Aftermath part II

"Tell me again how you found out about what happened here?" The detective asked after arriving twenty minutes after Raylan called.

"My son was out here on a dare and saw it happen."

The detective nodded. "Damn kids; I have a fifteen and seventeen year old, still not sure who will end up surviving, but I have a feeling it's not going to be me. How old is yours?"

"Eleven."

"Damn, you're never gonna make it." He said sympathetically.

Raylan forced a smile and looked over at Nate who was pointing off into the distance for another detective. He could only imagine that conversation.

"Well Marshal, no ID on the victim; looks to be a male in his mid-twenties most likely local from the looks of his clothing. We'll know more after the autopsy. I'm sure once we get his face out there somebody will know him. We'll be in touch if need anything further."

Raylan made his way over to his son who was wrapping it up with the other detective. "No, from what I could tell they had no specific accents, maybe upper Midwest, but definitely not local."

"Not New York City?"

"No, not at all, there was a certain inflection but it was not the Bronx."

The detective looked over at Raylan. "He's been a great help."

"He has great powers of observation."

"Okay, well like my partner probably told you we'll be in touch if we need anything."

Father and son returned to the car; Raylan turned the key and hoped it would warm up quickly as the night definitely had a bite to it and the windows were foggy from the moisture in the air. He looked over at Nate who was busy staring out the window. He checked for traffic and pulled away from the curb.

"So you want to tell me what really happened without lying through your ass?" Raylan asked.

"I already told you everything just as it happened," Nate protested.

Raylan looked in his rearview mirror at the empty street behind him and slammed on the brakes causing him to wince in pain. He put the car in park and slowly twisted his body to look at his son. "What is the one thing I will not tolerate?" Nate scrunched up his eyebrows and stared at the glove box. "Answer me Nate."

"Lying," the boy whispered.

"I'm sorry I didn't hear that?"

"Lying," Nate said a bit louder.

"And what else will I not accept?"

"Disrespect," Nate said clearing his throat.

"And by lying to me you are disrespecting me, and son I will not have it. Now, Tommy was there wasn't he?"

"No he wasn't," Nate replied, but his façade was crumbling and the boy knew it.

"So you want me to swing by Tommy's house and interrogate him, because I don't think he would hold up all that well. Is that what you want son?" Nate gently shook his head no. "Then why did you lie to me, lie to the police?"

"Because he didn't see anything differently than I did, and I have better recall. Plus we were afraid if his parents found out he wouldn't be able to come over or hang out with me anymore."

"Nate, I can't just pretend he didn't see any of it, you don't know what he might have seen. You both didn't use your best judgment in going to the cemetery tonight, but I admit nobody would expect to see what you did."

"That's what I'm saying," Nate said happy that his father was finally on the same page as him.

"Oh, but that doesn't excuse you for sneaking out. We'll deal with that one later." Raylan sighed and looked once again behind the car to check for traffic. "Look you call or text Tommy and get him back to the house so I can talk to him. If he doesn't offer anything useful we'll let it go, but I need to check out his story."

"Okay," Nate said quietly.

The remainder of the short drive was quiet, with each Givens brooding in their own corner of the car. Raylan glanced over realizing just how fast his son was growing up. Their relationship had been fractured for so many years. Even when Raylan had moved to Florida he had still been a part time father, and it had only been through tragedy that he had taken sole possession of the reins. In fact Raylan had nearly missed the birth of his son having been in New Mexico tracking a fugitive. If Nadine hadn't called early in her labor he would have never made it. And now as Nate began to gravitate towards the independence that comes with age and maturity, Raylan feared he had missed far too much that he could never retrieve. Suddenly there were days when the boy seemed like a stranger and he feared the tether that bound them was stretching impossibly thin. He leaned forward and turned on the radio in time to hear Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin, a song about a father who had worked through his son's childhood only to have the favor returned when his son grew up just like him; unwilling to participate of any type of relationship. The song hit him right in the heart.

Back at the house and spending almost an hour with Tommy, Raylan hadn't gleaned any more information than Nate had told him, and his son wasn't far with the 'I told you so'. He let the boy go back home and they all agreed this would be kept between them. Nate was heading back to his room after watching his friend leave when Raylan stopped him. "We still have some things to talk about son."

Nate's face reflected pain and exhaustion causing Raylan to soften. He knew his son well enough to know this wasn't a ploy. "Look, sneaking out wasn't a very smart thing to do and you owe Winona a big apology but we can deal with it tomorrow."

"Thanks, I'm going to go to bed and Winona I am sorry for sneaking out."

"You just get some rest and I'll see you tomorrow." She said with a gentle smile.

Once they were alone they both collapsed onto the couch. "Wow Raylan, I don't know if I'm ready for the parenting thing."

"Well I think it's too late to for any second guessing now. Don't worry you get to grow with them; it gives you a chance to improve your skills before they notice your incompetence. They're so needy when their newborns, all that crying and care they need but they're so damn cute you don't think twice about all those nighttime hours you log. Then when they're toddlers, they begin to idolize you to a point where you can't help but be totally in love with them, but that only lasts so long then you have a rude awakening where they dare to begin to think for themselves and come to realize you are not only mortals but total idiots. But by then you're pretty attached to them, so you find a way to roll with the punches."

"You are such a romantic," Winona smiled snuggling into Raylan's shoulder. "You do have to admire the fact that he wanted to protect his friend."

