Her cell phone went off, silently vibrating on her desk, while she focused on her paperwork. She picked it up to see an alert form an app she'd downloaded a few weeks ago. When the doctor had first recommended downloading it, she'd thought it was the stupidest thing ever, but now it proved to be worth the $1.99 purchase. Life had been so busy lately, that she didn't even realize today was the day. It was the first day she'd been cleared after surgery, and was also ovulating.

She waited for Jay to look up and meet her gaze. When he did, he immediately noticed the devilish, dimpled smirk she wore. She nodded towards the locker room signaling for him to meet her there.

"What is that grin all about?" He asked as he entered the locker room behind her.

"I just got the little alert on my phone, Jay. I'm ovulating. We can start trying."

"Today? We can start trying tonight?" His voice was laced with excitement.

"Well the kids are going to be home tonight. I was hoping we could get some alone time."

"How are we gonna do that? It's a school night for them."

"I was thinking that you and I could go get lunch." She placed her hands on his chest as she suggested the idea.

"And you think Voight is going to be alright with us leaving long enough to get this lunch?" Jay played along.

"We can't help if the restaurant's busy can we?" Her hands slid up onto his shoulder, and she rose to her tippy toes as she spoke. The second she finished, she collided her lips with his.

Jay groaned as she pulled away from him. "I think I'm very hungry now, and we should definitely go and get that lunch."

Three months came and went before Erin found herself sitting in her master bedroom ensuite alone. Once again she held a tiny white stick in her hand, and once again it has only one stupid line. Not pregnant. The surgery was supposed to fix this. She swore under her breath, pushing away tears.

Her husband and two kids were downstairs laughing and playing happily, completely oblivious to the fact she's seconds from falling apart. Momentarily she want's to crumple into a ball on the floor with grief and disappointment, but then the anger sets in.

The little white stick leaves her hands with violet force, and slams against the wall across from her. The surgery was supposed to change things. It was supposed to fix her. She was supposed to be pregnant.

She hates herself for getting her hopes up so high. The doctors warned her that it wouldn't be a sure thing, but once she let the hope settle in there was no going back. The only way to stop hope is to have it get ripped apart, and even then it finds it way back in. It creeps back every time, only to take a little piece of you with it the next time it's torn to shreds.

She was done. There were no pieces left to give, not an ounce left to sacrifice. She lifted the little white stick, the barer of bad news and disappointment, and tossed it in the trash, vowing that it was the last time.

"Erin what is this?" He knew she wasn't asleep yet as he exited the bathroom. He carried the small trashcan with him.

She didn't reply. He knew what it was, and she didn't feel the need to explain.

"Why didn't you tell me you were taking a pregnancy test today? I would have liked to have been with you."

"Did you look at it, Jay? One line. I saved you the trouble."

He sat down next to her on the bed. "Hey, it's only been three months of trying, Er. It's okay."

"It's not okay though. I'm not okay. I'm tired, Jay. I'm so damn tired of doing this, of getting my hopes up for nothing. I can't do it anymore. I won't."

"You don't mean that."

"Don't tell me what I mean!" She snapped. She knew he was just trying to be comforting, but she didn't want to hear it. Not tonight. "I'm done. I know exactly what I'm saying, and I know what I mean. That was the last test I'm taking."

"You're giving up just like that, Erin? After everything we've been through to try and make this happen, you're willing to just quit?"

"Just like that, Jay? Are you kidding me? I let them cut into my body! I lied on a table, and let doctors slice me open, I kept a calendar of when I was ovulating; I did everything, everything the doctors said, and it didn't work. None of it worked, Jay, and I'm done."

"Maybe I can't understand everything that you've went through, Erin, but you know I've tried. I've been right beside you every step of the way. We've done this together, made every decision together, and now you're keeping me out of the biggest decision yet?"

"Because there isn't anything to discuss. I. Am. Done. That's all there is to it, Jay."

Jay snatched his pillow from his side of the bed, and stormed out of the bedroom. He would have slammed the door shut had his children not been asleep. He couldn't talk to her when she got like this. She was so stubborn and bull headed sometimes, and it could drive him insane.

The next week was one of the most awkward weeks in their five years of marriage. They were civil, they talked when they needed to, when it had to do with the kids or work. Jay would wait until she'd been in bed at least an hour, to make sure she was asleep, before he'd even go upstairs.

Wednesday morning, Jay packed the kid's lunches for school while Erin washed their cereal bowls. "My appointment is at two thirty. If I get out in time I was thinking I'd just get the kids from school."

"Appointment?" Jay asked not remembering any doctor appointment.

"My last check up with doctor Ikram after the surgery." She wiped the kitchen island down where Macy had spilt orange juice.

