If you've seen this HA episode, I know you'll recognize it, although it changes a little bit. There's only a couple of chapters left. By the way, I know I mentioned the Peapod Kid/Nadine pairing in Chapter 2, but I've changed it for future readers so that this hasn't happened. Thanks for reviewing, Guest, Sideshow Cellophane 26, and detectivezelda.
Something that happened among the fourth-graders was the next thing to catch my attention. And it all started with a cootie catcher Rhonda brought to school one day.
Lisa came out of school looking annoyed. "Hey, Steph." she greeted me. Bart had gone to play soccer with some of the other fifth-graders, but Mom had wanted me to walk home with Lisa, so I had just been waiting, and when I saw the look on Lisa's face, I just had to know what was wrong.
"Rhonda's pairing everyone up with her marriage predictor." she said. "According to her, I'm going to end up with Brainy."
I burst out laughing. "OK, that is just hilarious! Can I be wedding planner? I wonder if he'll still have a problem with talking? Maybe he'll still be pining after Helga but settle for you!" I calmed down as Lisa nudged me. Rhonda was on the steps, holding what looked like a cootie catcher to me. She was talking to Arnold and Gerald.
"You can't tell me that you're not the least bit curious about who you're going to wind up marrying when you grow up." Rhonda was telling him.
"I'll just wait and see." Arnold began.
"It could be Lila..." Rhonda said persuasively.
Gerald nudged Arnold. "What do you say, loverboy?" he teased. "You wanna take the test?"
"It's just a dumb made up game." Arnold protested.
"How do you know?" Gerald questioned. "What if you're wrong and it actually does have magical power to predict the girl that someday you're gonna marry, the girl you're gonna pledge your heart to, love, cherish, honour, and obey, and live happily ever after with-"
"Right." Arnold said, obviously not convinced.
"It could happen!" Gerald pointed out.
Then Rhonda began goading him. "Come on, Arnold. What are you afraid of? Not the truth, is it? The truth about who you're going to marry?" She waved the cootie catcher, inches away from him.
Arnold sighed. "OK, I'll take the test. But it really doesn't mean anything."
I giggled and took a seat on the steps. "This I've got to see."
As Rhonda asked Arnold about his favourite colour, Curly appeared at my side. "What's going on?" he asked, stopping.
"Rhonda's finding out who Arnold's going to get married to when he grows up." I said. "Did you take the test?"
"Only to be disappointed?" Curly said dramatically. "I'm pretty sure you're not on there." He put an arm around me.
I gave him a shove. "Get a new crush, kid. Give up on me – I'm happy just as we are now. In fact, I'm getting Rhonda to get you to take the test after Arnold's done. Anyway, shh, Rhonda's just got the results."
At that moment, Rhonda gasped as she looked at Arnold's results, taking ages just to tell him. Finally, she smiled and showed him the results. We all heard them loud and clear. "You're going to marry Helga."
Lisa and I gasped, too. Gerald started laughing.
"But that can't be right!" Arnold protested. "There must be some mistake."
"Oh, there's no mistake." Rhonda said calmly. "My test is absolutely foolproof. You're going to marry Helga G Pataki, period."
Arnold's eyes narrowed. "I wanna do it again."
"OK." Rhonda shrugged, getting the test out. He got Helga again, and Arnold asked to do it one more time.
"Arnold, please." Rhonda began.
"Just one more time!"
"OK." Rhonda sighed. "But I'm telling you, it's just going to say that you're marrying Helga."
He came up with Helga again. And the time after that. And the time after that. He kept asking Rhonda if he could take the test one more time, changing his answers. Finally, I'd had enough of it.
After the tenth time, I interrupted, pulling Curly with me. "Excuse me, Arnold, but are you ever going to just accept your result? I think you should give Helga a chance. In fact, I'd go so far as to say she wouldn't kill you if you tried to ask her out. Anyway, Rhonda, can you please give my lovestruck friend a test on it?"
Rhonda shot me a death glare, but said. "All right." For the first time since the whole thing when Curly blackmailed her, she faced her former stalker, and asked the questions, favourite number being 6, favourite colour being black (I rolled my eyes), and the day of the month he was born on being the 13th.
"And the results are..." Rhonda began. I was looking over her shoulder, and I started to smile. On the other hand, Rhonda's expression turned to horror. "Um...I've just realized, I have to get home." she stammered, and then ran, clutching the paper that had told her future.
I shrugged, turning to Curly. "Sorry, kid. You shouldn't have given up on her. She was your result." Yes, I had seen it. When the girl had unfolded that particular corner, the name Rhonda was clearly printed on it.
