As over two decades passed, there were even more changes on the NX-01. Jonathan had been right, that Esilia and the other full-blooded Ikaarans were all, belatedly, affected with the decline.
Lemnestra and Verinold went first, but they were also older than the others. Lingering was unpleasant and painful. One by one, the remaining Ikaaran women succumbed, until finally only Izquilla was left. And then, suddenly, she was gone as well.
The older generation drifted a bit, as some of them retired. Since the ratio was again lopsided, marriages sometimes opened up, and many of the women – who were in their sixties and seventies and older – sometimes took lovers.
The captain found himself bringing flowers to Karin Bernstein-Rosen one day, and replicated candy to Bree Tanner Greer the next. Susie Money Lattimer would entertain not only her husband, Mario Lattimer, but also, at times, Tristan Curtis. Relationships had become fluid as everyone tried, in one way or another, to provide comfort to the lonely and bereaved. T'Pol abstained from the many tortuous connections and reconnections.
And through it all, Lili remained loyal to José. They welcomed grandchildren, and even one great-grandchild.
=/\=
Lili was in the galley, still cooking at age ninety, but slower and far easier to tire. Her hearing was going as well. Craig and Brian continued to work there, too, but it was Aaron Archer and his assistants, Brandi Moreno Ryan and Michelle Phlox Mayweather, who did the cleaning and the heavy lifting while the older generation did the chopping and the cooking.
"Do you think," Lili asked Aaron, "that if we made empanadas, the Admiral would like them?"
"Lili?" Aaron asked his mother-in-law, "There are no Admirals here."
"Admiral? Oh, I meant the captain."
"He likes your empanadas. Everybody does."
"Then we will make them. How is your granddaughter?"
"Squalling a bit. Marie Helêne is quite the yeller," Aaron replied.
"Well, she knows what she likes, I think," Lili replied. She sat down on a stool in the galley.
"Are you okay?" asked Brian.
"Suddenly, I'm very tired."
"Do you need to go to Sick Bay?" asked Craig.
"Don't be silly," she scoffed.
Surreptitiously, AG flipped open his communicator. "Uh, José? Can you come to the galley? It might be nothing. But just, uh, please come."
"Sure," José replied and, before he closed the connection, he could be heard to say, "Josh, Margaret, Jill, please monitor the containment field. The lever is stuck again, so don't rely on it exclusively."
=/\=
In the galley, Lili looked up. "What are ya callin' José for? I mean, I like seeing him and all, but don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit?"
"Better safe than sorry," AG replied. "Now, while you're sitting down, tell me again how to make the sauce for the empanadas."
She smiled. "Ah, I see, you're gonna bribe me with an exploration into my secrets."
"Just, just humor me, okay?" He looked at his mother-in-law. She was white-haired and stooped, with deep lines on her face. "ME says that you've been acting tired all week, according to José."
"So that's third-hand information," Lili deduced, as she watched Aaron taking various replicated dried spices off the shelves. "Don't forget the cumin."
"You put cumin in the sauce?"
"Just a touch. It gives it a smoky air. Now, what other tales has Maria Elena been spreading about me?"
"She's worried about you. And I am a little, too. You've been like a mother to me, ever since the decline took my own mother."
"I'm sorry, Aaron. It's just; I really don't think you need to call Malcolm on my account."
"It's José," Brian reminded her, "Lili, Aaron just called your husband, José."
"Ah, well, of course," she replied, "now, mix a few grinds of fresh black pepper in with the cumin. And let's replicate a little lemon juice, too."
Craig flipped open his communicator. "Willets to Sick Bay. Uh, it's weird. Lili's a little forgetful all of a sudden, it seems."
"Well, she is ninety," Andrew reminded him.
"Right, of course. But she's really forgetful now, and she wasn't before. She just referred to José as Malcolm."
"Oh, boy," Andy sighed, "Bring her in. Miller out." He sighed and turned to Phlox. "I wonder if she's had a small stroke or two."
"It is possible," Phlox allowed, "Now, Ali," he said to Crewman Hamidi, the son of Maryam Haroun and Azar Hamidi, "Let's titrate that sample again."
=/\=
José got to the galley as soon as he could. "You wanted to see me?" he asked Lili.
She looked at him a little strangely. "Is Jay coming?"