"Yeah I suppose, but he knows how I feel about lying. It is a dangerous habit to get into and one I will not tolerate."

"Are you the big stern daddy?" Winona asked.

Raylan smiled; "not hardly, but there are rules I won't allow him to bend or break and that is one of them."

"What are the others? I mean if we're going to raise another child then I should know what you've already implemented into your little parental system."

"Well let's see, no lying, no disrespect, no defiance- you know it's a long list do we have to talk about it now?"

"No, I suppose the baby won't be up to those things for a while, but I do need some tips to help me with Nate. He's a great kid, but he's heading towards puberty and I know how that changes the entire landscape."

"You're telling me." Raylan agreed.

That night Raylan tossed and turned as he tried to get through the night. He kept having visions of Nate in the cemetery. It had been so cold and damp along with darkness; an unpleasant atmosphere to say the least. He finally drifted off only to have a dream that he had been calling out to Nate who was off in the distance and he just kept ignoring Raylan and walking further away. Then he heard the song he had been on the radio earlier. The words and melody were crystal clear. He could also hear Boyd and Mags recalling their baby sitting duties. He had been so busy it required Nadine to turn to people she had never fully trusted to watch their son. Raylan had jumped into the marshal service with two feet taking every case he could in order to get him and his family far from Kentucky, but despite his efforts Nadine beat him to the punch and left long before him. By the time he realized what he had lost, it was too late. The lyrics, words he had only been vaguely familiar with assaulted him until it forced him from his bed and to Nate's room, humming the tune as he went.

My child arrived just the other day

He came to the world in the usual way

But there were planes to catch and bills to pay

He learned to walk while I was away

And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew

He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad

You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man on the moon

When you comin' home dad?

I don't know when, but we'll get together then son

You know we'll have a good time then

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me

He'd grown up just like me

My boy was just like me

The middle was fuzzy but he distinctly remembered the beginning and ending in which the son ended up just like his father and that was the very last thing Raylan had ever wanted. Nate's words that he wanted to be just like him, despite being flattering was not what his desire was for the boy. He wanted Nate far away from the life that he was leading. He had had a plan but it all went to hell when he wasn't paying attention. He had loved Nadine, they both felt the relationship was doomed from the start due to things beyond their control, but when she became pregnant, they vowed to try to make it work. But Raylan let it slip away and then once it did he recovered by moving on and marrying Winona only to realize that had never been the answer in the first place; now his son was much too involved in the part of Raylan's life that he had no desire to share because it was the only part of his life that he had. No father son camping trips or school functions, no if Nate spent time with his father it was giving statements and taking part in a shooting gallery.

The boy who looked at life far differently than any average child, he could see beyond the normal plain. Through his trials and pain, he knew life wasn't fair and he certainly didn't feel the world shine down on him. It was this forced maturity that allowed the boy to survive in the whirlwind that was their life. But just a few weeks ago Raylan had been shot and it made him wonder what had he done for his son, what kind of father was he?

He reached Nate's room with the line "I'm gonna be like you dad," ringing in his ears. The thought of Nate taking up the reins scared the hell out of him but he feared that very thing had a possibility of happening. Nate had already slid so easily into the Harlan way of life; so much so neither one of them had truly realized it.

He sat down on the edge of his son's bed and just looked at the sleeping form. He brushed the boy's bangs across his forehead.

"What's wrong Dad?" Nate mumbled his voice thick with sleep.

"Nothing pal, just checking on you."

"How come?"

"Just wanted to see you I guess."

"I'm sorry I went to the cemetery and lied to you," Nate said.

"I know, it's okay, I can understand peer pressure. I just want you to be safe. Did I ever tell you about the time your mom and I walked through a cemetery?"

"No," Nate replied his eyes opening wider.

"She was pregnant with you and she had a thing for old tombstones, she loved history. So we went to this graveyard near Frankfort so she could do some etchings of the oldest stones." Raylan went on to explain how he nearly fell into a freshly dug grave still waiting for its occupant and how Nadine had told him the baby had kicked furiously when she laughed. He told of the picnic lunch they had and chasing the paper plates down and spilling the potato salad and the rain storm that had blown in faster than they could run. It had been an impromptu day of fun and one they would never forget. It was the kind of day that they hadn't had enough of and it was the kind of day he hadn't shared with his son in quite some time. He thought of the day when he took off slipping away from Tim and Nate to search for who was trying to kill him and suddenly became jealous of Tim and the fact that he had the day with Nate that should have been shared between father and son.

Nate was nearly asleep again as Raylan bent over and kissed his forehead and pulled up the covers to his neck. He stood up and took a moment before returning to his bed.

The next morning Raylan's side was throbbing as he popped a couple more pain pills with his morning coffee. "Take it easy there pal. Don't want to become addicted." Nate stated grabbing a bowl for his cereal.

"It hurts," Raylan said attempting to sound pathetic.

"Your pain will end, I will never be that lucky. To know that my pain will end….what a dream that would be."

"It's true you are stronger than I am. Maybe you should get back on the steroids, they did help you."

"That they did, but they also made me very short tempered and I blew up like a balloon in the Macy's Day parade."

"You go back next month, we'll see what else that you can try. Meanwhile, I'm ready to admit you are a much stronger man than I am."

"Was there ever any doubt?" Nate asked, playfully sticking his tongue out.