Fionna—is a 13-year-old adventurer and Cake's adoptive sister. While usually appearing as black dots, her eyes are seen as blue when enlarged. She wears a rabbit-themed hat (similar to Finn's bear-themed hat) with exposed locks of blonde hair. Unlike Finn, her neck is shown. Her outfit includes a teal blue shirt with elbow-length sleeves, a dark blue skirt, and knee-high socks with two thin horizontal stripes at the top. Fionna is heavier set than. She has a green backpack (similar to Finn's) and Mary Jane shoes. Her name was officially changed from "Fiona" to "Fionna," presumably to make it more similar to Finn's name. The pronunciation, however, has remained unchanged. Like Finn and his crush on Princess Bubblegum, it is revealed in many portraits posted that Fionna has a crush on Prince Gumball. Fionna has buck teeth like a rabbit. Fionna, like Finn, is Cake's adoptive sister.
Cake—Fionna's best friend/adoptive sister and Mo-Chro's girlfriend. She doesn't look much like Jake aside from their body proportions. She has white eyes in which the black pupils become circular if surprised, excited, shocked, or scared. She has a cat muzzle and a small nose (compared to Jake's), cat ears, white fur with many coffee colored spots, and a large bushy tail. Cake may know Morse code in order to speak to Lord Monochromicorn, similar to how Jake knows Korean in order to speak to Lady Rainicorn. Cake plays a hammered dulcimer, as opposed to a viola. Her tail "frizzes out" if it is agitated or worried. As a Lumpy Space 'cat', she is a light color of maroon with large spots of fuchsia to match her coffee-colored spots. Her tail is now lumpy and more beaver-tail-like.
The Ice Queen—she is a mentally challenged woman with powers over ice. Although she was originally much more evil and aggressive than her male counterpart, she in the series, she is much more lame and dumb. Like the Ice King kidnaps princesses, she kidnaps princes. The Ice Queen has light blue skin, long white hair, and lightning-shaped eyebrows. Her hair, while also long like the Ice King's beard, is wavy with curls instead of shaggy. She wears a small gold tiara with red gems and a neck band (incrusted with a single blue gem in the center), a blue long sleeved ball gown, and light and dark blue shoes. Like how the Ice King's source of power is in his crown, Ice Queen's is based in her tiara. The Ice Queen's eyebrows are the equivalent of the Ice King's beard, allowing flight.
Seether-A hitwoman mistakingly hired by the Ice Queen to hit Fionna and Cake. She never speaks. She is dedicated to all of her assignments and won't focus on anything else until they are done. She can levitate, use fire at her will, and turn into a cloud of black smoke instantly. She is very tall, with chestnut skin and bright red eyes that can hold tiny flames. She is covered in many bandages and cloths as clothes, especially around her chest and hips. She also wears bandages around her face (only her eyes are visible) like a Keffiyeh. There are bandages around her wrists, ankles, left knee and right thigh. It is unknown whether these are just for show or if they're protecting wounds.
HITCAPADES
Title Card
Fionna and Cake prance through the grass happily, unaware that they are behind watched from afar.
The sun rose over the horizon of the Breakfast Kingdom. The kingdom was situated at the top of a mountainous hill, so that the sun always shone brightest around it. The castle consisted of a humongous China tea pot sitting on top of a China saucer which sat on top of gargantuan slices of toast that stand on a soft foundation of scrambled eggs. The tea pot spewed out steaming tea to make a moat. The bridges across the moat were made of crispy bacon, as well as the pillars that supported the toast slices.
Inside the highest room in the castle, the sunlight shone through the window, beaming down on a large China plate that was on top of a wooden tray. The china plate held three fluffy pancakes stacked atop one another, drowned in syrup with a glob of melting butter on top. Two side-plates held juicy orange slices and sweet blueberry muffins. A glass of milk stood at the corner of the tray, cold and ready to drink.
The Breakfast Prince stuck his fork into a pancake, tearing off a piece and sticking it in his mouth. His hair was made of soft egg white, his skin made of harder egg yolk. His crown was made of crispy bacon piled atop his head. His shirt consists of a buttered-toast front and sleeves made of molded bacon. His pants were made of soft pancake slathered in syrup and butter, and his shoes were made of cracked eggshells.
His little brother, the Toast Prince, sat beside him. He was, as his name said, a slice of toasted bread with a red shirt and red pants. He has a small waffle crown on his forehead, as well as a fried egg at the side of his head.
The two royals were unaware of the icy royal watching them through their window. The Ice Queen giggled to herself as she stared at the Breakfast Prince, a pink blush creeping into her blue skin. "Good morning, Breakfast Prince," she whispered to herself.