Arnold was still watching this scene unfold, and I turned to him and Gerald. "You two, what are you staring at? And Arnold, seriously, stop acting like your result is the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Besides, what happened to everyone having some good in them? Even Helga Pataki has the ability to be nice. Come on, Lise, let's go home."
That night was quiet, for once. However, when I looked out the window that night, I noticed that Helga seemed to be in a particularly lovey-dovey mood for some reason, and for the first time, I wondered if, as well as the shrine and poetry, her intense feelings towards Arnold actually made spying on him one of her hobbies. In that case, maybe she knew about the result, and heard me saying all that stuff about her. It would explain why she was acting as if – well, as if she knew she and Arnold were going to get married at some point.
But it was only the next morning when I found out what had happened to Arnold. As usual, I got on the bus at the same time as my siblings and Helga, and, when I saw Curly, I sat down next to him.
"Hi, Steph." he greeted me.
"What?" I teased. "No names today?"
Curly looked back at me for a second, and said "I thought about that result I got last night. It never occurred to me after that whole dating thing that I was wrong about how Rhonda wasn't the girl for me. But then I realized why I ever thought I liked you. You were my rebound. You had the qualities I liked in Rhonda – the confidence, the wit, the beauty...but you were just a rebound girl. You liked me more than Rhonda did, so it was natural. Don't get me wrong, Steph, I still really like being your friend, but after all that's happened...I think the marriage predictor was right. Rhonda is my one and only."
I smiled. This was all I'd hoped for. "Cool."
At that moment, I tuned into something further down. Arnold was talking to Gerald, and Helga was listening, two seats behind them. "She tricked me into marrying her." Arnold was saying. "It was horrible. But the weird thing was, in a weird way, the nightmare kind of turned out to be OK."
"You're kidding, right?" Gerald said.
"No, seriously, I know it's crazy but at the end of the dream, she actually turned out kind of nice." He was talking about a dream, and as he talked, I realized what he'd dreamt about. His result on the marriage predictor had caused him to dream about being married to Helga.
Gerald put his hand on Arnold's forehead after he admitted this. "Arnold, did you catch that Chinese flu? We're talking about Helga, right? Helga G Pataki?"
Helga's reactions were quite amusing to watch as they continued to go back and forth about the subject. One minute she was clasping her hands joyfully, the next she was rubbing her hands together, evil scientist-style, then she was nodding frantically.
But then Arnold admitted something that made her smile. "I'm only nine – I've got plenty of time to decide who I'm going to marry. But I guess, even if I wound up married to Helga, it wouldn't be so bad."
That's when the bus drew up at Rhonda's stop. "Everyone, I have an announcement to make!" she cried. "Last night, much to my dismay, I discovered a flaw in my origami marriage predictor. And, well, the fact is, all the results are null and void." She went to each kid she'd paired up recently. "Sheena, you are not going to marry Eugene."
The squeaky-voiced girl looked disappointed. "Oh, no. Are you sure?" Behind her, the redhead breathed a sigh of relief.
"I'm sorry. Lisa," Rhonda continued. "You are not going to marry Brainy." Lisa did the same as Eugene had.
Next, Rhonda went to a kid whose name no one seemed to know, using the name he usually was known by. "And Peapod Kid, you are definitely not going to marry Nadine."
"Oh, this is terribly, terribly distressing." Peapod Kid said in his deep voice.
"And Arnold..." Rhonda finished up. "I am so so sorry, because you were so right. You are absolutely positively not going to marry Helga. I apologize for any pain and torment I may have put you through."
Helga looked completely dejected, which made me sure that I was right – she'd been spying when Arnold took the test. Meanwhile, Curly watched Rhonda closely as she sat down next to Phoebe, talking about how glad she was that she found the mistake. I saw the look on Phoebe's face as Rhonda wondered what it would be like if Arnold and Helga really ended up married. She had a knowing smile on her face, probably because she knew how Helga really felt about Arnold.
Right...the only mistake here was the one that Rhonda made in thinking that she couldn't possibly end up with the school psychopath.
I grinned at Curly. "Don't give up on the princess just yet. You may win her."
Curly grinned at me. "You know it, Steph."
For those of you who didn't guess the episode (if any), it was "Married", which can be found on YouTube. In the real episode, Arnold actually does the test one hundred and ten times before Rhonda refuses to let him take the test again. And yes, Helga did witness all this and both she and Arnold dreamt about being married to each other. Also, Curly does pass by just as Arnold is taking the test. If you watch the scene, you'll see him walking past Rhonda. Watch the end for what Phoebe was actually thinking – and review! There's not much left now.