Title: Plan B
Chapter 14 – Reworking the Future?

Wanting to leave the visit to her mother's gravesite for another day, a day when he was emotionally ready to be beaten back down again, Severide picks up Aurora and carries her out of the fire academy. Much like Nick said, it hurt at first, ripped his heart, tore it to shreds to see her peaceful, smiling face looking back at him but after he and Aurora had cried and talked a bit about the picture, why it was there and the fact that her mother was the bravest, most amazing woman he had known, he felt oddly refreshed. Not enough to tackle another emotional hurdle and mentally survive but enough to dry his eyes and carry on with the rest of his day with a bit more mental fortitude.

"Okay so first we'll go and get some groceries and then…"

"Let's go to the park!"

"Well…we'll see okay? Maybe we can stop by 51 and say hi to the guys. Bring them some cookies?"

"Okay," Aurora agrees with a bright smile.

"That's my girl," Severide kisses her forehead and checks to make sure her eyes were dry. The last thing he'd want is walking into the grocery store and people wondering what he had done to make his child cry. The trip to the supermarket does little to lift his mood after visiting the fire academy and he finds that Aurora tests his patience more than normal but now after meeting Nick, he reminds himself that others have gone through and some still are, the same as him – great loss, he'd have to learn to cope better – especially for Aurora's sake.

"Okay so how about a dozen of these…and a dozen of these and…"

"This one daddy! This one!" Aurora exclaims excitedly as she quickly grabs a box of cookies that are at her eye level. The outside of course has big smiling teddy bears on them – designed and appropriately so, to appeal to kids. And of course it worked.

"Okay but only one box because we have no more cookies at home."

"This one too?"

"No, just this one box," Severide replies with a kind but firm tone. Aurora tries to put on a mock pout and that little bit of playfulness makes him smile. He teasingly tugs on her lower lip, forcing her hand to come up and try to swat his away in protest. "Come on. Let's go see Uncle Matt and the guys and take them their cookies."

"I wanna carry that," she insists about the box with the smiling teddy bears on it.

Severide guides his daughter toward the checkout stand and then takes her hand as they head for the exit doors. But once outside he stops, looking at a car parked across the street. Where have I seen that car before? His mind starts to ponder. But figures it was someone at the park and his senses were just on high alert after his emotionally draining morning.

On the way to Firehouse 51, Severide listens to his daughter chatter happily away about, well nothing in particular and his heart somewhat settles. However, he tenses back up when they near work. But as soon as some of the guys see them walking toward the open doors with food offerings, his agitation dissipates. It would be an emotional roller coaster all week.

Casey hears the commotion and heads outside to see what was going on. But as soon as he sees his friend and goddaughter his smile instantly grows.

"Uncle Matt!" Aurora exclaims happily as she rushes into his waiting arms. Casey hugs her close, happy to see that his friend survived his emotional trip down memory lane and was seemingly better for it.

"What are you guys doing here?"

"We brought cookies!"

"You did? What flavor?" Casey asks happily as he gently bounces her in his grasp as he walks toward his friend. "Wow lemon? My favorite!"

"Who wants to see the big fire truck?" Cruz asks Aurora with a big, goofy grin.

"ME!"

"Always showing off his equipment," Otis teases as Severide frowns.

"Hey at least I didn't make a size matters comment."

"Hey guys…G rated talk," Severide reminds Cruz and Otis who both look at each other with sheepish expressions making everyone around them laugh.

Cruz takes Aurora and bounces her on his shoulders on the way toward the front of Truck 81. Aurora laughing all the way, pointing at fascinating things in the firehouse, while her father is allowed to have some real bonding time with his men. But a few minutes later, Boden asks to see him and as Casey watches Severide enter Boden's office and the door close, he can only hope his friend will emerge as seemingly strong as when he goes in.

"How are you?" Boden asks in tender concern as he and Severide casually recline on the small couch in his office.

"To be honest? Stressed," Severide answers in truth. "You know I hate just sitting around for two weeks. By the end of this week I'll be downright restless."

"Understandable. I'm sure you've heard this but it'll be some good time to bond with Aurora."

"I know and I want that too."

"How'd it go yesterday?"

"It was tough. I really wanted to cancel and as I was riding up the elevator I nearly did."

"I'm glad you didn't."

"I just hate feeling helpless. Every time Aurora asks I sometimes gloss it over because I'm afraid she'll ask the tough questions I can't or don't want to answer. Like whose fault it is? At school, kids will start asking about her mom and…she's dead but how can a kid just say that and move on? I don't know," Severide huffs as he rubs his face and leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "I keep feeling guilty."

