Title: Plan B
Chapter 26 – "Always"

A/N: Warning – you might need a Kleenex or two.

"I try to keep it away from Aurora as much as possible but sometimes my anger comes out…never directed at her but…ah damn Gish," Severide huffs as he leans back in the comfortable leather chair and looks at his therapist and friend, Nick with a heavy frown. "Matt keeps me grounded…my father and a uh…few others…but I worry that I'm not doing enough for her."

"After her mother died, I found talking to my daughter to be the hardest," Nick confesses. "Girls…women as you know have no trouble talking about their feelings but that's usually when they're older and when she was Aurora's age it was like pulling teeth. How are you? Fine. Anything wrong? No. Want to talk? What for? And on it went. I knew a lot was tied to her mother's death and I finally realized that asking her if she wanted to talk about her mother wasn't an assault on my emotions but would help us both heal. So I dug deeper. When she was doing something I'd ask, does that remind you of mom? Make you miss mom? Are you thinking about what she'd say about that right now? When that didn't work or I got only one word answers I tried another tactic. Remember when mom did this or remember when she did that…and on it went until she finally opened up a bit more. Now of course she's a teen and we talk freely, although…it's about boys and stuff," Nick concludes with a smirk. "Just wait."

"Boys…dating…damn it I don't think I'll survive," Severide retorts with a small groan.

"You'll survive," Nick assures him. "After hearing you tell me about the whole ordeal with Gish and how you all survived and then recovered and even had some fun times away I know you have a great support mechanism in place. I know her first week of school will be tough for you both and going forward when the kids ask about her mother, just prepare yourself and remember the other kids don't know. They aren't trying to hurt her on purpose, they are curious and sometimes at that age don't understand the verbal courtesy some adults have. I say some, because even some adults lack the social graces that come with being curious and not offensive. But for the most part we worry and then things don't even happen so I'm telling you it's going to be okay."

"I want her to remember Shay as much as possible."

"Have you shown her that home movie you mentioned in the past?"

"No. I kinda chickened out," Severide admits sheepishly. "I'll try again."

"It's up to you but if you want to the longer you wait, the harder it'll get."

"Right," Severide nods.

"Okay…so are you ready for school?"

"Well…yes. I remember all you told me about being strong for her and not giving in if she wants to stay with me. Even if she cries its because she's scared and doesn't hate me."

"Yes sounds so easy to say but a lot harder to do."

"Yeah," Severide huffs as he rubs his face and then looks up with a frown.

"You've been…a bit tenser today than normal. I'm sensing it's…more personal for you?" Nick gently digs.

"Are you um…seeing anyone?" Severide finally dares to ask.

"Yes. What's her name?" Nick asks Severide in kind, referring to the fact that Severide was obviously asking with someone specific in mind - he was. Erin.

After the session, Severide shakes Nick's hand and once again thanks him for all his kind support and then takes his leave. This time he meets his father for lunch and they talk about the big move coming in two weeks. But first…would be Aurora's first day of school and another huge emotional milestone.

XXXXXXXX

"I can't have coffee this morning," Severide mentions as he looks at Casey with a heavy frown. "No Shay today and…damn it Matt, she's missing out on such an important milestone," his voice concludes with a heavy sigh.

'I'm already excited and nervous for her first day of preschool.'

'Shay that's an entire year away,' he remembered laughing. 'You can't buy stuff now. It'll be out of style by then.'

'Oh phhsh!' She had tried to shush him with her palm. 'Aurora is going to be the best dressed girl in school. Always. Not overly girly but…just right.'

'Just right?' He had arched his brows in wonder. 'What is just right? Pink and blue?' He asked with a snicker, earning himself having to duck as she threw something at his head. 'Thought you always said a woman should be evaluated on something more than her looks.'

'Hello! She came from us of course she's going to be gorgeous! You just better get that shotgun ready mister when she's ready to date.'

'No way…she's never dating.'