With a grunt of effort, the Ice Queen hauled herself through the window. She lost her footing and ended up crashing to the floor, but so quietly that neither prince heard her. Her belly pressed against the sea green tiles of the bedroom, she crept closer to the bed. Reaching into the folds of her dress, she took out the small container of blueberries, now crouching next to the bed. Finally, she stood up, making her appearance clear, pouring the blueberries onto Breakfast Prince's pancakes.
The Breakfast Prince's eyes opened, and he nearly choked on his food when he saw the Ice Queen. Swallowing, his soft face contorted in anger. "Ice Queen! You're ruining my pancakes!"
"No, no, no, my dear!" Ice Queen assured him, still dumping blueberries onto the flat cakes, a few of the tiny fruits spilling onto the chicken-feather bedspread. "I'm enhancing the flavor of the pancakes by adding some blueberries!" She snatched the fork from the prince's hand, making him jump. She tore off a chunk of the pancakes, making sure to get a lot of blueberries, and held it up. "C'mon, you'll like it!"
Breakfast Prince huffed, turning his face away from the fork. As the Ice Queen urged it closer, he said, "Bro, hand me the phone."
The smaller prince nodded, reaching over to grab the phone made out of waffles and bacon. He dialed the number he already knew his brother wanted and handed him the handset when it started to ring. The phone picked up just as the Breakfast Prince accepted it. Smiling, he said, "Hey, Fionna?" There was a small pause, then the prince chuckled. "Yeah, it's me." He frowned then, adding. "I've got another Ice Queen situation over here and-" The prince stopped short-Ice Queen guessed that he was cut off-and smiled. "Really? Yeah, that'd be great! Thanks a lot!"
The Prince handed the handset back to his brother, who hung it back in the mechanism with a click. No less than five seconds later, the chicken coop door of the bedroom burst open with a great force.
"Ice Queen!"
Ice Queen rolled her eyes as she begrudgingly turned to the door. Sure enough, the infamous teenage heroine and her older feline sister were glaring at her with their hands on their hips. Fionna stepped forward. "How many times have we warned you about using Love Bombs?"
"Seventeen," Ice Queen answered with a sigh. Then, smirking victoriously, she held up the now-empty, purple-stained container. "That's why I'm using blueberries." Ice Queen jabbed her hands in the direction of the Prince's pancakes. "These are blueberries." Her face splitting into a smile, her arms spread out extravagantly. "Love blueberries!"
Fionna and Cake crossed their arms as their glares on the icy royal intensified.
Ice Queen frowned, lowering her arms. "What?"
Fionna and Cake's glares intensified more.
"Are you to so stupid you don't know the difference between bombs and blueberries?!" the Ice Queen's arms shot up in anger, accidentally knocking over Toast Prince's glass of milk. The small royal frowned as the milk soaked into his doughy body.
"Girl, who gives a flyin' flip if they're blueberries?" scoffed Cake. She jabbed a finger at the blue-skinned woman. "You stink anyways."
Fionna laughed out loud. Still chuckling, she added, "Yeah, you stink so much I'm gonna ground you for a month!"
The Ice Queen's eyebrows quirked, her head tilting to the side confusedly. "What does that mean?"
"It means that we're gonna kick your heinie if we see you outside of your castle!" explained Cake. The feline punched her left paw into her other for emphasis.
The Ice Queen's face contorted into a snarl. Standing up from her crouch, she pointed a sparking finger at the two girls. "I'LL KICK YOUR HEINIE!"
Fionna frowned angrily. She held up her index finger and her middle finger. "You wanna go for two months?!"
"Wh-?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Ice Queen's arms flapped around so hard she looked like a deranged pigeon. "I'M A GROWN WOMAN!"
Fionna smirked. "Oh, really? YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR TWO MONTHS!"
Cake cheered joyously, giving her sister a happy high-five.
"YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR TWO MONTHS!" Ice Queen countered. Beside her, Breakfast Prince rolled his eyes at her idiotic behavior. His brother did so as well as he continued brushing milk from his body.
"Three months."
"Oooooooooh!" Cake chorused, her paws cupping her mouth.
"WHY?! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" whined the Ice Queen. An irritated cloud was forming over her head, already dropping frozen water drops to the floor.
"Four. Months."
The Ice Queen gawked at Fionna in disbelief for a long moment. She then let out a shriek of annoyance, pulling her snowy hair to the point of breaking off. Running her hands down her face, she groaned. "Fine! But I'm only doing it for a month!"
"That just got you grounded for four months." scolded Fionna.
Cake did a little victory dance. "Oh daaaaang! Four moooonths!"
Ice Queen was silent for a long moment as she stared at the heroines. Then, she turned to the Breakfast Prince. Couldn't these idiots see how much they were embarrassing her in front of him right now? Honestly!
