair and looks at his calendar. Shay set that up…she…I just took it for granted that…ah damn…"I'll just go…alone," he mutters to himself as he looks back down at his phone. I'll just say Shay is…working? I can't lie in front of Aurora, I'll mix her up even more. But then…"Ah hate this!"

He hears a creak in the floor and looks up to see Hermann looking at him in wonder. "Capp's looking for you. Everything okay?"

"Yeah…" Severide grumbles as Hermann turns to leave. "Were you there for your kids first days of preschool?"

Hermann turns back with a tense frown as his lips purse. "Not for all of them. What's going on?"

"Shay had made this appointment and…and I forgot and they just called and it's Thursday and…I have to go right?"

"Starting with preschool is an important step for a child. It also helps with social stuff."

"Social stuff?"

"Interacting with other kids and learning and stuff," Hermann quips lightly. "I was there for the first two. After that…I was on duty and Cindy had to go it alone. You can go it alone you know."

"I know I just…I worry that they'll think me a busy father who has no time for his kid and now she has no mother and…"

"There's lots of single parents out there. They're not going to take her away from you if that's what you're worried about."

"Thought had crossed my mind."

"They'd only do that if there was a danger to her if…well if you got drunk and acted recklessly around her. You know put her life in danger."

"No…no way," Severide shakes his head. "I think I'm in more danger of hurting myself than her."

"That counts too," Hermann replies with a sad whisper. "Just be open with them."

"Thanks."

Severide watches Hermann leave and then watches Casey enter. "Everything's okay."

"I'm trying not to be the paranoid friend but…"

"But when there's an outburst you wanna come fix it?" Severide retorts lightly as Casey nods. "Preschool called. I had totally forgot about it. I thought maybe taking…I don't know Erin or…"

"You two still seeing each other on the sly?" Casey asks with a friendly smile.

"No I uh…I'm a mess and she knows it. She deserves better."

"You know," Casey starts off in a serious tone. "It's amazing how women are pretty good at knowing what they want all on their own."

"So I've heard," Severide retorts dryly.

"Well if you need some support I could come but it's up to you how you want to explain it."

"And then Aurora can tell the class about her two dads not being her two dads?" He gently snickers as Casey's brow furrows.

"Right. Just tell them you have help in raising her. Family and friends. That's the truth right?"

"Right."

"So maybe if…" Casey starts. But his sentence is quickly interrupted by the overhead paging system going off, calling them all to action. Casey watches Severide hurry toward his boots and then talk to Capp as his mind thinks back a few moments to their most recent discussion. Aurora's going to preschool. It was just one change after another. And…it's not about to change anytime soon.

XXXXXXXX

That night Severide puts Aurora to bed and then heads into the living room, joining Casey in front of the TV to watch the game. "Got an email confirmation and some preschool preplanning tips."

"Preplanning? Like what?" Casey inquires.

"Like getting her ready now to think about going to school. Shay had told me that after the interview they'll tell us if she'll be ready for the fall intake and then…I guess buying some new stuff and…taking her."

"Half day?"

"Think so. I know Shay had a few things planned but um…when it came to shopping and all that, they did it together. I just paid the bill," he lightly groans. "Part of me doesn't want to send her to preschool but…after talking to Hermann I think I'd be doing her a disservice by not putting her in. Guess it's not fair to hold her back from anything because I'm scared…or nervous."

"I think she'll be fine. I'm sure Shay picked a good school."

"Yeah it seems good. It's close and never had any issues that I've heard of but until today I totally forgot about it," Severide admits somewhat sheepishly.

"And you know she'll read your emotions so if you're scared and nervous…"

"It'll be even worse for her and that isn't fair either. First day of school…what does she even wear?" Severide groans as Casey's lips return a soft chuckle.

"Make a list now of things she'll need."

"Besides a new jacket, can you think of anything else?" Severide retorts. "I hate having to ask Hermann or Christie all the time."

"You know they don't mind. But I'm sure if you asked Christie to come shopping with us for her preschool stuff she'd be okay with that," Casey suggests.

