Chapter 19 - Foreboding
Flickering lights from the bonfire glowed in the distance where the pack had already gathered. A small party on the beach was in full swing by the time Jacob and Bella arrived. At the top of the hill, Bella paused, gathering all of her courage. Facing Jacob had been difficult, but he wasn't the only person she had left behind in the wake of her madness. The hurt that her absence had inflicted on him now weighed more heavily on her mind than ever before. By Jacob's own admission, the pack had endured much under his leadership. Each change in his nature was a direct result of her picking up and moving to Florida.
Bella was terrified.
The wild beat of her heart pounded rapidly beneath her breast. The skin on her wrist itched and throbbed where the scars of the past lay hidden behind aging leather. Broken, scattered images flashed through her mind on old kodak slides. Pouring rain washing over the car, the accident on the freeway, the young girl with blood that dripped down her arm, calling out for her mommy... James appearing behind her, smiling sinisterly while she clutched the worn teddy. The girl transformed until it was Bella's own face that stared back when his teeth sunk into the soft flesh of her neck.
A scream bubbled up in Bella's throat that she struggled to push back down. A sense of dread twisted in the pit of her stomach. Something more than facing down her demons. Trouble was brewing of a different kind. The kind that came from association with vampires. An ominous sense of foreboding struck her full force in the chest, leaving her gasping for breath.
"Bells, you alright?"
Jacob squeezed her hand tightly, growing alarmed by her wavering countenance. Something akin to a shadow had crossed over her face, more than just the result of nerves from seeing the pack. It reminded him of hunting, the extra senses of the wolf placing him on high alert. It was as if Bella sensed danger somehow.
Eyes tightly closed, she reminded herself to breathe. Slow and evenly measured as a metronome, Bella counted to ten, pulling in gulps of clean ocean air at the same time. "I'm fine," she covered, steadying the slight shake of her hands. "Let's go get this over with." Dredging up every last vestige of her waning self-control, Bella smiled brightly.. too brightly to pass Jacob's inspection.
"We don't have to do this you know. We could go home and..."
Fidgeting slightly, Bella forced her fingernails beneath the leather to scratch the undeniable itch tugging across her wrist. "No, I'm just being silly. Probably because there's still no power." Indeed, the only light on the reservation right now came from passing headlights and sparking flames glowing brightly on the beach. Tugging his hand, she propelled them both forward to greet the occupants of her former life and any judgment they may have reserved for her.
Over the years, if there was one thing she had become good at, it was this. The creation of a false facade. Never allowing others to see the true pain which lacerated a shattered heart. This harsh lesson was first taught through the separation of Bella's unsuspecting parents. The mental and emotional abandonment of a willful mother at the tender age of eight perfected it. Then, as an insecure teenager it was brutally pounded into her by Edward Cullen's sudden disappearance and the resulting depression she suffered from, forcing Charlie to consider drastic measures, probably including sending her off to the third floor mental ward at Forks General. Now this facade was all that kept her from leaving town. The eventual possibility of her former true love showing up was enough to make run hell for leather screaming toward the hills.
The removal of venom from her body only strengthened the resolve to hide back her true emotions. At the time, Bella did not want to admit to herself, let alone anyone else that all she had said- or rather not said- and done during those last months was a direct result of her own fallibility as a human being. Instead she chose to live wildly, pushing the limits of Jacob's patience and the fragile sanity of her own mind. It was only when she left Washington that Bella realized that perhaps it would have been better to open her heart and mind to those who cared about her. That maybe talking through her feelings would have been the better route, though it was not something she was good at. Foolishly, she had hidden them away, not allowing the world to see the true color of her nature. It worked to a degree. Nobody seemed to be any the wiser.
Except for Jacob. The man walking beside her was an anchor, Leah her rock and this place... home. Bella would lean heavily on them, reminding herself that she alone was the mortar which held the bricks of her soul together. A blazing phoenix that rose out of the ashes, creating a new life without fear.
They were her pillars, but she alone was the foundation.
Yet here she was again, swallowing back the old fear which threatened to eat her alive.
Just as in bonfires past, Emily was the first to greet her upon arrival. One side of her pretty face was upturned with a smile, the other eerily grotesque in the dimly, shadowed light while Sam Uley standing protectively by her side.
With a grateful heart, Bella hugged Emily warmly, genuinely glad to see her again. The tight embrace gave off a small glow of happiness. "The years have been good to you," laughed Emily. "It's nice to have you home."
"It's nice to be back," Bella agreed happily. "How have you been? Any little puppies running around for me to spoil yet?" she asked, craning her neck, half expecting to see little children covered in fur chasing along the stretch of ocean beach.