"Jay – Jay Hayes?"
"And Doug, too. Or Ian, maybe."
"Ian, you, you used to dream of this Ian character," José told her, "Come, I will get you to Sick Bay now." She started to wave him off, but he took her arm and he was insistent. "I will not take no for an answer, my loud one."
"My, my North Star – we're making empanadas, my love."
AG looked at Brandi , "Can you handle this?"
"Uh, sure."
He flipped open his communicator. "Maria Elena, get the kids and meet us in Sick Bay. There's, uh, something going on."
=/\=
José and AG ended up getting a stretcher and carrying Lili to Sick Bay. She protested that she was just slow and tired, but they carried her anyway. The rest of the family arrived and she looked at them. "What's going on?"
"I'm going to check you out," Andrew started up the controls on the movable scanner bed.
"I feel fine! I'm just sleepy."
"Please," he implored.
While Andy was working, Phlox brought the family to another part of Sick Bay. "It's the forgetfulness and the fatigue that are concerning us the most. You were right to bring her in."
Maria Elena and AG had their two children with them, Sally and Jacob Henry. Jake had his wife, Mindy Ryan, with him. She was holding their infant daughter, Marie Helêne, named after Lili's mother. "Is Grammy going to die?" Sally asked.
"Maybe," Phlox admitted, "Let's see what Andrew's found, shall we?" They returned to where Andy was getting Lili out of the imaging chamber.
She lay back. "I could just nap here. Talk amongst yourselves."
José leaned over and kissed her. "How are you feeling?"
"Why are you insisting on taking my temperature every five seconds like that, Doug? I said I was fine. I am fine."
He blanched and looked up. "Doctors?"
"I didn't find any evidence of a stroke," Andrew reported.
"That's good news, isn't it?" José asked, clutching at straws.
"I found other things," Andy stated. "Look at her fingernails." They were a light purplish in color.
"What does that mean?" asked AG.
"It means that the process has started," stated the Denobulan.
"What process?" Mindy inquired, holding her daughter more closely.
"The process of dying," Lili explained, "That's why I'm seeing people who aren't there, right?"
"You know?" asked Jake.
"I do," she murmured, "sometimes, at least. At other times, it's like I phase out, and I see the others. There are seven, you know."
"Seven?" asked José.
"You, your counterpart, Jay, Doug, Malcolm and Ian and, well, me."
"This Ian character again. What is he telling you?"
"Nothing bad. But there are also seven children," Lili explained.
"There are seven of here in the family, including you," reported Sally. "Abuelo José, Mom, Dad, Jake, Mindy, Marie Helêne and, and me. We're all here."
"No – I have seven children," Lili explained. "There are two named Jeremiah, known as Joss. One is Hayes. The other is Beckett. They are Jay's and Doug's. And they each had full-blooded younger sisters. Doug's daughter is Marie Patrice Beckett. Jay's is Madeline Suzette Reed-Hayes. And then there's Malcolm. In the first kick back, we have a daughter, named Pamela Morgan. And in the prime timeline – the real time – we have a son, Declan Charles. And of course there's my darling Maria Elena. She and Dec and Pam are all from the same, the same egg. There is just something, something about it."
"Is any of this true?" Maria Elena asked quietly.
Andrew got a PADD and started clicking around it. "According to the database from the other version of the NX-01, there's a Jeremiah and a Madeline and a Pam, just like she said. I dunno about the other three. How could she know, anyway? All of that would be after we were kicked back in time, in either instance."
"I just know," Lili murmured softly, "Like I know when, when Jay touches my hand. I know that he loves me, even though the words are hard for him to say."
"Maybe she was rereading the old logs," Jake mused. "She won't let anybody see them, yanno. Not hers and not this, this Malcolm's or this guy Jay's, either."
"The logs," Lili remembered, "I told Jenny to destroy them. And I still want her to."
"But why, my loud one?" José asked.
"Because, because there are, there are hurtful things in there," Lili told him, "I never want to harm you. And as for our family, they need to understand – it's not being done in order to create some sort of horrible, insoluble mystery. It's because I wrote terrible things," she whispered, "And it's because they love me. They did and they do and, and the details are, they're private. Promise me you'll let Jenny destroy my logs. Promise me, Malcolm."
