A/N: Happy new year everyone! I hope you guys had a wonderful festive holiday filled with food and presents, just like I did. I meant to finish the Epilogue and post this chapter before Christmas, but it certainly didn't happen. I'm still stuck on the epilogue and it's been months (-sighs-). Maybe your reviews will spark something? Without further ado, I present you the final chapter of Trial and Error.
Trial and Error
By: Akinriah Tram
Chapter five: All I know is I can't keep on wearing this disguise
(Two months later)
Athrun knew he should be asleep by now. Staying up late in bed always brought out an emotional side in him that tortured his mind and made him a bit susceptible to the angst in his life. The night made him think of unnecessary things, say words that he couldn't take back, and make irrational decisions. It was during the night that he had decided to marry Meyrin.
A knock resounded through the room. Athrun sat up to find a head with pink curls peaking behind the door.
"What are you doing up at this time, Cag?"
"I couldn't sleep." The door opened a bit wider and his daughter scurried in with Nelly, her favorite stuffed bear that he had given her when she was seven.
Athrun raised a puzzled eyebrow when she climbed beneath his covers.
"You used to tell me stories about princesses and princes when mommy was still alive." She stated bluntly as she hugged her teddy bear.
Cag had always been a light sleeper and even more so, she always had a difficult time falling asleep. Before their father-daughter relationship fell apart, she would climb into his bed, right between Meyrin and him, and he would tell her fairy tales about princesses dancing in the night, fire-breathing dragons and little dwarves. To Meyrin's mirth, Athrun always made sound effects and used different tones for different people. Sometimes, both mother and daughter would chime into the story when they heard the story enough times. Cagalli had always fallen asleep as soon as he uttered the words "The end."
"What story do you want to hear tonight?"
"I want to hear about you and mommy."
Athrun's stomach lurched. "I can't."
"Why not?" Cagalli demanded with a frown.
He didn't know how to answer her. He couldn't tell her about their story. Their story started off with a tragedy. They were together as a means of coping. How could he hurt his thirteen-year-old daughter with the truth about their marriage?
"She's not doing well."
Athrun stared at the lifeless woman lying on the hospital bed.
Something snapped inside him, pulling him back from the realm of anguish and betrayal. He had once prided himself for being calm and controlled. He was able to separate work and personal matters, but for the past few months, Athrun had disappeared off into his personal abyss of broken dreams and happy memories. It helped him cope, dreaming of a future where they could escape to a place where the sun shines brightly and the wind blew freely; a world not contaminated with smoke and debris that trailed mobile suits.
"What do you mean?"
Coordinators didn't just die. Sure, they were still human. They were still susceptible to diseases even if they're almost invincible, but it was nearly impossible. How could she not be doing well? Even if she was badly hurt, her body would already be repairing itself. This was completely ridiculous!
"She's emotionally dying, Mr. Zala."
His fingers dug into the skin of his flesh as he restrained himself from unleashing the anger that was building up in his chest. Things weren't supposed to be like this. Had he been away for so long, buried in his anger and thoughts that he couldn't take care of the people left in his life?
"We've sent a psychiatrist to see her, but she hasn't responded for the past forty-eight hours. She's in a catatonic stage right now and we injected her with Benzodiazepines. The first thing she said was your name, so we called you and reached Mr. Yamato."
He didn't even know she was gone. Seeing Meyrin in this state sent him reeling. She wasn't moving, wasn't speaking. Hell, she wasn't even aware of him standing in front of her!
"What happened?" He closed his eyes, bracing for the bomb to be dropped. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know, seeing how it had emotionally destroyed Meyrin.
The doctor winced, "I-I'm afraid I can't tell you."
Emerald eyes narrowed dangerously as words laced in venom slipped out of his mouth, "You will tell me what happen. I am her fiancé." It was a lie, but he knew it was a claim that would make the doctor talk.
Immediately, the doctor spilled the story with much difficulty."A-A woman found her in the alleyway behind Sapphire road the other morning at 8 o'clock while doing her morning groceries. Ms. Hawke was unconscious and-" he took a breath and looked away from Athrun's eyes "-she was found with her dress torn and bruises on her forearms and neck."
Athrun hitched a breath, forcing himself not to fall over. His lungs were suddenly constricted, as if a snake had coiled itself around it.
"Ms. Meyrin didn't regain consciousness until one o'clock. She had a panic attack when her eyes opened. She was screaming hysterically before she blacked out. We notified you and Miss. Lunamaria Hawke as soon as we could, but we couldn't reach anyone until today. Ms. Meyrin entered her catatonic state last night at 10 pm and she hasn't been eating or talking for the past seventeen hours."