Of course Shay only laughed and he knew he was fighting a losing battle in that regard. At the time it almost seemed silly…now? He'd do anything to have her back here with them. Laughing and stressing about Aurora's important milestone, telling him she'd do the worrying for them both and making him feel complete.

"She's always with you," Casey states as he pats his friend on the back.

"Always," Severide tries to get out a whispered choke. Just then Aurora comes around the corner wearing the brand new outfit that Christie had bought for her as a present for the first day of school.

"How do I look daddy?"

"Oh baby girl," Severide's voice instantly chokes as he kneels down to her. "You look so…beautiful," he praises as her smile breaks into a wide beam. Christie had picked out a cute pair of jeans and a little white tee with red Lady Bugs on it and a matching red sweater. It was only for a few hours and there wasn't need to pack a lunch box yet, but at both Cindy's and Christie's recommendation he had put a few kid-friendly snacks into her little Dora backpack. "Wish mom was here," Severide can't help but utter. In that instant Aurora's arms fling around her father's neck and he holds her close; Casey watching with a glum expression.

As much as Casey has tried to be very strong for his best friend and his little precious little goddaughter, in moments like these he feels just as broken and helpless as Severide to come up with the right words to ease the emotional tension that threatens to take over.

They had rehearsed almost every day for the past two weeks, albeit briefly, what Aurora could expect and for him to be strong and not overly emotional as that would put more stress on her. If anything Severide could be a Master of hiding his emotions in public if the time called for it. That was under normal circumstances. Today was far from normal and he wonders if he'll even make it until noon.

"Let's um…put that hair into a braid," Severide tells his daughter as he quickly wipes back a few anguished tears and tries to paste on a confident smile. "Let's see if I remember how to do this."

'Shay really? I don't need to know how to braid her hair. That's your job.'

'My job? Wow that is so misogynist of you Kelly Severide. Guys can do braids.'

'Yeah if they have long hair.'

'Now watch and learn Lieutenant.'

'Fine but just don't tell anyone.'

"Looks pretty good," Casey praises as Severide stands up to admire his handiwork and Aurora looks up at both men with an adoring smile.

"Just….don't tell anyone."

"Hey you can always pull the father card," Casey reminds him as they all get ready to head to the preschool.

"True."

As they walk to the car, Severide holding Aurora's hand, Casey a few feet behind, he reminds his daughter of what's going to happen today. He'd drop her off, she'd spend some time getting acquainted to her new social setting, meet some new friends, play with them and then he'd pick her up and they'd spend the rest of the day together as a small family unit. Both he and Casey talked about not being too emotional in front of Aurora – okay to tell her they'd miss her but they'd see her very soon and that'd be it. At least that's the plan.

Once they arrive at their very busy destination, Casey drops off Severide and then says he's going to find a place to park.

"Ready sweetheart?"

"Yes daddy," Aurora answers as she looks up with an adoring smile. He had put her hair into as neat a braid as possible; her final look complimented by a two little Lady Bug earrings and a small plastic bracelet from Violet. Her whole outfit was stamped – Lesley Shay approved.

Severide looks around at all the kids and parents, teachers and guardians coming and going. But his mind fixes on the fact that while some parents or guardians are just dropping their children off, a lot of them were in pairs – a family. Without Shay there his heart aches and he knows it'll never be the same for his beloved daughter with her mother forever gone; his mind too emotionally clouded to realize there are other single parents there.

"Look Aurora, there's Belle," Severide points out as the little dark haired girl waves to them and then tugs on her mother's arm to come with her to her see her friend. But it doesn't take long before Aurora hears a few little children calling out to their mothers and she looks around with a small frown and then up at her father.

"I know," he looks down with a false happy smile; his mind inside telling him to just keep it together a little while longer. "We'll just hang out here until the bell rings and then we'll…you'll," he quickly corrects himself, "you'll head inside with the teacher and I'll see you later."

"Will you come with me daddy?"

"No sweetie I can't. But looks like lots of nice little friends for you to make."

"I miss mommy," Aurora whispers as she looks up at her father's tormented expression.

