Lost in Translation
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to Stephanie Meyer.
A/N-thank you for the kind reviews. Nikki
Part Eight-Loss of a Leader
Bella lay on her stomach, her chin resting on her hands as she gazed at Jacob adoringly. He was lying beside her, his fingers trailing down the smooth skin of her back. A fine coating of perspiration covered Bella's body, creating a sheen across her skin, making her glow under the dim light shining from the bedside lamp. To Jacob she looked like a goddess. Her eyes were bright and lambent as she smiled at him. "I never knew it could be like that. I mean I hoped but..." She paused as her emotions overwhelmed her a little. "It was my first time and it was, just so, so..." Why couldn't she find the right words?
Jacob smiled at her indulgently as he sensed her frustration. "There are no words to describe how it felt, honey." He leaned in for a gentle kiss. He loved the feel of her lips moving against his. It was something he never thought he would get to experience. Making love to Bella had surpassed everything he had ever dreamed or imagined. The small motel room may be a little dingy, and hardly the most romantic place to have sex for the first time, but to him and to her, it felt magical. Neither of them took notice of their surroundings, they had become lost in each other, in the feeling of finally reaching that pinnacle of happiness and emotional well being when you finally knew you had found the one. Your soul mate. Bella would never again question the choices she had made. There was no longer any lingering doubt that Jacob was her forever now.
"Can I ask you something, Bells?" Jacob asked after a while.
Bella was on the verge of sleeping, and his question made her twist her head to look at him. "You can ask me anything."
Jacob continued to stroke her back. His ministrations were making her eyes droop again, she felt sated and totally relaxed after their energetic lovemaking and she was having a hard time fighting the tiredness. "What made you change your mind before the wedding?" He paused when he saw the flicker of unease cross her face. He knew he shouldn't have brought the aborted wedding to the bloodsucker up now, but he had always wanted to know why she had called a halt to proceedings at the last moment, after being so sure of the future she wanted. It had seemed strange to him at the time, not that he hadn't been thankful, but she had never really explained the reasons behind her abrupt decision. Then the fire had happened and he had been loathe to bring the subject up again after she was left bereft and emotionally fragile. But now that it had been revealed that the Cullen's were alive, he felt safe to ask her.
Bella rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. She knew she owed him a proper explanation, but it was so hard to put into words. It all seemed like a lifetime ago, her whole world had changed so much in a short space of time. It wasn't something she wanted to revisit right now, but who knew when they would have uninterrupted time alone to talk like this again. She felt him touch her brow and stroke the worry lines away. She smiled at him weakly and took his hand in her own, kissing his palm and then pressing it to her face. Bella needed to feel him. "It all started before the newborn battle, just after our kiss." She glanced at him as she saw his eyes close in remembered hurt at her former rejection of his love. She laced her fingers with his and held on tight. "Do you want me to continue? I know this must be bringing up bad memories."
"I'm the one who asked." Jacob rested his head next to hers and forced himself to push the unhappy memories from his mind. She was here with him now. What was the point hanging onto old pain? "Continue."
"Okay." Bella looked directly at him as she carried on speaking. "It was hard facing Edward again after we kissed. He knew what had happened. He swore he hadn't seen but heard your thoughts."
"Did you believe him? I can imagine him being a peeping tom." Jacob said bitterly.
"We'll never know." Bella squeezed his hand. "As soon as I looked upon his devastated face and he told me he knew, I felt different. Then he said the words I'd been hiding from out loud. He called me out on the fact that I loved you..."
"I told you that plenty of times." Jacob rose up and gazed down at her. "Why didn't you believe me?"
"I don't know." Bella shrugged helplessly. "I was deeply in denial. But hearing him saying it, made it real, and of course the memory of that amazing kiss was fresh in my mind." She saw him smile and some of her anxiety eased. "After Victoria was finally vanquished and I learned that you were injured...god, Jake, that was the worst time of my life. I wanted to run to you straight away, but the Volturi were hovering about and I had to show that I was still committed to Edward, but I am not sure I put on a suitable performance. That little creep Jane, I am sure, was dubious. Perhaps that would explain why they came back so soon to check on me, and that's what prompted the Cullen's to fake their deaths." Bella closed her eyes.