"Are you going to tell him? That we aren't…I mean," He shifted uncomfortably on the balls of his feet. "Are you going to tell him we're not trying anymore?"

She shrugged her shoulders unsure. "Maybe. Probably. Yeah."

"So you mean it then? This is really it, you're done?" He didn't sound angry, just curious. He wanted, or more so needed to know.

"I um… I'm done actively trying, yeah. I'm not going to restart my birth control or anything though. "

He opened his mouth to respond, but closed it a few seconds later. He didn't know what to say. Neither of them did, so they locked eyes, awkwardly waiting for the other to make the first move.

The tension was broke by the shrill shout of their five year old. "Mommy, I can't find my other black shoe!"

"I'm coming!" Erin answered. She shared one last look with her husband before exiting the kitchen in search of her daughters black pat and leather shoe.

"Yeah?" Jay answered his cell phone just as he and Antonio were walking into the front door of the café where they'd stopped for a lunch break.

"Jay where are you?"

"Out to lunch with Antonio. What's up? Is everything alright?" He got nervous looking down at his watch. She was supposed to be at her appointment.

"How fast do you think you can get to the doctors office?"

"Ten minutes."

"Then hurry."

"I'm on my way!" He stumbled over his words and his feet at the same time. "I gotta go, Dawson!" Jay yelled over his shoulder sprinting out of the restaurant. He felt bad for leaving him there, but Antonio could call one of the guys to pick him up.

"Are you okay, Er? Is everything alright?" His voice was frantic and she could hear him starting the engine of the car.

"Hey, worry about getting here in one piece. Drive safe, okay?" The tone of her voice didn't give anything away, which only freaked him out more.

He was at the doctor's office in ten minutes. The woman at the front desk pointed out the exam room Erin was waiting for him in.

He immediately spotted her sitting on the lab table, in a paper gown, her legs and red polished toes hanging over the edge. She gave him a half smile that only confused him further.

Gently closing the door behind him, he hurried over to her. "Is everything alright? Are you okay?" His one hand cupped her cheek as he looked over her body.

"You should let Doctor Ikram explain." Once again her tone gave away no emotion, and Jay had no idea what to think. He reached down and firmly gripped her hand, before slowly turning to face the doctor in the room.

"Hello, Jay."

"Hi." His response was short, abrupt, wanting the doctor to get to the point.

"So, to check and make sure everything was healing properly, I went ahead and did an ultrasound on Erin to get a better look."

Jay looked over to Erin, still clutching her hand, before turning back to the doctor. "And you found something? Can you just tell me what's going on, because you're really starting to freak me out?"

"Yes, we found something." The doctor nodded, turning his attention over to Erin. Jay followed his gaze to his wife.

Erin reached for a small sheet of paper she had sitting behind her, that Jay had yet to even notice was sitting there. The corners of Erin's mouth twitched upwards as she began to speak. "He found your baby, Jay."

For the first time in a week they lied side by side in bed completely awake. Erin held the ultrasound picture, examining it for what was surely close to the one-hundredth time that day.

"I can't believe you would scare me like that." He hadn't removed his hand from her stomach for more than five minutes since finding out. "I was freaking out. I thought something was wrong with you."

"We got you good then." She smiled proudly. "When he told me today, I didn't believe him. I was five minutes away from telling him we were done trying. Then, all of a sudden he tells me I'm pregnant. I wanted you to be just as shocked as I was."

"I could have been shocked without you nearly scaring me to death." He chuckled.

"Yeah but it was more fun this way, and it'll make a good story to tell the baby someday. Doctor Ikram was into surprising you too. He really sold it." Erin laughed.

Jay watched his thumb slowly running back and forth, caressing her stomach. He wasn't sure how he was going to keep this a secret from everyone for the next few months. "I'm sorry about this week, Erin. I didn't want to fight with you."

"I was looking for a fight, Jay. I was upset, and exhausted, and looking for a fight. It's not your fault."

"Pregnancy hormones." He teased, causing her to laugh in response.

"Maybe. Even if it's not, I'm using that as my excuse from now on."

"Deal. You've got my son or daughter growing in there; I can live with a little extra grumpiness."

"Good." She sat the ultrasound picture on the nightstand, turned off the lamp, and snuggled into his side.

Jay kissed her head, and he rubbed her back. "Thank you, Erin."

"For what? We did this together, remember?"

"Except you did all the hard stuff. I just had to do the fun part."

"Well, you're welcome then." After that the room was quiet for a moment as they enjoyed the company of one another.

Suddenly, without warning, she looked up at him wearing big, excited, doe eyes. It didn't matter that she'd known for about eight hours now. It had just finally sunken it. "I'm pregnant! Jay we're having another baby!"