Chapter 26

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Dark Angel or Supernatural characters. The characters of Lexi, Jake and Jackie are from a Supernatural AU Verse that I write. I hope you like it. Thanks to everyone that has been reading this story and thanks for the reviews. Reviews would be great!

May 10th

Night

The Americana Motel

Alec moved his mac and cheese from one side of the plate to other attempting to make the pile appear smaller. He looked up into a pair of identical green eyes that were watching him like a hawk. Alec huffed before grudgingly taking a bite of his mac and cheese.

"What's wrong kiddo?"

"Nothing, Dad."

"Uh. Then why aren't you eating?"

Alec shrugged and continued to push the food around on his plate. It wasn't that it didn't taste good, he just didn't feel like eating. He had this knot in his stomach all day that wouldn't go away and he couldn't explain why. Well, he could but Alec didn't want to talk about it. What he wanted to do was push it to the back of his mind and pretend that everything was peachy keen. Alec's had a lot of practice in that department. He stabbed his fork into his mac and cheese, looked at his dad and smiled before shoving it into his mouth.

"Okay, Alec, you can't fool me. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"Don't lie, Alec." Ben said forcefully as he put down his fork, "You didn't want to leave Bobby's and you're worried about Mom and Dad's mission."

"BEN!"

"What?"

"I told you that...that was a secret!"

"Oh, sorry, Alec."

Dean put down his fork and gestured to Alec to follow him, "C'mon, let's go outside."

Alec stared at his feet as he followed his dad outside expecting to be reprimanded for something but was totally caught off guard when he felt his dad's sturdy arms come down around him in a hug. Alec buried his face in the worn fabric breathing in his father's scent. In the safety of his dad's arms, Alec knew that his dad wouldn't let anything bad happen to him. He felt warm and safe, like nothing, not even Manticore could get to him. Dean kissed the top of his head before he pulled back slightly, "Hey, it's ok to be afraid. Nothing wrong with a little fear. It's what makes us human, Alec."

"But me and Ben aren't human..."

"Of course you boys are. You came from me and I'm human."

"Yeah but they put things in..."

"Your cocktail. So, what? You and Ben have some cat DNA, no big deal. Your Uncle Sammy has demon blood and your Mom's got demon DNA...so does Jake and Stella. Doesn't make 'em any less human. Your actions, how you live your life, now that's what matters. You and Ben, you're good kids. You got nothing to be afraid of. I'm gonna take care of Lydecker and Manticore, I promise you that. You'll be safe, you'll be with your mom's Uncle Gavin."

"I thought you didn't like him."

"I don't but that doesn't mean he's not a good hunter. He'll keep you kids safe while we're gone. I swear nothing's gonna happen to you. I'm gonna take care of those asshats." Dean hugged Alec to him and rested his head on the boy's head, "C'mon lets go back inside and finish eating before your mom sends out a search party."

A couple of hours later Sam knocked on Dean and Lexi's motel room door shifting from foot to foot. Dean was supposed to have met him out by the Impala twenty minutes ago so they could go hustle for gas money. Having to gas up three vehicles across country was expensive and after the motel room and food they were down to their last fifty bucks. Sam raised his hand to knock again when Dean opened the door looking stressed out.

"You okay, Dean?"

"Yeah, Sammy just running late, was helping Lex get the kids to bed."

"You sure..."

"Yeah. C'mon we gotta go make us some money."

Mulligan's Pub

Sam sat at the table nursing his beer while Dean started his third game of pool. He had purposely lost the first two games to give the guy he was hustling some confidence. Sam smiled while he watched his older brother break. It wouldn't be long now. Dean was about to run the table and take the stack of hundreds that was sitting on the edge of the table. About an hour or so later, Dean sauntered over to where Sam was sitting and placed the stack of bills in front of his younger brother. They were up eight hundred dollars. "There ya go, Sammy. I'm gonna get us some beer."

Dean came back with a pitcher of beer and took the stool across from Sam. He lit a cigarette taking a deep drag as Sam eyed him wearily. "What?"

"I thought you were quitting."

"Dude, don't start nagging me. I got a wife for that."

