Farewell

Nate walked out of school to see his father standing there waiting for him. He knew from the look on his father's face, this unexpected reunion held nothing positive. "Hey Dad, what's wrong?"

"What makes you think anything is wrong?"

"Because you never pick me up and I can see it in your eyes."

Raylan put his arm around his son and began to walk him towards the car. "You are perceptive. I do have some bad news."

"It's not about Cade is it? He doesn't have to go back to Afghanistan does he?" Nate asked his voice unsettled.

"No, Cade is just fine. It's Helen."

Nate instantly looked more relaxed. "What about her?"

"She was shot and killed last night?"

Nate looked like he had been kicked in the stomach. "By who?"

"We don't know yet."

"Where was Arlo? Why wasn't he there? Was the bullet meant for him?" Nate asked in a rush.

"We don't know much of anything right now. But I promise you, I will find out who did this and they will be punished for it."

The next few days were a blur as the funeral arrangements were made with Raylan going back and forth between Harlan and Lexington. Nate unhappily went to school, mourning the woman he was just getting to know. He knew how important she had been to Raylan as a child, as well as into his adulthood and she was doing her best to give Nate the feminine touch that he lacked. Now she was gone and he felt tossed in that same vortex of despair that had consumed him after his mother's death.

Raylan watched his son's sadness with anger; frustrated that once again violence had infiltrated their world and taken someone close. There was no time for grief right now as Raylan's eyes were focused on vengeance and on vengeance alone. And it was with that in mind that he had found and dragged Dickie Bennett to the middle of the woods with every intent on killing him. But while Dickie cried and begged for his life he could hear Helen telling him this wasn't the way to solve the problems of the world. That revenge was best left to bitter old fools like Arlo and those had no shred of decency like the Bennett's.

Raylan looked down at Dickie, on his knees crying like a child who was denied his favorite toy and suddenly none of this made sense. He was supposedly above this; he had a badge that proved it. He and Nadine had left the backwoods judgment far behind to give their son something better. But now he was in danger of falling into the ways that he had tried so hard to depart from. He had always stood behind every death he had caused as justified and necessary, but this, this was retaliation pure and simple. No judge, no jury, simply home grown retribution. He could do this and it would be all over, but could he ever look at his son in the eye again? After a moment he decided the answer was no.

The funeral was held at the house where Arlo had been successful at keeping his feelings internal, showing Nate exactly where his father got it from. There was no doubt they all felt the hole that Helen had left but few could really show it. History ran deep in this part of the state, and your history said death would call and claim those you loved and you would remain stoic and sort things out when given the chance. Arlo remained hard, but finally Raylan showed a crack in his exterior whether it was for the benefit of others or true to himself was uncertain.

Nate stood and studied those around him, he didn't know most of the Harlan contingency so he found his eyes on Arlo much of the time. The old man stood, his eyes unblinking, giving off a combination of rage and disbelief. Nate saw Winona continually look at the gravestone that sat waiting for Raylan. This day served as a reminder that it doesn't matter how far you run or where you go; you are who you are.

After the service as the adults milled around and began the awkward conversations that follow such circumstances, Nate began to wander off the property. He needed to get away from the toxic atmosphere, unsure if it was his sadness or the surrounding apathy that bothered him the most.

Not far from the house was a concrete bridge that spanned across a swirling creek that had swelled to the size of a small river. Nate made his way over to the edge, leaning against the guardrail as he peered down at the churning water. It never ceased to amaze him as to how easily a life could be lost, just an error in judgment, a slip, bad timing, or simply bad luck could all be responsible for the final blow that reduced you to dust. His mother deciding to kill some time only to have it kill her. Helen walking into her own kitchen to be met with enough hate that her death somehow was a necessity. If he leaned just a bit further he could join the masses that had gone before him, so much, could be lost so easily.

"You planning on jumping?" Arlo's voice asked from behind him.

"Shouldn't you still be at your wife's funeral?"

"Had to take a break."

"You could at least pretend to be interested that your wife is dead."

"You think I'm not?"

"I think that you are indifferent. I think that the bullet was meant for you and you are relieved that it didn't find you. I think that there is nothing in the world that can change you, including Helen's death. And I think everything I have heard about you is true. I don't think you are capable of feeling anything beyond yourself."

"Don't tell me how I feel."

"I'm not telling you how to feel, I'm telling you how I feel."

"You are your father's son." Arlo said his blue eyes ice cold.

"And he is your son. I would like to think that when I die, he will mourn me and I believe he will."

"It wouldn't be natural for you to die first."

"Chronic illness clouds ones quest for self-preservation. Anyway it is nice to know one is loved, it is just unfortunate that you no longer have that."

"You are an even bigger smart ass than your father," Arlo commented as Nate began to head back to the house to find Raylan.

"At least I have achieved something in my lifetime," Nate said his back turned to his grandfather.

Raylan finished a conversation with another well-wisher when he noticed that Nate was coming up from the road. He sauntered down to meet him, noticing that Arlo was nowhere to be seen.

"Were you with Arlo?" he asked.

"Why would I ever be with him," Nate replied as exhaustion began to creep over him.

"Absolutely no good reason whatsoever," Raylan said as he saw his father tracing Nate's recent steps.