José looked at her with pain in his eyes. "I swear."
"The beauty of our lives is that we are together," Lili insisted, "They are version two or three or whatever but we are together and that's what really matters. Did you know that Jay was carving a sparrow for me? Did you know Malcolm was reading Jane Eyre because we had enjoyed it together the, the first time around? I put it back in his room when I was done reading it."
"We never knew that," Maria Elena admitted.
"Promise me you will go to their quarters," Lili requested, "Promise me you will see them, not for their logs but for the things they left behind. The uni and the, the lucky nickel, and the books and the carving and the poetry, even."
"Poetry?" José asked.
"I remember you wrote me poems, Malcolm. You are a gifted sonneteer. You write so very beautifully. And the way you write for Declan, it's so affectionate. And giving him his name – for my father's father, and his middle name for Tripp Tucker – all of that is so right. It has always been right, Malcolm. Every time around, it's your way, and it's been right."
"Declan?" asked Mindy.
There was suddenly a moment of clarity. "You will have twins, a, a son and a daughter. In fifteen years, they will be born," Lili declared.
"But our baby is only a few months old," Jake stated.
"Doesn't matter. You will have the child of the start and the children of the end. And he will be – he will be Declan Archer, and she will be Karyn. She will meet Jonathan Archer as time folds over on itself again."
"My loud one," José cautioned, "Don't strain yourself with your predictions."
"They aren't illusions," Lili insisted. "José, your counterpart, he is so much like a, a wounded animal. You are the North Star, but he is more like, like Ursa Major. He is a wounded, blinded grizzly bear, it seems. I will have to do a lot to take care of him in the afterworld. He needs a lot of forgiveness – a lot more than you and the others need. But I will care for him and I will help him. That is my job. I, I have to do it. It's a part of my, my own atonement. And I will do it because I love both of you."
"Yes, my loud one." José took her hand. "I know you will be good to, to anyone who needs it."
"For Doug, who I will meet in October of 2157, I will make sure that I am receptive. That is what I can do for him. But the rest of it will fall into place. I'm sure of it. And when I meet him and it's a dark and mysterious dream, I will know that he means me no harm. He comes in peace."
"Dreams," José mused, "yours are very vivid."
"Grammy," Jake asked, "do your dreams feel real?"
"I know the difference," Lili insisted sleepily, "I really do. I swear I do. But it's hard to prove my sanity and my competence when my dreams really are real."
Sally confirmed, "You've always talked in your sleep."
"I have been having conversations." Lili paused. "I don't have much time. I can see the room is getting greyish and misty and I know it means that things are changing. Sally, honey, I know you'll always be a good, careful engineer. You'll keep everything running like a top, like you already do."
"Thank you, Grammy."
"And you, Mindy," Lili predicted, "You'll grow wonderful flowers on board, and little herb plants and every bit of vegetable and fruit we can grow here."
"Yes, I swear I will."
"The baby – she'll be, I know she will do good things for the ship. I'm not sure what. I guess I can't see everything. I do know that she will care for the dogs," Lili admitted.
"So your crystal ball is sometimes cloudy, eh?" asked José.
"Don't make fun of me, Jay," Lili replied, "for you will, huh, José, you will soldier on and I will welcome you when you get here."
"When will that be?" he asked, suddenly turning serious.
"I, I don't think I'm allowed to say. Jake," she turned, "you will continue working on a way to counteract the Imvari-Insectoid weapon. You will make great progress. I know this."
"I will dedicate my life to this."
Lili looked into their anxious faces. "Maria Elena," she told her daughter, "you will teach, as you have. And the next few generations will grab for your wisdom. You are one of the, the anchors that keep the ship together. Others may fix and lead and fire weapons and the like, but you are the heart and the soul of the ship, Marie Patrice."
"I, I'm Maria Elena, Mom."
"Of course. It's, it's not, I'm not saying the wrong names in order to hurt any of you. It's just so confusing, what with all of you here."
"How many people do you see, my loud one?"
She quietly counted. "It's lucky number thirteen. But there are shadows, Ian. There may be more back there. But I don't think they're here for me in particular. There must be lots of others who are here, on the threshold."
"Of course," José mused.