"Us?"

"I offered to help right? That means in everything. If you want."

"Okay," Severide replies with slight sigh. "First I gotta survive the meeting."

"You know I have an idea that might help with that."

"Yeah? What's that?"

"Well…"

That night, Severide's sleep is fraught with images of Shay shaking her head as he gets something wrong on Aurora's first day of preschool, forcing him to toss and turn and grumble in his angry defense. The following night, he's able to get off shift a bit early and takes his daughter into his room to have a serious conversation with her.

"Aurora, I know you have heard me and mommy talking about preschool in the past few months."

"Shool?"

"SCKool."

"SKKKKoool," she tries and then looks up at her father in wonder.

"Very good," he smiles softly. "So tomorrow we're going to meet the counsellor. Her name is Mrs. Riley. She's going to tell us when you'll be starting and what to expect. She might ask questions about mommy but um…but it's okay to tell her what you're feeling okay?"

"Want mommy," Aurora whispers sadly as her father's arms encircle her and hold her close.

"Yeah me too. But this is something that we need to take care of. But I'll be there with you okay? And then we'll take a tour of the school and maybe make some new friends."

"Can Uncle Matt come too?"

"Well for tomorrow it'll be just you and me. Is that okay?"

"Okay. What about gamma Pauline?"

"GRAmma Pauline. No she won't be there this time. Maybe another time okay?"

"Why?"

"Because only you and I have been asked to come. Now before you start to ask questions I don't have the answers for I want you to be ready to meet someone new tomorrow."

"Okay daddy."

"That's my girl."

Severide kisses his daughter's cheek and then carries her to bed. Tonight he spends a bit of extra time reading to her before turns off the light and heads into his own bedroom to just try to unwind and prepare for tomorrow; Casey working a bit later on a small construction project for a neighbor.

Casey comes home a bit later, instantly greeted by silence and then looking down the hallway to see the lights off in both Severide's and Aurora's bedrooms. All day Severide had tried to keep his mind occupied with work but every time they'd see a child or even hear a story he could see Severide's focus switch to the impending preschool meeting. In reality he couldn't blame him. He remembers talking with Hallie about them being on board together when it came to having a family and then after some time when they were both ready they talked about getting ready for all the important milestones. However, his chance didn't come and now he can only help and support his friend as much as possible, both physically and emotionally.

Tomorrow would be a tough day for all of them, for while he wouldn't be in the meeting with his friend and goddaughter, his mind would be there…wondering what they'd face and hoping nothing would go wrong.

XXXXXXXX

"Ready?" Severide asks as he plucks Aurora from the back of the car, takes her hand and then guides her toward the front of the friendly looking building. As soon as they near the playground entrance, his heart starts to race faster as he gazes upon a few sets of happy parents all being with their children. He remembers what Pauline had told him about the zoo and how Aurora had looked around at all the other little girls with their mothers and asked where hers was and how hard it was for all of them in that moment. She might face that again with this new situation.

"Look daddy swings."

Severide looks down at his daughter with a wide smile. "Yes SWings," he praises as her smile grows. "Maybe if we have some time afterward we'll check them out."

"Okay!"

They enter the somewhat foreign building and head for the door marked counsellor. He knocks and then enters with a slight feeling of trepidation.

"Hello Mr. Severide," Donna Riley extends her hand for him to take. "Welcome. And this must be Aurora."

"Hi," Aurora says shyly before she ducks behind her father's legs.

"She's um…well not normally this shy," Severide states lamely as he tries to pull his daughter back into view.

"Lots of kids are when meeting new people and that's okay. I'm a stranger and she doesn't know me so better to be cautious. We'll discuss that with them when they start also. Now, come with me."

Severide had taken Casey's advice and sent an email to Mrs. Riley, explaining what happened to Shay and that it was recent and still very painful for him to talk about it in front of Aurora. He had assured her that he hadn't shied away from the truth and was very open and up front about it around Aurora but that it still affected her when she'd see other little kids with their mommy's and hers was missing. Mrs. Riley replied and said that was normal and that he was doing the right thing in the best interests of his daughter. She was also happy to hear that he wasn't alone and both of them had a great support network.