"Two, at home, sound asleep in their beds," she replied, "probably dreaming about tadpoles and chasing fireflies... or painting the back porch with mud."
Jacob breathed a small sigh of relief. Bella's apprehension seemed to be fading. "Katie got the kids tonight?" he asked, greeting Sam with a handshake.
"Yup. I don't know how she manages it, but those boys of ours always have their teeth brushed and pajamas on and their rooms cleaned up when she watches them." Sam pulled Bella into a warm embrace. "Nice to see you again, Bella."
"You too," she responded, never quite sure what to say or how to act around Sam Uley. His innately calm presence always unnerved her and truth be told, the aspect of his relationship with Leah bothered Bella more than she cared to ever admit. Imprinting had ruined their lives, forcing the three into a vicious triangle of deceit and misery born out of jealousy. Behind the calm, even mask Sam always wore, there was a part of him which had refused to let Leah go. It only served to fuel the sting of betrayal by her own flesh and blood. Bella hoped that time and distance had created enough space between them that the problem would never arise again. None of them deserved to relive that pain.
There were others there whom she recognized. Kim and Jared, Paul and Rachel. Seth and a shy girl he introduced as Abby, who blushed prettily into his shoulder, sat beside the fire. The laughter of Embry and Quil boomed over them all, their lifelong camaraderie warming hearts as surely as the summer sun.
Despite any reservations they might have held, each of them greeted Bella with friendly smiles and warm embraces. Though there were others there, faces she didn't recognize, wolves who had phased after she'd left. A pair of seemingly carefree and eager boys introduced as Alex and Nathaniel- who she quickly deduced by the way their eyes shifted directly to her boobs- could not be over the age of seventeen.
Although everyone treated her with kindness, there were a few who did not seem to share the same enthusiasm. Paul maintained a stony silence, hardly acknowledging her existence at all. Two younger boys named Collin and Brady, both nineteen-years-old, sized her up as if she were the born enemy.
Striding over the sand like a woman on a mission, Rachel hugged her baby brother in greeting. Then with a wink, amicably linked arms with Bella and led her over to a fallen log to rest on. Noting the nasty glare on their faces, she shot Collin and Brady a dagger-like look across the towering flames. "Just ignore them," she advised. "They're both a couple of little brats." This move surprised Bella, considering that she had only met Rachel briefly before she'd moved to Florida. Of course, they had been friends as children, but Jacob's sisters were considerably older than she, often forcing her to be their dress-up doll for amusement. Whatever the reason behind Rachel's open enthusiasm, Bella was grateful for the ease it afforded her underneath so many scrutinizing eyes.
Music from an old battery-operated radio blared loudly on the abandoned beach. Glancing around, Bella could seeing nothing but endless ocean waves and miles of empty sand. "Looks like we have the place to ourselves tonight," she noted, grabbing a seat by the fire. The heat thrown off by the flames did nothing to halt the slight tremor lingering in her hands. Again, she had the feeling that a goose just walked over her grave. No matter how hard she tried to shake it, something felt off.
The old crowd laughed merrily, roasting hot dogs and drinking to their hearts content. At some point Quil thrust a beer into her all too willing hands, solemnly stating that it wasn't a party unless the one they threw it for joined in on the fun. Then, with a lascivious smile, he leaned over, whispering that next would be body shots. Bella couldn't help but laugh. Quil was a person she had really and truly missed over the years.
Paul came by, winked once and then pulled Rachel up into his arms to dance. Kim took her place, chatting like a magpie until Jared spirited her away too. Bella half expected Jacob to appear before her, but scanning the crowd, saw that he was deep in what appeared to be an intense conversation with Embry a little way down the beach.
Bella pushed down the stab of jealousy that pricked her heart feeling somewhat neglected after the day they had just spent together. Adding to that sting was the way the wolves were looking at their imprints. Adoration was plain on all of their faces, only reminding her of the simple fact that she did not truly belong to anyone.
Still, Jacob was devoted to her. He had admitted he felt an undeniable pull to her, but what if that was all it was? Just a pull. The simple fact was that she was not his imprint. Again, she felt like there were more questions than answers, more uncertainties in her life. She longed to pick up the phone and call Leah to talk it all over, but decided against it. She had enough on her plate. When she returned to town in a few days then they'd talk. Most likely, Leah would tell her exactly what she already knew. There would never be anyone else in Jake's eyes but her. Yet, looking around the fire, it was quite easy to doubt all her heart wanted to believe.
In the next second, Quil threw himself down in the sand beside her, landing with a dull thud. "So, sweets. How's it feel to leave the city life behind and plant your cute little behind in the sand again?"