"My North Star," she whispered softly, "take the family. I want them to see their quarters. See a bit of what Malcolm and Jay were really like. And, and make sure Jenny does as I've requested," she repeated.
"Of course," he reiterated.
"I, I want to, to be in a repurposed torpedo tube. I want to be shot out, over Speakeasy. Can that be done?"
"I'll make certain of it."
"José, my North Star, it has taken me longer to love you than anyone. But I feel, at least for this version of me, I love you the best. For you haven't been flashy or fleeting. You have been constant. And I have known, for the past twenty years in particular, what it is to love the one who grounds me. You have made me whole again. And you have kept me whole and complete and content. The laundering unit always works. The lights never flicker. You are never late. You are up for anything. Your devotion means everything to me."
"I do everything for, for you."
"I want you to do something for yourself now, José. I hope you will. I hope you can have even more happiness. You have given me so very much. I want you to take some for yourself now."
That caused him to break down and sob. "Don't go."
"I must, and I can tell it is near, for the fog is lifting and I can see them so much more clearly. Malcolm and Jay's counterpart, Doug, they are carrying a two-man saw between them."
"A saw?" asked Mindy.
"Yes," Lili paused to gather her strength a little so that she could continue. "And Jay, he has a hammer. My children – the other six – they have their own things. Ian has a tape measure."
"Implements of building, but why?" asked Sally.
"We are – we all live together," Lili explained, "I can't see it all yet, but I somehow, I know this. They told me, Ian told me. And they have something for me."
"Are you to build, my loud one?"
Lili smiled, "I was never much of a tinkerer, at least not that way. I am – it's the wounded grizzly bear, the Ursa Major. And he has a wooden spatula. I suppose someone must feed all these working men and women."
"You're just the person to do it," AG assured her.
"José, c'mere," Lili whispered. He came closer and she kissed him. "I want to feel and remember your mouth on mine as I cross over."
He was sobbing even louder. "Yes, yes, of course, my love, my life."
"There is a stone bridge," she reported, "and I will cross it very soon. I can see others. Tell the others. Tell Jonathan that I can see Esilia, waiting. And I can see Dakiza and Kerna and Verinold and Dan Chang and Chris Harris and Mark Reilly and Will Slocum and all of them, yes. I can see all of them. They are here and they are all right. I had seen thirteen – my six other children, and my five other men. The two others – one is, is me, a counterpart to me. But she is small, a nine-year-old child. This is the version of me that didn't escape the house fire. This is the one who died with my parents."
"And the other one?" asked Maria Elena as José was far too overcome to speak.
"Declan," Lili smiled, "for that little girl had a younger brother. But I never did. He has a baseball glove in his hand. Oh, what a lucky child he must be."
"I love you, Mom," Maria Elena pressed her mother's hand.
"I love all of you," Lili declared, "and I will never be far away." She took a deep, gasping breath, and her eyes, which had always been nearly white, they were such a pale, barest hint of blue, faded to clouds, and she was gone for good.
=/\=
Lili took the spatula and walked over the stone bridge with her escorts. "It's beautiful here."
"Your vision is reflected," Ian told her, "But know that tomorrow, you, too, will be blinded by your sins. And you will need to work them off, just as the rest of us have." A snowy white cloth appeared in his hands and he gave it to her. "This is the symbol of your path to fullest forgiveness."
She took it from him. "I understand."
The sky had been a gorgeous blue, with a few puffy white clouds for contrast, but no threat of rain. And then suddenly, it was dark, and she saw the stars. And the only constellation she wanted to see, the only one that mattered at all, was the Big Dipper, for it had seven stars.
Five hands leaned on her shoulders, keeping contact with her and keeping company. Free hands pointed at each of the stars, and her symbolic one was Megrez, in the middle, where the pan met its handle. "You know," said the tall, bald man with a fully covered face who seemed so much like a wounded grizzly bear, "it's not just the Big Dipper. There is more. It is Ursa Major."
"Then it's just right," she smiled.
=/\=
Andrew looked up and nodded. "She's gone. We, we can take care of the arrangements."
"Yes," José flipped open his communicator. "Jennifer, Lili gave you her, her final instructions. It is time for you to carry them out."
"Oh, my gosh," Jenny cried out, "Are, are you certain? You could look, I'm sure. She would never know. She couldn't possibly."