"I do to sweetheart. But you know that um…that she'll always…" Severide starts and then stops as soon as the now fateful word catches in his throat and he's unable to continue. Fortunately Aurora's new teacher walks toward them and his daughter is distracted from carrying the emotionally charged conversation further.

"Hello Mr. Severide and hello Aurora," Aurora's preschool teacher, Ms. Andrea Green greets them as she nears. But before she can say anything all of them hear a bit of a commotion to the right and stop to look.

Severide hears a few people around him looking at something coming down the street and then casts his gaze to the right and literally stops as his jaw slackens. "Oh what the…hell," he whispers as a smile plays upon his lips. Now he knows what Casey and Boden had been whispering about the past few days and why Casey was suddenly missing in action. "Aurora, look!" Severide points as Trucks 81 and 3 slowly roll toward them and then stop in front of the preschool.

The look of happy surprise on the little girls face say it all as she claps and then waves to the firefighters of Firehouse 51, both cabins full of all their friends and extended family. Benny also there in the front seat of Squad truck 3.

"Aurora, do you know all those firemen?" Andrea asks in wonder.

"Yes. They're my family," she states as she looks up with a beaming smile; Severide instantly chocking back a small sniffle as he smiles and nods.

"That they are," Severide agrees in truth.

"You are only lucky little girl," she tells them in truth as she says to Severide it's time to gather up the children.

"I'll see you later sweetheart," Severide tells her as he kneels down and kisses her cheek, giving her a warm hug before he tells her to hold onto Belle's hand and then stands back up to watch as the two little girls walk hand in hand to the gathering point. "Just like we practiced okay? You go with Belle now and I'll see you in a few hours."

Aurora nods somewhat sadly and then turns to leave. He stands back up and watches her go, turning around to wave at him once more, his heart instantly seizing. But just before she's about to go in, she breaks away and rushes back to her father's waiting arms.

"I don't want to go daddy! I want to stay with you!"

Both Nick and Cindy had warned him that she might be having second thoughts but this is where he had to be kind but firm. She had to go to school and that was it. If he gave in now, it might be doing her a disservice in the long run. He could have reasoned that he'd give her one more day with him but then thinks it'll just extend each day past that and he doesn't want to handicap his beloved child in any way.

"It's okay sweetheart, you'll be with Belle and you'll have fun okay? I promise. And I'll be right here when you're done in a few hours okay? But you have to go," Severide stands up and then takes her hand. "I promise you'll be okay," he tries to assure her, giving up on his own state of mind. "I love you."

"It'll take a few more days but she'll be fine," Andrea tells him as he gives her a kind smile and then gently nudges his daughter back in the direction of her friend. This time Aurora holds onto Belle and tries to put on a brave face. He hears the teacher telling all the scared little children they would be okay and see their parents soon enough as he slowly backs away.

'I can't wait for us both to be there to watch her walk into that school like a big girl.'

Shay…his mind laments as the bell rings and he watches her slowly file in line and then disappear from view into the school; Casey and Benny slowly walking up behind him. "Shay should be here," he mentions, not turning to either one of them as his eyes water.

"She is," Benny tells his son as he claps his hand on his shoulder and squeezes. "She's in all our hearts. Always."

Severide turns around and looks at both trucks full of his extended family with happy smiles; Boden walking up to him with a proud expression. "This…is amazing. Thank you."

"Shay would want us all here," Boden tells him in truth. "The first step is always the hardest but there's nothing said that it has to be taken alone. We're here for you Kelly. Always."

Severide clasps Boden's hand and offers a firm but teary gaze as the older man pulls him in for a warm hug. "Always," he repeats softly. A few moments later, both Casey and Severide watch the members of 51 all file back into the trucks and head back to the station. "You did this," Severide tells Casey more than states.

"Who me?" Casey snickers as Severide looks at him and smiles. "This is your family…our family…her family."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome and…lunch is on you."

"Me?" Severide tosses back as he quickly swallows back another sniffle. "Think I can get Boden to take the first parent teacher meeting in a week?"