"You couldn't have known and the last thing Shay would have wanted is you to wrap her in a bubble or try to protect her on the job. This wasn't your fault. It'll take some time to believe that but I'll keep reminding you if I have to," Boden ends with a kind smile.

"Keep seeing her face looking up at me, saying help me Kelly."

"Sorry," Boden offers in remorse.

Casey looks at the time and then back down the hallway at Boden's closed door and frowns. He glances back at Aurora, who after her very rousing tour of Truck 81, went in search of Pouch and was happily feeding the dog whatever bits of non-chocolate cookie she could scrounge. But if some happened to be on the floor, Otis and Mills would quickly take the chocolate ones out of her grasp, reminding her that dogs can't have chocolate. Then it starts…

"Why?"

"Uh….because."

"You can't just say because," Mills scolds Otis who shrugs. "It hurts their tummy's."

"Why?" Aurora asks as she continues to play with the contented canine.

"Yeah that's much better," Otis's lips purse as he rolls his eyes. "It's because the internal constitution of a dog's heart…" his voice rattles off a somewhat convoluted, medical sounding response.

"Yeah that's much better. Thank you professor Otis," Mills mocks as Aurora offers a delighted smile at the two bickering adult males. She merely shrugs and then moves on to something else. "I think we were just played."

"Shay's daughter alright," Otis snickers as Casey joins them. "How does he handle the 'whys' all day long?"

"With great patience," Casey adds with a happy smile as he sneaks another cookie. A few moments later it's all hands on deck for a major accident and Casey takes Aurora to see Severide just as he exits Boden's office.

"Thanks."

"You okay?" Casey asks as Aurora starts to inspect Boden's office.

Severide looks at Boden who nods firmly and then at his daughter and then at Casey with a small smile and nod. "Yeah…getting there."

"Good," Casey replies as he slaps Severide on the shoulder. "See you both later."

Severide watches his friend take his leave and then turns around to see his daughter with her hands inside the base of a large plant, playing in the dirt. "Ah don't do that," Severide grumbles as he hurries to her. Just as he pulls her hands out, they both hear a noise and turn to see Connie, Boden's assistant looking at them in wonder. Aurora's eyes widen in fear as the strange woman nears and she tries to hide behind her father.

"Aurora, remember Connie? She's our friend," he tells her in a kind tone.

"With a towel," Connie hands Severide a soft, damp cloth to clean his daughter's hands.

"Thank you."

"Been through that age. They get into everything."

"At least I got it before she put her hands in her mouth," Severide retorts as he cleans his daughter's hands. "Thanks."

"I hope you're both taking care of yourselves," the older woman offers kindly as she takes her leave.

"Good going squirt," Severide snickers as Aurora looks up at him with wide blue eyes. "Next time. No plants," he states s her face crunches into a laugh. "Yeah," he smiles as he scoops her up into his grasp and carries her outside Boden's office, closes the door and then heads for home.

As they enter the quiet apartment, Severide is instantly struck with a feeling of sad silence. Missing his friend's banter already, Severide heads into the living room and puts on the radio, wanting to fill the void with some mindless sounds. Next he directs his daughter into the kitchen to help put a few things away. As per her duties, she's able to put away non-breakable items such as paper goods and some boxed edibles within reach.

After that, Aurora disappears into her room to play, leaving Severide in the kitchen to think about making something for dinner for them, and Casey just in case he was able to sneak away for some dinner and family bonding time. But as he opens the drawer to look for a pen, he stops, his eyes instantly zooming in on something that once again he hadn't quite forgotten but had pushed to the back of his mind.

"Disneyland," he whispers as his fingers pull out the brochure with Shay's handwritten notes on it.

'You want to go where? Really?'

'I know Disneyland is such a family vacation cliché, but I want to do all the cliché's. One week. Us. The Princess. I think even you'll have fun with Mickey and Ironman and…'

'Ironman isn't Disney. He's Marvel.'

'Okay fine. Buzz light-year then. Come on Kelly.'

'Like I could say no.'

And with her pleading smile and then just to play dirty, Shay called in Aurora and told her to smile for daddy and say she loved him more than anything.

'I love you daddy more than anyting.'

His heart melted and he gave in. 'Like I said…can't say no. We're going!'

'YES DISNEYLAND!' Shay had shouted, jumping up to give him a big hug and kiss on the cheek.

His lips utter a small curse just as he feels his eyes wanting to water. Taking her on his own didn't seem the same now. With Matt? People would think them a couple and Aurora already has enough to deal with. Ah we'll do it…when she's older?