"No," he repeated, "this is what she wanted. Please destroy the logs. Torres out." He swallowed a little. "I want to have the service today. But first, this." He opened his communicator again and added, "Torres to Bernstein-Rosen."
"Yes?" Karin asked from the Bridge.
"I need for you, it was one of the last wishes that Lili had, I need for you to take me and my family to Jay and Malcolm's quarters. There are a few things to do."
"So Lili is gone," Karin concluded.
On the Bridge, Jonathan, Nyota, Travis and Chip all looked up. "And so it begins," sighed Captain Archer, "The end of our senior staff. Go and do whatever you're asked to do, Karin. We'll get Ethan Shapiro up here to run Tactical."
"Understood," she replied, and then into her communicator, she added, "I'll be right there. Bernstein-Rosen out."
=/\=
"Dad, we don't have to do this right now," Maria Elena ventured as they stood outside Jay Hayes's old quarters and waited for Karin to remove the big lock from the door.
"We do. I promised," José replied. "Please, I must do this, and I must do it today."
Karin pulled the lock off the door. "Take your time."
"Thank you," José walked in and the family followed.
Jay Hayes's quarters were just as Lili had left them years before. No one else had gone inside since then. "What are you looking for?" asked Jake.
"I, something for, for," José stumbled over the next words, "I want to give Lili some things to, to take with her."
"That's almost like the ancient Egyptians did," Sally mused, "They put all sorts of things in before burial. It was to speed the way, to make things easier in the afterlife."
"Precisely," agreed her grandfather, "I want her to, to have what she needs. And she needs gifts from them. They are a part of her transition. And maybe they are with her now. So she is new and, well, she should bring something. You always should bring something to a new place, you know."
AG looked in the closet and noticed the old World War III general's uniform. "How odd," he remarked.
"I wore that when we went to Earth," his father-in-law explained. "Lili and I had to pretend we were married. She did not know, but I cherished that day."
Maria Elena and Mindy looked around. "He was really tidy," Mindy finally ventured. "Did Lili go out with him, or something?"
"No," José said, "not this time around. But before, they married. I think this time; they ran out of time and never got a chance to, to be together."
"Oh, my," Mindy shifted little Marie Helêne in her arms.
Maria Elena and AG went over to Jay's old desk. AG picked up the partly-carved bird and the extra piece with the L carved into it. "I think," AG surmised, "this was supposed to be a small bird, like a little bluebird, or a sparrow. I guess he ran out of time for that, too."
"That is what we should have Lili bring with her," José decided, "It's perfect; both pieces."
Karin locked the door and they moved onto Malcolm's old quarters.
=/\=
Malcolm's quarters were, truth be told, not too different from Jay's. "He was another neat freak," Mindy observed.
"I guess so," Sally replied, "But look! He had paper books!"
They thumbed through a few of them – including Machiavelli's The Prince.
Aaron found one at Malcolm's bedside. "This one," he decided. It was Jane Eyre.
"Yes," José agreed. "That is the one that Lili will take with her today."
Maria Elena opened the book up to where there was a bookmark. "It's, oh, how sweet. It's the scene where Rochester and Jane meet for the very first time."
"Keep the bookmark, then," Jake suggested, "That way the guy won't lose his place, eh?"
"I, I'm ready to go now, Karin," José said.
Maria Elena looked at him. "You need to give Mom something to take with her, too, yanno."
"I, I don't know."
"C'mon," she coaxed, "I'll help you find something, okay?" They all departed as Karin relocked Malcolm Reed's old quarters.
=/\=
There was a little flashing on José's PADD once they had gotten to his quarters. It was a brief message from Jenny. "I took care of it," was all it said. She had erased all of the logs as Lili had requested.
"It is hitting me a bit, now," José admitted.
"You don't need to hold the service today," Jake told him.
"But I do," José insisted. "Your grandmother – she needs her things. She has to go; she has to fly. I, I have to, I have to let her go."
Maria Elena hugged him. "It's okay," she whispered, "You're allowed to fall apart a bit."
"Later," he whispered, "I must see this through."
She broke apart from him and looked around her parents' quarters a little. She finally opened up Lili's desk drawer and rummaged around a little. "Hey, I found something." She pulled out a small bit of printed paper.
"She printed something?" asked Aaron.