Ice Queen sighed, tucking her container back into the folds of her dress. She walked over to the doorway, pausing to look over her shoulder.
Cake was holding up both of her paws, holding up two digits each.
Ice Queen scoffed, "What's with the peace signs?"
Cake frowned, looking at her paws. "Oh, no, I was just showing you how many mouths you got left." Smiling again, she held her paws back up.
"Get outta here, bobble-head!" taunted Fionna.
Ice Queen hissed in annoyance as she charged out of the door, her head bobbing madly as she did so.
Fionna and Cake howled in laughter.
Ice Queen flew to her castle in such anger that vicious hail trailed behind her in storms. Even the familiar icy air of her kingdom and the sharp snowflakes that pierced her cheeks didn't calm her down, because she knew she'd be here for the next FOUR MONTHS. In her fury, she blasted through her window so fast she landed flat on her stomach, sliding along the ice of her floor. She immediately picked herself up and started pacing in circles, waving her arms as she spoke to no one.
"This is so unfair!" she shrieked. "They're the ones who need to be grounded! NOT ME!" She clenched her wrinkled fists together, trembling in fury. "I'M SO FURIOUS! I-I COULD JUST HIT THEM!" She swung her fist through the air. Then, when realization hit her, her fists dropped to her side in defeat. "But I can't leave the castle. But..." The aged witch's fingers snapped with an idea. "I could get someone else to!"
Ice Queen drifted to her sleet desk, flipping the screen of her OrangeTop open so that the silver silhouette of the fruit appeared. When it vanished, she opened a Vimvixen window, went to Giggle, and searched 'Hitwoman.'
Immediately, an answer popped up on the screen.
Seether
Hitwoman-Hits people for you.
Personal Description
Fast, silent, ruthless
Beside the description was a face almost entirely concealed by a Keffiyeh. All the Ice Queen could see was fiery red eyes staring right at her.
"She's perfect!" squeed the Ice Queen. Immediately, she opened a Letter Document and began typing, speaking aloud.
Dear Miss Seether,
I would like you to hit two people.
Cool name!
3,
The Ice Queen
She then hit 'SEND.'
"Good." Ice Queen stomach rumbled loudly, and she pushed her seat back to stand. "Alright, alright. Paninis it-AHHH!"
Seether was faster than she thought.
She was standing three feet away!
She was also a lot taller than she thought. Seether was twice as tall as the Ice Queen, casting the witch in her shadow. Just like the picture, Seether's face was concealed in a Keffiyeh, with only the angry red eyes showing. Her skin was a dark chestnut color and had the texture of coal. She wore no garments, but her chest and hips were concealed by long pieces of tattered cloth tied together by tight bandages. Her wrists and ankles were also wrapped in bandages, as well as her right thigh.
"Whoa..." Ice Queen gasped once she caught her breath. With a smile, she explained, "You're really fast."
"..."
"And quiet."
"..."
"And really good at dramatic silence. I like it."
"Alright!" Ice Queen approached her hired hitwoman, dusting off her hands and setting them on her hips. "How do we do this? Do we shake hands or-"
Ice Queen screamed as Seether's hand exploded into a ball of blazing fire. She moved her hand, and just as Ice Queen thought Seether was about to attack her, the flames vanished. In their place was a roll of parchment, and beside it, a jet black quill. Ice Queen smiled. "Nice. Contract." She read the black scrawl aloud:
Who shall I hit?
Ice Queen took the black quill and scribbled beneath the question. "Fionna...and...Cake."
The parchment and quill vanished in blooms of smoke, and, just a moment later, so did Seether. Ice Queen gawked at the last tendrils of smoke before bursting into cheering laughter. She danced over to her snowy telescope, already set on Fionna and Cake's Treehouse.
Through the window, Fionna and Cake were eating dinner-some sort of Tuscan chicken stew-laughing joyfully as usual. But she couldn't see Seether. She moved her telescope left and right and up and down until a flicker of movement made her stop. Seether was down on the ground, her back pressed against the bark of the massive tree and her head turned in the direction of the window. "There she is!" Ice Queen giggled to herself. Then, looking back through the telescope, she frowned. "Wha-?!"
Seether was now kneeling down to the bulky roots of the tree, a flickering flame cradled in her fingers. "What is she-?" The flame, probably hexed, touched the roots. Immediately, a massive blaze erupted on the bark, engulfing and charring the wood. Seether disappeared in smoke as the blaze began to spread.
"WHY IS SHE LIGHTING UP THE TREEHOUSE?!" Ice Queen cried, stumbling back from the telescope in shock. Her arms flapped about in her emotions. "I HIRED A HITWOMAN, NOT A FIREWOMAN!"
