I'm slightly terrified to post this chapter tbh. This chapter is most real then the others in this story, and not so much fluff. After reading all of your reviews from last chapter I didn't get the feeling that anyone saw this chapter coming, and that scares me a little. Forgive me in advance. *covers face with hands*
Jay dropped the items Erin had asked him to grab into the back of the cart harshly. That hit the mettle with a loud clatter making Macy, who was sitting in the shopping cart, jump with fear. Micah stood next to the cart and just stared in shock. Erin immediately was pissed. Jay turned around to walk away without so much as an apology, and Erin was not letting him get away that easy. She whipped around grabbing his arm making him turn back to face her.
"What the hell was that?" She hissed in a whisper being careful to not draw any more attention from the other shoppers, and also not let the kids hear.
"I got what you asked, then I put it in the cart." He answered his voice laced with scornfulness.
"Are you kidding me, Jay? I have two children, not three, so grow the hell up and act like their father, and not like a twelve year old spoiled brat."
Jay stared back at her then retorted with a vicious comeback. "You're right Erin. you do only have two kids."
It was a low blow. Jay didn't even realize how low it was, how much it hurt. Erin's jaw fell open slightly, and then she turned around unable to look at him any longer.
"I'll be in the car." Jay grumbled.
"Wait for me dad!" Micah chased after him.
Erin stood in the middle of the produce section of the grocery store trying to calm down, trying not to break out in tears. She was distracted from her own emotions when she saw Macy on the verge of sobs in the shopping cart.
"Daddy threw stuff at me." She cried.
"No, baby. Daddy would never do that. He just dropped the stuff in the cart."
"No he threw it." She cried as Erin lifted her out of the cart to comfort her. Macy didn't realize the aggressive act was directed at Erin. She thought it was towards her.
Erin held the crying four year old on one hip as she cried into her shoulder. "Shh Macy you're alright. Daddy didn't mean it. He's just grumpy today."
They never fought in front of the kids. Not ever, so Macy wasn't used to seeing this side to Jay. He was always her sweet, silly, and loving daddy. His actions today terrified and confused her.
Erin balanced her crying daughter on one hip, attempted to push the cart with her free hand, did her best to ignore the other shoppers that were staring at her after Jay's outburst, all why stopping herself from falling into a puddle on the ground and sobbing herself.
After realizing she just couldn't do it all right now Erin spoke aloud to no one in particular. "Okay. Yup. We're done for the day. Let's go check out." They hadn't gotten half the things on the list, but she couldn't do it anymore.
Jay and Micah were sitting silently when Erin got to the car. She went to the trunk to load up the groceries that she had gotten, and then strapped Macy into her car seat.
"Don't worry about your wife and daughter, Jay. We're fine it's not like it's freezing out today or anything." She hissed as the cold Chicago wind blew her hair around.
Jay ignored her. He was done arguing. He wasn't ready to apologize or talk yet, but he didn't want to fight anymore.
Erin got in the drivers seat after putting away the shopping cart, and immediately turned the radio up to drown out the defining silence of the drive home.
After pulling into the garage Erin unbuckled Macy silently and carried the four-year-old inside. She sat her in the couch, turned on a DVR'd episode of Sophia The First, then kissed her daughters head telling her she'd be upstairs.
She needed to get as far away from Jay as she could. She needed to curl up in bed and hid away for the day. She needed to cry into her pillow and be left alone.
Micah and Jay carried all of the groceries into the house. Jay looked around noticing Erin wasn't down stairs anymore.
"Where's your mom, Macy?" He asked.
Macy gave him her best evil eye. It was a bone chilling look she got from her mother and one that Jay had seen way to many times that day. "You threw stuff at me!" She scolded her father.
"What? Daddy would never ever do that. I dropped them into the cart, which was not nice, but I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry." Her told her picking her up off the sofa. He felt terrible for upsetting her.
"You promise you weren't throwing them at me?"
"Pinky promise. I would never do that. You're my girl remember?"
She nodded her tiny head.
"Good. Now I'm going to put the groceries away, and then you and I are going to snuggle and watch TV. Deal?"
Macy gave one quick nod. "Deal."
"Seal it with a kiss?"
Macy kissed her daddy's cheek. "That's my girl." He grinned setting her back down onto the couch.
A few hours passed. Jay had fed the kids dinner, and they were now all on the couch watching Scooby Doo. Erin had yet to come out of the bedroom.
During a commercial break Micah looked over at Jay. "Dad?"
"Yeah, bud?"
"Are you are mom getting a divorce?" The eight year old asked staring down at his lap nervously.
"What? No, Micah. Why would you ever think that?"