The look upon Athrun's face must have been devastating, full of the anger that he was feeling, because the doctor immediately continued, "But there is still hope. Since you are her strongest support, she will probably recover. She will have to see a therapist though."
Athrun nodded as he inwardly feel a migraine creeping up on him. This wasn't supposed to happen. Thoughts swirled in his head to the point where he had no control over them and all he wanted to do was to stop thinking. He wanted to stop the present and retreat to a corner of the world where he could stop thinking, feeling, and seeing.
But Meyrin had been his support when he had been lost. She never left his side regardless of his inner turmoil. He owed her too much to walk out in that moment, so taking a precautionary breath, he strolled over to her and took her hand.
Meyrin's eyes widened in alarm at that moment as she tried to wrench free from his grasp, but then when hazel green eyes met bright emerald, she breathed a sigh of relief and the dam of tears broke free.
"Plese don't let go." She pleaded as she clutched onto him like he was her lifeline. Perhaps he was, because in that very moment, he was all she had.
Even if it was strange and uncomfortable, Athrun never did.
Meyrin had never truly recovered from the incident. She became detached from the world and mostly paranoid of her surroundings. She couldn't sleep with the lights off, which eventually became a part of Athrun's lifestyle. Even then, Athrun usually woke up to her screams in the middle of the night.
It was not until Meyrin visited the orphanage during a trip to Orb and found a baby girl with pink hair and blue eyes that lit up like the sun that a ray of hope came shining through their dark life again. Meyrin started to smile more whenever she played with the girl and Athrun came to love the girl like his own. He decided to adopt her.
Cagalli Zala had been their beacon of hope during the dark times, even if she didn't know it. Meyrin soon talked more and Athrun was able to temporary ignore the sad pieces of the past.
"Father!" Athrun jerked from his thoughts to find a pair of angry azure eyes. "You had that distant look on your face again."
"I was just remember the day when you were a young child. You were much more adorable then." He smirked at her.
Cagalli scowled in return, "Children grow up. Of course we become less cute. But more importantly, are you really going to let Miss. Athha get married tomorrow? If you still love her - which you do - you should stop it, like in Mommy's favorite movie: The Graduate or in Sophie Kinsella's I've Got Your Number."
"You are too much of a romantic, Cag, and no boys until you sixteen." He said strictly as he ruffled her hair.
She frowned, "I'm serious."
Slowly, the smirk dropped like the setting of the sun. "It's not going to happen."
"Do you know what mommy said to me before she left?" Cagalli looked like she wanted to rip her hair out. Her mouth was curved downwards and her eyebrows knitted tightly below her forehead. "She said that I should take care of you and make sure that you're happy."
"I am happy right now."
"Yes, but I'm going to grow up and leave you some day." She stated bluntly. "Then you're going to be alone and sad again."
"Maybe, but I'll deal with it when it comes."
She rolled her eyes again as she turned her back to him and laid down, "You adults just make things so complicated."
-;-
It was supposedly a summer wedding, but on that awaited day, the temperature had dropped significantly from its usual standard of 28 degrees Celsius to 20. The sun seemed burnt out and the sky was looking a bit pale in comparison to its usual blue. What comforted Athrun was the wind, in which Cagalli had always believed freedom was represented.
Like the first time, the wedding ceremony was held on Onogoro Island in honor of Haumea. It was believed that couples who walked around the pillars in opposite directions and encounter each other, they would be wed and were destined to be together even after death.
This time, the pillars were decorated with white roses, symbolizing a happy marriage and the intention of the groom on the bride. With all the decorations, it signified how much attention had been put into this marriage in comparison with the first one. Even the bride's dress was more extravagant than the first time.
Athrun watched the said couple on the top of the pillar.
"You should stop it." The conversation from last night repeated itself in his head for the fifth time that morning and Athrun inwardly winced.
Did he want to stop it? If he was truthful, then yes he did. Did he have the courage to do it? No. Not when she didn't want him to.
"There's no going back now."
He wanted to fight, but he was tired of it. Three months ago, she had made it clear that she didn't want him in her life anymore. Their relationship had always been a struggle, like a never ending tug-of-war and she finally decided to let go on her end. It wouldn't be fair to make her hold onto the rope again when her hand was blistered and bruised.
And as he watched the ceremony proceed, he knew that Cagalli would be in good hands. Against his wishes, he had seen how the groom's eyes lit up when he saw her emerge from the other side of the pillar. He recognized Yuna's love for Cagalli and even if it was painful, he stayed in his chair and watched the traditional walk.
Now it was time for the vows.