Ice Queen shrieked in annoyance before shooting through the window, into the icy air of the outside.
After they finished their Tuscan chicken stew, Fionna and Cake decided to do a little treat for themselves. Ice cream it was. Gallons of sugary ice cream were piled on top of the table, already melting onto the wood in bright colors. Bowls and bottles of cherries, chocolate sauce, whipped creams, fruit sauces, and countless sprinkles were scattered around. Fionna and Cake had huge bowls set in front of them, their hands reaching out to scoop more of the cold dessert into them.
They were oblivious to the flames crawling up their window.
"Hey, Fifi, see my masterpiece comin' together?" Cake waved her paws at her self-made dessert. She had arranged her ice cream into a mountain of sugary goodness. Eight scoops of teaberry ice cream, four scoops of banana ice cream, five scoops of cherry ice cream, five scoops of mint ice cream, three scoops of green tea ice cream, three scoops of vanilla and a single scoop of blueberry ice cream were stacked on top of each other in perfect balance. Two peeled bananas were stuck to the sides, and a plump cherry topped a mountain of whipped cream.
"Cupcake, I need help," sighed Fionna. Her ice cream was a mess. A pile of cake batter ice cream, dill pickle ice cream, and strawberry cheesecake ice cream supported by two mashed-up bananas. Strawberry sauce was splattered on it, mixing in with the ice cream that was already melting in the bowl.
"What's wrong?" Cake asked as she speckled some rainbow sprinkles onto her 'masterpiece.'
"Mine's whack," growled Fionna. A banana fell once more, and her strawberry-stained fingers set it up once more.
"You got too many flavors clashin'," Cake instructed, and pushed the dark pink tub towards her sister. "Get some teaberry to even the balance."
Fionna shrugged as she scooped some of the frozen cream from the tub and carefully dropped it into her bowl. As she scooped some more in, she asked, "Where do we get all of this ice cream?"
"Ice Cream Woman," Cake responded. She was barely even paying any attention to her sister. She was carefully spreading some nuts onto her work of art.
"Do you think it hurts Ice Cream Woman when we eat her ice cream?" wondered Fionna.
"I dunno. I can't read her mind." Cake reached for her silver ice-cream spoon, digging it into her creation and moving it towards her mouth-
Ice Queen exploded through the window, destroying the flames that had engulfed the girls' home. The two girls flew off of their seats, crashing to the floor. For good measure, Ice Queen spat out mountains of ice and snow all around her, turning the Treehouse into a snowy wonderland.
Cake shrieked. Her ice cream masterpiece had knocked over in the blow, splattering onto the floor in a frozen mess. Her fur was sticky with sprinkles and nuts glued together with whipped cream.
Ice Queen stared at the hysterical feline in confusion for a long moment before she shook it off and began, "Listen guys, I-"
"I told you, you're grounded!" interrupted Fionna. The human girl waved her fists angrily. "You want another month? ANOTHER MONTH OF GROUNDING?"
Ice Queen flinched at the idea of another month of humiliation. She waved her hands in her own defense. "No, I don't! I just smelled smoke coming from your house."
"It's wasteeeeed!" Cake bawled over the corpse of her artwork.
"Oh, perfect!" Fionna cried in a fit of anger, her fists clenched white. "Look what you did to my sis! SO HELP ME, ICE QUEEN!"
"Alright, alright!" Ice Queen held up her wrinkled blue hands in defense before setting them on her hips. "Ghal..." With nothing else to do, she flew out of the broken window in a whirl of snow.
Fionna scoffed in annoyance before walking over to her sniffling sister. She knelt down next to the forlorn feline, a look of apology on her face. "Don't worry, sis. We'll make another."
Cake sniffled once more.
"Jeez, this Seether gal has got some weird ideas about hitting!" Ice Queen contemplated as she soared through the night sky once again. She made it to her castle a few seconds later, and, for once, landed on her feet when she flew through the window. Seether was already there, staring down at her from her great height.
"There you are!" sighed the Ice Queen. Seether, in answer, held out a page of parchment in her direction. "What? I already signed that." Ice Queen swatted the parchment away and punched her left fist into her right palm. "I thought I told you to hit them. Not burn them alive, ya idiot. GHAL!" Ice Queen span around to face the open window in her annoyance. "It's almost like you wanna kill them. Luckily, I stopped the fire."
She didn't see Seether's fiery red eyes widen.
"Do you know what happens when you're set of fire?" Ice Queen asked. "Your tongue melts! Ugh..." Ice Queen turned to face her hired hitwoman, but she had vanished. "Oh dirt..."