Sam chuckled while he poured them each a glass of beer. He lifted the glass to his lips watching his brother over the rim of the glass as he tried to decide how to broach the subject. He could tell Dean was more stressed than usual and it all began the day they performed the unbinding spell. Jackie had told him to drop it and leave well enough alone but Sam wasn't about to do that. Something was gnawing away at his older brother, he just knew it. If they were going to pull off this plan they needed everyone's head in the game, that included Dean. They can't afford distractions and Sam was going to drag out whatever was bothering Dean whether he liked it or not.

"So, Dean, you gonna tell me what's going on with you?"

"ME? Nothing's going on with me man."

"Yeah, okay. You've been on edge since we did the spell."

"Uh huh, well, I um got a lotta shit going on at the moment Sammy."

"Is this about Lexi having her powers?"

"Sammy..."

"It is."

"I don't wanna talk about it. You weren't there...the nightmares...it was bad man."

"Talk Dean. I'm not gonna drop this."

"FINE. You're such a pain in my ass."

Three Years Earlier

Valley Springs, South Dakota

Dean turned the ignition off and stared at the apartment building in front of him. He'd been gone for four days on a simple salt and burn with Bobby. He needed some time away to pull himself together and forget about what happened three weeks ago. He had gotten a call from Lexi on the way to the graveyard tonight. She sounded horrible, as if she hadn't slept in days. The pitiful sound of her voice made him rush back here regretting leaving her in the first place. He got out of the Impala, grabbed his bag from the trunk then took a deep breath to steel himself for whatever he was about to walk in to.

The apartment was dark and quiet except for the soft hum of the tv coming from his bedroom. Dean walked into the room to find Lexi sitting in front of the tv still in the same clothes from four days ago.

"Lex?" he called softly. When she didn't answer he walked over to their bed staring down at her, his hand hovering over her shoulder. He wanted to touch her but wasn't sure how she would react. "Lex, you okay?"

"Hmm?"

"I asked if you're okay."

"I'm fine."

"It's late." Dean whispered as he grabbed the remote and shut the tv off. He kicked off his shoes, stripped off his grime covered clothes and sat on the bed. He sighed rubbing Lexi's arm before pulling her down with him to lay on the bed. "Let's go to sleep."

A few hours later Dean woke up to an empty bed. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand before making his way into the bathroom. His body ached all over, he needed a hot shower. He stood under the hot water letting it ease the ache in his muscles. He wished it could be this easy to wash away the memories of the last three weeks. Jackie was God knows where. Sammy was dead. Lexi might as well be dead. She wasn't herself. The bubbly, independent, talk a mile a minute smart ass that he loved was gone. Even the dimpled smile Dean loved so much was gone too. She was clingy as hell, following him everywhere even into the bathroom but now after their fight the night he left to go to Bobby's she was barely even acknowledging his existence. He got out of the shower, dried off, and told himself to sack up. He couldn't bring back Sammy but Lexi he could help. He was going to get her to snap out of whatever this was whether she liked it or not. First step, get her to eat something substantial.

Dean walked in the living room and stopped behind the sofa where Lexi sat. He rested his hands on the back of the sofa leaning down to whisper, "Hey Lex? You want some breakfast?" She shook her head 'No.' not bothering to speak. Dean placed a hand gently on her head, his fingers running through her hair as he bent down to kiss her cheek, "Hey, you sure you're alright? What's going on with you?"

"I'm fine." She said softly her eyes never leaving the television.

"No you're not. You still having nightmares?" He continued to stroke her hair while he spoke to her in what Dean hoped was a soothing tone. "Maybe you should try getting out of your pajamas, uh? Go take a walk or something."

"I don't wanna go out, Dean."

"Well, why don't you take a hot bubble bath and change. You love taking bubble baths and it might make you feel better."

"Why? I'm not going anywhere."

"You haven't changed in like four days. This isn't healthy, baby girl. You've hardly eaten. You don't talk to me anymore."

"I believe you said I was being clingy..."

"You were but this is a little extreme dontcha think? I didn't want you to just shut down."

"I'm fine."

"Alright, Lex. I'm making eggs and bacon so if you get hungry they'll be here. Let me know if you need anything, okay sweetie?"