He quickly closes the door and then goes in search of his daughter.

"Daddy play Prince and Princess with me," Aurora happily invites her father, shoving a slightly disheveled Ken doll into his grasp.

"He's pants-less! His bum's showing," Severide exclaims in mock horror, his facial expression making his daughter laugh. "Does he wear this?" He teases by reaching for a fluffy skirt.

"No!" Aurora protests as she snatches it away and hands him a pair of summer Bermuda shorts.

"How about this?" He teases again by reaching for a dress.

"No! Pants!"

"These are Bermuda shorts and I think they go with…summer Ken," Severide explains as Aurora looks at him in wonder. "Poor Prince Pants-less needs…these," he tells her in an animated way; Aurora delighting in having her father playing with her, despite not really understanding what he was trying to explain.

At first Severide had only planned to sit down for a few minutes but the more he started to play with his daughter, engaging in the mindless chatter, the more at ease he felt himself. In fact he was so immersed in his playing Prince Pants-less that it's not until the third firm knock that he realizes someone's at the door.

Offering a labored gasp thanks to his broken ribs, Severide slowly pushes himself up from his small stool and heads for the front door.

"Dad?" Severide asks in surprise. "Is…what's going on?"

"Was in the area," Benny replies with a small smirk as Aurora comes rushing toward him.

"Grammpa! Grammpa!"

"Hey beautiful," Benny smiles as he scoops up his granddaughter in his grasp and hugs her tightly.

"The area?" Severide slightly questions his father. "You talked to Matt." He states flatly.

"I talked to Wallace," Benny answers, referring to Chief Boden. "We're all concerned but also…I had a free night. What? Okay so I'd rather spend time with her…and you than the TV. Is that okay?"

"Course." Severide looks at his father with a small frown but figures don't push the issue. Benny had more recently admitted to him that he always regretted walking out on his childhood and being a deadbeat dad, who put work ahead of literally everything else. But Shay's tragic and sudden passing showed him, showed them all, that life is just too short to take everyday life for granted and the promises of tomorrows that you think you have, might in the blink of an eye become yesterday's memories. He couldn't go back and change that for his son, but he could be there for them now, both of them. Boden had told him, after talking to Casey, that Severide was very emotionally drained after the session and then going to visit Shay's picture at the fire academy and knew with Casey on shift, his son and his granddaughter would be alone. That he could help remedy.

"You…wanna stay for supper?"

"That was the plan," Benny grins as Severide gently shakes his head.

"Grammpa grammpa come play with me!" Aurora tugs on Benny's arm.

"I'll stay but I might not get to help…" Benny smiles as he follows Aurora into her room. "Wow what do we have here?"

"I'll be Aurora and you can be…"

"Prince pants-less," Severide teases his daughter as Aurora looks up with a mock cross expression.

"Pants…less?" Benny asks in surprise as he looks up at his son in wonder.

"No daddy! Prince Philip!"

"Oh right…Philip," Severide snickers as he slowly eases himself down onto the bed.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired," Severide admits seriously as he takes one of the Barbie's. "This one needs shoes," he comments as Aurora looks up in thought. "Hey she can be Princess shoe-less who can marry Prince pants-less."

"No daddy!" Aurora lightly growls as she tries to snatch the doll from her father's grasp. Severide laughs as he pokes her side, erasing her mad face and forcing the little girl's infectious laughter to fill the small space with some happiness. Finally.

"Who's their kid? Topless?"

"No Grammpa!" Aurora scolds Benny, the elder Severide easily laughing and then pulling her onto his lap. The little girl is more than contented to have at her disposal the two adult males who mumble something now and again to her but mostly talk about their day. Benny doesn't ask for particulars about his son's therapy session, mostly the same questions as Casey – what was the actual therapist like and would he be going back.

Dinner would come later. Much later. And by the end of the day, the sad tension that had started it, wasn't accompanying them to bed. And while tonight wouldn't be free and clear of attacks emotional demons, Severide would be going to bed with a lighter heart and mind filled with a few new family memories.

XXXXXXXX

"Mmm something smells good!" Casey calls out a day later when he enters their shared apartment the first morning on his day off.

"Uncle Matt! Missed you!" Aurora shouts happily as she runs up to Casey and wraps her arms around his legs. However, the small grimace, while lost on the little adoring eyes, aren't lost on those of her father. Instantly he can tell that something is wrong.

"Hungry?"

"We made pancakes and bacon!"