"Uh Quil, name one place I've lived that there wasn't a beach. Phoenix is a desert, remember? You should have paid better attention in geography," she admonished.
With a smile, he blew her off, letting the insult roll off his back. "Bells, baby... none of those places have this view," he remarked, preening and gesturing to himself. Then with a yawn and stretch, Quil smoothly tossed an arm across her shoulders, playing the oldest and cheapest move in the book. It was cheesy and he knew it. After all , that was the whole point. "You know you missed me."
"About as much as a flea." Jumping back and swatting at him playfully, she looked at him with mock horror. "Speaking of, have you gotten dipped recently?"
"Ooooh, that hurts Bella," he said, clutching his heart in pretend sorrow. "You know if weren't for Jake, you'd never have been able to resist the Ateara charm."
But, Bella had stopped paying attention. The smile faded from his face slightly when he saw her watching Jacob and Embry intently. "Nothing to worry about," he calmly assured her. "Jake's just handing out orders. We can't be fun and games all the time. Em's gonna run a quick patrol. Did one before we got here, but you can't be too careful." Quil squeezed her tightly. "I promise, it's nothing to worry about. The boogie man isn't gonna get you tonight."
A few minutes later, Jacob snuck up behind them, dropping a light kiss to her cheek. "Hey, I'm going to check a few things out with Em and run past Charlie's place just to make sure everything is clear tonight. I'll be back in fifteen, I promise. Will you be okay without me here?"
"Sure she will be. I'm here for her," Quil reminded him.
Jacob pointedly ignored him, waiting for Bella to answer. "I'm fine. Hurry up and go so you can get back." She watched unabashedly while he ran off deep into the shadows, pulling off his t-shirt as he went.
Breathless with laughter, Emily sat down next to her. "It's so nice to have a night out without the boys climbing all over me."
Bella was glad to see her happy. Though things might have changed within the pack, it seemed that Emily and Sam had created an island of happiness unto themselves. "Well, when things settle down, maybe I can watch them for you once in awhile."
Emily quirked an eyebrow, the thick curtain of her hair hiding the puckered scars which ran over the side of her face. "So, you're really sticking around?" she questioned, asking what was on everybody's mind and had been the subject of gossip around every table for the past week.
"Mmhmm... looks that way. Actually, I need to talk to you about that."
With great enthusiasm, Bella outlined the work she did for the gallery, translating what it could mean economically to the local tribes. After just a few minutes, Emily was more than eager to put her in touch with her father. "Bella, this sounds amazing. It'll help so many people."
"It's not huge money, but I've seen it put food on tables, computers in schools and even start scholarships funds for the kids," she noted. "Matt's really good at what he does." Bella was so absorbed in explaining the possible outcomes that she didn't notice the two boys staring at her with disgust written all over their faces.
"How nice, Brady," Collin announced loudly. "The little hokwat is taking pity on us poor, disenfranchised injuns. More white guilt."
Bella blinked at the rude insinuation, unsure of what her ears had just heard. "Excuse me?"
A chorus of growls emitted from the surrounding pack. Each person there stunned into silence by the audacity the two young men were showing. "I'd shut your mouth right the fuck now, Whitefeather," warned Quil.
"Why should he?" Brady jerked his head in Bella's direction. "She doesn't belong here. Not her or her pig daddy strutting around like he owns the place. This bitch fucked a vamp. Probably came back here to screw with Jake some more while she waits for her sparkly leech lover to return."
Bella's jaw dropped to the ground. She could feel her cheeks burning red with embarrassment. Beside her, Quil shook with righteous anger, threatening to phase. Nobody said a word. The only sound was the Pacific tide beating against the shore. Time seemed to stop leaving her feeling as though they'd been suspended in some weird vortex. Never had anyone treated her with so much animosity before. Not even the girls in high school had been so blatant in their hate.
Quite suddenly, Paul appeared behind the two young men, snarling viciously. "Pretty fucking brave talking shit when your alpha isn't around." His hands clamped down hard onto their shoulders, fingernails elongating and digging into their flesh. Both of them winced visibly, but Collin never took his eyes off of Bella, glaring as if this were all her fault. "Get your asses out to the woods and phase. You get to patrol the Swan's house for the next month and if anything gets past you, I don't care if it's fucking squirrel shit, I'll tear out your guts and feed them to the mountain lions." Their bodies quaked with fear, nearly exploding when he whispered just loud enough for all to hear, "That's if Jake doesn't get to you first."
