16. Playground Advice
She curled her fingers around the chains of her swing and started to turn herself clockwise. The sky was beginning to take on a deep blue hue, indicating the oncoming nightfall. At this hour, she was the only one left at the playground, with all the younger kids having gone home for dinner.
Normally, she would never have missed a meal. In fact, Usagi was well-known for pestering Ikuko for food the moment she got home from school. But today was a different story. She was in no mood to eat, which spoke volumes for the girl who constantly shovelled down food like a pig.
As the chains of her swing coiled to their maximum, she lifted up both feet off the ground, sending herself spinning in the opposite direction. The playground had always been her place to think things over, ever since she was a little girl. When she was 5, she had wandered a little too far from home and found the place by accident. Without knowing what to do, she had sat down on one of the swings and cried until her mother and father came searching for her, making her promise to never leave their sight again.
Now at 15, it had become more of a sanctuary where she brought all her biggest problems to mull over. Twisting herself in the swing once more, she released her hold on the ground and watched as the world went spiralling around her. It was her own way of dealing with stress - by temporarily morphing her problems into one huge colourful blur.
As she started to wind up the chains once again, she felt them suddenly halted above her. She lifted her head to see Mamoru, one hand holding the chains steady, staring back at her with an amused expression. At the sight of her glum appearance, the smirk fell from his face.
"Let go," she commanded. He did so, sending her pivoting with her hair whipping in the wind around her. When the spinning stopped, she paused for a moment to gather her thoughts and shake off the dizziness.
With a sombre voice, she asked "Have you ever been so afraid of failure that you considered giving up before you even tried?"
He noticed a seriousness in her tone that he never knew she possessed. Looking into her eyes, he could not detect any traces of the girl who crashed into him all those mornings, or the girl who turned failed test papers and shoes into flying weapons. All he could see was the deep sadness that etched her features, extraordinarily out of place on the usually bubbly blonde.
Taking a seat on the swing next to her, he replied truthfully, "No, I don't. There are always going to be times when you think you're going to fail, but that's when you have to remind yourself that if you don't try, then you've already lost. You can't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game. You've just got to give it your best shot and keep looking for ways to improve the next time around."
Usagi remarked at the sincerity of his answer. She knew he was genuinely trying to help her, but hearing his words only made her heart drop.
"But what if you can't fail? Not even once. What if failing meant that the people closest to you would get hurt?" she asked softly.
Mamoru was taken aback. What task could this girl possibly have that couldn't risk failure? He tried to shrug it off as a teenage girl problem that he would never understand, but something in her expression told him there was more to it.
"Then that should be your greatest motivation to persevere. If succeeding meant that you could prevent the people you care about from getting hurt, wouldn't you think it's worth it to try - even if all the odds were against you?" Mamoru looked at her earnestly, mentally crossing his fingers in hopes that he had said the right thing. If her situation was really as dire and serious as she made it sound, he would hate to accidentally steer her the wrong way with poor advice.
His prayers did not go unanswered, as Usagi's mood seemingly improved after hearing his words. There was a long minute of silence, before she slowly nodded her head and hopped off her swing.
"You're right - it would be worth it," she replied. "Thank you." Making her way over to his side of the swing-set, she gave him a short hug in appreciation.
Not knowing what to do, but grateful that he had at least been of some help, he awkwardly brought his arms around her, giving her a gentle squeeze.
"Anytime," he said.
As she broke away from their embrace, she flashed him one of her signature smiles that could melt an army. He could feel his heart pulsing more rapidly than usual, and hoped that she could not make out his sudden nervousness. Watching her walk away with an extra bounce in her step, he settled back into his swing.
He was going to be spending a lot more time at this playground now, reflecting on his problems - starting now, with how he was ever going to get that smile out of his head.
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