"Nope."

"You?"

"Nice try," Casey counters as they head for the car; the two of them sharing a friendly chuckle. Just as they get into the car, Severide's phone buzzes and he's quick to pull it from his pocket.

'Sorry I couldn't make the big parade today but Casey just sent me a pic. You guys needed this. Talk soon?-Erin.'

Without much hesitation he sends back a happy reply. 'It was great. Yes how about Saturday? End of the week?-Kelly.'

'Will Aurora need another coffee? *wink*'

'No but her father might.'

'Deal!'

Severide's day had started on a full blown emotion tailspin; worried that his daughter would feel left out by not having both her mother and father there and him wondering if he'd survive doing this all alone. But Boden was right…Casey too…family wasn't defined by blood alone – it was proved by love and loyalty. Benny, Shay's parents, Casey's sister, Erin…all of them plus each member at 51 had proven over the course of the past few months that come what may they'd never have to face anything alone. None of them would.

Casey tries to keep Severide distracted during the few hours they had to pass until they'd pick up Aurora but it was a losing battle and about half hour before she was to get out the two of them are at the park, on the swings just talking like two close friends would. After the final bell for the day rings, Severide is waiting outside the entrance.

"Daddy!" Aurora shouts as she breaks away from Belle and rushes into her father's arms. "Missed you!"

"Missed you too," he whispers as he kisses her cheek.

"Hey sweetheart," Casey greets as he kisses her check also.

"Hey Uncle Matt!"

The three of them walk toward the waiting car, Severide asking his daughter all about her first day; Casey listening with rapt attention. As soon as they get home, she shows them the agenda and a few other things for her parent that the teacher had given her, including the parent teacher schedule and a few other items for his attention. He puts a few of them onto the fridge while Casey populates their "to do" calendar.

"She seems happy," Casey mentions as the two of them work in the kitchen to make supper, Aurora at the table working on a small assignment – drawing her family.

"I'm glad. I'm a nervous wreck," Severide groans as Casey chuckles and pats him on the back. "What did you draw Aurora?"

"My big family." She shows him her and her father, her mother, Casey, grampa Benny, gramma Pauline, pouch, Violet, Christie Don and then everyone else from 51 and finally one with brown hair holding a Lady bug – Erin. It was a whole lot of stick people all mashed together but it earns her high praise and a bit of a laugh from both men.

After dinner Severide comes into the living room with a video tape in his grasp.

"Aurora I want to show you…mommy."

"Mommy?" Aurora looks up as she scampers up onto the couch to sit between her father and Uncle Matt.

"You sure?" Casey asks in concern.

"I have to, for both of us. I've put it off long enough. The longer I wait the harder it'll get. We'll be fine. Today was tough so let's cover off a few milestones right now. But knowing I'm not doing this alone will help. Thanks."

After they settle into the couch, Severide presses play and both men hold their breaths as Shay's face comes onto the screen.

"Mommy! Daddy…it's mommy!" Aurora exclaims as she points to her mother's smiling face a few meters away.

"Yes sweetheart…that's mommy."

"What does she have daddy?"

"That's a camcorder. She wanted to record our…us…a silly contract she had made so that um…so that we'd always remember certain things," his voice slightly cracks. "Always," he whispers as he looks at Casey with a teary glance.

'Is it on? Do you know how to turn that thing on?'

'Yes it's on. Now shut up,' Shay had laughed as she pointed the camera at him.

"She's silly," Aurora comments as she looks up at her father.

"Yeah…she um…she was," he agrees as he turns back to watch himself making the first pledge.

'Rule number one. We promise to never get into each other's business.'

'Okay. Rule number two. No matter how much work gets to us, we never bring it home.'

'Good, very good,' she had praised.

'Thank you,' was his cheeky reply. 'Okay that thing…give it here. Okay…your turn,' Severide had said, pointing the camera at Shay's smiling face.

'Okay…we should also say that…no matter how much life gets to us that we shouldn't bring it to work. Because what we do is so much more important than all this.'