As the two of them enter the little room, Aurora's eyes looking around at all the colorful drawings on the wall and then up at her father in wonder.

"So I'll talk to you both and then Aurora can go and explore the play table so that you and I can talk a bit more and then I'll give you both a tour."

"Okay," Severide replies with a nervous stammer.

"And just relax. All this is just a formality."

Severide leans back in his chair and tries to listen to the friendly older woman before him telling him and his daughter about the new schedule that was about to come into effect in a few months and change their lives in a drastic way once again. He listens to her telling him about the curriculum, what he can expect from the new teacher, what Aurora could expect and then of course what was expected of each of them. At the start of the meeting, Severide's stomach is tight and agitated, wondering if he was making Shay proud by his answers and if he was forgetting anything important. But Mrs. Riley assures him he's doing just fine and so far everything is going very well. They talk about Aurora's learning development progress so far; any allergies of any kind and interaction with other children.

After they were done the formal part of the meeting, Severide was told that he could expect an email in the next few days that would outline everything that was standard plus a few extras that might help him being a single parent.

"I know this is going be a whole new process for you both and maybe bittersweet from the start, but I think after you both settle in, it'll be a good experience."

"She's never been away from her family and um…been with strangers for…well ever."

"Oh yes there will be some separation anxiety for sure but better to deal with this now before she gets into kindergarten and then grade school. Yes it will be tough at first for you both but you must be kind but be firm. She will adapt; you both will," Donna tells him as she extends her hand. "You've done a good job so far considering. Aurora seems a very happy and normal child. I say that to alleviate your fears in case you were wondering what I was thinking about that."

"Thought had crossed my mind," Severide admits with a heavy sigh.

"Okay. So why don't the three of us go meet Aurora's new teacher and then check out the rest of the area."

"Okay. Baby girl you ready to go?"

"Yes daddy," Aurora answers as she looks up from her place at the little table. She looks up with a beaming smile as Mrs. Riley approaches, showing the kind older woman and her father the brightly colored picture. "Look!"

"Wow that is beautiful Aurora. In fact…I'll put your name on it and put it on my wall."

Aurora points to the picture as it's placed on the wall with a brightly colored piece of tape and then looks up at her father with a proud smile. Upon receiving praise from him, she takes his hand and then follows him out into the hallway. Her little blue eyes widen as she starts to take in all the sights and sounds around her. She passes two little boys her height and looks at them in wonder before looking away, her attention instantly diverted by the sound of little girls laughing. She sees them playing with a set of dolls and tugs on her father's arm.

"Yeah I see."

Aurora's lips turn into a small pout but her father holds his ground and they continue on. They next enter a large brightly colored room with lots of toys, colored lockers, colored tables and chairs and a whole host of kid-friendly items.

"Mr. Severide and Aurora, this is Ms. Lisa Watts."

"Nice to meet you both. Hello Aurora. Would you like to come with me and I can show you your new classroom?"

"No!" She states suddenly and then pulls away.

"Aurora," Severide groans as he bends down with a sheepish glance.

"It's okay, we can all walk around together," Lisa tells them.

"Come on Aurora, let's have a look around okay?" Severide urges his daughter as he stands back up and slowly nudges her in the direction of her soon to be teacher. Hermann had told him to expect some resistance at first and especially on the first day but he had to hold his ground, no matter the sad little stares that would be coming. They start to look at the items and Severide can feel his daughter starting to loosen up once more as she's given a little memento from the teacher that she would get to take home.

"Not too scary right?"

"I think I'm more nervous than she is," Severide admits as they leave the classroom and reenter the hallway.

"That is totally normal," Donna Riley puts his mind at ease. "You can come by any time you want and let her play in the playground so that Aurora gets used to the fact this is somewhere she'll be coming on a regular basis in a few months' time. Then if she's familiar with this place it might not seem so scary."