Back in the Treehouse, Fionna and Cake had retired for the night. Fionna, as usual, was curled up inside her animal-skin sleeping bag, dreaming once again about taking out an army of goblins. Her legs kicked in her sleep. Cake was fitted inside her drawer, cocooned in blankets, murmuring, "Mo-Chro, don't eat her..." Other than that, the Treehouse was entirely silent.
Seether stood between the two girls, angry with her failure at completing her assignment. No matter. This would be easy.
Seether's body dispersed into thick black smoke that fell to the floor like fog. The smoke crept across the floorboards towards the sleeping girls soon to fall victim to the hitwoman's tricks. Unbeknownst to their soon demise, the two girls inhaled the thick black smoke that began to char their lungs.
The window suddenly burst open, glass shards flying everywhere. Ice Queen swooped inside in a whirlwind of icy snow. The blast made the deadly smoke disperse immediately, even the smoke that the girls had breathed it. "BLOOOOOW!" cried the Ice Queen. "BLO-OOOO-OW!"
When the job was done, Ice Queen landed on her feet to inspect her work. No Seether-smoke in sight.
"Ice Cream Woman, I'm sorry..."
Ice Queen rose an eyebrow at Cake, who seemed to be having a bad dream. "I'm sorry, Ice Cream Woman..."
"Fionnaaaah, Caaaake..." Ice Queen cooed as she crept back to the window. "I am juuuuuhst a dreeeeeam. I was never heeeeere."
And then she flew back into the night.
"Alright, little Missy," Ice Queen scolded as she flew back into her castle. Just as she had expected, Seether was already there, awaiting her with silence. "My patience is wearin' thin. How clear can I possibly be? I want you to HIT them. Like a slap to the face or something!" Ice Queen patted Seether's cheek for example. Seether glared at her in answer. "Are you even listening?"
Ice Queen's face turned into an understanding glare. "I get it now." Ice Queen reached into her unruly nest of white hair. A moment later, she pulled out a small hoggy bank, clinking with coins muffled by bills. "I'll bump up the moolah if you don't kill Fionna and Cake."
Ice Queen screamed as the hoggy bank suddenly exploded into flames. Scalding coins and blazing dollar bills fell to the icy floor with chunks of scorched porcelain. When the flames disappeared, Seether's eyes were glaring at her in annoyance. Little flames had appeared in them.
Ice Queen chuckled nervously. "Tryin' to hustle me, eh?"
Seether's skin suddenly began to emit tendrils of angry smoke.
"Alright, I'll play..." Ice Queen cleared her throat, a nervous sweat dripping down her wrinkles skin. "How about this beauty?"
Ice Queen reached into her hair once more and pulled out a robotic model of a doe on a circle of wood. She pressed the button, and the doe began to sway and sing.
Don't let me die die die
Don't let me die die die
"NOOOO!" Ice Queen shrieked when the model burst into angry flames. Its fur charred, its wax melted, and its glass eyes hit the floor like marbles. With a gulp, she reached back into her locks and pulled out a bulky pair of goggles. "How 'bout these? X-ray glasses. For when you have da-AAAAAHHHH!"
Ice Queens shrieked as the glasses were burned right from her eyes. A few feet away, Gunta and Gusto exchanged confused looks of worry.
"At least renegotiate your target," Ice Queen said as she dug back into her hair. "You can destroy my least favorite princes." She pulled out a photograph of a familiar lumpy royal. "Lumpy Space Prince?" Ice Queen flinched when the photograph burned in an instant. She pulled out another photograph, this time of a spiritual highness. "Ghost Prince? I can't even hold 'im with ma love mitts." Charred and burned. The already-present sweat on the Ice Queen's wrinkled skin began to increase, turning into tiny waterfalls pouring from her pores. She had to think, fast.
"OUCH!" Ice Queen grabbed her shoulder. For good measure, her face contorted in fake pain. "BLASTED ARTHRITIS! AUGH!" She grabbed her elbow. She then began to limp past Seether, her arm hanging limp. "I'll be right back. Gotta go get some Aybencol."
When Ice Queen reached the entrance to the hallway, she slapped her back to the icy wall. The sweating decreased tremendously, but the hammering of her heart did not lessen by a smidget.
"I gotta get rid of her," she whispered to herself. "But how?" How do you get rid of a hitwoman? An insane, fiery, murderous hitwoman?
Ice Queen gasped. "Of couse!"
A hitwoman HITWOMAN!
She reached into her white nest for the final time to pull out her OrangeTop. A Vimvixen page of Giggle immediately appeared and she didn't hesitate a second with her search.
H_I_T_W_O_M_A_N_
H_I_T_W_O_M_A_N_
"Time to hit the hitwoman," Ice Queen muttered as she hit the search button.
A result came up in no time.
