At the Warriors Fanfiction Choice Awards
Jayfeather stood by the podium on stage, looking rather bored. When Lionblaze nudged him sharply, the gray tom brought everyone's attention back to the awards. "We're back everybody! Did you all enjoy those commercials?"
"We would have if we had seen them," the golden tom added. "But we just get to stand here and be bored for five minutes."
"On that happy note, let's present the next award," Jayfeather meowed. "The next category is 'Best Fanfiction Protagonist'."
Lionblaze sighed. "This isn't my favorite category. I'm not in it! I can't wait until we get to the canon protagonist part."
"Um, brother?" the blind tom meowed, "You weren't nominated for 'Best Canon Protagonist'."
"Well, I should have been! I'm ruggedly handsome and invincible! The ladies love me!"
Jayfeather shrugged. "I guess they love me more. I was nominated."
"Whatever," Lionblaze growled. "Just announce who the nominees were."
"The nominees for 'Best Fanfiction Protagonist' are Tansy, who's from Love, Loss, and Search for a Place Called Home, The Yellowfang and Nightcloud Show, and Win a Date with Nightcloud, Darksky and Snowstar from Darksky and Snowstar Show, Blueshadow from Blue Shadows, and Whitepetal from Warriors: Black and White."
Lionblaze thought about the contestants for a moment. "Tansy's appeared from a lot of things. How do we know which thing she was nominated for?"
"It's weird actually," Jayfeather meowed. "She was nominated to be the best protagonist from all three things she's appeared in the same number of times, so the human Tansy just lumped them all together."
"I like her best as a camera-cat and director," the golden warrior meowed.
The blind cat shrugged. "Whatever. I like all of the protagonists that were nominated. I'd have to say out of the five, Whitepetal is my favorite. She's a likable character who doesn't let her brother or leader stand in her way!"
Lionblaze nodded. "That is very true. She's a great character." He unfolded a pink notecard, and then studied it dramatically. "And your winner for 'Best Fanfiction Protagonist' is...Tansy!"
"We'd let her come out here and give a speech, but we've got her locked in a tiny room backstage," Jayfeather meowed. "If we let her come out here, she'd just complain about how she's too busy with her off-computer life and has a bunch of boring essays to write, so it would be a boring speech."
"Yep," the golden tom added. "No one needs to hear Tansy say that she's so grateful to even be nominated and how she doesn't deserve to win and how awesome all of her fans are. No one needs to hear the speech she actually had prepared in case she won."
Jayfeather looked confused. "Didn't you pretty much just give her speech for her?"
"Oh. I guess I did. Anyway, she's really thankful and loves you all."
"She's too sweet and sappy," the blind host growled. "Let's move on to the next category."
Lionblaze nodded. "The next award we present will be for the 'Most "Interesting" Trollfic'. Your nominees were Sunshinekit's Destiny by Sunshineglitter123, The Sparkle Chronicles 1: Sparklefur's Destiny by The Spam Queen, Hope of a Clan, by HopelightCuteness, and Obsidianwing's Quest, by xxobsidianwingxx."
Jayfeather recoiled in horror as the list of trollfics was read out loud. "All of these are awful! At least Sparklefur's Destiny was written like that on purpose, and it's funny, but those other ones are horrible! HopelightCuteness even tries to convince the reader that cats should be vegetarian! We're cats! We eat meat!"
"Whoa...calm down, brother," the golden host meowed. "At least Hope of a Clan wasn't nominated for 'Best...something'."
"That's true," the gray tom meowed. "If it had been, that would be a tragedy."
Lionblaze laughed. "Yeah, but a comical one! Anyway, the winner is..."
"Obsidianwing's Quest!" Jayfeather announced.
"That one is so awful!" the golden warrior meowed. "Did you know that Obsidianwing felt uncomfortable when she saw Leopardstar without clothes on? We're cats! We don't wear clothes! It would have made me uncomfortable if I had seen her with clothes on!"
"And what is it with all these Mary-Sues loving Firestar?" the blind host added. "Is he really that great?"
Lionblaze shrugged. "They all seem to think so."
Jayfeather heaved a sigh. "These trollfics are giving me a headache. Go to commercial!"
"Alright. Go take an aspirin," the golden host meowed. "When we come back, we'll be presenting the awards for 'Best Warriors Spoof' and 'Honorary Worst Warriors Fanfiction Ever Written'. Stay tuned!"