"Okay, great. Thanks."

Severide shakes both the new teacher and the counselor's hands and then directs Aurora into the playground. "Wanna check out the swings?"

"Yes!" She exclaims as she bolts from his side and hurries across the playground, jumping on the first swing and then squealing with delight as he pulls her into the air and then gently lets her fall swing back into place.

But he's so wrapped up in the moment that he fails to see a curious set of eyes watching them intently from across the school yard and on the other side of the street.

"Again daddy! Again! Again!"

"Okay hold on squirt," he laughs as he starts to push her a bit higher once more.

"Higher! Higher!"

"That's high enough," he tells her firmly.

"Kelly!"

Severide turns in the opposite direction of the unseen watcher to see Casey slowly heading toward him near the schoolyard entrance.

"Uncle Matt!" Aurora calls out as she jumps off the swing and hurries toward a smiling Casey. "Come sing with me!"

Casey's lips can only smile as he scoops her up in the air and rushes toward the waiting swings. "SWing time," he states as he nears Severide and gives him a nod. "Finished the job early so figured I'd drop by and take you two for supper."

"Really?"

"Applebee's anyone?" Casey suggests as he plunks down on the larger swing with Aurora now on his lap.

"YES! YES!" Aurora replies as she bounces on Casey's lap. He swings a few times before he gets off and places her back on the littler swing and then starts to push her.

"How was it?"

"Not as scary as I thought it would be. Well it was at first," Severide admits as he looks around and then back at Casey with a heavy frown. "I don't know how I'm going to handle the first day."

"What'd they say about that?"

"Just to um…get her used to the idea of school. So using her toys to pretend it's school."

"Huh?"

"Yeah don't ask me. Mrs. Riley said she'd email me a bunch of stuff. I think I gotta ask Christie and Cindy for help with this because I'm lost. Also she said that once a month, starting in a few weeks, all the students registered to start in the same class as Aurora in a few months are going to meet in the park for a meet and greet type picnic thing and just…hang I guess. Give the kids a chance to get to know one another so when they do start school I can say…see there's…man I don't know," Severide huffs as he scoops Aurora into his arms and they head for his car; Aurora more than happy to be going to her favorite restaurant.

"That kinda makes sense," Casey agrees with a small shrug. "And did she say anything about the email you sent last night?"

"Yeah and it helped a lot with those tougher questions," Severide answers as he puts Aurora into her car-seat and then gets into the front seat. "Did you take a cab here?"

"Christie dropped me off. I had to help her with something so she didn't mind. So…tell me more. What was the actual classroom like? Did you meet her new teacher?"

"Okay so…" the rest of the drive to the restaurant is occupied with talk about Aurora's new school, what she saw, who she met and a few other items.

"Did you like your new school Aurora?" Casey asks as the three of them settle into a kid-friendly booth. Aurora just shrugs as she goes back to her coloring; both adult males exchanging amused glances and then chuckles. "Well I think if you do go to those park outings, it'll be a bit less stressful when she has to go to school for the first time and…"

"And I have to leave her there," Severide replies as he looks at his daughter with a frown. "Seriously I think this is going to be harder on me than her. And today…it was just so wrong that…" his voice dies out as the waiter nears with their drinks and Aurora looks up at her father.

"We'll talk about it later," Severide interjects with a fake smile.

Casey takes his cue from his friend and knows Severide doesn't have to finish that sentence. Today was a big milestone for Aurora and it was wrong that her mother wasn't there to share it with her. It was wrong. He didn't have to say it out loud, Casey knows what his friend's trying to convey. The pain would surface again and nothing could stop it.

The order for their meal is placed but the conversation is strained after that. Casey wasn't sure whether to ask about the rest of the school outing or not, to ask about plans for their day off tomorrow or not…or to…he was stuck trying to make small talk with his hurting friend and his preoccupied goddaughter. He had wanted their evening to be enjoyable and it was for the most part, but it was also strained and that tension accompanies them home.