Casey watches Aurora hurry back to her seat at the table to finish her meal.

"How was shift?" Severide asks as Casey heads into his bedroom, Severide slowly following.

"Fine," Casey replies with a tight lipped smile.

"She can't hear you," Severide retorts as Casey's shoulders slightly slump. "What happened? I saw the grimace."

With a heavy sigh Casey slowly lifts his sweater and undershirt to reveal a large nasty bruise that seems to disappear beneath the waistband of his black boxers and then down the side of his thigh.

"What the hell…" Severide stifles a small gasp, not wanting to alert his daughter. "What happened? Fell?"

"It was…a mix-up. Cruz and I were working in a small space when part of the HVAC in the ceiling gave way and…"

"You stepped in front of it to save your man," Severide interjects as Casey nods. "Damn."

"Yeah," Casey sighs as he pulls his sweater back down. "Nothing broken thankfully but it hurts and earned me a few days off."

"So I guess wrestling is out," Severide tosses with a small chuckle as Casey nods and smiles. "Come on, breakfast."

Casey follows Severide into the kitchen, telling him about the rest of the shift and another get rich quick scheme that Hermann was pondering.

"Thought he had given up on those?"

"So did Cindy," Casey retorts dryly.

"Look Uncle Matt!" Aurora holds up a drawing of him in fire gear next to his truck along with 4 others. "That's you and me and daddy and mommy and grammpa. My family."

Both men freeze, emotional lumps forming in each throat, forcing them to try to swallow or speak but not being able. "It's um…it's beautiful. We'll put it on the fridge."

She smiles and then looks back down, trying to draw what they can only assume should be pouch.

"So what's on the agenda for today?" Casey asks in haste, not wanting any of them to drown in emotional sorrow too much longer.

"Just…taking it easy. You?"

"Actually…that sounds good."

The two of them talk a bit longer, happy to just linger around the table, enjoying their coffee and talking about what the next few days might hold. In the back of his mind, Casey still fears that as Severide gets more and more emotionally stable that he'll want to find a place for him and Aurora just to make a new and fresh start together. Just the two of them. But he won't ask as he doesn't want to give off the impression that he wants them to move out; much like Severide, he too feels the absence of his friend and his goddaughter when he's alone in the apartment. It's not a feeling he wants to hold on to.

Since both were nursing injuries, it was just a day to lounge around the house, going for a walk later to get Aurora some fresh air and then take her to the park to run off some built up energy.

"I wish you'd still consider going," Casey mentions as they sit in the park later that same day watching Aurora play in the sandbox a few meters away.

"Disneyland was Shay's idea. Going without her seems…just wrong," Severide huffs as he casts a faraway glance at his daughter and feels his heart sink. "I'm sure Aurora has forgotten all about it by now."

"Do you have any holiday plans at all?"

"Matt…"

"Okay so the three of us taking a romantic cruise might give off the wrong idea to onlookers," Casey snickers. "But you know…there is another person who would probably like the opportunity to take a holiday with his so…"

"No way…dad? In Disneyland? Are you nuts?"

"He'd probably pay for the whole thing," Casey adds weakly as Severide tosses out a small laugh. "I'm just tossing it out there."

"I know he'd love it and so would Aurora. I could send the two of them," Severide chuckles as he leans forward and then groans. "I'll think about it."

They talk a bit about going up to the cabin during Casey's next set off between shifts, going for a few days just to enjoy the outdoors and do some fishing without the threat of inclement weather waiting to do them some physical harm. Then they head home to just relax and have dinner, watch a movie and get some muchly needed sleep.

XXXXXXXX

"I think I'm more nervous for this session now that I know what to expect," Severide groans as his first week off draws to a close and he's heading for his second therapy session with Nick. Aurora was with Christie and since Casey too had the day off, he would drive his friend and then wait – take him for lunch afterward just to help clear away some emotional clutter.

"It's gonna be fine. At least you know what to expect," Casey reminds him as he stops his truck and Severide gets out and heads into the building. Casey watches him go and once again feels his agitation starting to grow. He knows it won't be easy for his friend but it would be necessary.

"Hey Kelly, come on in," Nick greets Severide with a firm handshake. "How are you today?"

"Nervous," Severide answers in truth.

"It's the office," Nick adds with a friendly smile as he gestures to an empty chair for Severide to sit. They make a bit of friendly small talk about their children and how their week had been. Then…it was down to business. "I know this will be tough but we have to talk about that day."

'Love you.'

'Always.'

"That…day…right," Severide huffs as he nervously looks down at his tightly clasped hands. "Worst day of my life."