Bella wanted to cry. Hot, angry tears threatened to spill over her cheeks. The insult to herself, she could have dealt with. It hurt, but she understood the lack of trust. Collin and Brady didn't know her and it was instinct. But, the way they attacked Charlie? A man who was practically raised by their Chief's parents? It was the worst sort of injury. One that stung her pride, making her question what she was doing coming back here after all. Bella looked at the faces surrounding her. How many of them felt the same way, yet chose not to express it?
When Emily placed a comforting arm around her shoulders, Bella broke down, weeping into her shoulder. "Don't pay them any mind. Nobody else thinks that way and if I know Jake, he's going to take out a pound of flesh out of their hides for that."
Bella cringed, knowing that would just make it worse. They'd hate her even more. Before she could say another word, a cacophony of howls sounded from the forest. Jake and Embry came tearing onto the beach, both naked and sweating.
Jacob shouted orders, mobilizing the pack. "Paul, get the imprints outta here. Embry, take Bella back to my house. She doesn't leave your sight!"
The wolves sprang into action, darting for the cover of the trees, but Jacob made a beeline for her. "What's going on?" she asked, frightened down to her shoes. The dread welled up inside, bile rising in her throat, knowing it could mean only one thing.
Vampire.
"I'll explain later. Stay close to Embry." Cupping her cheeks, Jacob kissed her hard and then ran.
In an instant, Embry was at her side, tugging on her hand. "Come on, Bella. We gotta go." The beach had quickly descended into a scene of carefully organized chaos. The flames from the bonfire were already doused and not a sign of food or drink remained anywhere. The women were moving fast, as though they'd rehearsed this play before. Without hesitation, Embry snatched Bella by the waist, tossed her over a shoulder and sped toward the parked cars. "Wait! Wait!" But her cries landed on deaf ears.
"No time, Bells. Alpha orders."
"You don't understand. I need to tell Paul something."
Worried that it might be important, Embry reluctantly put her down, trailing close behind as she stumbled across the sand, practically running headlong into the beta.
"You have two seconds," he growled.
"I just..." Bella fumbled for the right words in her nervousness. "Thank you for defending me tonight."
Paul narrowed his eyes on her. Even in the dark she could see the golden tinge, the wolf begging to be released. "I didn't do it for you. That was for your father and for Jake. You haven't earned my loyalty yet"
"Paul!" Rachel shouted angrily, her face red and mottled with horror. "That's enough!"
Turning away, he smiled menacingly over his shoulder. "I hope that's not one of your friends out there we burn tonight, Swan."
oooOOOooo
Speeding down the dark, empty streets, Embry pushed Jacob's Harley to the limit while Bella held on for dear life. Gravel flew in all directions as they skidded to an alarming halt in the driveway. Senses on high alert, he snatched her off the bike, quickly carrying her inside of the house.
Once inside, he threw the deadbolt. It was a foolish but albeit, human measure of comfort. No lock could keep out a vampire. When Bella headed for the windows, he locked those too, cutting off the fresh air she needed to breathe.
Bella jumped at the noise like a frightened child. Her fingers clawed at his shirt, pleading with him desperately. "I need to know what's happening. Tell me what's going on," she begged.
Only the resounding silence was grimmer than his countenance. She angrily reached for the candles, needing some sort of light in the darkness. One match broke and then another, causing her to swear in frustration. A warm hand covered her own, gently taking them from her shaking hands. The strike echoed throughout the room, followed by a hiss and crackle of a flame filling the air with the scent of melting wax.
Disillusioned and if truth be told, half scared out of her wits from the unknown, Bella collapsed onto the sofa. It had been years since this kind of fear crept into her heart. The ugly spectre of vampires had become a distant memory, but in this place, they were brought back to light, front and center in her mind.
For too long she had ambled along in life, a once hapless victim of their evil design. When Embry lit the logs in the hearth, their dancing flames illuminated the hidden corners of a room cloaked in shadow. She could not help but wonder how many other places in the world there were warriors protecting their people, how many other secrets lay hidden in the dark.
Hours passed, each one longer than the last. Pacing the length of the house, Bella took in every last detail but saw none of it. Behind- like a silent, hulking sentinel- Embry followed closely at her heels, poised to spring into action at the first hint of danger.
The very air surrounding them was electric with magic, fear and a twisted form of excitement. Embry nearly vibrated with it. It was as if the wolf could hardly bear to be imprisoned like a zoo animal. When Bella suggested that he go outside and shift, he shook his head no in firm resolution. "You don't leave my sight unless it's to pee."
"I won't go anywhere, I swear," she promised, hoping that he could be coaxed. It wasn't that he frightened her, but she needed some space. "You'll feel better if you know how they're doing."