Dean went into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. He didn't want Lexi to see him loose it. Hehad to keep it together for her but honestly, he didn't know how much more he could take. He knew going into this that just binding her powers wasn't gonna make everything go back to normal. But this? He sure as hell wasn't expecting Lexi to completely shut down. Dean pulled his cell phone out and hit speed dial. He prayed that she would pick up this time but his call went right to voice mail. "Hey, Jack, it's me again. Look, I dunno where the fuck you are or why you're not answering your phone but...call me back please...I need your help Jack. I...I dunno what...I'm loosing my fucking mind over here...just, just call...come back."

Later That Night

While Dean was on the phone with Jackie, Lexi finally got up off the couch and told him she was going to take a bubble bath. He didn't think anything of it. He was just grateful that she had spoken more than two words. He waited till he heard the bathroom door close before explaining the situation with Lexi. Even though Jackie wasn't sure what she could do to help, she promised Dean that she would fly in the next night.

He hung up and glanced at his watch. They'd been on the phone for a little over an hour. He couldn't believe they had been talking for that long. His stomach suddenly tightened. He hadn't heard Lexi come out of the bathroom. Dean told himself that he was being stupid. Lexi was probably just in their room sleeping but he couldn't shake the feeling something wasn't right. He got up off the couch and checked their room. His eyes landed on the empty bed and on his night stand was a folded note with his name on it. He grabbed the note with shaking hands, eyes scanning the paper quickly before he dropped it to the floor.

Dean ran to the bathroom, panic flooding his body. He reached for the knob, she had locked the door. His first thought was, 'Why'd she lock the door? She never locks the door. ' He stood in front of the bathroom door for a moment paralyzed with fear. He knew he couldn't just stand there, he had to do something. Dean took a deep breath and kicked in the door.

His breath hitched in his throat when his eyes landed on the tub. Lexi was unconscious, her right arm dangling out of the tub, her fingers loosely holding a prescription bottle. He ran to the tub dropping to his knees as he checked to see if she still had a pulse, "LEXI! LEX! C'MON DON'T DO THIS TO ME! LEXI!" He closed his eyes and tried to breathe, she was still alive, it wasn't too late. Dean lightly slapped her face eliciting a groan from her while her eyes fluttered open. He knew if he called anambulance they would keep her for a 72 hour psych hold. With the nightmares and a chance of her talking about having demonic powers he couldn't chance calling for help. They would lock her in a padded room for sure. He dragged her out of the tub to the toilet sticking his fingers down her throat. He held her as she began to retch."C'mon baby, that's good get them all up. You're not getting away from that easily."

The Next Morning

Dean had stayed up with Lexi all night. They didn't talk about what had happened but Dean wasn't going to sweep this under the rug. He walked into their bedroom with a cup of tea and toast for Lexi.

He handed her the toast and placed the cup of tea on the night table before sitting next to her, "Hey, you ready to talk?"

"Dean, I..."

"We're gonna talk about this, Lex whether you like it or not. You tried to kill yourself last night. Why would you do that?"

Lexi didn't answer him. She stared down at the plate of toast she was holding and sighed. She picked up a piece of the toast taking a small bite before whispering, "You should've never saved me Dean. I deserved to die."

"No, Lex, you don't deserve to die."

"Really? After what I did? It's my fault Sam died in Cold Oaks. I left him with that Jake kid cuz he told me to get out and try to contact you. It's my fault you made that deal. My fault Sam's dead now."

Dean ran his hand down his face in frustration. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Now she was blaming herself for Sammy too. He reached for Lexi's hands giving them a gentle squeeze as he said quietly, "It's not your fault. You didn't turn Sammy and you sure as hell didn't stab him in the back. The sooner you can accept that, the sooner you'll move on."

"Move on? Dean, you don't get it. I can't move on." Lexi got off the bed running her hands through her long hair as she paced the length of the room. She knew that Dean didn't understand, that he could never understand. She was a freak. She didn't fit anywhere. Hunters wanted to kill her cuz of what she was and the demons wanted to kill her cuz she was with a hunter. Not just any hunter either, Dean Winchester. She stopped pacing, took a deep breath and turned to look at her husband, "Don't you get it? I'm what you hunt. I'm what my mother hunted and my whole family is dead because of me. I'm the last Connor left standing and instead of fighting demons, I JOINED them. Azazel got what he wanted."