Smashtronaut
Hitwoman Hitwoman-#1 Solution for all Hitwoman problems
$999.95
PLACE ORDER
Ice Queen read the page aloud. Her eyes bulged from her skull at the price. "Nine hundred ninety-nine ninety-five? That's outrageous!" She hit the PLACE ORDER button begrudgingly. As the page loaded, she muttered, "This gal better mop my floors and do my dishes...And make me breakfast for that kinda scratch."
The page loaded, showing three words:
ENTER TARGET NAME
In the space below, Ice Queen typed,
S_E_E_T_H_E_R_
TARGET ACQUIRED_
Ice Queen jumped three feet in the air when a massive explosion burst through her living room. Chunks of ice and snow blasted through the entrance to her left, mixed in with sleet and smoke. She cautiously peeked around the corner to see the cause.
Smashtronaut, just like Seether, had appeared much faster than expected. She new stood amongst the rubble of her living room. She was tall, about as tall as Seether, covered in a futuristic power suit. The suit had Persian-rose arms with partly-blue shoulder-pads loaded with pistols. Her hands were covered in lime gauntlets. A lime and champagne cannon replaced her right hand. Thigh-high boots were colored lime and harlequin, with blue at the kneecaps. Her legs were the same Persian-rose as her arms and attached to her torso at the hips. Her abdomen was champagne-colored, with a harlequin girdle designed with two thin stripes of blue. The left side of her chest (also colored champagne) held some sort of emblem consisting of two swirls of green. A pure white helmet hid her entire face, with two concentric yellow diamonds at the center.
Smashtronaut's cannon began firing flaming bullets in a machine-gun manner. Her other hand went up in a bright light, blazing dangerously. She swung that arm back and forth, scorching the floors and walls.
"Awesome," Ice Queen giggled with glee.
Seether, however, was more than unimpressed. She didn't have to dodge the blast and bullets aimed at her. They zoomed right by her body, leaving her unharmed. Annoyed, she crouched down with her arm going up in flames. She charged at Smashtronaut and slashed her right across the chest.
Smashtronaut exploded instantly.
The robot went up into sparks and smoke. Gears and gadgets flew like projectiles, embedding into the ice of the room. Something grayish-green leaped from the wreckage and landed on the new balcony outside.
Ice Queen gawked in her appall. Smashtronaut was actually a troll, not a robot.
And she was obviously scared. Trembling in fear, she leaped from the balcony into the night.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!"
Ice Queen flew in fury to the balcony. Her face contorted in rage and her fist shook in her fit. "COME BACK, YOU WUSSY!" She realized that Seether was glaring at her, in blazing fury. Nervously, she tried to convey surprise. "What was that all about?"
She flinched when Seether raised a blazing fist. Her red eyes spouted angry flames. Trembling in absolute fear for her own life, Ice Queen raised an aged, arthritic finger in the direction of the balcony. "Was that your friend or something?"
"..."
Ice Queen swallowed loudly. She jabbed a finger at the sky with a shout of, "LOOK! Dustin Geever!"
"..."
"Look! A nanobot!"
"Look! The apocolypse!"
"..."
"Someone just got hit in the jingleblings!"
"..."
"Jingleblings!"
"Someone got hit in them!"
Seether's flaming eyes slowly moved to the left.
"FREEZE!"
Ice Queen took her chance and froze Seether in a thick block of frosty ice. The assassin's flames doused instantly, leaving her body, for once, completely cold. The only things that now moved of her were her eyes, which glared at the Ice Queen with absolute, furious hatred.
"Peace out, muchacho!" Ice Queen called as she flew out into the outdoors. It was dawn now, with the sun rising over the grassy horizon in a fiery orange orb. Sunlight warmed her icy skin and melted the always-present frost in her hair. Halfway between her castle and he enemy's Treehouse, she flipped around to glide on her belly. She growled to herself loudly before letting out a shriek of "FRICKIN' CRAMPS! CRAMPS, CRAMPS, CRAMPS!"
Meanwhile, at the Treehouse, Cake was standing before the open window. The sunlight made her fur glow and her tail twitch in the breeze. A long, bright yellow shawl was pulled over her shoulders. The fabric fluttered in the breeze. Her unicorn mug was emitting tendrils of steam, courtesy of the scalding hot tea inside. Without looking behind her, she called, "Hey, Fifi, are you up yet?"
Fionna, with her body cocooned in her pelt sleeping bag and her face buried in her pillows, muffled bag, "'M werphin on it."
Cake swallowed heavily before saying, "I had a dream about Ice Cream Woman last night."
"You did?"
"...I think I'm gonna stop eating Ice Cream Woma-AHHHH!"