José looked at it and smiled a tiny bit. "This is from not too long before we wed." It was a printout of the old picture of him and Verinold, trying to herd uncooperative procul. "It's perfect."
Mindy flipped open her communicator. "Captain, I think we're ready for the service now."
"Come," was all he said in return as they gathered up just a few more things for Lili's final journey.
=/\=
Captain Jonathan Archer – stooped, tired, white-haired and old, for he was in his late eighties – stood in the front of the Observation Lounge and began to speak.
"It was; I suppose it was inevitable, that we would begin to lose our senior staff to old age. Of course, we have lost members of our senior staff before." T'Pol stared straight ahead while he said that. Lorian, who was not as disciplined, shifted a bit from foot to foot. "But now it is neither hand to hand battles nor fire fights, nor malostrea nor rescues that are claiming our own. Imvari and Xindi are not to blame. Instead, it is the ravages of time." He glanced over at Brian and Craig, who were standing near the cart that Lili had pushed thousands of times. There were enough small glasses on it for everyone on board.
He cleared his throat. "Lili O'Day Torres was our chef for decades. She came here from her own restaurant. I'm sorry to say, I've forgotten the name."
"Voracious," Maria Elena whispered.
"Oh, yes, Voracious," he repeated, "I had her Harvest Salad, and I loved it. I offered her a job on the spot. I'm so glad she took it, for otherwise, we never would have known her."
Marie Helêne fussed a little bit. Mindy took her from Jake as the service continued.
"You all see the dogs that run around not only the Enterprise, but also the surface of Speakeasy itself? Lili is directly responsible for getting them here. She knew where there would be dogs, down to their last chances. And she bargained effectively for them, and got us more than we had any right to reasonably expect. The next time you scratch behind canine ears, I hope you'll think of Lili, for she, and José, and Hoshi, and Gary, and Frank, and Kerna – they all made that possible."
He looked at the family. "I'm going to turn the service over to the Torres family – this is my own family, too, of course. But first, Mister Willets?"
Craig came forward, with a bottle of Grand Siècle Champagne. "When they went to Earth, the idea was to get two bottles. One was to toast Hoshi's first command. And the other was to christen the old Ikaaran shuttle and rename it the Daniel Chang," explained Jonathan. He smiled and popped the cork. "But Lili was a shrewd bargainer in France, just like she was in Cambodia. She got three bottles, not two. And the third was not opened – until now."
Brian and Craig filled as many glasses as possible with the Champagne. The remaining glasses were filled with distilled spirits that had been made on Speakeasy. They began to pass the glasses with the real thing to the family and the senior staff. The remainder went to the rest of the crew.
Jonathan gestured to José, who stepped to the front of the room. The captain took Marie Helêne from Mindy and smiled at his little great-granddaughter.
"It is an Irish wake, I guess," José began. "But there are other traditions to be observed today, too. In ancient times, even before us humans could read or write we would bury our dead with possessions. These were to, to speed the way. Lili needs some things. So here they are."
Mindy gave him the book. "This is Jane Eyre. Malcolm Reed was up to the part where Rochester first meets Jane. Malcolm – he and Lili were together just before his own death. But they already knew they were in love. And so Lili needs this book." He gave it back to Mindy, who placed it inside the repurposed torpedo tube, just under Lili's right hand, which lay flat against her abdomen.
"Jay Hayes knew that, last time around, he and Lili were in love. And my logs from the last time say that he had called her Sparrow. I had overheard him once. I do not know why, exactly, he called her that. He was carving her a little wooden sparrow at the time of his death, but he was not able to finish it." Aaron gave José the partly-carved sparrow. José held it up so that everyone could see it. "They fell in love a second time, even if they never said so. And so Lili needs to bring the sparrow with her." He gave it back to AG, who tucked it and the small piece with the carved L on it into Lili's left hand, which was cupped slightly.
"There are three others," José added, "and I know they are hard to understand. But Lili, she," he cried a little bit, remembering. Maria Elena put an arm around him. "I, I know how odd it all sounds. But for them – for Doug, for Ian, and for a man she described as a kind of wounded grizzly bear, we give her these things."
Maria Elena had a dark blue ribbon in her hair. She took it off. Jake had a white handkerchief. And Sally had a cocktail shaker from the old Tethys Tavern, a place where Lili had worked when she was younger. The articles were all held up and then placed in the repurposed tube.