Dean sighed as he got off the bed and made his way over to Lexi. He hated seeing her blame herself like this. All the blame wasn't on her, he wished that she could see that. He lifted her chin to make her look him in the eye as he stated softly, "You're not what I hunt, Lex. I hunt evil monsters. You're not a monster. You're only acting like this because our kid got taken by my brother who went all fucking crazy and demonic on everyone's ass and then he died. Now you're feeling guilty. I don't care how fucking guilty you feel it's not going to change a damn thing. And killing yourself isn't the answer."

"I AM WHAT YOU HUNT. I KILLED ALL THOSE PEOPLE AND I LIKED IT."

"No you're not. I know you and that wasn't you, just like whatever the fuck died in that damn graveyard a couple weeks ago wasn't my brother."

"Oh no? You can't exorcise me." She backed away from Dean crossing her arms over her chest. She didn't understand why he was being so stubborn about this. She wasn't different from the things he hunted, she didn't deserve a pass. "It's in my blood, in my DNA. I'm not like you and neither is Jake."

"I'm aware of that. I just don't care, you're my wife and he's my son, our son. That's all I give a shit about and I love you. There's that little issue too."

She blinked at Dean and swallowed hard. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and willed herself not to cry. She wanted to believe that he really did love her but there was no way that he could, not after the things she had done. "You love me? Dean, you never wanted this. Any of this. I know you only married me because you felt obligated and you were going to hell. You thought you had less than a year."

"Eventually I would have done it, couple years down the line maybe. And yeah, yeah I was dying ok but when you've got a year left to live and your steady girl tells you she's knocked up...it made me see...I wanted to have at least that one fucking perfect moment of happiness, just me and you, Lex. I know I always told you I didn't want this but then you came back and you got pregnant. I dunno, I could see it all of it. Me and you, kids...the whole domestic thing. It looked good. I could've left at anytime but I stayed because I wanted to fucking stay. I took a shot with you. I'm HERE. I don't regret any of it. Don't you get what I'm telling you, Lex? You're SPECIAL."

"You never..." Lexi whispered as the tears finally spilled over her lashes, "made me feel special. Dean, you didn't even ask me to marry you. You just put the ring on the table in some greasy spoon and said, 'Well.'"

"What? Lex, I STILL have that stupid fucking sleeping bag from the night in the woods in the trunk. You're fucking SPECIAL." Dean walked over to her and pulled her tightly against him. He kissed the top of her head before resting his own on top of hers, then said softly, "Don't you don't get that? Don't you get how much you mean to me? How much I worry about keeping you safe, how fucked up I'd be if ANYTHING ever happened to you. And I didn't know how to ask you to marry me. Besides if you said no it would've been a little less humiliating."

"You didn't know how?"

"No. I'm no good with that stuff, ya know that. I didn't know what to fucking do or what to say. I panicked and just did the first thing that came to mind. I didn't even expect you to say yes."

"Why wouldn't I say yes?"

"Why WOULD you? I'm not a nice man, there's plenty of people who'd agree. And I gave you my mom's ring because I wanted something for you that MEANT something, something that was special. I don't know how to fucking pick out a ring, that one meant a lot to me. I thought perfect, this is perfect for her it means everything, says it all. That ring came from me and I gave it to you because you mean that much to me. It was the best thing I could think of. So, yeah Lex, YOU'RE SPECIAL. You mean everything to me. I love you. I thought you knew that."

"I'm sorry. I...you never say 'I love you.'"

Dean pulled back slightly and sighed. He ran his fingers through Lexi's hair before leaning down to brush his lips against hers. "I know. I'm not good at this stuff and I thought you knew. You know now and I want you to promise me you aren't gonna try and hurt yourself again. Lex, you can't check out on me like that."

"I promise."

Present Day

Mulligan's Pub

Sam stared at his older brother in shock. He knew that after Dean had bound Lexi's powers things were bad but he never in a million years thought they were that bad. He poured them both another beer and shook his head. "Wow Dean. So, that's why you didn't want her to do it. Why didn't you ever tell me?

"Yeah, man that's why and that's why I don't want her ganking anyone with her powers. It almost destroyed her last time and I dunno...I don't want her to feel like that ever again. We were lucky she pulled herself together last time. And I never told anyone. Not even Jackie when she got there the next night. "

"Dean, I'm sorry. I would've never sided with her on this if I knew."

Dean picked up his glass, drained half of it and looked at his brother before finishing off the rest of his beer. "Not your fault Sammy."