Letter from the author: Hey guys! I am really sorry I have not updated anything lately, I do not have a laptop now so it is really hard for me to write chapters without one. I get one at the end of summer but I really want to update more. Sorry again, I have not forgotten about my stories!
I take a hug sip from the cold glass, it feels parallel to the chill on my skin. I don't want to feel a thing, there's no one out there to save us. No hand in the sky to guide us. Just let me die.
"I said-"
"I heard you sir," I smile and look toward him warmly, "Hello." The young man was tapping his fingers on the bar counter while his blue eyes were piercing in my soul. His stare was familiar yet distant, I felt like I knew him and yet knew nothing about him.
"Dont look at me so hostile, Katniss," he laughs, "We are not in the Games." He motions the bartender to get him a drink, "Your specialty, please... Now tell me Katniss, how are you?" Is this kid for real?
"A little tired, a little annoyed but it's nothing I am not use to," I snort out in my smuggest voice.
"Whys that?"
"People like you," I say while taking a sip from the chilled glass. He leans in close to my face with a devilish smirk and a curl of the lips,
"People like me? But darling, you don't even know me." He then coughs and realizes a fault in his own words before holding out his hand for me to shake, "Mark Handly, brother of Cato. 19 years of age." What are the chances of running into two siblings, let alone one? I didn't even know he had any siblings until I arrived here.
I reach my hand out to shake his, "Seriously?" He grabs my hand to lightly kiss,
"Seriously." I stare mezmorized a bit by his gaze and try and conjurer up some words,
"I met your sister while I arrived here... She was ni-"
"Don't lie," he laughs while taking a sip of the liquid in his glass, "She's just like Cato. Breeded like a monster, I almost feel bad you met her but then I remember how awful your life must be now that you've won..." He knows how I feel... He understands.
"I don't know what to say,"
"Say something, I am just here to talk after all."
"Talk? You mean you're not gonna..." I rustle in my seat a bit and try not to make my lips quiver.
"Not at all Katniss, I am not some monster," he sees my glass almost empty and smiles the way Finnick would when he was planning something, "Allow me," waving the bartender to send over another for me. "I just wanted to talk."
"Where should I start? It's not like you'd understand, you are just some dead tribute's brother," I sigh in disbelief.
"Because you remind me of my best friend who won the Games, she was like fire, until she snapped and committed suicide. She was... Forced to do things and I could not even help her... Trust me, I understand."
I feel my eyes start to water and look at him before noticing the full glass of liquor next to me, "They're all gone... Most of my family is gone. Most of myself, District 13, and my freedom is gone. I am a puppet, a capitol slu- whore. A fake. A mess!" I whimper out, knocking the glass to the floor, "I want to die and it's all because of President Snow! I have nothing but a few people left and he taunts me with them like a dog and a bone." I see his eyes become hollow and he brushes the side of my cheek gently,
"You poor thing..." I can feel my vision blurring and I want to cry out in pent up pain,
"Just let me die!" He takes me hand and pulls me out of the bar, "Come on," as I pathetically cried in a dizzy pain, he walked me down the stone path until we neared a small but average looking house, "Come inside." I took one step inside and knew this man was a fake. A capitol fake. Whatever... I'm use to it.
"Sit on the couch, I'll go get you something to drink for us," What? I stand... Corrected? The house is plain but lavish, and I sit on the soft red chair in front of a flat screen... He has to be different. It was an empty looking house, no family photos, just the basics needed for living. Mark renters my view with two cups of a bitter liquid, "Here, firefly."
I take it reluctantly and slur out a thank you. He lets out a small sigh and sits back to turn on the tv and watch cartoons.
"Where's your family?"
"At home. This is my house, I moved out as soon as I could... It was a very hostile environment..."
"How so?" I manage to sequel out.
"Mother wanted kids who could bring honor, that is what most families have kids for. I wanted to be a doctor... To help people but she wanted me to give up my life to give honor... So I left."
"Oh..." I suddenly left comfortable and not in danger but sorry, his blue eyes were as beautiful as Cato's, "Sorry..."
"Don't be sorry, the world is a mad place," he turns away from me and watches the screen flicker different pictures. I don't know if it's the alcohol thinking but he reminds me of Peeta. His soft skin reminds me of how warm his was... Warm and thick yet soft... It took m till just then to realize I was rubbing my hand on his arm and I flushed red, "S-sorry. I thought you reminded me of someone..."