"I wish you had stayed with me, Bells. I wish that you had felt able to let me in sooner." Jacob saw a tear escape from under her closed lids and he kissed it away. "You don't have to say anymore. I can see its hurting you to remember."
"No." Bella opened her eyes again and cupped his cheek in her hand. "I want to tell you. Letting you go was the single most difficult decision of my life, and I can tell you as soon as I pulled away from your house I was in floods of tears and deeply regretting my decision. I had to pull over because I couldn't see through my tears. I loved you, and it was enough. More than enough to make me stay. But I had just come back from a fraught meeting with the Volturi. I was scared and felt so alone, and very trapped. I cried for a week, solid. Edward was tormented to see me so, but as usual my stubborn self wouldn't admit the truth. I was letting you go for your own good, that was my excuse to myself. But as time went on I couldn't justify it anymore. I didn't want to be a vampire, I didn't want to leave Forks or my dad, and I didn't want to leave you. I couldn't stay away. Edward knew it, and Alice had seen it. So, after a few weeks passed, I finally plucked up the courage to say what everyone already knew, and the wedding was called off. And the first thing I did was..."
"To come driving that truck like a demon down my driveway." Jacob grinned at the memory of a harassed looking Bella, her eyes wild and a manic air about her as she braked hard, just managing to stop the Chevy before it hit the house. He had come running out, shocked to see her, and not best pleased. They had stood opposite each other yelling and cursing until she had blurted out her news. She wasn't getting married. He had picked her up and nearly squeezed the life out of her.
"You were so pissed at me." Bella traced her fingers over his mouth, glad to see the amused smile lighting up his face. "Rightly so of course."
"Not for long though." Jacob leaned in for another scorching kiss. "I love you, Bella." He felt his arousal building up again, and by the heated look in her beautiful brown eyes, he could see she felt the same.
"I love you too." Bella whispered as she pressed her mouth back onto his.
It was with reluctance that they both left the motel the next morning. The night they had spent there would be burned into their memory. They had spent a lot of time talking, as well as having sex, and had made some tentative plans for the future. Jacob had asked Bella if she would move in with him onto the reservation. She had worried that it might be a little soon, but he had eased her fears, pointing out that enough time had been wasted. He would turn eighteen in a few months and he was determined to get married. He was certain that they belonged together, he had no doubts, and after the amazing night they had spent together, neither did she. However they had decided to keep this part of their plan secret, until they felt Charlie especially was able to cope with the news. Bella knew that her father would not be pleased she wanted to move out of home. In his eyes she and Jacob were too young. But they were both older than their years. Circumstances had forced them to grow up quickly.
The drive home seemed much shorter than the journey to Seattle. Now the worry of the meeting was behind them, they could relax, and became excited as they talked about their plans for the future. Bella had decided to forgo college. She would take a course on-line instead, and go to the local community college for classes. She planned to get a part time job to support herself in between this. As for Jacob he was revisiting his plans to open a garage of his own. Obviously it would start off small, but he had the set up already. His garage was full to bursting with everything he needed to make a start, and he had already gained a reputation on the reservation and beyond for his talent at fixing the most obscure mechanical problem. He hoped that as word of mouth spread, and with a little advertising, he might make his dream come true. Now that he had Bella in his life, he felt he could achieve anything.
Jacob dropped Bella off at the Swan house. Their goodbyes lasted a long time. Neither wanted to part, but they had no choice. Jacob needed to get home and check on his father, and the pack. He kissed her deeply one last time, promising her he would be back later that night when Charlie was asleep. "I won't ever be able to sleep alone now. I wish you could move in tonight."
"Give me a chance to set the groundwork with dad first." Bella had flashed him an amused smile as he vented his frustration. "It won't be long."
"Every second away from you is too long." He leaned in for one last kiss before he watched Bella climb out of the car. He felt like he was leaving his heart behind as he slowly drove away and headed for home.