"I know this will be painful and I'm sure by the end of your telling me the details you'll be cursing my name rather than thanking me," Nick states up front. "But I'm not making you relieve that horrible day because I take pleasure in your pain. I can see you hold a lot inside and I think talking frankly about that day, not too many specific details, but just what happened and more about how you felt. How angry and helpless and frustrated you felt might make you feel better."

"It won't," Severide states sourly.

"And then we'll talk about a few coping mechanisms so that every time you go near that building, or into a call that's similar you'll be able to keep your wits about you. I remember the weeks and months following 9/11 I couldn't go into a high rise. A lot of guys, especially the ones who were at ground zero on that day were unnerved by it, some even today still have major agitation when there are high rise fires. I want to help with that if you'll let me."

"I'll um…I'll try."

"Okay."

Severide prepares himself for the worst. And it comes. Reliving the happy moments when he and Shay were talking about taking their family to Disneyland before the call. Their fateful parting and then him walking up with the building coming down around him. Checking on Casey. checking his squad and then going for Shay. Tears freely flow as recalls finding Dawson trying to bring Shay back. Dropping to his knees to help. Being told by Casey it was too late. Being pulled back. Her lifted onto the stretcher – not moving. His head bows and his shoulders tremble. Angry pain courses through his body as he recalls yelling at her to get up. FIGHT. LIVE! Nothing. No response. She was gone. Dead.

"Oh God…this…this hurts," he confesses as his lungs gently gasp for air.

"I know. But it will get easier."

But at Nick's urging he carries on. He then tells her about the trip to the hospital; riding in the ambulance and calling out to her to wake up. Come back to him. FIGHT. LIVE! Nothing. No response. She was gone. The hospital and then the aftermath. The conversation then turns to how he coped and what he did…or didn't do to get through that emotionally tumultuous time.

At the end of the session he has to wait until some strength returns to his adrenaline jittery limbs. They won't stand up – yet. He'd still have to wait.

Once again, Casey checks his watch but unlike the first time, he knows that each session would drain his friend and he'd want at least a few minutes to compose himself before reentering the public eye. He'd give him that. Finally Severide emerges; sporting a bit of a limp on a leg that was a bit slower than the other to return to full user strength. His eyes are brimmed and puffy and the fake smile he's putting on is just that – a fake.

"I'm not hun…"

"I am," Casey gently argues back after Severide insisted he didn't want to get something to eat. Casey takes his friend to another location; a fresh change of pace and the two of them sit in a small café down by the pier, watching the boats come and go and just talking about things in general. Casey won't ask for session details, it's not his place. But despite his friend's initial pain he is comforted in the fact that Severide knows the benefits of attending the therapy sessions and in trying to allow them to help him progress in the stages of his grief.

Casey is encouraged by the day and after they pick up Aurora the three of them head home and thanks to some help from Christie launch into a fun baking session, getting more ingredients on the floor than in their actual bowl. But by the end, the fun shaped and decorated edible items emerge and there's only three happy faces all around.

"Let's make more!" Aurora states as she reaches for another cookie.

"Uh that's number three. Nice try."

"No daddy! I want it."

"You have to wait until after dinner. Or maybe tomorrow."

"NO!"

Severide's lips purse as he realizes that as fun as the session was, his daughter is now on a sugar rush and a tantrum was oncoming. "Someone needs a nap."

"I'll clean this up," Casey volunteers as Severide takes his daughter and heads to her bedroom to have a discussion about her behaviour. But about five minutes later the phone rings and Casey pauses just outside the door before going in. He's about to turn away when he hears something that instantly makes his mind race – with uneasiness.

"Yes this is Kelly. Yeah I called about it. Okay sure. How many bedrooms does it have? Oh really? And the rent? Okay…yeah…"

Bedrooms? Rent?...what? No…no this can't be…

"When can I come look at it? Sure. Okay yeah I'll be there. Thanks."

Are they…moving out? And the fears that Casey had tried to push away earlier and not even contemplate as happening slam into him with full force. Just when they had gotten into an established and workable routine, it looks like things are going to change again – but not for the better.

Is this really happening?

A/N: I didn't want to get too much into the therapy sessions as they are hard to write b/c so emotionally draining on us also and of course there could be so much detail but I wanted to at least give you all the impression that Severide is going, they are painful but at the end they are helping him to let go of some of his inner tension and anxiety. Some fun at the Firehouse and then…so are they really going to move out already? Would love your thoughts on this update so please do review before you go and thanks so much!