The ride home is spent in silence and as soon as they get home, Severide takes Aurora into her room, pulling away in silence and leaving Casey standing in the doorway with a strained expression. But what could he do? Of course Severide's raw, today was certainly a major milestone in his daughter's life and his daughter's mother wasn't there to share in the excitement sending Severide to the meeting with the black cloud that hasn't cleared up or dissipated.

Casey puts a few things away, his mind listening to the silence that grows around him and struggles with how to best help his hurting friend. However, he knows there isn't a word or words he can offer right now that will help ease Severide's inner pain. Shay was gone. She missed the meeting she had setup that would start her daughter on her scholastic path. What words of comfort could he offer?

None.

With that sobering thought, Casey turns off the kitchen light and heads into his bedroom, slumping down and just trying to find something to occupy his thoughts with as he tries to get some sleep. But about a half hour later he hears some angry cursing coming from the living room and slowly gets up to go investigate.

Casey spies Severide sitting on the chair outside on the patio and his heart sinks. He wonders if Severide's taken a bottle outside with him, hoping he's wrong but fearing that when he's alone and in private his friend is going to self-destruct. Casey knows that he'd do anything on purpose to hurt his daughter and had voiced a concern about inadvertently hurting her when he's in an inebriated state. But as he gets closer he can see that there is no bottle. Just a hurting friend.

"Shay made a promise," Severide states as Casey nears; his eyes picking up the movement to the left but his head not turning to acknowledge his friend's presence.

"I know," Casey agrees lamely as Severide finally looks up with watery eyes and then back down; no bottle in sight.

"She said she'd be there always and…and today…when her daughter needed her most…she wasn't there!" His voice utters in an angry hiss.

This time Casey says nothing. What could he say? Shay was sorry? It wasn't on purpose? He has support? It was all a bunch of fluff that carried no weight so he offers a firm nod and then ducks back inside for a blanket and drapes it around Severide's shoulders before he pulls back and leans on the doorframe, his body slightly shivering in the cool night air.

"She should have been there. I…I had no clue what I was doing. I uh…yeah," Severide's voice dies out with a soft whimper.

You need to talk to someone…a professional…once again it's another verbal sentiment that would remain silent in the present moment. As much as he knows that it was something that was necessary to remind him of, right now it would do more harm than good.

So he does the next best thing, he grabs another blanket, wraps it around his frame and sits down beside his friend; not saying a word. He listens to Severide talking a bit more about his anger toward Shay for missing the important day and then at himself for getting angry at Shay for something she had no control over – her death.

Finally when Casey notices his friend's head slightly dipping and his frame shivering he knows it's time for both of them to go in

"Come on…" Casey tells his friend in a kind tone as he helps Severide up off the outside patio chair and into the warm apartment. He walks Severide to his room and can only purse his lips in sorrow when Severide pulls away with a heavy sigh.

"Shay left us…she promised she'd be here…always…always…" his voice dies out as he turns off the light and slumps down onto his bed in the darkness.

Casey whispers goodnight before he leaves; knowing that today was be a tough milestone for them all and in Severide's defense he didn't have much warning, a few days' notice wasn't enough to get himself emotionally ready. That's an excuse, Casey's mind reminds him as he slumps down onto his own bed. It was but he knows that if Severide doesn't get a handle on his grief and really talks to someone there could be disaster looming and he fears that it'll take more than his friends sanity – it could mean Kelly Severide's very life.

A/N: Oh our poor dear Kelly! Yup he's hurting and these big milestones are making him miss Shay more and more. And poor Matt also knows his friend needs help but has to balance the time to push for more and then back off. But when will Severide reach his breaking point? And what will be the catalyst? Thought I'd toss in a bit of the Hermann's in there b/c they are the family experts of the show lol and hmm anyone pick up a hint of impending danger? *wink* And of course for poor little Aurora is also going through a lot so when her first day does come will she be okay? will her father? So hope you are all still liking this story line and where its going so please do review before you go and thanks so much!