'Okay…is that it? Any other rules?' He had pressed.

'Uh…just one,' she started. As soon as Shay's face leans in closer, Severide's eyes water and a tear starts to escape. 'That we promise to be there for each other. Always. No matter what.'

'Always.'

"Always," Severide whispers at the exact same time Shay does on screen; his lips slightly gasping and making both his daughter and Casey look at him in the same time.

"Daddy?" Aurora asks sadly as Severide pulls her into his chest and kisses the top of her head.

"I miss mommy baby girl," Severide lightly sobs as he holds her close, Casey's hand giving his shoulder a supportive pat and squeeze. "I miss her so much," he offers with a sad lament as his shoulders tremble.

Casey looks at his friend as Shay's face is paused on the screen; his eyes also watering as he watches his normally strong friend weeping softly as his body rocks his beloved daughter back and forth on the soft sofa a few feet away.

"I miss mommy," Aurora soft softly as her father gently rocks her back and forth.

"I do to sweetheart…I do to."

The three of them sit in the quiet living room as the seconds turn into minutes and the minutes to continue slowly past as the emotion-filled sobs quietly diminish into a few heavy exhales. Severide hugs Aurora tightly as he looks up at Casey and mouths 'thank you' to his best friend and roommate.

Casey's fingers gently brush Aurora's tear stained cheek, prompting her to look up at him with wide teary-blue eyes. "I miss her too baby girl," Casey whispers as he kisses her soft, warm cheek.

"How about we watch some Dora before bed," Casey suggests as Severide looks up with grateful nod and small smile.

"Wanna watch some Dora, sweetie?" Severide suggest as he tenderly brushes away a leftover tear from Aurora's flushed cheek. "It's going to be okay," he whispers as she snuggles into his strong grasp. Severide kisses the top of her head and pulls her closer. "It's going to be okay."

The kid's movie starts up and it's not long before Aurora's exhaustion pulls her into a light slumber; prompting Casey to turn down the volume and allowing the two friends to sit on the couch just staring somewhat aimlessly at the TV. They trade a few snide comments about the cartoon before the talk turns to remembering Shay. At first it's tense but after a few minutes, the conversation flows into something more amicable; both of them taking turns offering a lovable anecdote about Aurora's beloved mother and their absent friend – Lesley Shay.

Severide gives Casey a soft chuckle at a memory he offers and can't start to express in words the support his friendship has meant and the strength he's garnered from his friend and co-worker since Shay's murder. He had faced such bleak times and knows that at times he had pondered almost giving in…and giving up. Casey never let him travel very far down that path and when he did dare to venture down, his loyal friendship was there to pull him back out. His father…Boden…the teams…51…Erin…even Nick. All of them have played key roles in different ways but with the same theme in common – making sure he didn't completely cave and could carry on being the rock his precious daughter needs him to be. The rock Shay would have wanted him to be. And they would only continue to be there for him in the days…months…years to come.

But…Kelly Severide knows that the coming months….even years will be tough; his mind and heart hoping and knowing that he won't have to face it alone. He hasn't fooled himself into thinking that any of it will be easy – despite the fact he knows there will be good times and tougher ones but through it all he knows that those closest to him will be there for him. No matter what.

Always.

'… we promise to be there for each other. Always. No matter what...'

"Always"

THE END…? (or is it?)

A/N: *sniff sniff* wow okay so this started as a 5 or maybe 6 chappy ficlet but you guys have been so amazing and it's b/c of all of you and your love for this angsty story that it's grown. I really wanted to have as many Shay flashbacks that would seem plausible and keep the storyline credible and hope that you all liked them in this emotional finale. I also wanted to cap this part with this memory as a tribute to our dear Lesley Shay and I had always planned to have the last chappy titled 'always'. I hope you liked it.!

PS: REMEMBER to check out the SEQUEL PLAN C - up now! :) Kelly and Erin and Aurora...with Matt, Benny, Firehouse 51 and LOTS of Shay! (b/c yes we still miss and love her!)