"You have come forward today before this altar to speak your true feelings and seek the approval of Haumea. Are your names Cagalli Yula Athha and Yuna Roma Seiran?"
"Yes." Both the groom and the bride chorused simultaneously.
"Do you vow that no doubts rest in your hearts?"
He could see Cagalli hesitating. She always went rigid when she had to make a decision in which she was uncertain of.
"Yes." Once again, it was Yuna who answered first, "But I can't marry you."
He could hear myriad gasps coming from the crowd. He could feel his heart pounding as he slowly processed the changing events.
"What kind of game are they playing?" He could hear Kira snarling next to him.
Even the priest was taken by surprise at the events, but the most bewildered person was the bride.
"What are you doing, Yuna?" Cagalli's voice was breathless and her voice shook. She looked into her soon-to-be husband's eyes. There was disbelief and hurt written all over them.
"I can't marry you." Yuna smiled wistfully. "Not when marriage is sacred. Not when there are doubts."
"I have no doubts about our marriage." Her voice was hoarse and Athrun could feel the pain that she was feeling. At the moment, all he wanted to do was walked up to Yuna and punched him for hurting her. He had left her in Yuna's hands, damnit.
"I won't take it back. I want us to find some kind of stability and peace in your life, but during that month when you locked yourself up and refused to let anyone in, I realized that it will never happen. I can never give you happiness and you will never find peace or stability unless you're with him."
Athrun watched as Cagalli looked into Yuna's eyes speechless. Tears were welling up in her eyes.
"Don't do this to me." It came out barely a whisper.
Yuna's eyes softened considerably and there was so much guilt in his eyes. He looked seconds away from yielding to her plea. However, when he jerked his head and obsidian eyes met emerald orbs, Yuna shook his head and determination replaced any hesitation.
"You will never love me the same way and it will be a fatal mistake to go through with the wedding, especially when he loves you the same way you love him." His voice was soft and sympathetic and at that moment, Athrun felt like Yuna deserved better. It was evident, even to him, that Yuna loved Cagalli. And because he loved her, he was willing to step down and let go.
Cagalli's arms fell by her side her shoulders shook.
The groom turned around and faced the guests. Taking a deep breath, he smiled charismatically as he proceeded with his plan. "Friends, families, and honoured guests, I know that you all gathered here today to attend the wedding between Cagalli and me, and while I would like to express my gratitude for taking the time to do so, I have to apologize but we will not be proceeding with the ceremony."
Not a single word was uttered. Everyone was too shocked to pitch in a comment.
"And Athrun Zala, she's waiting for you."
Immediately, all eyes turned to him.
Athrun felt overly conscious and conflicted. It was all too much for him: the realization of the groom's feelings, the sudden proclamation, and the stepping down of the groom so that the rightful person could take his place.
Athrun felt overwhelmed.
"What are you going to do, father?" Cagalli asked and he could see a glimmer if mischief in her eyes.
"What should I do?"
She rolled her eyes as if he was the most foolish person. Perhaps he was; he knew what he wanted to do, but he still didn't have the courage.
"Stop making things difficult. She's your first and only love, after all."
He turned and looked at Yuna, who gave him a nod. Cagalli, on the other hand, just stood there with her eyes closed. Her body was shaken and he knew that she was desperately trying to regain control of herself. Athrun took a deep breath before he stood up and walked up to the top of the pillar.
Amber eyes opened up and Cagalli stared at him. They stood there for a minute, not saying anything. Athrun knew what he wanted to say. Millions of thoughts raced through his head: stories he wanted to tell her, feelings that he had buried for so long, dreams that he dreamt, but nothing seemed to come out.
However, only one thing mattered, "Will you, Cagalli Yula Athha, accept this and marry me?"
He took her hand and dropped the silver chain with the familiar red diamond ring that she had returned to him. It had been a symbol of their love. He had chosen it because it reminded him of the red stone pendant she'd given him. It reminded him of the times they shared and over all, it seemed like it was made for her: fiery, bold, and victorious.
She continued to stare at him, loss at words.
"Like you, I can't throw it away; I can't throw our past away. Many trials have stopped us from being together: your duties, your people, Meyrin, my daughter, Yuna, but in the end, they still want us together. It might be selfish of us, but I think fifteen years of being apart has paid for it. Don't you think it's time we go after what we want?"
Cagalli never responded, but the raw emotions in her eyes answered them for her. As much as him, she wanted to take a leap as well. She wanted to be with him. It was all so evident in her eyes - the longing, the regrets, the happiness... and for the first time since they broke up did she look a ghost of her former self. For the first time, her smile reached her eyes.
"So I ask this of you again, will you, Cagalli Yula Athha, marry me?"
.
.
.
.
END