Jacob called out to his father when he came into the house. He was worried when he didn't get an answer. He checked the living room and the kitchen, but they were empty. A half eaten sandwich lay on the kitchen table and the television was playing to itself as if Billy had been interrupted suddenly. "Dad?" Jacob began to feel uneasy as he glanced into his father's bedroom and finally the bathroom. He had trouble opening the bathroom door, it was as if something was jammed behind it. Panic set in as he shoved on the door harder and it finally moved forward creating a small gap. There was just enough room for him to squeeze through. He had a bad feeling about what he was going to find on the other side of the door. The smell of vomit mixed with the odour of sweat made him gag a little and his worst fears were realised when he found Billy slumped in his wheelchair unconscious. He had been sick down his shirt and his medication had fallen to the floor. One hand was splayed as if he had been trying to reach for it before he slipped into a coma. "Dad." Jacob felt sick to his stomach as he quickly lifted his dad out of his chair and carried him to the main bedroom. He carefully put him in the recovery position, making sure that his airways were clear before he left to call for an ambulance.
Shock rippled around the reservation when the news leaked out that Billy was in hospital and in a serious condition. The waiting room was crowded as Bella, along with her father, all the pack, plus Sue Clearwater and some of the elders all congregated together. Everyone was silent. No one knew what to say. Nothing could make this better. Billy was beloved among his people, and they were all deeply worried. Jacob was talking to the doctors who were caring for his father, and when he came back to join them, his face was ashen. Bella immediately went to him and put her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. His arms encircled her and he rested his head on top of hers. Charlie came to stand beside him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Jacob didn't need to speak. Just by the devastated look on his face they could tell the news wasn't good.
"It looks like he was trying to take his medication when he had the heart attack." Jacob sat on one of the chairs in the waiting room, his elbows resting on his knees as he tried to keep the tears from spilling out of his eyes. Bella was cuddled up beside him. Her cheeks were wet with tears, and as she glanced at the other occupants of the room, she could see that they were all having a hard time controlling their emotions. Charlie had his arms around a weeping Sue Clearwater. His own face registered his devastation. He had already lost Harry. It was unthinkable that he might lose Billy too.
Old Quil, who seemed to have aged even more overnight, leaned heavily against his grandson. Quil put a steadying arm around his grandfather. Katie was on his other side, her eyes were locked on Jacob and were full of sympathy. The other pack members sat huddled in groups, all of them were as devastated as Jacob himself, especially Embry, Billy had been like a father to him. Sam and Leah sat together, their eyes far away. Bella guessed that Leah was revisiting her own grief at the loss of Harry. Seth hovered by his mother's side, unsure what to do. He suddenly looked very young and vulnerable again.
The wait for more news seemed interminable. Time slowed down to a crawl. Bella wished there was something she could do or say that would make things better. But there was nothing she could do but hold Jacob tightly and pray, as they were all praying. The hours passed slowly. Sam and Leah went to get food, no one felt like eating it, but the pack's high metabolism forced them to eat anyway. Charlie and the elders refused. Bella only ate because Jacob urged her too. He chewed his food slowly, methodically, his mind far away. He had called his sister's Rebecca and Rachel. The twins had not taken the news well. Rachel was on her way back to La Push from her college in Boston. Rebecca was much further away in another country. It would take her a couple of days to get there.
Time dragged on but everyone remained and continued their silent vigil for Billy Black. Finally as night began to draw in an exhausted looking surgeon came out of the operating theatre, still dressed in his scrubs. Jacob was on his feet straight away when the surgeon asked to speak to Billy's next of kin. Bella held tightly to Jacob's hand as the doctor sadly informed Jacob that they had done all they could but unfortunately Billy had passed away. "I can assure you he felt no pain." He said softly as he gazed in awe at the large gathering of people who were congregated in the room.
Bella watched as Jacob became dead still for a moment, his eyes registering his disbelief. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she slipped her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. Behind her she heard the astonished whispers of the others. Sue Clearwater was weeping, and so was Leah and Katie. Charlie had approached the surgeon and was interrogating him as if he was conducting a police interview. His brown eyes, the mirror of his daughter's, were bright with tears as he tried to contain his emotions.
"Jake." Bella glanced up at him when she felt his whole body begin to shake. "Oh, Jake." She felt him away a little and didn't have the strength to keep him upright. Immediately his brothers swarmed around him as they carefully took Jacob's weight and steered him toward an empty seat. Bella swiftly sat beside him and curled her body around his as he began to cry. "I'm here. I'm here, sweetheart. I'm here." She whispered over and over. Jacob pulled her onto his lap and hugged her tightly to his body as he hid his face in the crook of her neck.
A/N-thank you for reading!