José turned to the assembly. "I, I have something, too. She, she never told me she had kept this. It is so very, very small. But before we wed, I used to write to her from Speakeasy. I cannot explain to you how much I loved her. Then and, and now. I still do! I loved her even when it felt like a lost cause, even when she was a kind of a wounded bird. See, Verinold and I worked together. And one day, I set up a camera. We were trying to herd procul. They are – you all know this, I am sure – they are dumb as rocks. And, as usual, they failed to cooperate. In this photograph, we were trying to herd them all to the left. So of course the procul all moved to the right."
The assembly chuckled a little. He held up the photograph. "I sent her this image. I had no idea she would print it. And she kept it in her desk drawer with her little things. This image is decades old. And, and, I know that Lili will need it, where she is going."
He brought it over to the tube himself. He looked at her lifeless body. There was a small smile on her face. "I give you this, my loud one who is now silent. I will miss you until I have joined you. There were many others, but I don't mind. The past is important, as is the future. And we are, I feel, hurtling toward both right now. I love you, and the thing I have learned from you – the biggest thing – is that that is forever." He tucked the photograph into her hands, next to the partly-carved wooden bird, the sanded slat with the carved L on it and the small book. He touched her left wrist, where there was a small zippered pocked. There was a little thing in there, a disc.
"What is it, Dad?" Maria Elena inquired.
He unzipped the pocket and took out its contents, unaware that it was Jay Hayes's lucky nickel. "It is a nickel, from 2012. It must have been important to her. I will give it back now, for she cannot leave without it." He put it back and zipped the pocket closed. He stood to the side as Craig and Brian fitted a clear cover over the tube, by Lili's face. "Meu deus," he whispered.
"All any of us can ever hope," Jonathan choked up a bit, "is to be loved like she was. And, failing that, to love how she did, lost causes and conventions be damned."
Craig, Brian, José and Aaron all lifted the tube and brought it to the Armory on F deck. Only the immediate family followed, with Jonathan, Jennifer and Aidan, who walked with a cane. "She told me, Captain," José sniffled, "she saw all who had gone before. It was not just Jay and Malcolm. It was Commander Tucker, and Chef Slocum, and all of the Ikaarans."
"She saw my Esilia?"
"Yes," José confirmed, "and all are neighbors. All are well."
Jonathan stood quietly for a moment. "I, I don't know what to say."
"It must have been a gift," Mindy decided, "My, my grandmother-in-law had some sort of a gift." At the sound of that, Marie Helêne turned slightly, and accepted her inheritance – a gift of some psionic abilities, for that was what had made Lili's dreams as colorful, deep, rich and meaningful as they had been. And her great-granddaughter would now have the same kinds of symbolic and significant dreams.
"Ready?" Aidan asked.
"Yes," José replied. Aidan hit a switch, and the repurposed torpedo tube was launched. It entered orbit over Speakeasy, and the people who were farming – the sons and daughters of humans and Ikaarans, and one Vulcan and one Denobulan, saluted it as it steadfastly crossed the sky.
=/\=
Jonathan Archer's Personal Log, December fourth, 2082
There's no denying it; we have started to go. There will be plenty more after Lili.
I pity, in a way, Nyota and Chip and Hoshi and Karin and Travis. Being younger, it is likely that they will be left behind. Or maybe it'll be Julie McKenzie Mayweather. Whoever it is, I'm sure it will feel odd to them. They will see the rest of us make the same journey. Only T'Pol, I suppose, will remain.
The staff will turn over again. My own son is now the chef. I suspect that José will hang things up soon, too. And Phlox most likely will as well. The other five will, I suspect, hang in there a bit longer. And in the meantime, I will have my obvious successor shadow me. And that is – there is no doubt whatsoever in my mind – Lorian Cyrus Tucker.
=/\=
Mindy Ryan Archer's Personal Log, December fourth, 2082
We buried my grandmother-in-law today. Her death was, I guess, not wholly unexpected. Yet it hurts just the same.
She had a lot to say before she left, and she made it very clear that she was having cogent visions. Were they real? Or were they just the desperate firings of a lot of dying synapses? I don't think we can ever know.