He chuckled with a devilish grin, "Who? Your boyfriend Finnick?"
I could feel my skin singe to a rose hue, "No! S-Shut up!" I say while turning to pout away.
I could hear him laugh and then felt his familiar warm touch pull me under his arm, "Fine but only because you're drunk."
What's fine? This isn't fine, I'm not being forced to sit here but I feel safe. I'm just a little drunk, it means nothing. It's just his arm on my shoulder like Gale use to do, it means nothing. I feel him laugh a little and scoot closer to me,
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing... You can leave anytime you want. We're just watching tv," He hums while turning back to look at the screen. I keep picturing Peeta's grasp on me and I move in closer. Every move was by will and I lay my head on his chest, "I'm sorry... You just feel like home..."
"What does home feel like?"
"Peeta."
He looks at me and raises his eye brows then smirks and licks his lips, "You mean Finnick."
I said the wrong name, "I meant Finnick."
"Tell me what I remind you of in full detail."
"Eyes like the ocean, a smile as mysterious as his," I can do this... just lie. It's not me talking it's the alcohol, "soft hands like bread, the blonde hair that I can picture shining in the sun, tense skin that was wrong but reassured me I was home."
"And who was that?"
"Finnick."
"You're a terrible liar," he smiles gently my way, "You meant Peeta."
"I- meant..."
"shhhh..." he takes me face in his hands and for the first time I do not feel forced, "Tell me to stop."
He was nearing my face and his soft hands were on my face and his lips look like Peeta's... Stop Katniss stop.
But I didn't stop. I let his perfect, soft, baker like lips crash and fight into mine. I could feel his touch linger down my neck near my chest but I don't stop him, he does not feel like a monster. He feels like home. I realize what just happen and I push him away from me.
I am a fake.
He stops kissing me and looks me in the eyes, "You didn't stop me yet..."
"I'm sorry.."
"Look, I am not buying you for your time. I am not using you for my pleasure, I think you're amazing and beautiful and no matter what, you are stunning... Let me be your home."
I don't know what happen but I let him inside my home. He began touching every clevis on my body, feeling me from chest to face. I try not to show emotions but I feel safe. I grab his torso and force him to stay close to me, he licks me skin and causes a frenzy of emotions to emerge out of me. He looks at me and stops with a evil grin. You can't do that you promised I want to say but I feel too vulnerable to speak a sentence,
"Please stop," I entreat. He smirks darkly and grasps me into his arms once again. I can feel the alcohol taking it's toll on me and I start to fade out and I feel a bit lost, I know I will wake up in a safe place... Home. My mind is forgetting and I know he can't break promises... Please.
My eyes flutter open from the same position I was in when I was asleep... Except I was missing my dress and was lying in the arms of Mark... I fling up in denial. My body was totally exposed to this man and I want to get it out of my mind.
"Where you going love?" I hear his cherry voice call out.
"Home," I say grabbing my dress off the floor, "How could you?" I cry out, "I trusted you!"
"I asked you to stop me and you never did... You couldn't even tell me who you loved, welcome home," he sighed in pleasure.
"I did tell you to stop," I mumble out in the brisk air as I slip on my clothing. I feel his finger tips graze my skin again.
"You wouldn't of kissed me back if that was true, you little cheat," he innocently jabs into my ear.
"You liar!" I scream as he opens the door for me,
"I have a secret too," his grin grew a bit then, "I am a fake."
I bite my tongue as I leave his home with tears in my eyes, "I thought you cared-" I managed to whimper out.
"That's for killing my brother."
"Your best friend would be ashamed of you!" I scream as I stand outside the doorway.
"My friend was just as pompous as Cato," he says smugly, "I lied..." He gave a final smirk and shut the door in my face. He is a capitol fake. But I... I am also a fake. Everything is so empty.
"Peeta..." I miss you, I'm sorry. I am an awful person, it is proof that you and Finnick were a lot better than I could ever be. My tears are not drying, I deserve this pain. I am no better than Snow. I let my guard down... And just like the Games, when you show people your weakness... You get caught in a trap.
I am Katniss Everdeen.
A capitol toy.
And the President's property.
I have nobody but Finn and Haymitch...
And I am not worth Fin's time.
I am fake.
A capitol fake.
I'm sorry.