Crossing his arms over his hulking chest, he squared his eyes on her, admonishing Bella as if she were a mere child. "I'm not saying it again. You stay in my sight. You wanna sleep, go ahead, but I'm crawling in that bed next to you."
Bella gave up, making her way into the kitchen just to give her hands something to do. Embry followed after her like an overgrown puppy. In frustration, she turned to him after rifling through the cupboards searching for ingredients. "Make yourself useful," she snapped, slamming closed another door. Why couldn't Jacob have set up this kitchen like Billy's? She knew that one like the back of her hand. Mentally, she berated herself. If I'd never left this might have been my home. Unable to control it, tears began to flow down her cheeks.
Seeing her back start to shake while searching the cabinets, Embry became alarmed. "Bella, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."
"I.. I don't know where anything is," she wailed, leaning against the cupboards and then slid weakly down their smooth surface, burying her face between her knees.
Embry's heart clenched with sympathy and understanding. This wasn't about a loaf of bread or a jar of peanut butter. It was so much more. Bella was completely overwhelmed and who could blame her? Between whatever vamp was out there tonight, everything that happened between her and Jacob, Charlie getting shot... there was only so much one person could take and Bella Swan had been given more than her fair share of hard knocks.
Sitting beside her on the cold, tiled floor, Embry held her tight while she sobbed into his chest. "Ssshhh... it'll be alright. You'll see," he soothed, kissing the crown of her head and stroking her hair.
"I never should have left," she mumbled between hiccups and tears. The torment going on inside ripped at his heart. She was faulting herself for the unknown, wishing she could take back a past that no one could have ever predicted, regardless of what it might have cost herself.
"Oh, babygirl, is that what has you so worried? You did what you had to in order to survive. We all do."
"But, maybe if I never left then everyone wouldn't hate me and Jacob wouldn't have been so messed up." She glanced up at him wide-eyed, begging him to believe her before staring back down at the floor. " I swear, I didn't know."
"I know that," he assured her. "We all do. Bella, look at me." Gently he cupped her chin, forcing her to turn her head and see him when told her, "None of this is your fault. Nobody hates you."
"But, Collin and Brady..."
"Yeah, Jake's gonna kill them for that," he stated grimly, though feeling no pity for them. After all, the two goons had made their own bed, but he certainly didn't envy the ass kicking they were gonna receive as a result of their stupidity.
"Ignore it, Bells. They don't really think that, I promise. Those two are both so young and life has been hard. Their dad's a prick and their mom isn't much better. It makes my childhood look like a Norman Rockwell painting. Jacob, he's been like their father the last five years." Embry wrapped his warm arms around her, lending her strength. "Now that you're here, I think they're just feeling a little displaced, that's all. That shit about Charlie, it was just to piss you off. He's gotten their asses out of trouble more than once by looking the other way. I think it embarrasses them more than anything else. You know, before you got here, both of them sat with him at the hospital when they weren't sleeping or patrolling."
She looked up at him with real surprise after that revelation. "They're just kids, Bella. Scared kids who can chase away the boogie man and they don't know what to do with it."
"But, I've screwed up so much. God, Embry, I shouldn't be trusted with anyone else's heart. I just fuck it up over and over again."
"Do you love him?" he asked, knowing full well that she did. Bella Swan might be able to fool herself, but she sure couldn't fool anyone else, especially Jacob Black.
"It's not that simple."
"Of course it is," he assured her. "Love doesn't have to be hard or have a reason. That's what makes us human. I know you're afraid, but you have to let go. Close your eyes and take the leap. Let yourself feel it and let him too."
Bella wiped her tears away, feeling a little bit better for having let go. "When did you get so wise?"
"Me?" he smiled. "I've always been like this. You were just too wrapped up in Jake and Edward to see it." Then he shook his head mournfully. "Just think, all those years ago, you could have had this. You blew it big time, Swan."
Gales of laughter replaced waves of sorrow. Embry picked her up off the floor, both literally and figuratively. Bella knew in that moment that she couldn't ask for a better confidante, at the same time, realizing the innate difference between friend and lover. For many years she had only ever categorized Jacob Black as a friend, lumping him in as the equivalent of people like Mike or Angela, when in fact he was so much more. The emotional intimacy of their relationship had always transcended simple friendship, being much more complex and wholly beautiful in every aspect. As Jacob had once so unerringly pointed out, they were 'as easy as breathing'.
With nothing else to do, Bella busied herself putting together something to eat for herself and Embry. Then there was nothing left to do but wait.
Wait for Jacob to come home... and back to her.