Cake screamed as the Ice Queen's body slammed into her own, sending the both of them flying into the bedroom. Ice Queen managed to lift herself into her air before they crashed but Cake ended up smacking face-first into one of the thicker roots of the floor. At the sudden racket of her sister being attacked, Fionna flipped her body over to scream, "YOU'RE GROUN-"
"SHUT UP!" the Ice Queen shrieked.
Fionna's mouth clamped shut instantly.
Ice Queen realized her mistake immediately afterwards. Her attitude immediately went from fed-up to nervous in a split second. She rubbed her forearm nervously, her raspy voice barely over a whisper. "Uh...Okay..." She sighed and forced herself to speak louder. "I hired a woman to kill you by accident..." Fionna and Cake's response was silent. "I thought she was just gonna hit you in the gut or something. Make you puke...But anyway, I froze her in ice, but I think she's free now. She's made of fire." Ice Queen paused. "Or she commands fire? I guess..."
"...What?" Was Fionna's only response.
"Good job." Cake gave the evil witch a mocking thumbs-up. "Nice job, 'The Ice Queen.'"
The windowed wall exploded that exact moment. As planks of wood and tiny shards of glass went flying, a whirlwind of foul black smoke entered the room, speckled by tiny sparks of fire. The sparks began to entwine and conjoin until Seether was standing in the room, her fury emitting in physical flames.
"OH MY LIFE!" Fionna shrieked.
Seether responded by hurling a ball of scalding flames in Fionna and Cake's direction. In her rage, however, her aim was a bit off and the shot ended up hitting the wall behind the two girls. But the blast was enough to send Fionna flying out of her sleeping bag and Cake soaring into the opposite wall.
Seether was already preparing for another attack. Her fists were erupting in angry flames that licked up to her elbows. Cake saw the fire-controlling being pull back her fists and immediately dashed over to protect her younger sister's body with her own. "GRAB ON!"
Fionna latched onto the feline's back just as another blast of fire was thrown at them. Cake bounded out of the gigantic hole in the wall, with Ice Queen flying shortly behind.
Fionna's head whipped around to check behind them. Her stomach dropped when she saw that Seether was soaring towards them, her skin smoking and her eyes ablaze. She looked like an angel of death. "Cupcake! Do something! She's getting closer!"
Cake didn't hesitate for a second. She grew a fifth limb from her back and sent it flying at Seether. All three girls gasped when the feline's paw passed right through the hitwoman's body, as if she were nothing more than smoke itself. "My kicksters ain't gonna work!"
Seether raised a bandaged arm high in the air. A sphere of deadly flames appeared in her palm, licking at the air. She twisted her arm back and sent the fireball flying right at the trio.
Fionna screamed, "Ruuuuuuun!"
Cake did as she was told. She ran as fast as her four large limbs could go. But she was moving too fast. The older sister tripped on a risen clod of dirt, sending her and her sister flying. In the blink of an eye, Cake had her arms and legs wrapped around Fionna's body to protect her from the impact. When the two girls hit the earth, Cake's shield broke and Fionna went rolling through the grass.
Fionna groaned and lifted herself just enough to look behind her. The fireball was ten times as big as she had thought, and it was now flying at them like a miniature sun. Fionna grasped and latched onto her sister. Well, if they were gonna die, they might as well be together.
The fiery blast never came.
Although Fionna's eyes were squeezed shut, she could feel a a great vibration move through her body. The air, which was formerly growing hotter by the second, was now icy cool. She cracked her eyes open to see what happened. She and Cake were now standing inside a large ice dome. She estimated that the walls were about five feet thick. The Ice Queen was facing the walls of the dome, her hands still raised from her defense. Making sure the job was done, she turned to look at the duo. "You dead?"
"Uh..." Cake recoiled from her sister to inspect her body for any injuries. "I don't think so..."
"That was close..." Ice Queen wiped the frozen sweat from her forehead.
Fionna groaned, letting her head fall limp. "Geez." She glared up at the Ice Queen, her arms waving in anger. "What were you thinking?"
Ice Queen blinked at her. "What?"
"We almost died because of you!" yelled Fionna.
Ice Queen glared right back at her. "If you hadn't grounded me, I wouldn't have been so angry and wanted to hit you!"
"JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ANGRY DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN HIRE A PSYCHO KILLER TO HIT PEOPLE!"
"I WAS GROUNDED! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO HIT YOU IF I COULDN'T LEAVE THE CASTLE?!"
Fionna slapped her forehead with a loud smack. "You're not making any sense."
Cake flinched when something wet and icy cold hit her forehead. She looked up and saw that the top of the dome was already melting, making icy water drip down on them. "Girls, I don't think this ice dome's gonna last long."
"What do we do?" asked Fionna.