"Well, Ben, my friend at school said his mom and dad got in a big fight. Now his dad lives in a different house, and he only gets to see him on weekends because they got a divorce."
"Look at me, Micah." The child looked up. "Your mom and I love each other so much, and we love being married. We had a bad day today and we got into an argument, but that doesn't change the fact that we love each other and you and your sister more than anything in the world. We are not getting a divorce. We just had a little fight. You understand me?"
Micah nodded, and hugged Jay. "Good because I don't want you to live somewhere else."
Today was quiet possibly the lowest day of Jay's life. He'd upset all three people he cared about most in this world. He fixed things with the kids but he still needed to talk to Erin.
He knew she didn't deserve his attitude earlier. She didn't deserve the attitude he's been giving her the last three days. They been bickering and fighting about everything, the most minuscule of things. He didn't even remember what had started the fighting this morning. He knew what it all led back to though.
They'd been trying adamantly for six months now to get pregnant, but to no avail. Jay wasn't that concerned because he was aware it could take awhile. Sure it was frustrating, but he wasn't ready to give up. But Thursday night, Erin told him she was done, and she couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't take the stress. Three negative pregnancy tests, and six months of trying without success was enough for her. Jay was aggravated. He wanted to keep trying. He wanted another child, and he knew Erin did too, so he didn't understand why she was just giving up so easily.
He decided he'd put the kids to bed and then go and talk to her. After finishing his normal nightly routine Jay joined Erin in bed. He crawled in beside her wrapping an arm loosely around her waist and stared at the computer she had open on her lap.
She was scrolling through old photos and pulled up one of them with Micah all three smiling happily. It was from his fourth birthday back when him living with them was only a temporary thing, back before Macy, back before they were even married.
"He was so little." Jay broke the silence.
"Yeah," Erin agreed.
"Why do I look so much skinnier there? Am I getting fat, Erin?" Jay asked trying to lighten the mood a little.
"Maybe a little." She teased before the tension resumed its thickness.
"You're still just as beautiful." Jay told her dropping a light kiss to the side of her arm that was near his head. She didn't respond though. "That seems like such a long time ago. It was a good day until I ruined it later that night by being a jerk. Kinda like I was today."
Erin shut the computer and rolled over to set it on the nightstand before laying back down. Jay scooted down the bed and rested his head in her stomach as Erin ran her fingers through his short hair.
"I'm so sorry, baby. I was an idiot earlier. You were right I was acting childish, and wasn't setting a very good example for our kids."
"We both acted ignorant today, Jay."
"Maybe, but I should have never done that at the grocery store. It was immature and I'm sorry."
They were silent until Erin suddenly stopped running her fingers through Jay's hair. "I wasn't honest with you about my doctors appointment this week." Her voice cracked as she spoke threatening to burst into tears at any second.
Jay lifted his head from her stomach and turned to face her "what?" She wouldn't even make eye contact with him and he could see her doing everything in her power to hold back tears. "Come on Erin. Talk to me. What's going on?"
She looked up at him with large sad eyes filled with tears just waiting to spill over. "It's not that I don't want to keep trying Jay, it's just that it doesn't matter how long we try. It's not going to happen. I can't... I can't get pregnant again."
The tears spilled over as sobs raked her body. Jay moved so he was lying parallel to her and pulled her into his chest as she wept. "What do you mean you can't? We have Macy."
"Not after my surgery. I guess something got messed up when they were trying to stop the internal bleeding. She said too much scar tissue or something. I couldn't really listen when she was explaining. I was too upset."
He massaged the back of her head comfortingly as she cried into his chest. "We can see another doctor, Erin. We'll get a second opinion."
"We can, but it makes since, Jay. We've been trying for what, six months now? We didn't even have to try with Macy."
"Erin, I love you. We'll figure something out. We can see a specialist okay?" He tried to console her.
"You want another baby so bad," she cried.
Suddenly Jay remembered what he had said to her earlier in the grocery store about only having two kids. He had essentially blamed her, and now he felt like the worst husband on the planet. He hadn't known that she physically couldn't have another baby. Had he known that, he never would have said what he did. This explained why she had been so irritable, and on edge. He should have known something was wrong.
"Hey, look at me." He tilted her head up to look into his eyes. "I want you, Erin. I want a happy, healthy family, and you've given me that. I've got everything I need."
She laid her head back down against his chest. "I wanted another baby so badly." She whispered.
"I know." He smoothed her hair. At first Erin was skeptical when Jay brought up the idea of another child, but as time passed she became excited, probably even more excited then Jay. "Erin we have a funny, intelligent, loving little boy, and a beautiful, sassy, smart little girl, and we have each other. I know it sucks, and it's not fair, but if another baby is not in the cards for us then that's okay. We have an incredible family right now."