The baby, though, it feels as if she has changed. I put her down for a nap and she obviously had a dream. She was even babbling in her sleep during it, and she's never done that before. She isn't talking yet – or, at least, she's not supposed to be – but I heard her, and in her dream, she clearly said, "Great-Grammy." I have to believe that she dreamt of Lili.
And so I have been up for the better part of the night, trying to find some sort of meaning to all of this. Lili had her own logs destroyed, and those of her two paramours from the first kick-back, and her own children from then as well. The youngest of her offspring, Pamela Morgan Reed-Hayes, married Nick Ryan. My father, of course, is Nick Ryan, with the same parents and everything. But he is his own person and of course he is no second version, and neither am I. Dad was even born earlier, for one thing. And of course there was no Pamela for him to wed. Instead, my Mom is Brandi Moreno.
But I have combed through the later logs, and I hit upon those of the first Nick's son – Jay Malcolm O'Day Ryan, who was called Mack. Unlike my Marie Helêne, he was not yet born when the first version of Lili passed.
But the dreams, the dreams, those seem similar. And maybe they even match. I can't say. But Mack Ryan, he had vivid dreams, too, and he reportedly talked in his sleep. This is some sort of a gift, and it appears to be genetic. My guess is that Marie Helêne now has it, too.
=/\=
Maria Elena Torres Archer's Personal Log, December fourth, 2082
My mother's end has brought with it a lot of strangeness. Her memories – and those of Dad, too, I am sure – have all been dredged up. My father-in-law is also rather deeply affected.
For a person who a lot of people, I feel, underestimated and played down, Mom is – and was – a force to be reckoned with. She saw. I can't explain it. But she did. She saw things.
She seems to kind of have a team behind her. I take a lot of comfort from that, to feel like she's gone, but at least she's not alone. She said that they build. That feels right and true. To build, and create, and make up for slights and hurts and sins and lost time, I think, more than harps and wings and haloes and robes; that that must be what heaven is.
=/\=
José Torres's Personal Log, December fourth, 2082
To wed an older woman means what anyone should think it means. And today was the day. Lili is gone. And I remain.
She takes with her many things – not just the possessions we placed with her, but she also takes my heart, and my soul. This is a pain I have never known before, not even when we were not together, or when we were but she was not fully committed. For at least those times, there was always the possibility of her coming around. And now that is impossible.
But she is in the sky over Speakeasy, and the farmers, they say they can see the tube with a little amplification. I have asked, already, to go down there. I am done with Engineering; at least, I am done with running it. It's been a good enough run but Josh Rosen deserves a turn. The family will sometimes be with me, and sometimes not, I suppose. But I cannot stay on the ship. I know it will be impossible to sleep in our bed tonight. There are far too many reminders.
I want to die with my boots on, much like she did, and I wish to be buried there, on Speakeasy, so that I can be underneath where she flies by. Jay Hayes had said she was the Sparrow and that is good but I feel it does not go far enough.
I looked for bird constellations, and I found a few, and I think she is the one closest to, to the North Star. And that is Cygnus, the swan. Of course, she is no more a star than I am. And there really aren't constellations you can see from Speakeasy. It's all spheres and distortions and the like, when you can see anything at all. And of course, the Enterprise can be seen, sometimes.
But I like to think that she is the swan up there, near that big bear. Meu deus, help me, help me get through this. Help me, for this pain threatens to consume me.
=/\=
Richard Daniels's Personal Log, December fourth, 3102
I am an old man, but I know what happened over a millennium ago today, my ancestor.
This information is only in the Master Time file now. And it's too difficult to observe this iteration, as you all kept so quiet and hidden for so long.
So in homage, I'll raise a glass to the old gal, and remember her – and my other ancestors, who she didn't end up with. And maybe one for José Torres, too, who I am sure, did what he could and was a comfort to her. He had the short end of the stick a lot, I bet. So here's to you, Lili, and Malcolm and Jay and Aidan and Jennifer and Karin and Ethan and my other forebears. And here's to you, especially, José Torres.
=/\=
"Will he be all right?"
"Eventually. And he will have time with the family and that will help, as will the work on Speakeasy. He will die there."
"I miss him."
"We all miss the living. But there's work to be done, Lili."
"I know, Ian. I know."