Ice Queen thought very hard for a long moment. With her eyes squeezed tight and her jaw almost breaking from being clenched so hard, she hummed to herself. "Hmmmmmmmmmmm...Oh!" She smiled, and turned to the two girls. "I'm gonna kill you two."
Fionna and Cake stared back for a long, silent, awkward moment. Cake glared at the Ice Queen with a cry of, "Hey, I'LL KILL YOU!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Ice Queen waved her hands for them to stop. "I'm not really gonna kill you. I'm just gonna lower your body temperature so you feel dead! Afterwards, I'll warm you back up good as new!"
"NO way," immediately interrupted Cake. She turned to her sister in such a way the Ice Queen was blocked from her view. "This wacko already got us too many close-calls. I'm not accepting another."
"Yeah!" Fionna glared over Cake's shoulder at the Ice Queen. "Why should be trust you?"
In answer, Ice Queen froze the two girls in a single block of ice.
The two girls' movements were immediately paused in motion when their bodies became imprisoned in the giant block of frozen water. Fionna was opening her mouth in an objection, probably 'stop', judging by the shape of her lips. Cake had just been turning around, and was now frozen with her neck craned and her body twisted.
"You'll thank me later," Ice Queen assured them with a slight chuckle.
With a deep breath, she waved her arms at the walls of the dome. A hole immediately melted like snow. Ice Queen jumped out, her arms waving madly with a shriek of "STOP!"
Seether's arm had just been rearing back in another fireball attack. She did stop, the only movements of her body being the flickers of the flames on her arm, but the look her fiery eyes gave the Ice Queen clearly said Make one wrong move and you burn.
"TIME OUT!" Ice Queen tapped her the fingers of her two hands into a T shape. The rest of the dome was already melting away, flooding the grass in an icy slush. Fionna and Cake's bodies, however, remained frozen. Ice Queen pointed crooked fingers at them. "You don't need to do this anymore, see? They're dead." Seether paused for a silent moment before slowly floating down to the Ice Queen's side. "I killed them myself." Ice Queen slapped the ice in front of Fionna's face. "Dead, dead, dead! Totally dead. No pulses."
The flames of Seether's eyes vanished, her crimson pupils squinting down at the frozen heroines. Ice Queen jumped when the hitwoman's fingers sprung in flames and moved towards the girls. The flames of Seether's fingers were hot enough to make the ice melt away. To the Ice Queen's relief, Seether got rid of the flames once Fionna's wrist was exposed. The human teenager's arm fell limp onto the slushy grass and Seether picked it up with slender fingers. She pressed her middle and index fingers of her opposite hand to press down on the skin of Fionna's wrist.
She nodded after a long, agonizing silence.
"So, uh..." Ice Queen coughed away the crack in her voice. "Looks like you can go home now..."
A burst of flames erupted above Seether's palm, making the icy witch jump. However, instead of a fireball or another deadly weapon of flames, the only thing in front of her was another roll of parchment but the same black quill. "Oh, yes, of course!" In her anxiety, Ice Queen forgot to read the parchment and instead wrote her signature at the bottom right away.
The parchment and quill burned to a crisp the second she signed the N.
"Wha-?" Ice Queen gawked at Seether with her arms raised in the air. "WHY DID I HAVE TO SIGN IT IF YOU WERE JUST GONNA BURN IT?!"
"..."
"...Nevermind..." Ice Queen chuckled quietly. For a long moment, Seether just stared at her in absolute silence. "What? What do you want?"
Ice Queen gasped when Seether vanished in a plume of thick black smoke, quickly vanishing in the breeze that followed. All that remained of Seether was a small note slowly falling through the air. Ice Queen reached out to catch it.
Completed Hit
Target: Fionna & Cake
Signature: Ice Queen
:) Thank you!
"Glad that's over," huffed Ice Queen. She balled the note in her hands and chucked it over her shoulder before approaching her still-frozen frenemies. She lifted up the hem of her gown as she stepped onto the thick block of ice. As she gingerly sat down on it, her body gave a long shiver. "Ooh~! That ice is cold. Oh! Almost forgot!"
Ice Queen reached into the thick folds of her dress and pulled out a familiar container filled with fresh, plump blueberries. Ice Queen cackled in spite of herself. "Some love-berries outta speed up the process!"
She was still cackling as she dumped the berries onto the frozen faces of her grounders.
TRIVIA
Ice Queen states that Lumpy Space Prince and Ghost Prince are her least favorite princes.
At the end of the Ice Queen's letter to Seether it says, "3, the Ice Queen."
CULTURAL REFERENCES
The Ice Queen's 'OrangeTop' is a reference to an Apple laptop, the 'Vimvixen' window is a reference to 'Firefox', and the 'Giggle' page is a reference to 'Google.'